Disclaimer: Neocolai does not own Star Wars: Rebels or anything associated.

"Kanan…." Here apprehensively set down her com. "The Fulcrum says another cell discovered a large databank of information. She wants us to be aware of what's been spreading on Lothal."

"Another Imperial movement?" Kanan rolled his eyes and sighed. More infantry and battle stations. Every step forward slid them three paces behind. "What is it this time?"

"It's not … Imperialist." Swallowing, Hera handed him a datapad. "You need to read this. All of it."

"Is this what we do for the alliance now?" Kanan grumbled. "I thought Chopper was the – what the Force?"

"Kanan!" Hera hissed. "We have kids on board."

"Is this a new Imperial code?" Kanan prattled heedlessly. "What is it – neon fizzy soda or something? Neocolai?"

"Kanan, this is serious!"

"I am serious, Hera!" Kanan drawled. He flipped through the titles and snorted. "What's a hobbit?"

"The list, Kanan!" Hera said between her teeth. "Look where it refers to us."

Kanan glanced at her suspiciously. "… Us?"

"Just start with Ezra's name," Hera said tightly. She leaned back and folded her arms, watching Kanan's expression.

"What is this? Darth Vader? What's he ….." Long minutes passed. Kanan's jaw clenched. "Hera…."

"Don't blame me," Hera said curtly. "The Fulcrum discovered it."

"I do not have 'Daddy issues' – and is it just me or was I killed three times in – How am I surviving all of this?" Kanan's temple pulsed. "What's he doing to the kid…?"

His fist clenched on the co-pilot armrest. Hera distinctively heard the lights rattle.

"Where did the Fulcrum discover this?" Kanan asked darkly.

"Some big fuss over the holonet." Hera shrugged. "Do you think it's true?"

"Do I think the kid is the son of a soulless, metal monster? Who invented this?"

"Kanan, no one is killing the author."

"I didn't say I would kill him – her – it. Just tell me where to find it so I can tear this debacle from the holonet. What the Force is –"

"No cussing with kids on board, Kanan!" Hera reminded.

"Who is Luke Skywalker? Why does Kallus know everything? Why am I being blown up – by the Ghost? Hera, none of this makes any sense! …. I am not a Kanana!"

"Love, you're going to wake the ship."

"What am I, a gushy mynock? I don't do hugs – or scream when my lightsaber is broken by some clumsy kid. …. Why is … …?"

Kanan's eyes misted and he swallowed. Hera leaned forward and touched his knee compassionately. "Caleb Dume?"

"Shut up," Kanan mumbled. His eyes sharpened again and Hera knew he had skipped to other chapters.

"Now this I can believe," Kanan commented, raising one eyebrow. "My padawan, the Jedi who never tells me anything. He's as sensitive as a girl who – why is Chopper emotionally compromised? He's a droid! He doesn't –"

"Actually, he showed a great deal of remorse when you were gone," Hera mentioned.

"Honestly, this entire series is ridiculous! Frudal flowers? What is that? Now Sabine's allergic? And Zeb is the only one who's never – alright, so he's overwhelmed once in the entire series. … Why is Chopper never present? Why am I unconscious in half the episodes?"

"So you like sapir tea?" Hera said languidly.

"I never said I was obsessed with uj cake!" Kanan ranted. "And as emotionally fragile as Ezra is, I have never heard him refer to himself as a 'Sith lord'. Who made him Vader's son, anyways? This is the most preposterous, harebrained scheme any buckethead could concoct. Where did the Fulcrum find this?"

"I'm not going to tell you," Hera said pertly.

The evil glare was meant to smite. Hera shrugged.

"Well, if you want to see yourself with a life-long partner in the form of one padawan, or read about Sabine and Ezra snogging, or Sabine and I –"

"What?"

"It's fanfiction, love," Hera said simply. "Author's rights and all. You never know what could happen."

Kanan gaped. "Who writes this?"

"Oh, teenagers… adults with too much time on their hands… people who want to change our lives for the worse."

"And they …." Kanan scrolled down quickly and blanched. "I am not afraid of tookas."

"No, but that does qualify for the 'Kanan whump' accumulation." Hera stretched and bunked her feet on the controls.

"I … don't understand," Kanan said faintly. "Are they in league with the Empire? They torture us? I didn't know we were that well known, let alone…."

"Love, no one understands this," Hera said gently. "It's a hidden network – maybe Earth system. Not even the Fulcrum can override it."

"Ezra is not Vader's kid…." Kanan's expression was wounded, and Hera knew he had seen enough. She tugged the datapad away and deleted the information.

"Love, the Fulcrum wanted to warn us about what's out there. I don't think any of this is true."

"He's not Sith-spawn," Kanan said rigidly. "I don't know where Neon-fizzy came up with that notion."

"Neocolai," Hera corrected. "It's only a fictional author, Kanan. Forget it. The important thing is, what if the Empire knows?"

Kanan's eyes shot up and he inhaled raggedly. What if the Empire knew? All the rumors; the falsified information….

Ezra son of Vader.

Kanan's weakness.

The Ghost crew's names.

The absurdity of a flower that could cripple a Jedi.

Anakin Skywalker.

If the Empire knew….

"Don't tell Ezra," Kanan said briskly. "Whatever happens, the crew can never find out."

Hera smiled and jabbed one of the controls. "Already blocked from our holonet."

Because I had to ridicule my own plotline sooner or later. ;D Review, and tell me how you think the characters would react to fanfiction!