So uh, when I said that a spinoff would be published soon I actually meant that I would leave all yo asses hanging and continue to write 39384639 oneshots (more like 8, #dramatic hert) and shit I can't even believe I had the time to write (and as you will see, I have shamelessly self-advised below). Aha?

**If you like the natsu, gray and gajeel brotp, go and give Bets With Cana and Different Ways To Bite Lucy a read pretty please :)

If you're after frustrated #pregnant lucy and hilariously stupid natsu, go and give baby, you're in for a shock a read.

If you like your poison bitter and dark, my gang!life Gruvia series ultraviolence is DEFINITELY for YOU.

If you love the sexy and sultry side to bachana, then you should DEFINITELY go read darling, the stars don't fall for you.

If cuckoo Lucy and adorable natsu (with a yummy side of gajevy) are more your style, my AU drugworld!fic lucy in the sky with diamonds is calling your name wistfully. **

Without further ado, the spinoff!

"Oi, ice princess! What the hell's up with your face?"

Rather than replying to Natsu, Gray grinned wider and flipped him the almighty bird. Natsu could go and jump off a cliff for all he cared.

"I always knew you were nuts, but this is just crazy now."

"Shut the fuck up, Natsu. You're ruining my good mood," Gray growled back.

"Oho, big words. Why don't you say it to my face next time?!" flames had begun to leak from Natsu's mouth by now, fire dancing along his clenched fists.

"I just did!" Gray yelled right back at Natsu and shoved the idiot's face away from his own.

"You wanna go?!"

"I'll take you on any damn day!" Gray, with a slightly manic grin, ice make-d an igloo cage right over the top of Natsu. Instantly, the douchebag's screaming cut off.

"Not like you to back down from a fight, Fullbuster," a gravelly voice sounded right next to him.

"Why should I even bother with an idiot like that?" Gray, for added affect, stripped himself of his shirt.

Gasps rang through the guild instantly. Gray glanced down, wondering what the hell everyone was staring at. It wasn't until Cana sidled up to him and whispered in his ear that he realised what the hell was wrong:

"Nice scratches, Gray. Oooh, and look at those hickies! Certainly scored yourself a kinky one, eh?"

Well, fuck.

Gray scrambled to put his shirt back on, ignoring the laughs of his guildmates. When he looked up, he noticed Gajeel watching him with an odd look.

"What?" he practically growled at the Slayer, crossing his arms.

Gajeel continued to stare at him, and Gray fidgeted nervously—because fuck man, why the hell was he under interrogation? What did he ever do? Finally, after a minute too long of uncomfortable staring, Gajeel grinned and said: "Congrats for finally getting laid, Fullboobs! They grow up so fast; wouldn't you agree, Cana?" the Slayer cackled and nudged Cana in the side.

"I'll drink to that!"

"You'll drink to anything," Gray muttered, shooting glares at the brunette. As an afterthought he added, "And for your information, that ain't the first time I've been laid. No need to blow it out of proportion."

A big hand clamped to Gray's shoulder, jostling him. "None of them count. You see, you've found the one. A man only ever has that look in his eyes when he's had the best fuck of his life."

Gray scowled up at the brutish man, a part of him absolutely shitting himself at the gleam in Gajeel's red eyes. "Tch, she's hardly the one. The fuck you on about?"

A punch to the shoulder. "Not like that, you dickhead! God, what are you? Fourteen?"

Gray gestured to his (thankfully clothed) body. "Does this look like it's fourteen?"

Gajeel grit his teeth, whacking the back of Gray's head. "What the fuck's wrong with you? Can you not go a minute without running your mouth?"

It was Gray's turn to land a hit. "Running my mouth? You lookin' for a fight, metal bastard?"

"Are you that stupid to challenge me?"

"You saying I can't beat you?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying!"

Gray's brain finally caught up with him. "Wait, why am I even talking to you? I came here to get a job, not socialise with the wildlife."

"The fuck you just say—?!"

A pair of arms wrapping around him stopped Gray from freezing Gajeel to the spot. Blue hair tickled the side of his neck, bringing with it the scent of jasmine. "Juvia? What are you doing here?"

"Gray-sama! I found you!" the woman rejoiced, squeezing him tighter.

Gray pulled away from Juvia, studying her eyes. "You still got a headache?"

"Juvia took some painkillers before coming to the guild," she smiled up at him, shyly peeking at his face—and god was she so fucking tempting with those big blue eyes and pink cheeks.

Gray cleared the thoughts from his mind and cleared his throat. "Oh, alright. You should still be in bed though. Last thing I need is to carry you home when you pass out."

"But, Gray-sama wasn't there when Juvia woke up so she thought she would check the guild."

"Well, yeah. I gotta buy you a new bed, remember?"

Gajeel, who'd been left ignored up until now, suddenly turned very red. "The fuck did you just say?"

Gray turned towards the threatening voice, eyebrows drawing in a frown. "What's wrong with you all of a sudden?"

"You did it, didn't you?" Gajeel muttered in a low voice, fists clenched.

"What are you even talking about, bastard?"

Gray went flying not a second later. "You had sex with Juvia!"

Silence. And then—

"What?!" the guild exploded with jumbled shouts of disbelief, each and every member crowding closer to the group of three. Somewhere inside the igloo cage, Natsu was absolutely pissing himself from laughter.

Gray scowled at the sudden attention, fists clenching. What does one do when their sex life is exploited to their entire family? Deny everything.

