Disclaimer This is a work of fiction , none of the events are true. Any simlarities with real live people and events is purely coincedental. No profit was made from this work. Fifty Shades of Grey if property of E.L James.

I would like to thank Rose (Liz daughter of Apollo) for Beta reading this chapter! without your help I would not have posted this story.

For my potential readers: This will NEVER EVER! be a cheating story so if cheating stories are your forte, this is not the story for you.

Twin Flames

Prologue

A requiem for a dream

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

Carla

Palmdale, California

Tuesday July 24, 1984

I sigh loudly as I put James in his car seat. My boss is not going to be happy if I am late for work today again. Having a one year old, a dream job, a household, and husband to manage is hard, but I don't think I could have been happier with my life right now. This is truly bliss. Ray and I are a match made in heaven, and last year our love for each other was cemented when James was born. We both wanted a large family. It's kind of my childhood dream, you know… the large house with a white picket fence, the Labrador, and at least five kids. I have wanted that as long as I can remember.

When I was growing up, it was just me and my sister. I always wanted more siblings but, alas, my parents said we were a hand full. My childhood is only filled with happy memories, and I love my parents. They mean the world to me. While growing up, we didn't have a lot of money, but plenty of love. My dad Maurice, is a linguist and teaches French and English at Montesano high school. My mother Rose, supplemented our family income by working on the small farm we lived on, selling home grown vegetables, eggs and self made clothes and quilts. My mission in life is that James and his future siblings grow up just as happy and carefree as I did.

Ray is hounding me for child number two already... Personally I think it's too soon. James is only a year old and Ray works long hours as a aeronautical engineer at NASA. He's working on a new space shuttle program, his childhood dream. It's funny how we both do what we love too do; I am an art and music teacher at the Palmdale High. I love to paint and play my cello, and I am lucky that I could turn my hobbies into my profession! My job is part-time though, because of this amazing little boy sitting in his car seat next to me. But, like my mother always said, you can't have your cake and eat it.

The drive to James babysitter, my friend Maddie, is a short one, and as always James is looking content and peaceful. Nothing ever phases him. My sister Martha says he has the soul of a bear, brave, peaceful, and benevolent. Gentle James is what she always calls him. Personally, I do not really believe in all that astrological stuff, but then again, Martha has always been the more spiritual one of the two of us. Even when we were little she would get these prophetic dreams once in a while, and strangely enough all of them came to be. Usually the dreams were about small things, but then there was this one dream she got where she saw our maternal grandfather die. We were in our teens when that dream came to be, just weeks after she got the dream. She loved Grandpa Girard and so did I. We were both so upset that we both couldn't eat for days, much to the dismay of our parents.

She drives Ray crazy with her flaky personality and 'spiritual insights', as she calls them. Ray says that her brain is muddled from her excessive use of psychedelics. I beg the differ. It's just who she is, flaky, eccentric, spiritually intuned with a heart of gold. Ray and I will never see eye to eye on this one though. Unlike him, I do believe that there is more between heaven and earth. I suppose my catholic upbringing is to blame for this; I still attend masses regularly.

As I pull up on to Maddie's driveway, I see her coming outside smiling brightly. Maddie and I have been friends since I moved to Palmdale with Ray shortly after he got the Job offer from NASA. We met at Palmdale high and hit it off immediately. She teaches drama, is single, and has lived in Palmdale for most of her life, with only a four year stint in New York where she studied at Juilliard. She is a very talented actress. Just like me, she works part-time at Palmdale high, the rest of her time filled with stage acting in all kinds of different productions. Luckily for me and Ray, she has Tuesdays and Fridays off, when I am working. She was over the moon when she heard Ray and I were expecting and offered to babysit immediately if the need ever arose, an offer we have accepted gratefully.

As I stop the car she immediately runs over to the passenger side to collect little James. "Good morning little man." she squeaks excitedly. "Hi Carla!"

