"Pierre was right when he said that one must believe in the possibility of happiness in order to be happy, and I now believe in it. Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy."
― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
A Question of Acceptance
Teddy, a newly turned six year old, hovered silently in the kitchen doorway. The young boy rocked on his hills as he listened onto the conversation in the kitchen down the hall. In his hand was a drawing of which the child was rather ashamed of at the moment. He had wanted to make a nice present for Godfather; but his artistic skills didn't turn out as good as he wanted. The drawing was done on a large piece of paper, and had a lot of time invested in it. However, he had hesitated when he wanted to show it to the famous wizard, and right now the six year old was glad he hadn't entered the kitchen, for the conversation inside made Teddy's insides burn.
A month ago Ginny had found out she was pregnant. Obviously, as Uncle George put it, everyone went insane at the news of the new Weasley baby and the first Potter of the next generation to be born. Grandma Molly seemed to only be talking about food and the baby these days, all Ginny's siblings, with their families, had paid them a visit over the last weeks to congratulate the pair personally. Even his own grandma talked too much about this baby, whoever it will be.
But one thing was certain, Teddy didn't like that baby at all.
The metamorphorgus sat on a wooden basket in the corner which still abled him to listen on the joyful conversation between the young couple. He squished the drawing in his hand, the super strength no six year old should have easily manifested itself. He was part werewolf, and although he had never and will not turn into a wolf, he had speed, strength and senses so sensitive that even if he would have been on the opposite side of the house, he would be able to hear some of the conversation in the kitchen.
Teddy angrily tossed the drawing to the garbage, deciding that it wasn't worth of anything else. The six year old was torn, as on one side he wanted to go to Harry or Ginny and tell them all that he was wrong and to have them hug his fears away. Yet, on the other he wanted to leave, even now, and not have to comeback or see them or this house again. Even if this was the house were his room was, even if he didn't know where he could go where Harry, the greatest Auror in History, wouldn't find him.
May be he wouldn't mind if you left. An ugly voice whispered in his ear. After all, he doesn't need you anymore, nor will Ginny. You will be just a burden they have to take care of.
The six year old rested his head on his knees in defeat. He didn't know what to do. Harry was his Godfather and official guardian, and so did Ginny become one when the two married two years ago. Moreover, this was precisely the problem. Harry was his Godfather, and not Dad. Ginny was his Godfather's wife, and not Mum. So he should not feel like he was going to lose something when the little devil would finally be born, because Harry and Ginny were not his to loose.
Ever since he was five and started to go to a muggle pre-school, it had slowly started to bother the little boy that when he wanted to talk about the person he considered his Dad, he had to say Harry or Uncle Harry. The same problem was with Ginny. She was a mum to him, yet every time he wanted to call her by this title the sudden fear in his stomach prevented him. It didn't help that other children found this odd too and kept bothering him about the way he called his guardians. And it didn't help that there was a girl in his school who got adopted, and was calling her adoptive parents mum and dad. It didn't help that Teddy realized Ginny and Harry weren't then his adoptive parents, but simply guardians.
He still had his Grandma, but she was an old woman at whose house he spend a night or maximum two a week. This month however, with all the guests of family, friends and wizard society, he had been send to his grandma almost every day. This again had caused Teddy's current mood. He wasn't causing trouble, he had been on his best behaviour, and he found it completely unfair that he had to leave because others were coming. Would it be exactly like that when the baby comes? Will he become a guest in a house he considers home? They will probably just move him to grandma's house, but he didn't want to go there. He wanted home.
The worst part however happened today, just when he was about to give the drawing for which he had worked on over a month. He had meant it as an apology of sorts at first, because he thought Harry nor Ginny had been angry at him for some reason he didn't understand, why else would Harry cancel their Quiddich match outing? His Godfather had asked Ron to take him instead, and Teddy faked an illness because quiddich was either with Harry, Ginny or not at all.
So he was about to enter the kitchen when the most unexpected sentence was voiced by his Godfather: ''…I wonder what it is like to be a dad…'' Harry said excitedly to his wife, while few meters away Teddy thanked the havens that he was half-werewolf and when he put his mind to it, he could be moving as silently as a ghost.
That short sentence said everything Teddy needed to hear, Harry must not consider him a son. And this hurt. It was a kind of pain that took his breath away, that made liquid gather in his eyes. He had wished while blowing his cake candles two months ago to be able to call Harry and Ginny his dad and mum.
