Interlude 6 - The First Step

I: Six Meetings Before Lunch- Shikaku

"Nara-san, good afternoon."

I startle, narrowly avoiding splashing beer on my jounin vest. That's not a voice I'd ever expect to hear in a seedy bar-come-food-stall like this, and certainly not with the sun so high.

"Ah, Yuuhi-san." I greet him as if I'd expected him. It never pays to let another shinobi know they've snuck up on you. I'd rather gain a reputation for being clumsy than unobservant. "Would you like to join me for lunch?"

As he eyes my fried octopus and wasabi with disdain, I take the opportunity to examine the junior division head. It's not often that Yuuhi Hideki emerges from his cryptanalysis crypt, deep in the bowels of the Hokage tower, and on the rare occasion that he does it's atypical for him to make it much further than Inoichi's office in Anbu-Intel. He's unused to being outside at this hour, that much shows as he squints those alien red eyes of his. Nor is he dressed for the weather; I'm sure his heavy coat keeps him warm enough in his sub-basement office, but he looks quite uncomfortable in the thick summer heat.

"Thank you, but I must decline." He stands awkwardly just within the awning of the food stall, figiting, unsure if he's really welcome. Yuuhi's here to ask me a question, but he doesn't know if he has the authority to question me. It's a behavior I recognize well enough; most of my subordinates exhibit it at one point or another. They quickly learn that I don't stand on ceremony with these sorts of practical matters- questions to increase the askers' understanding are always welcome.

Now, Hideki here is of similar enough rank and age to me that there's really no reason he should have any such fear. What's happened, though, is that he's neglected to practice his social skills. The head of cryptanalysis is a gawky teenager in a grown man's body, uncomfortable with his seat at the big kids' table. He steps lightly, attempting to balance his baseless fear of causing offense with his boundless curiosity.

And I'm pretty sure I can guess exactly what it this man wants to ask me. I could answer it now, but that would be… no fun. Besides, there's plenty else I can get out of him as he waffles on his agenda.

"Have a seat, my friend."

I tap at the bar, passing a quick signal to the proprietress, and she soon sets a beer in front of my colleage. Hideki frowns, but peer pressure and politeness combine to create an unstoppable force; he takes a sip and grimaces at the taste. I wait for him to repeat this a few times before I let our conversation progress.

"I've actually been hoping to speak with you for some time," I candidly admit. "I have a few questions about what you've been teaching Hideo-kun." Strictly speaking, this line of questioning is quite out of bounds- it was only a short while ago that I was bristling at having my methods questioned- but I'm honestly curious how far he'll let me push him.

Strangely, he perks up. "Ah yes, well, we've, uh- well, I say we but I really just mean Hideo-kun- been making a study on asymmetric cryptography. Admittedly, I didn't see the value in such a thing until very recently but Hideo-kun's been quite bullish on it. He thinks it's the future of verifiable communications and I'm coming to agree." Yuuhi's positively brimming with excitement on this subject, but I cut him off before he begins to spout mathematical jargon at me. Gods know I have to put up with enough of that from my apprentice, I don't need a second source in my life. Besides, that's not where Hideo's weak; Hideki's lacking in a very different area.

"Actually, Yuuhi-san, I was hoping to learn about his combat skills."

"Oh, uh, yes. Of course. I… Well, I suppose he works with his clan on that?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"Of course," Yuuhi scurries to justify himself. "We spar on occasion, but as I rely quite heavily on genjutsu and, well, the Byakugan and the Gentle Fist, well…" He takes a few quick sips of the beer, again grimacing as he swallows.

I immediately feel a sharp pang of guilt. What am I doing, toying with this man for my own amusement? I've looked at him, found a gap in his armor, and begun to pry out of some sick habit. This is a smart man, a loyal shinobi of the leaf, a fellow member of the isolated community of knowledge workers in the Konohan military.

Why am I behaving like this, making myself feel big at his expense? Is it just habit? Have I taught myself to attack, attack, attack to the point that I don't know how to just have a conversation? I down the rest of my drink in one pass.