"Hi Maddie, how did your performance go yesterday? Did you break a leg?"

'Oh yeah. Almost quite literally actually," she says while beaming at me.

"What happened?"

"Ugh, some idiot left his bags on the ground in the dressing rooms. Almost tripped over it," she says while making a sour face. "Sooo… you'll be back to collect the little man at the usual time, or do you have errands to run? You can take your time you know.. the little man and I can entertain ourselves perfectly fine. Together we make one hell of a team."

I smile widely at her. "I will probably be an hour late. Going to do some grocery shopping first, and it goes much faster when I do it on my own. You know Ray, he always gets lost in the supermarket and wants to try everything that is full of fats and refined sugars. You know how I feel about non-organic food!"

She chuckles. "Ok see you at five ! Drive safely!"' She bends over to give me a kiss of the cheek. I give James over 10 kisses on his cute little face and tell him I love him before making my way back to my car. I pull out the driveway and wave goodbye.

It's a 20 minute drive from Maddie's house to the Palmdale high school . It's a relaxing drive and I enjoy these little minutes when I am all by myself, mussing over all kinds of things.

"Oh my God!" A jolt of adrenaline courses through my body.

There are tires screeching and a Ford bronco is coming at me with alarming speed. I slam my brakes hard, but deep down I know it's too late. A bloodcurdling scream fills my car, and I don't even realise it is me who is screaming. I have everything to live for! This can be happening this can't be happening! A sickening hard blow hits my car and I slowly drift away into darkness.

Ray

Working at NASA's Dryden aeronautical research center is a dream come true. I smirk. Almost all my childhood dreams have come true. I am married to the most beautiful and sweet women on earth and now she has given me the greatest gift she could ever give me, a beautiful and adorable little boy. James Rupert Steele is the pinnacle of our love for each other, and I can't wait to have at least a dozen more children with Carla.

Who would have dreamed that the child of trailer trash parents would end up being so successful in life? The thought is bitter, but sobering. My father was an abusive alcoholic brute with a gambling addiction. He couldn't hold down a job so my mother ended up to be the sole provider for our family, but every penny she made he stole off to fuel his addictions. Growing up was hell for me and my younger brother and sister. Very often, we went to bed hungry because there was no money for food. We wore old, dirty and ill fitted clothing. If it wasn't for the help of Father Murphy, we wouldn't have food or clothing at all. My asshole of a father would beat the crap out of us just for his own perverted entertainment, and our mother was too weak and broken to stop him. Oh, in the beginning she had tried to stand up to him but he was much stronger and would beat her up so badly and often that she had to be admitted to the hospital at least four times. But it was the emotional abuse that finally broke her, and in the end she was just an empty husk of a women barely aware of her surroundings. I guess she just accepted her misery because she had been beaten and abused for so long that she didn't know better anymore. For years I resented her for that but, with Carla's help, I have come to accept that she was just as much of a victim of the fucker as we were.

As a kid, I hated her spinelessness and couldn't wait to get out of the house. When I turned 16, I joined the air force. I loved and still love planes, aviation, and spaceflight. I dreamed of becoming a fighter pilot or an astronaut, but without a college degree, I knew this was impossible. The air force offered me an education and I choose to become an aerospace propulsion specialist. I saved every penny I could for three reasons: my little brother, little sister, and my further education. I knew what I wanted to be…. if I couldn't fly aircrafts, I wanted to design them. After 5 years, my contract with the Air-Force was up, but I chose to be honourably discharged instead of another 5 years working for the air force. It was time to pursue my dream. With the help of my friend and former commanding officer, Commander Rupert Mitchell, I got accepted into Caltech and even got a scholarship to study aerospace engineering.

Moving to Pasadena and enrolling into Caltech is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I met Carla there. She was a liberal arts student at Claremont College, and we shared an apartment building. The memory of how we met still makes me smile like a loon. Carla is different than any other women I have ever met. She has the attention span of a goldfish, is downright flaky at times, but also the most beautiful, sweet, warm, loving, and gentle person I have ever met. She is truly one in a million, and I can't help but smile while thinking about her.

