First Cries

Judeau woke up suddenly from a scream in the night. He sighed, as reality took hold and he realized what it was. Even though Guts and Casca had purposely pitched their tent away from the rest of the camp because of the impending birth of heir child, Casca's cries of pain still rang out through the night. No one could sleep, but no one wanted to stand around either. It was a bit unnerving to sit around the campfire while the commander of your army was in labor and you could hear her screams.

Judeau got up and strode outside to enjoy the cool night air. It was then that he spotted Guts, not inside his own tent while Casca gave birth, but pacing around outside of it looking like a nervous wreck.

Judeau approached. "Guts? Shouldn't you be inside—I don't know… holding Casca's hand?"

Guts furrowed his eyebrows and pouted. "I was inside earlier, but then I said something she didn't like, and she told me to get out." He was still pacing back and forth.

"Oh dear…" Judeau said. He couldn't help the grin on his face. "What did you say?"

"Lots'a stuff. I dunno which one made her most mad; I'm trying to figure it out." He started counting on his fingers as he paced. "First, I looked where the baby was supposed to come out and I said—well… I know why that one made her mad. Then I said something like, 'Why are you being so irritable? It can't hurt that bad, tough it out!' When I said that, the midwife glared at me and Casca tried to punch me in the nose. Then I asked why it was taking her so long—I mean, how long should it take to pop out a baby? And that's when they kicked me out."

Judeau smacked his own face. "Guts, labor takes a very long time, and it's very painful—much more painful than any wound you've gotten on the battlefield." He explained.

Guts looked at him with surprise. "Really?"

Judeau raised an eyebrow. "Guts, do you know anything about pregnancy and giving birth?"

The nineteen year-old stopped pacing. "Not aside from what I've learned from Casca yelling at me over the past nine months. I don't remember being born. Of course, I was born from a corpse, so it wouldn't really matter if I did remember…"

Ignoring that last tidbit (for now) in favor of the issue at hand, Judeau reflected: Yeah, when he heard Casca's constant yelling at Guts over the past months, he'd assumed the issue was her most of the time—pregnancy hormones and all that. He now realized how unfair that was of him. Guts was like a giant… kid. He knew very little about the world around him, as he had experienced most of his life by the tip of a sword. Maybe he should have spent more time studying society when he was away, instead of practicing in seclusion. Judeau thought. He sighed and put a hand on the captain's shoulder. "Guts, there's only one thing you need to know for right now. For next time, we'll… hold a seminar just for you."

"Next time? I hope that's not for a while!" Guts muttered, sticking his lower lip out.

"…When the mother of your child is giving birth, you don't need to say anything like all the things you just said. In fact, it's okay if you don't say anything at all. Just… hold her hand."

"Hold her hand?" He clarified, raising an eyebrow.

"Hold her hand." Judeau nodded.

Casca yelled again from the tent, and Guts started fidgeting, like he couldn't stand being outside while she was in pain. "GUTS! GET YOUR ASS BACK IN HERE!" She cried suddenly.

Guts looked utterly bewildered. "Does she want me to go or stay?" He asked.

Judeau looked at him seriously. "Go inside, say: 'I'm sorry for being a jerk'—nothing more, nothing less, then just… hold her hand."

Guts' face grew more serious. He nodded. "Okay." He dashed inside, and Judeau was pleased to hear him take the advice. He heard the big lug mutter, "…I'm sorry for being a jerk…" And Casca's pained reply: "It's… okay, Guts. Just… keep holding my hand."

Judeau grinned as he walked away. He'd have to tell their kid in a couple years that its parents would be split if it weren't for his advice.

Guts held Casca's hand, and she squeezed it tighter than he thought she had in her. It made him realize that this labor thing really must be tough. Guts kicked himself inwardly. He wiped the sweat from Casca's face with his free hand, and kissed her on the forehead. "You're doing great, Casca." He said gently.

Shortly after, the midwife called for the final push, and the couple heard the cries of their baby for the first time. The midwife grinned up at them as she cleaned the baby and wrapped it in a blanket. "It's a boy." She said.

She placed the squalling child in Casca's waiting arms, and the new mother burst into tears at the sight of their baby.

Guts peered over her shoulder and looked with wonder at the tiny thing. "He's so… little!" He said quietly, staring at the new life. Casca counted the baby's fingers and toes, and Guts marveled at how the tiny thing moved in her grasp. "I can't believe we made this!" He said. He layed down next to Casca and put his arm around her, content just to stare at the little creature.

"Oh, Guts! I was so caught up in looking at him I didn't even think about the fact that I was hogging him!" Casca said after several minutes, wiping her tears and lifting the child toward him. "Are you ready to hold him?"

The new father felt a lump in his throat. "He's so small that I'm afraid to touch him... What if I hurt him?"

"It'll be fine!" Casca assured him. Then more quietly she added, "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see this. It's going to be so cute."