"His, uh, his mother, I believe-" Yuuhi stumbles along trying to justify himself, but I cut him off.

"Mah, don't stress, Yuuhi-san." It's definitely time for me to try to salvage this, lest I alienate my fellow teacher. "He's been improving a lot recently. Hideo's learning to to apply that mind of his as he fights, you know?"

He relaxes ever so slightly, now that I've indicated some approval of his methods.

"But that's enough about that- I imagine you're here to ask about the C rank?"

"Oh, uh, yes. Yes. I'd assumed you might be leading the team, but, well, uh, of course you're not. You're here. And…" He trails off.

I finish the thought. "You were wondering who I sent the kids with and what exactly I've got planned for them?"

"Namikaze-san, I assume?"

"Not quite." It's easy to see why someone might make that assumption, given my friendship with Minato, but just he's not the right fit for team six. "Hideo might do alright under Minato, but I can't imagine Anko or Yusei thriving in…" I trail off, unsure of the diplomatic way to convey the image of the order-loving Minato trying to direct my students' different flavors of chaos.

Surprisingly, Yuuhi gets it. "Right. From what Hideo tells me, I can… quite imagine the, uh, friction." He considers the remainder of his drink for a long moment, as if he's daring it to taste better now that the conversation's going his way. Eventually, he braves another sip.

"Actually," I tell him, "that's exactly why I asked Uzumaki Kushina to do it."

I time the revelation perfectly, resulting in a glorious spit-take. "You what?" Given how quiet his speaking voice is, he's practically shouting at me.

It's interesting to watch all the pieces click into place. Yuuhi does, after all, have a well deserved reputation as a maths genius; he can handle this simple arithmetic well enough.

Uzumaki Kushina plus Anko plus Yusei plus Hideo multiplied by their first C-rank as a team equals…

"Oh. Oh no." It's clear he's gotten to the same conclusion I reached. "And she's, uh, going to try to test them somehow, isn't she."

"They could do to learn a little independence."

"Where?"

"Tea Country."

"What do you think the odds are that there's even going to be a Tea Country by this time tomorrow?"

"Mah, Kushina's a strong, capable kunoichi who uses fuuinjutsu in combat and solves problems very creatively. Each of the kids could learn something they need from her, yeah?"

"Eighty percent."

I laugh. "You're giving me one to four odds that two teenagers and an eight year old are going to obliterate a small country on a courier mission?" There's pessimism, and then there's pessimism.

Hideki meets my eyes. "And a square kilometer of country-side demolished," he tells me. "Best case scenario."

He gulps down the rest of his beer.

II. More like a hundred and thirty square meters - Hideo

I substitute in the nick of time, barely avoiding my teammate's chain of explosions.

For the briefest moment, I'm confused. Before the detonation, Yusei had signaled to me Prepare, Escape, and Two, but that wasn't two explosions. That was a hell of a lot more than two explosions.

And then it hits me. My hands flash through the signs for a second substitution. Where to? Anywhere the fuck else. This time, I cut it so close, too close. I see phantom explosions even after I blink into existence- they're seared into my retinas.

My ears are ringing, my stomach is churning; my knees hit the ground followed soonafter by my hands. This teenage body of mine simply can't handle the strain of two consecutive substitutes, nor this proximity to so many massive detonations.

I'm wheezing, no- I'm dry heaving. I'm tangentially aware that I've collapsed in the open, but I don't have enough control over my body to do anything about it. I can only pray that Yusei's caught her with his blasts, I don't even have the energy to activate the byakugan and confirm it for myself.

Damn everything, I really am the worst ninja.

Literally all of my self worth right now is tied up in the fact that I kept the enemy off Yusei long enough for him to set that trap. Oh, and at least I didn't get blown up by my own teammate after all that effort. That'd have been pathetic.

That is to say, even more pathetic. Because I think I'm lying face down in the middle of a road right now with at least one (possibly two) hostiles still nearby, and it's hard to imagine a worse situation than this.