Suddenly I am pulled out of my reveries by the voice of my boss Ben. I look up and see his face, he looks grave and pale. "Steele a word," he says solemnly.

How could this happening? How could his entire life, all his hopes, dreams, and aspirations be destroyed on a random July Tuesday morning? Was this some cruel trick of fate? Now I am here all alone on the ICU at Palmdale's memorial hospital, looking at the battered and bruised body of my beloved wife. She looks so small and fragile in that large hospital bed fighting for her life. The doctors told me that her condition was stable, but critical. She had suffered massive internal damage in her lower body. The doctors were able to stop the bleeding, but the upcoming 48 hours would be crucial to her survival. I was never a religious man. I had a catholic upbringing, just like Carla. We are both of Irish decent after all. Well, French-Irish in Carla's case... Not that it mattered. But my vicious upbringing had ended belief in a higher power.

A sudden surge of rage fills me the need to kill the SOB that put my wife is this precarious position. It was the third time that this cocksucker had been caught for driving under the influence, and this time he was high as a kite as well. The police officer assigned to the case, an elderly gentleman with grey hair and piercing green eyes named Bill Abbott, told me that Earl Robert Pollard was a low life small time crook with a proclivity for narcotics, booze and prostitutes. There was a warrant for his arrest out there before he smashed his vehicle into Carla's. Apparently, Mr. Pollard is also being accused of lewd and indecent exposure, burglary, and assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer. Since it's his millionth offensive, he is looking at some serious jail time.

Yeah, I know all about men like him, low life white trash scum. My own father is one of them. I loathe and despise these fuckers and, if Mr. Pollard ever makes it out of jail, I will be waiting for him with a crowbar and my .44 magnum colt revolver.

There was a soft knock on the door followed by a highly energetic rustle. I did not even have to look up to know that Martha is here. No matter how much the women irks me with her hippy crap, I am glad she is here. She and Carla are thick as thieves.

"Ray," she says with a soft voice while gently touching my shoulder. Her face is tear stained and her nose is running. "She is going to be alright, Ray. I know Carla, and she is a fighter. She is not ever going to give up." It sounds like she is trying to convince not just me, but herself as well.

She moves to the other side of Carla's bed and gently takes her hand while she slowly caresses her hair. Softly she begins to sing:

You Are My Sunshine

My only sunshine.

You make me happy

When skies are grey.

You`ll never know, dear,

How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

I let my tears stream freely from my eyes. It had been ages since I cried. It had always made me feel weak and vulnerable, just like I have felt during my childhood. I loathe these feelings. But today, I just didn't care. I just want my wife back no matter what. Martha stops singing and directs her attention to me before she speaks.

"We used to sing this song to each other you know, when one of us was sad. It always made us feel better," she says before looking at Carla again. She gently strokes Carla's knuckles.

Suddenly, she looks me again like she just had an epiphany and says, "She is truly going to be alright Ray. I just know she will be."

For the first time in my life, I truly want to believe that Martha indeed has some kind of sixth sense. And for the first time since my childhood years, I prayed like my life depended on it. I begged any power out there not to take my Carla away from me.

Carla

November 24, 1984

I am sitting in the window seat watching the birds in the yard fight over a twig. It's a beautiful California winters day. The afternoon rays of sun shine bright, illuminating the trees in the backyard and intensifying the green colour. It's a miracles spectacle of nature, but It feels like I have become immune to its beauty.