And he couldn't ask them either. How many times had he been reminded about his real parents? The war heros? The people who died when he was barely a month old? He was so often told about them. His grandma talked about her daughter frequently. Harry never hesitated in answering any of Teddy's questions on Resmus Lupin. But the six year old wondered if Harry understood that though he was fascinated about his parents, they were stories. The people who told him bedtime stories, who taught him how to ride a bike, who fixed his knee when he fell down, who give the best hugs, made the best food and simply were the best in everything were Ginny and his Godfather, not the people from the photo.
But if he said that then he would most likely hurt someone, like his Grandma, and he didn't want that. If Harry and Ginny didn't want him as his son, then there was nothing he could do about that either. He tried being always on his best behaviour over the past two weeks, helping and not drawing too much attention to himself, but the overwhelmed couple seemed blind to see how slowly the usually cheerful and loud boy became more reserved. Oh, he still tried to act like himself so no-one noticed, but when alone he worked hurriedly on the drawing. A pointless work really.
Although he had been hearing Ginny's and Harry's voices in the back of his mind, he didn't understand a word of it in his realization. The usually turquoise hair coloured boy, whose hair was ironically pitch black now, rose to his feet and run to his room when he heard the couple walking out of the kitchen. He didn't even realize there were tears on his cheeks until he felt cold liquid on his cheeks from the wave of air as he run.
OOO
Down stairs Harry had an unpleasant feeling of being observed, although this seemed absurd in the highly warded mason. He wasn't sure of whom it was, but after years of working in the field, he trusted his instincts every time.
''Teddy!'' Harry called, wondering where his godson had disappeared to now. The month had been crazy with his promotion as Head Auror, the pregnancy, the visitors, the noisy papers. He was glad it all calmed down now and he could regain the privacy of his family.
The Auror got rather worried when he didn't get a response. It was unlike Teddy to not yell a loud what! Or coming! Harry quickly made his way up the stairs and toward the room with the green door. He knocked first, and called his Godson's name again to be responded with silence. With worry clear on his face, the green eyed man entered the bedroom.
As usual, the room was messy. Harry looked around with increasing panic.
''Ginny! Is Teddy with you!?'' Harry yelled across the house, to which the red haired responded quickly. ''No! Harry what's going on?''
''Teddy!'' The raven haired man tried again with no result. He got his wand out and cast a quick point me spell…
…Teddy shivered on the roof just outside his window. He should have grabbed a jumper on the chilling evening. He heard Harry yell his name, and he swore to never let them see him again. He could sneak out food when they slept or something. Harry sounded mad, and truth be told he had never screamed his name like that. Teddy didn't know what he did to get Harry so angry, and precisely for that reason he stayed unmoving as Ginny called his name again.
He didn't expect for Harry to find him so fast, as mere seconds later the window was opened and he heard Harry exhale in relief. The green eyed man quickly told Ginny that he was found, before urging him to give him his hand and get back inside.
Teddy however shook his head and scooped away from the adult, to which Harry was obviously shocked. The twenty four year old wizard was compleltly taken by surprise by the way his Godson acted toward him, and he was even more worried when he saw tears on Teddy's face.
Deciding that urging the boy to come to him would stress him further, Harry slowly stepped onto the roof. He carefully sat closely to the little boy who stubbornly wouldn't meet his gaze.
''Teddy? What's wrong?'' Harry asked as calmly as he could. ''Hey buddy, talk to me.''
The little boy in question shock his head. Harry was making it difficult to stay afraid or mad at him when he was being so concerned, like a dad would… As a new wave of emotion hit the boy, Teddy moved to sit in Harry's lap and silently curled himself as closely as possible to his guardian's warm body.
Harry was relieved that his Godson still responded in some way to his presence. And he hugged the child closely as slowly his fear faded away, yet he was completely confused as to what happened. ''Ted?'' He voiced with a clear question in his tone.
''Can you just hug me?'' Teddy whispered brokenly in his shirt. Harry was growing more concerned by the second.
''I am hugging you, and I don't plan to stop anytime soon. But I would really like you to tell me what you are doing on the roof?'' A hint of parental disapproval rang in his voice, and Teddy seemed to melt deeper into his arms.
''I didn't want you to see me cry'' The child returned, almost angrily.
The emerald eyed wizards eyes were gentle: ''It's no shame to cry Teddy. What happened before?''
Teddy bit his lip, and looked at Harry's wide green worried eyes as he whispered. ''You will be mad if I tell you.''
''Shhh, Did you get into trouble?'' Harry guessed, feeling like he was walking in the dark.
''No! Why do you think I cause trouble? I didn't do anything! Why can't you just-'' Teddy blocked his own mouth with his hand in shock, he didn't mean to raise his voice or ever go this close to saying what was bothering him.