Yuuhi-sensei would be disappointed.

But maybe Nara-sensei would be proud. He's always going on about strategy and teamwork, and we did all that. Maybe bonus points since I faithfully executed Yusei's plan? And it's not like every training session doesn't end up with me flat on my ass anyways, so this isn't that unfamiliar.

But Yuuhi-sensei would probably be disappointed, and that's really a bummer.

I try to focus. My eyes are no use, but what about those ears? That's not a Hyuuga way to think, but beggars can't be choosers.

Footsteps? Or is that my heart beating. No, no, they're too irregular. I can let myself imagine stepping carefully over whatever's left of this forest. Cloth, scraping against jagged, splintered wood. The rustling of scorched leaves as someone pushes through them. Growing louder: definitely approaching me.

Footsteps that are much too heavy to be Yusei's.

Somewhere in the distance, Anko shouts something. It's unintelligible, at least to my ringing ears, but I don't think it's a shout of pain. There's the sound of crashing water- ninjutsu? From the chuunin she was fighting? I can't remember if Anko knows any water techniques.

But this isn't the time for that- I need to focus on the clear and present danger. Anko can take care of herself.

I need to deal with these footsteps. Irregularity implies injury, or at least caution. That's probably good news. Yusei's explosions must have damaged her. Best case scenario, he's crippled her mobility. Worst case, he's only spooked her and now she's taking extra care.

I hold my breath and go limp. I haven't moved significantly since I landed here, maybe I can pass for dead.

Thump.

Thump thump.

A hiss of pain- not mine, a good sign- then another two steps.

She must be close.

My heart's hammering- how can the missing-nin not hear it? She knows. She has to know. Another footstep, she's right on top of me, no more than a meter away. All she has to do is look and I'm made.

Anko's shouting again. It's closer this time, I can make out words. Curses and epithets, not much more. She must be losing her fight.

I don't envy her much, fighting a water user right next to a river. But as counterintuitive as it sounds, that's exactly what she has to do. Has? Had. It's exactly what she had to do. If she didn't keep the ninjutsu specialist near the river, it'd all have ended before it even began.

Divide and conquer, right? We've drilled this before. The three of us wouldn't have had a chance against the taijutsu specialist with full ninjutsu support, but… we split them up. It should have worked. My jyuken with Yusei's ranged support should have been enough to overwhelm our chuunin-level opponent with relative ease while Anko defended herself against the second enemy until we could back her up.

It should have worked. Instead, Yusei blew up the whole damned forest and still accomplished nothing.

What was it that Nara-sensei had said? Some people… are beyond strategy. Some people are just out of reach.

My lungs strain. Is it time to give up? If I breath, she'll know I'm alive for sure. If I don't, I'll probably black out.

A male voice calls out, resolutely declaring a water technique's name. Shit, doesn't the Water Dragon Bullet have something like forty-four hand seals? For all that she stands head and shoulders above me in terms of combat skill, Anko is definitely out of her depth in this fight.

Yusei had said that both our opponents were chuunin, and he was wrong both times. That's unlike him.1

And then it hits me: my teammate's only been reciting what he read from outdated bingo book entries. These missing-nin that we're fighting have clearly grown since they left their village, but nobody bothers amending these listings.

Water audibly pulls itself out of the river at the behest of our enemy, and I can only imagine the savage glowing eyes of the dragon forming. As the rushing water drowns out all other sounds, I realize I can no longer hear my own opponent's footsteps.

There's nothing for it then.

A deep breath and a subvocalized Byakugan.

And then, all at once, I can see everything. The scene rushes in and it's all my mind can do to keep up with the sudden wealth of visual stimulus. I struggle to parse the instant into distinct and digestible nuggets of information.

Anko, on one knee, her teeth grit and her arms crossed to protect her vitals, braces for impact. She's battered but not beaten- her opponent's thrown her around, but hasn't fought too seriously yet. It's likely that the explosions changed his mind, though, and convinced him to finish the fight quickly.