How does one survive the death of a dream? It feels like a part of your soul, your very essence has died. It has been five months since the accident and so much has happened since then. The driver of the vehicle that hit me was drunk and stoned out of his mind and his trial is coming up soon. I am not sure if I am able to face this yet. I don't think that I am able to sit in the same courthouse, let alone the same room with the egotistical bastard. My psychologist and Ray say that this will help me get closure, so we can move on with our lives, but I know I will probably never be over this. This drunk bastard killed my dream… our dream. Ray says we should be thankful that we have James and that I am still alive and I am! With my entire being! But with that comes the realization that he will never ever have any brothers or sisters. That bastard took that from us. It has made me bitter and I don't want to be bitter.

We went for a third opinion yesterday and we got the same news. The accident has caused massive scar tissue on my ovaries and the chance that we will ever conceive another child is about 1%. Not even fertility treatments will bring up those chances. In other words, my dream of a big family is dead and it hurts! Beyond belief!

And you know what the worse thing of all is? I cannot let go of my dream. Everything around me is reminding me of it.

The house we live in is a large 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with a beautiful backyard filled with a swing and playground. Ray build it himself for James and his 'future siblings'. Our kitchen is open plan with loads of cupboards and a six pitter stove, and on our floors with we have a beautiful oak wood floor that is easy to clean. And a beautiful fireplace in the living room. Everything in this house was designed to accommodate a large family, something I will never have now. But it's not just the house it's also the memory of the accident itself. Every time I drive to work or bring and pick up James, I am reminded of that fateful day that killed my dream.

I have talked to Martha about this and she told me that maybe, in order to put this all behind me, Ray and I should consider moving and make a brand new start in a new house and a new town, some place far from Palmdale and it's painful memories, but I can't do this to Ray. He has his dream job here at NASA, something he has worked so hard for. I am afraid that if I ask him to move and leave all that we have here behind he would just say yes to placate me. But, in the end, he would end up resenting me for taking him away from his dream job. The irony is not lost on me... at least let him keep his childhood dream, while I play a requiem for mine.

Ray

I love days like these, soft California winters never lose their charm. I have always loved this house, loved, the wide open grass field in the backyard, and absolutely love running after my one year old boy while he squeals and runs over the grass field. But somehow this house, this town, and even my dream job at NASA seem to have lost their appeal. It feels like there a pieces missing out of our picture perfect future photo frame. I have seen Carla, she is slowly sinking away in to a dark place. She doesn't have to tell me how she really feels I can see it in her eyes the brave front she puts on is nothing but a façade. This environment is making her miserable. Maybe it is time for a new picture perfect future. I pick up a loudly protesting James and make my way inside the house. I see her sitting in the window seat overlooking our garden. It is her favourite place in the whole house she calls it her contemplative spot.

I let down James and he makes a beeline to his mother, Carla´s eyes immediately light up.

´Hello baby boy, did you have a great time playing with daddy´ she coos softly while picking him up. ´dada, dada, mommie, mommie; nappie ´ James babbles loudly.

´You know it's amazing how fast he is learning to talk Ray´ she says with such adoration it makes my heart swell.

´He is a clever boy just like his mother´

A small smile forms on her lips ´Your daddy has always been and always will be a charmer´ she says while looking at our boy.

'Time for you siesta sweetie' she says while gently kisses his head 'Say goodbye to daddy'

'dada, dada' James babbles again.

'Sleep tight son' I lean over and kiss both James and Carla.

'I am going to make us some lunch while you put him to bed' I say

'Mmm, could you make those delicious Spanish omelettes again?'

'Anything for my girl' I say while making my way to the kitchen. Carla and I aren't the best of cooks, but together we have managed to learn and cook pretty decent meals. I know that now is the time for an open and honest discussion with Carla over our future. I know that Carla is struggling here I overheard her conversation with both her mother and Martha. If Carla cannot be happy here neither can I.

While I am plating our plates and putting them on the kitchen table Carla makes her way back into the kitchen.

'I didn't know how hungry I was until now, this smells amazing Ray.'

'What can I say I am a great chef!'

'Let me taste your omelette first before I will hand you that title'

'and?' I ask her

'I true master chef Ray' she says while a small smile forms around her mouth.