Harry was startled. ''I never said you caused trouble, but I am trying to figure out what is going on Teddy.'' The green eyed man replied carefully as he watched his Godson. ''What were you about to say?''
Harry thought he was ready to hear about anything, but his Godson's words took him fully by surprise. ''I want to move out.'' Teddy said with a faraway expression.
''Why?'' Harry replied bewildered. He looked at the mood of hair who found his shirt far more interesting than anything else in the world. ''Is this about the baby?''
''You're selfish if you don't get it.'' The boy snapped back, he knew that angry tears were once again going down his face, but he didn't care at the moment as he pushed himself away from Harry. His eyes shinned as he continued to speak. ''But I get it, okay? I am not yours. You are my Godfather, and because of that my guardian, but you're not my dad. You are not mine. I know I'm a Lupin, I know how to spell it. But it's sometimes really hard not to think of you as Dad… or of Ginny as mum. And… it's just not fair. That baby didn't have to do anything to have you as parents. I am never going to get you two as my parents and… I just can't hang around and watch as it will have, from day one, all that I ever wished for. It's not fair.'' The child sobbed angry tears.
''Teddy, your parents…'' Harry started but his Godson cut him off.
''Are not here! And they are not coming back! Right? They weren't there to come with me on my first day of school. They aren't the ones to know exactly what type of cake I like, they are not the ones I ran to when I have a nightmare. I am sorry Uncle Harry if it bothers you that much that I would give anything to call you Dad just once but- I- I- j-just…'' Teddy didn't finish, because he broke down in sobs as he hugged his chest.
Harry didn't hesitate this time as he scooped the boy into his arms and carried him back inside the room through the window. He hugged the child tightly as he closed the window behind, and settled with Teddy in his lap. He run his hand through his Godson's hair, trying to soothe the boy.
''Kiddo, look at me please.'' Harry said gently as he guided Teddy's chin up so the boy would meet his gaze.
''You're parents loved you very much, and I don't want you to forget that. But I love you just the same. You are mine since you were a tiny baby and I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I love you Teddy because even though you aren't mine by blood, you are mine in heart. And any baby I will ever have, should there be one or a hundred, are still not going to make me love you any less. And I am not going to love my own child differently from you, because you are mine. My first child and my first son.''
''But'' Teddy swallowed a sob as he concentrated on his voice. ''You said you wanted to know how it was like to be a dad. Why did you say that if you thought of yourself as my dad?''
''Ted.'' Harry sighted with a tired smile. ''That line is taken completely out of context you little eavesdropper. I was actually mocking my Uncle Vernom, with whom I never had a good relationship. He was supposed to raise his own son and me, and he didn't give a da- didn't care about me. You don't have to worry about that, and I will repeat it until it gets through your scull: you are mine and I love you. I will be honoured if you want to call me Dad.''
''I love you too.'' Teddy threw his arms around Harry's neck, hiding his face, as he was still unsure if this moment was real. Harry hugged the child closely, and his own eyes watered slightly. ''Shh, It's okay.''
''I'm sorry I had not made it clear before.'' Harry let the child melt in his embrace as the two rested on the bed. Soon Ginny made her way upstairs, her pregnancy was showing due to her tight shirt. Her eyes filled with concern as she saw Teddy buried in her husband's chest. She met Harry's gaze as she too sat on the single bed:
''Hey. What are you two boys up to now?'' Ginny asked softly, trying to understand what had she walked on.
The half-werewolf heard her without trouble, however he felt conflicted of what to do. He slightly embarrassed to cuddle like a baby, but he was simply far too happy at this moment to care. Teddy stayed silent, and he looked up at his Godfather with puffy uncertain eyes and biting his lip. The child tried to remember how to speak when his Godfather smiled at him and kissed him on the forehead. Suddenly Teddy felt that he was moved from the half lying position to sitting on Ha-Dad's knees, the child thought happily. The emerald eyed man wrapped a hand around Teddy's torso for comfort as he begun to speak to his wife.
''Teddy would like to ask you a very important question.'' Harry announced joyfully, and the metapharmagus wished he could see his expression. Ginny gave her husband a questioning look before turning her gaze on the little boy.
''Sweety?'' The red haired woman ask as she opened her arms for the child to come.
Teddy untangled himself from Harry and in one move was suddenly hugging Ginny's neck. Teddy felt her hug him back immediately and he enjoyed feeling her rubbing circles on his back.
The six year old suddenly pulled back to stare into the woman's brown eyes. ''Can-I-call-you-mom?''