The chuuni- no- the jounin-level water specialist stands on the river, hands clasped in the final seal of his technique. Beside him, the water flows unnaturally upward at great velocity, forming into the deadly water dragon bullet.

But the dragon has no head. Between the two battling shinobi stands Uzumaki Kushina, right arm outstretched, elbow deep in the living liquid. Undecipherable sigils of light dance at her fingertips, pipelining chakra from every tenketsu on her arm into a glowing barrier of wind, lightning, and fire that bisects the offending technique on a molecular level. Everywhere that dragon makes contact with her barrier, it ceases to be. Water splashes formlessly to the ground on either side of the kunoichi, no longer compelled to behave against its nature.

It wouldn't do to dwell on that fight, though. Somewhere nearby, there should be a girl that wants me dead. I shake off my awe and look for her chakra.

It's surprisingly close, practically on top of me.

It's also surprisingly faint.

As soon as I inhaled, the girl ceased defending against Yusei's potential attack and rushed into finish me off. Judging from the arrow poking its blood-covered head out from between her fourth and fifth ribs, it's clear she made the wrong decision.

I breath out harshly and the world snaps suddenly back into motion.

The girl topples forward, coming to rest face down beside me. Anko's face transitions from fear and determination to dumbstruck relief. Yusei breaks cover, running out from amongst the fallen trees towards my prone form. Kushina gestures forward with her left hand, bringing out glowing chains that pierce the remnants of the disintegrating water dragon bullet and bind the missing-nin that summoned it.

It's done, it's over, I think and then the adrenaline leaves me. It takes my consciousness with it.

III. The last thing anybody wants - Shikaku

It's well into the afternoon when I make my way back to work. I sneak in the side door, avoiding the areas where my presence might be remarked on. This way, my underlings might not realize I've been out all this time. It's horrifically irresponsible to let my personal issues interfere with the operations of Tactical Division.

It's just that some problems require a little time to think about. Time where you can just focus to the point of exclusion, time when nobody can disturb you.

Yusei would probably understand.

"Nara-taicho! Where have you been?" Yoshino, who pops out of her office (adjacent to my own) to harangue me, probably won't. She likes schedules and being organized a little too much to just go with the mental flow of the world. "You missed two meetings. I took the liberty of saying you were unavoidably detained, and rescheduling them for tomorrow morning."

But maybe I'm being too harsh. For all that Yoshino is a demanding assistant who gets in the way of my drinking and slacking off, she's also a nice girl with a surprising amount of faith in me. And apparently, she covers for me without needing to be asked. Is that new?

"Thanks," I tell her, "I needed some time to focus- to reevaluate some things." I step past her into my office and slump into the small couch in the corner. Yoshino follows, shutting the door behind her, and seating herself opposite me.

"Alright," she says. "What's going on with you?"

"I…" I don't know what to tell her. The last thing I want to do is shatter that misguided belief she has that I might have been off doing real and important work, but I also don't want to lie right to her face.

"Look, boss, I know it's not my place, but… you know you can talk to me." Yoshino reaches forward, and for an instant I'm worried she's about to slap me. Instead, she places her hand supportively on my shoulder. "You can talk to me about anything. Personal, I mean. And- well, stop me if I overstep. Please."

She inhales deeply and lets it out with a sigh. "Well," she goes on. "I know you've been having some issues with your family. Well, everybody knows, I guess. Since your father…"

"It's not that." I cut her off. The actual last thing I want is to talk about the complicated mess that is my disinheritance. "I've more-or-less made my peace with the Nara clan. This is..." I trail off again, at a loss.

"Okay." She moves her hand back. "I wasn't trying to say that it was that. It's just that… I know that there aren't a lot of people you can let your guard down around. And, well, if you don't mind me saying this, sir, but some of your friends aren't as supportive as they should be. Or maybe they aren't as observant as they ought to-."