'Carla…' I begin tentatively 'We need to talk… I know you are not happy here I heard you talking to your mother and Martha last week'

'You were eavesdropping on me?' she asks incredulously.

I sigh loudly Carla always had a flair for melodrama.

' Oh stop with the drama Carla it was not anything like that. I was just passing by while I heard what you said on the phone. I don't understand why you couldn't just me honest with about how you feel about living here.'

She looks at me with sad tear stained eyes.

'Because Ray… I don't want to be the one that destroys your childhood dreams. I know how much you love working for NASA I know this is something you have always dreamed about and have worked so hard for. I don't want to be the one that is taking that away from you.'

I sigh loudly and look her into her eyes with nothing but honesty and love.

'Carla believe me when I say that your happiness triumphs my work at NASA. You know we can't continue to live like this, every day I see how down you are and It's slowly killing me. I think we should move on from our old dreams and start to make new ones for both our sanity and happiness.'

She looks at me like she cannot believe her own ears.

'Ray … do you really mean that? I mean are you sure?' the disbelieve still evident in her voice.

'More than anything darling' I say earnestly ' The question is where do we want to start our new live?'

There is a pregnant silence in the room before Carla finally begins to speak.

'I want to move to Montesano.. where my parents live, so they can see James grow up and I have some support system nearby.'

Two years ago Carla's parents had moved from San-Francisco to Montesano wanting to spend their last working years in a easy going rural small town. Without all the hustle and bustle or so Carla's father Maurice said.

'Montesano is a small town Carla I don't know how hard it will be to find a job there.' I say a little apprehensively.

'Olympia is only a 30 min drive from Montesano and there are plenty of jobs there. Ray can you please just think about it?' she asks pleadingly

'Anything for you sweet cheeks.' I say while giving her a small smile.

Carla smiles back and me and says.

'You know Ray for generally being a taciturn man you have been very verbose with me today. And I like it!'

' Taciturn? Me? I have no idea what you are talking about, not a word was wasted today.' I say dryly.

Palmdale December 3 1984

Carla

Today I am finally getting some closure for the horrible events that have transpired almost 6 months ago. The man who caused the accident is set to appear in court today. Last week we had a conversation with the ADA Melinda Barker, she told us that Earl Robert Pollard was looking at a prison sentence for at least 15 years. I am surprised to learn that he is only 23 years old only a two years older than I am. Makes me wonder why he took the path that he took; a life filled with violence drugs and crime. I can't say I feel sorry for him…. he took something from me that I can never have back the pain of his actions is ever present, and will never subside. I am allowed to make a victim statement before the sentence him. A right that I most certainly will exercise.

Earl Robert Pollard, looking at him in the confines of this courtroom I see a sniffling, skinny looking man with a gruff uncapped appearance. His face looks haunt like he hasn't eaten or slept for days and his skin is pockmarked. He is shifting nervously on the witness stand and stammers when the assistant district attorney asks him a question. I glance to my right side and see Ray's face. He looks like he is ready to pounce on Pollard. I never seen him so full anger and hate. Not even when his father showed up uninvited at on our wedding day, it scares me. I gently squeeze his hand hoping that it would calm him down. I was anxious and scared about coming to court today and face him. But Ray, Martha and my parents are right here with me and it makes me feel safe and protected. Maddie stayed at our place and is taking care of James.

'The fucker is going through withdrawal as we speak, that's why is looking so nervous and shifty all the time' Ray says through gritted teeth.

I sigh and I know I know the look on my face must be a combination between surprise and irritation. I hate swearing and foul language, and he knows that, but at the same time I can understand his frustration.

'How? I mean he is in jail for months now, he should have been clean by now… how does he get drugs when he is in jail?' I ask unable to hide the disbelief in my voice.

Ray lets out a sardonic laugh.