Ginny blinked at him twice with wide eyes, before he felt her pull him into another hug as she answer. ''Of course Teddy! I love you sweety and I'll always love you. I was wondering about this for some time too…. Is that why you were sad?''
The child nodded in her shoulder: ''I wasn't sure you'll want me around anymore when you'll have the baby.''
'' Teddy, how could you think that? Both Harry and I love you with our entire heart, and that is not going to change. Just because there is going to be a new child, it doesn't mean that anyone around will have to love other people less to love this baby. He or she will be a new person to love for all of us. And that baby, your little sibling Teddy, is going to love you back. And I am not letting anyone take you away from me for many years…'' The red haired assured and kissed the boy she considered her own on the forehead.
''….this month had been far too crazy for all of us. '' Ginny replied as she run her hand through her child's hair, though the last comment was meant to her husband as she glared at him. For all their love for Andromeda, she had a feeling that putting Teddy with her practically every day was too much. And even when the child wasn't with his grandmother, they had send him for playmates or school. They had barely any time this month, even in the evenings, to be a family. Merlin, she had missed the child and she had been really looking for everything to calm down. She was so proud of Harry for the promotion he received, and beyond happy for the pregnancy and her involved family… but both things at the same time had been far too much. Harry send his wife a regretful look.
Teddy cuddled closer as he heard dad speak again: ''You'll be a big brother, and that's a very important job I hope you are willing to take.'' Harry smiled at him encouragingly as he rubbed small circles on his Godson's back. There was a haunted edge in that look, until determination settled in. Harry opened his arms invitingly for the six year old, and Teddy did not hesitate as he moved to the emerald eyed wizard lap. Ginny was very close to both of them, and the child exhaled contently as both of his parents hugged him.
''Can I teach the baby how to play football or fly on a broom?'' The six year old asked with enthusiasm after a moment. Both adults let out a relieved laugh, for in truth they felt guilty the child had ever doubted their love.
''When he is a bit older. But you'll get to do all those stuff and more.'' Ginny promised with a smile. She hesitated a second, before addressing the other issue that was bugging her at the moment: ''Teddy, I may have not given birth to you, but you are mine, do you understand? We never meant for you to feel unwanted because we didn't ask you to title us Mom and Dad. I myself was wondering for some time if you'd like to call me that. I'm sorry for making you wait sweety.''
She placed a soft kiss on the child forehead as the she leaned back against the wall next to her husband. The three of them cuddled on the bed peacefully.
Ten Years Later
''It's not me!'' A brown haired boy insisted with a scandalized look.
''Oh, so you're saying that there was another wizard child who managed to get his hands on a prototype from Uncle George's shop and then put the super-sticky-candy on a muggle teacher's chair?'' The red haired woman speculated.
''Exactly!'' Her son replied happily with perfect acting skills. ''See mom? You get it. Besides, Uncle George has all this super magic-tech security on some on his devices after Fred and I blew up a wall in his shop.''
Colour seemed to drain out of Ginny's face and the boy quickly realized his mistake. ''James Sirius Potter when was this? And why did you not tell me?''
''A month ago.'' The brow haired boy replied with a thoughtful face. ''-but Fred did all the blowing up and I did the breaking in. I didn't tell you 'cause Uncle George asked us to. Can't you just let it go?'' The ten year old said pleadingly, with a hint of a whine in his voice. His mother look quickly made him continue: ''Uncle Georgealready made us test some experiment candy that tasted like broccoli with chocolate for punishment… and it made our faces turn purple for the rest of the day. It was funny because he didn't know how to take it off and after five minutes started to freak out, but luckily it went off me after an hour. Fred was stuck like it for an entire day and we almost took him to St Mu-''
''Stop.'' His mother said and the boy suppressed a smile since he had, as desired, distracted his mom from the issue at hand. ''George made you eat a prototype?'' His mother asked very seriously, and the nine year old knew perfectly at whom the stormy glare was directed- and luckily- it wasn't him.
''Yes mom, didn't he ever tell you?'' James said with confusion and curiosity playing in his voice.
''He-you-George-huh! Be sure that we are not done talking about your prank young man.'' She gave him a semi-stern look as she called upstairs as she went to the hallway. ''Teddy! Come down please!''
''Coming mom!'' Ginny turned around to put her coat on, and as she turned around the teenager was already standing behind her- she was simply too used to it to be surprised.
''Can you watch James for an hour? I need to go yell at my dear brother.'' The red haired stated.