Guts raised an eyebrow in mock disapproval, but he was fighting a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You have to hold him some time. Go on." She urged, pressing the baby into his arms.

The instant their child was in his grasp, Guts gasped. Casca saw his arms begin to shake as he pressed the baby up against him, and its cries stopped for the first time in his secure arms. Tears swelled in Guts' eyes—only the second time Casca had seen that. Guts could feel the life in their child, and, like he'd said, he recognized how fragile it was—fragile, and also precious beyond words.

"Guts? Are you okay?" Casca asked as she sensed the change in him.

Guts looked at her with wide eyes that defied his usual confidence. "What if I'm not a good father?" He asked.

Casca put her arms around him tightly. "Are you thinking about Gambino?"

"…Yeah." He said, casting his eyes on the floor.

Casca rested her cheek on his shoulder. He'd told her plenty of things about Gambino, and there was no getting around the fact that he was an asshole. She wondered how she could say that without hurting Guts' feelings. Even after all this time, he still loved Gambino very deeply. "Do you love our son?" She asked finally.

"More than… I've loved anything ever—except you." He replied, staring down at the new life.

"Then you'll be a great father." She whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

Guts gradually started to trust himself with at least the ability to hold the baby. He put his finger by the baby's tiny fist, and grinned like a fool when his son grabbed it. "He's got your eyes." He said to Casca.

"And your nose." She replied, leaning over his shoulder and poking the baby's nose as she said it.

They had a few hours alone with their son before the Hawks couldn't stand waiting outside anymore. They'd heard the baby's first cries and were all too eager to see the little life their friends had created.

"Umm… Captain? Commander Casca?" Gaston's voice came from outside.

"What is it Gaston?" Guts shouted back.

"Well… all the Raiders are out here, and we're all dyin' to see your new baby! You think it'd be okay if we came in and saw him? It's okay if you'd rather have more time alone with him…"

"Hey, the commanders get first dibs!" Guts could have sworn that was Corkus' voice…

"Corkus! That's not fair! The Raiders are just as excited to see the baby as you are!" Rickert's voice chided.

"I-I'm not excited! I just think we should get to go in first—on principal!"

Guts stuck his lip out and glared at the entrance to the tent.

"Why are you making that face?" Casca asked, laughing.

"I don't want them to come in. They might want to hold him, and I'm afraid they'll be too rough—if they make him cry, I'll bash their heads in!"

"Wow! Protective, aren't we?" Casca smiled. "That's incredibly adorable, but we've got to let someone else hold him some time."

Guts grunted in displeasure. "…Not tonight we don't! Maybe tomorrow I'll let someone hold him… maybe Judeau—he gave me good advice."

"Well, for tonight, we should at least let them see what he looks like." Casca said. "Okay?"

"…Fine." Guts muttered reluctantly.

"Alright, boys! You can come in two at a time to look at him—we don't care what order." Casca looked over at Guts and grinned. "But Guts says no one gets to hold him until tomorrow."

"Maybe! I said maybe tomorrow." Guts corrected earnestly.

They heard a struggle outside the tent before Pippin and Rickert burst in. Corkus could be heard cursing outside. Apparently, someone had punched him in the nose.

Rickert and Pippin grinned down at the little tyke.

"He's so cute!" Rickert said. "What are you gonna name him?"

Guts and Casca looked at each other.

"We were thinking of… Griffith." Casca said.

Griffith had died of a fever a few months after they rescued him from Windham's dungeons. His body was so weak that he couldn't take the cold. He had died peacefully in his sleep. Guts and Casca had been with him, caring for him in his very last moments. Guts had blamed himself, Casca had been devastated... It had been hard on the Hawks—really hard. Many of the members of the band had left shortly after. Those that stayed followed Casca. They had made their way to a new country to escape Midland, whose king was still very much inclined to wipe them from existence. When it became clear that Casca was pregnant, Judeau had urged them both to leave, but they had refused. Guts had insisted that since he had grown up in a mercenary camp, there was nothing wrong with his kid doing the same (though that logic was a bit flawed, considering). Judeau had asked them if they stayed because they felt it their duty. As unfair as it was, many of the Hawks had tried to pressure them into leadership. They had eased his worries. They told him they'd both recognized it at some point: the Hawks were their family. They couldn't leave them behind so easily.

After all the hawks had come and gone, the couple lay back on their shared pallet. Guts had the new baby on his chest, asleep. He kissed the precious little bundle softly on the head and put his arm around Casca, drawing her close to his side. "We're gonna have more of these, right?"

*Phew* So! This is my first time writing fan fiction, and it only happened because the wait for Berserk is killing me slowly. Please tell me what you think! Of course putting the characters in a slightly different environment will change their personalities to some degree, but if you see anything that seems glaringly out of character, let me know. Most of these will be light hearted. I love the darkness of Berserk, but at the same time, there's a part of me that fantasizes about Guts and Casca having a happy life together instead of... well, what life is like for them right now. Anyway, hope you enjoy!