"As if I'd have sex with Juvia. What the fuck kind of metal did you eat this morning, Gajeel? That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Silence. And then—

"You sayin' your whore ass is too good for Juvia, huh?! That what you're playin' at, Fullbuster?!" Gajeel's skin had slowly morphed into iron scales, his teeth sharpening to gleaming points.

Gray took a step back from the man, suddenly wishing he'd stayed cuddled up to Juvia that morning instead of dragging his post-fuck self out the door.

"Gajeel-kun, Gray-sama didn't mean it like that," Juvia said with a light smile, sending a wink over her shoulder at Gray.

"You're sticking up for him?!"

"No, Juvia isn't. But you put Gray-sama on the spot. Of course he would retaliate without thinking about what he's saying. Next time, ask Juvia. She will give you an honest answer."

Gray paled. This was meant to be helping?

"Okay then," Gajeel grinned wickedly, eyes finding Gray's, "So Juvia, did you or did you not have sex with popsicle stick over there?"

Gray prayed for the first time in his life.

"Yes."

Well fuck, then. Looks like he's going to hell.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH THAT BASTARD?! YOU DISAPPOINT ME, RAIN WOMAN!"

"Juvia was drunk."

"WHO THE FUCK GOT SPRINKLER DRUNK?!"

Cana raised a hand, her obnoxious guffawing coming to a brief stop. "Don't get your panties in a twist, Mama Gajeel~"

Gajeel growled threateningly, turning away from the grinning drunkard to glare at Gray. "Get your ass over here right now, snowflake."

Gray, again for the first time in his life, fought the urge to collapse. "Nah, I think I'll just stay here."

"Oh, no you fucking don't!"

Gray barely had time to throw his arms up and block the fist coming to his face. "What the fuck, man?! Why're you so worked up?"

Oh, shit. Wrong question. Gajeel's already crimson eyes turned a few shades darker. "Why am I so worked up?" he repeated, taking a step closer to Gray.

"Uh, yeah, that is what I just said. What, you got metal stuck in your ears or something?" Gray scowled at the man, itching to pound his head in.

"How dare you fucking touch her, you bastard? What, she your little toy now? Isn't that what sluts are for? Just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"Last time I checked, you weren't her keeper. Calm the fuck down, would you?"

Gajeel took another step closer. "Well, forgive me for looking out for a friend. Wouldn't want her to catch any weird diseases."

"The fuck you implying, bastard?"

"You can't just fucking use her like that, you dickhead! Have your brains finally frozen? Been hit too many times?"

"I'm not using her. Fucking hell, Redfox. You honestly think that's the kind of thing I would do?"

"You tell me!"

"No, how about you explain!"

"You want me to explain?! I fucking will!" Gajeel backed Gray into a corner, "You're giving her false fucking hope! Sure, you may be fine now but we all know you'll get bored! How the fuck do you expect Juvia to just be okay with that, huh? Do you even realise how much she cares about you? No, you don't!"

Gray noticed that they were both breathing heavily, foreheads smashing together. "Is that what you're worried about?!"

"Damn right I am!" Gajeel growled right into Gray's face.

Gray burst out laughing. Right there, facing the reincarnation of the devil himself, complete with tears of mirth and doubling over. "You honestly—" more laughter, "think that Juvia—" was that a snort?! "would just let me use her?!"

"Huh?" Gajeel dumbly asked, and Gray laughed all the more.

"Look at her! Have you seen how fucking crazy powerful she is!? She could have my ass beat in seconds!"

Juvia promptly swooned. "Gray-sama complimented Juvia!"

Gray stood up straight, shooting the woman a coy smirk before squaring up to face Gajeel. "Hey man, I get where you're coming from—don't think that I don't understand. But have a little more faith in the women of Fairy Tail, yeah? S'not like we're still in the Dark Ages or some shit. The women here are more equipped than us sometimes, y'know?"

The Slayer stood dumbfounded for a few moments, and Gray felt like doing a celebratory backflip. Black Steel stunned by Gray fuckingFullbuster? He deserved an award or some shit. A nice big plaque with the words 'Successfully Achieved the Impossible by Silencing Earthland's Biggest Manly Man (read: Gajeel Redballs)' would suffice perfectly.

Gajeel had finally recovered from the blow, but still was not ready to back down. With his arms crossed, the man regarded Gray with a steely glare and sneered, "She may be able to take care of herself, but I swear to fucking god, snowball, if you hurt her I'll—"

Gray waved a dismissive hand at Gajeel, finishing the man's sentence with an obvious flair of flamboyance: "You'll rip my dick off, I get it."

"I'm glad we see eye to eye on this one."

And with a death-inducing scowl, Gajeel stomped away from the pair and straight to the bar—fucking finally. Gray was just about to walk—strut— towards the request board, when Juvia flung herself at him with a breathy 'Gray-sama!'.

He barely managed to catch her in time, strong arms wrapping around her soft body rather clumsily. "Juvia?!"

"That was so dreamy of Gray-sama!" she whisper-shouted into his neck, small hands tangling in his hair.

Gray rolled his eyes affectionately, rubbing her back with the hand not supporting her. "I was just speaking the truth, no need to overreact."

"No one's ever said that about Juvia before!"

"Yeah, well, be prepared to hear a lot of it."

An almighty yell and the sound of ice breaking hid her reply from prying Slayer ears, but Gray heard her quite clearly through Natsu's rampage:

"How would Gray-sama like it if Juvia were to show him just how much she really appreciates him, hm?"

Gray grinned—after all, who in their right mind would turn down an offer like that? "Y'know, I'm starting to like the way you think, babe."

I like it how you do me, honey, I-I-I like it when you love me, honey.

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fin