"My friends are fine. They're just… busy." And they are. Ino's got his hands full with the upcoming war and Cho's mind is on his wedding. And that's where their focus should be. "And I'm busy. We're all busy! It's nobody's job to, I don't fucking know, observe me? Except, apparently, for you."

Yoshino flinches back, and I realize that I've raised my voice significantly. Fuck. It's a good thing she closed the door (as a necessary precaution for the protection of high-rank secrets, it completely blocks sound from leaving the room).

We're both quiet for a long moment. I breathe deeply, letting go of the temper I didn't know I had, and then apologize. "I'm sorry." She says it at the same time I do, but she doesn't have anything to be sorry for here.

I put my hand up, forestalling the rest of her apology. "No, it's me. It's my fault. You're right." The words just start tumbling out of my mouth. "I'm really awful, Yoshino. That's what I've been thinking about today; that's why I skipped out on work. I'm just such an asshole and I don't mean to. It happen, it just happens. I didn't even realize I was shouting at you. I shouldn't have. It just happens and I catch it too late."

"No," she says. "It's fine. You don't need to be sorry. I meant for you to get angry. I brought up your friends and family because I knew you'd be defensive. I… just wanted you to talk to me. Even if I had to be the villain, right, it'd have been alright if it meant that you'd get this off your chest. If it meant that you could turn your full focus and intellect to the real problems. To the war that's to come. But I misjudged.

"I acted," continues Yoshino, picking her words delicately, "with the idea that you were angry and isolated, and that you didn't know it. I was hoping to help you figure that out. That was naive of me; of course you knew."

Despite the gravity of the situation, I can't help but chuckle. "You were completely spot on. You're maybe even ahead of me. I only figured it out an hour ago, but it's so much worse than you think.

"The real problem," I explain, "is I'm fundamentally an asshole." That explained nothing.

Let's try again. "This job is twisting me. This job has been twisting me for years now. My base personality type aligns too well with the demands of Tactical, and I'm losing my grasp on how to be a normal person. I spend every waking second working out how I should act and what I should say in order to get exactly what I want.

"I've made every conversation a battle to be won. I play through life like it's a game of shogi. I read people instead of listening to them, then I make them dance to my tune. Nobody around me says anything that I didn't mean for them to say, but I didn't realize this until today. At least consciously.

"I suppose some part of me had to know. The part of me that can't stop drinking. Because alcohol makes my mind less… sharp? Active? Just less, and I behave like a regular man. Lately, though, that's stopped working. Instead of becoming a functional human, I lose my restraint. I become aggressive, cruel. I pick people apart just to watch them break; I'm a child pulling the wings off insects."

Yoshino breaks into my rant. "You're being too hard on yourself. I'm not going to deny that you're often a rude drunk, but listen to yourself, Shikaku. You're making yourself out to be some kind of monster."

"That's exactly what I am. Case in point: have you ever met Yuuhi Hideki?"

"Sure. He's a sweet man. Smart, but not clever."

"I had lunch with him. And I almost ruined him. I had one drink and… instead of seeing a man, I saw a list of vulnerabilities. I saw how he'd react if I poked and prodded, and I got curious about what would happen if I… motivated him. I held his life in my hands, just for a moment. I could have made him do anything. I could have made him force his apprentice to learn genjutsu, or I could have made him give up the apprentice altogether. I could have made him doubt everything he knows, and he wouldn't have left that basement of his for years out of sheer terror."

There's a spark of something in Yoshino's eyes. Understanding? Sympathy? Fear?

"And the worst thing," I go on, "is that when I caught myself toying with him, I didn't know why I was doing it. It took me hours to figure out that I was acting on cruelty and curiosity. And it's taken years for me to realize that I do this at all. How many people have I left lying in my wake? I've used this evil skill of mine on everyone. Enemies, yes, but also innocent bystanders. Even my best friends, Yoshino. Honestly, I've even affected you and I don't know how or when."

And then… it clicks. How compromised I am, and what I have to do.