' Darling, sometimes you are still incredibly naïve. Prison is probably one of the easiest places in the world to get drugs. Filled with criminals and crooked prison guards.' Rays sounds spiteful. I just hope we can leave Pollard behind us after today and move on to our new future.

After recess the closing arguments begin. It only takes the jury 30 minutes to find him guilty of all charges. The judge announces that Pollard would be sentenced immediately, after I and his other victims had given our victim statements. I am nervous to speak in front of an audience, but I know I need to say this I know this will help me heal. Ray grabs my hand and squeezes it reassuring me…. And this small gesture gives me enough courage to speak my mind to Earl Robert Pollard and banish him from our lives once and for all. I hesitantly begin my speech, while Ray stands right beside me holding my hand tightly

' When I was a little girl, we did not have much money but we did have allot of love. My mother is the gentle and kindest and caring person on this planet. She showed me what it feels like to be loved unconditionally, even when I was a pain in the behind at times.

When I was growing up my childhood dream was to be a mom, just like my mom. I wanted a house, the white picket fence and at least a dozen children, to love unconditionally. I have one son, the most beautiful and sweet boy in this world and for his existence I am forever grateful…. But my dream of a big family….. YOU have STOLEN that dream from me! The accident you caused has made infertile…. my son will never have any little brothers or sisters and I will never have my big family. AND THIS HURTS! The pain of what you took from me is excruciating and not only me but my husband as well will have to live with this for the rest of our lives.

I don't know what your dreams and aspirations where when growing up. Whatever they where I feel sorry that you didn't achieve them. But the loss of your dreams did not give you the right to trample on mine or anyway else. I am not a hateful or bitter person but I do wish that you are punished severely for you actions. Just so you learn the gravity and severity of your actions and the influence they have on other people's lives. This is all I have to say to you.'

Ray leans close to me and says 'I am so, so proud of you Carla!'

'Thank you for your words Mrs. Steele. They weigh heavily on the scales of Justice' Judge Cartwright says before he addresses Pollard. Cartwright sentence is swift and merciless. 'Earl Robert Pollard, you have been found guilty by a jury of your peers for the following offences: lewd and indecent exposure, burglary, assault with a deadly weapon, possession of illegal substances and causing grave bodily harm while driving impaired/intoxicated. I will sentence you to 20 years imprisonment with no chance of parole.

Christian

Detroit, Michigan June 10 1987

Mommy's face looks pale again, she looks at me with her beautiful gray eyes, eyes that look just like mine. She doesn't smile her special smile, the smile she has just for me. She looks so sad, she cups my face with her frail shaking hand.

Suddenly the door slams open it's him! I am so scared I tried to hide but I know he always finds me.

'You stupid crack whore, you fucked up bitch!' He is yelling at mommy and he hits her with his belt over and over again. Mommy cries but he doesn't stop, he never stops, not until mommy sleeps. Then he comes looking for me…. My pants are wet and sticky...

'There you are you stupid little shit!' he has found me! Mommy, mommy please help me! It burns, it hurts please mommy help me!

It's dark outside and mommy is still sleeping, my tummy rumbles and I am cold. He is gone now but I know he will be back to hurt me and mommy. I close my eyes I want to sleep, when I sleep I have no pain and are not scared and hungry anymore. I am happy because of her; My bright shining little angel, she is really sweet and kind she makes me laugh. She keeps the bad dreams and monsters away, she says she loves me, ME!

Together we have gone on loads of adventures. We went sailing yesterday on a large boat and we fought with pirates and giant sharks. We won of course! 'Together we can do anything.' My little angel says, and I know it's true.

'I will always be here for you Christian I will never leave you.' My angel always says this right before I have to wake up again. I don't want to wake up I want to stay with my little angel forever, but I know I can't mommy needs me.

Thank you for reading! If anyone is interested in beta reading this please PM me. Also made a pinterest for this story which I will update with each new chapter. (posting weekly) www. pinterest. com philaenis /t win-flames/