The sixteen year old cracked a smile but he preferred to stay silent as she stormed around the room: ''You do realize that narrows the possibilities to five, right?'' He asked her after a moment, sending the boy in the room a questioning look, to which the child replied with a grin and when the opportunity arouse, James moved out the room toward the sitting room with a muggle TV.
''It's about James.''
''Then it's Uncle Goerge. I feel almost sorry for him.'' The turquoise haired boy responded. He leaned by the side of the wall, and accidently knocked off a vase of the narrow hallway table. Luckily, his quick reflexes abled him to catch it in time. He hurriedly placed the vase back in place before the red haired woman turned around. She gave him a suspicious look as she saw him quickly resuming his previous position, so Teddy quickly fired another question: ''When are Al and Lily coming home?''
''At six or so. Dad will pick Lily up from grandma's and then he'll get Al from Grandma Andromeda, Scorpius may come for dinner too.'' She told him as she fetched her purse ''Be good. I already have one son to scold when I get back, I do not need another on that list.'' Ginny gave him a semi-stern look before the two shared a hug.
''Sure mom, when do I cause trouble?'' He teased and she gave him a long disbelieving look saying clearly: Don't get me started. In a precise movement, she threw the floo pouder in and stepped through to the pritave area of a shop where poor Uncle George was at.
Teddy walked into the living room to see James watching the television. The muggle cartoon was playing way too loudly for his sensitive ears. The sixteen year old turned the volume down by half while he ruffled the brown hair from behind.
''Oi!'' The brown eyed boy protested and send his big brother a glare.
''Chill James, what got mom so worked up?''
The boy rolled his eyes. ''It really was no big deal. Mrs Bones- creepy right?- found herself rather glued to her chair today, and mom thinks I had something to do with it.'' The ten year old voiced.
''Did you?'' The sixteen year old asked curiously, far too well aware of James' pranking hobby.
''Please'' The ten year old said with an offended expression. ''Of course I did, you should have seen her face!''
Teddy chuckled at his brother's bright grin before sitting down beside him. The kid wasn't focused on TV anymore: ''Teddy? Why does Dad and Mom insist that we all go through a muggle primary school?''
''They told you that like a thousand times.'' The sixteen year old rolled his eyes. ''It's to be comfortable in both worlds.''
The ten year old rolled his eyes: ''I'm asking you Big Bro for a less boring answer.'' James insisted.
The teenager narrowed his eyes at the boy, pretending to think deeply about the answer: ''…Well, you wouldn't get to play football.''
''True, and the TV!'' The ten year old eyes widen dramatically in realization. ''How do all those other kids survive without a TV?!''
''Gee, you actually sound serious about this.''
''Well, I am Sirius.'' The kid replied with a bright grin. The sixteen year old shook his head at the little brat antics.
''By the way, what did you, Fred and Uncle Goerge do?'' Teddy questioned suspiciously as he remembered the scene from before.
James' grin turned into a smirk: ''Uncle George made us eat one of the prototype-candy after we set a small explosion. It tasted horrible and turned our faces purple. I had to use wandless magic to get it off when Uncle George failed a few times. After he couldn't fix his own son, I asked him to give me few prototypes in exchange for fixing Fred.''
Teddy absorbed that, yet he had no reason to be surprised. James had always demonstrate incredible capacity to control magic wordlessly and wandlessly. After all, the kid was the first born of the current Master of Death, but that was a story for another day: ''If I didn't know better, I'd say Lily predicted wrong when she said you'd be in Gryffindor, you are far too sneaky.''
''No way, have you seen a snake trying to face an angry Rose and keep their ground? I don't think so. That's pure courage.'' James insisted with such certainty in his voice that left no room for argument and made Teddy laugh out loud. With his own mischievous look, the turquoise haired teen stole James' sweets from the side of the couch to which the ten year old protested immediately. The brown haired boy summoned the candy back. However, the child didn't notice though that Teddy had already managed to take the rest of the candy during his protest and hide it. James stared in complete confusion at the almost empty bowl and then toward his half-werewolf-big-bro.
''That's not fair!''
OOO
When Harry Potter came around six in the afternoon after a long day at work, with the hungry children who quickly sped toward the kitchen to see what Kreacher had made for dinner. The 'Chosen one' made his way down the hall until he found his two first-borns snoring on the couch, with James' using Teddy's stomach as a pillow, with far too many empty candy-wrappers lying messily around. The emerald eyed father leaned against the doorway as he smiled fondly at the scene. When he heard his wife also coming home just after and heading toward the cozy sitting-room on the first floor, he knew these two were not going to have desert tonight.