"Which is why I have to quit. I can't distinguish between strategy games and real life. I can't be trusted to act rationally. I can't say with any sort of certainty if I'm advising the Hokage to go to war because it's necessary or because it's a new game to me, and I want to see if I can win a war. So I have to step down. You'll do well as the division chief, and I can keep doing analysis. Now that you know my-"

"No." The single word breaks my flow. It hangs between us, unaccompanied; it's come from Yoshino's lips, but she doesn't seem to know it. She's certainly not following it up.

We sit there for minutes, me on the couch and Yoshino in the chair. Neither of us says a word. The gears turn behind her eyes, to what end, I can't identify. I look away and watch my clock silently count the seconds.

This is the most vulnerable that I've been in years.

The last time I that I was in a conversation I couldn't predict, I ended up with a five year old for an apprentice. The time before that, my uncle took the position of Nara clan head and I ended up disinherited.

Today could go either way. The anticipation is killing me.

Finally, Yoshino speaks.

"That's the last thing that anybody wants."

I open my mouth to protest, but she doesn't give me a chance.

"Your fears are reasonable and valid, Shikaku, but not as unique or insurmountable as you think they are. I think by identifying the problem and confiding in me, you've started the first steps to overcoming this.

"It's not going to be easy, but I want to be your ally in this."

"Yoshino," I say, now that she's done. "Thank you for your confidence in me, but it's misplaced. Somewhere along the way, I sold you a picture of a strong, reasonable, and responsible Shikaku. That's not who I actually am."

And then the tense mood shatters completely as she lets out what I can only describe as something between a snort and a giggle. "We may also have to address your sheer vanity- no, narcissism- if you think you sold anyone on that. No, Shikaku, you're a drunken irresponsible layabout, and I never believed otherwise. But you're also damned clever and we need you here."

Yoshino smiles at me and suddenly, well, maybe things are going to be okay after all.

Notes:

Beta notes: 1) in which we shit on hideo some more even as we build him up as actually a smart guy 2) shikaku realizes what everyone else has always known: he's a hot mess and also an asshole 3) hideo just can't catch a break 4) i was told there would be flirting in part three and all you gave me was one giggle.

Thesecretsix notes:

Well, that took a year. I'm sorry. I've been busy moving all over the country and then writing isn't easy to resume when you put it down. Thank you everyone who continued to read and review iome during the unplanned hiatus, this chapter wouldn't have been completed without you to motivate me.

The OC Yuuhi Hideki was first mentioned in Ch 5 as Hideo's teacher and as a numbers genius. I hope he's not too hated, but he'll probably have a minimal part overall. And yes, as some people mentioned in reviews, he is supposed to be Kurenai's father.

Part 1's title comes from The West Wing for no good reason.

Part 2 was the hardest to write. Fight scenes at this level are really difficult, mostly because nobody knows anything exciting yet. Also because at this level, the most Yusei can reasonably do is say "fuck collateral damage" and set massive explosions off. Team 6 couldn't win, because I needed Kushina to come in and save the day, but team 6 also couldn't lose too badly because they're a little ridiculous.

We also struggled with how I was introducing the fight. Originally, we actually started at the beginning and tried to ramp up the tension as Hideo started to realize that they were actually losing. I didn't love out that panned out, though, because all three members of team 6 are supposed to be damned smart and they came off as complete idiots.

I literally rewrote it five completely different ways before we ended up with this en medias res take and a bit of postgame analysis will fill in the rest. It was originally scheduled to be in this chapter, but uh, part 3 happened. Part 3 was not intended to be half the chapter, but then it was.

And I don't know how part 3 happened. My actual notes for that were for a comedy/mildly flirting thing where shika comes in after being a dick to Hideki and says "Hey Yoshino, am I a huge asshole?" "Yeah, but it's cute." "Oh okay then." But then I wrote something completely different instead, and I stand by it. Hopefully you enjoy it.

I'm hoping to update more frequently now that my life is a little more stable. Thanks for sticking with me, folks.