Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or anything affiliated with the franchise, I am just a lonely writer still mourning the unjust death of Derek Shepherd. I am not medically inclined, so please do not hold any errors of medicine against me. I do as much research as I can, but I will most definitely make mistakes because I have never experienced being a doctor.

" Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me. I'll be back before you know it."

Meredith Grey has been put through a lot in her life on Earth. No one ever said life was fair, but for an outsider looking in to Meredith's life, that is the understatement of the century. Plagued with loss, neglect, and a sense of worthlessness almost her entire life one would think she would have given up by now, succumbed to the forces that keep throwing punches in her direction. But she is strong, stronger than any other and she refuses to let go of the carousel that keeps turning. But what if one day the carousel throws her off?

Looking out her window on a dreary Thursday evening, her eyes are assaulted by lights flashing blue and red. It has only been 3 minutes since her allotted time to worry has begun, and she has already been given another reason. Two large men step out of a patrol car, looks of concern and regret lurking behind the faces of professionalism that is hard-wired into their brains. Everyone in Seattle knew of the wonderful, life saving Derek Shepherd. He had touched the lives of almost everyone in the city by performing life saving and miraculous surgeries of friends, family, coworkers, anyone.

The men knocked on the wooden door as Meredith continued to gaze out the window, praying to whatever God that controls her life that for once he will surprise her. She slowly makes her way to the door, hoping the longer she prolongs the meeting, the longer she has to hope for her husband's return. Unlocking the latch and twisting the handle Meredith felt the agonizing weight of anticipation settle on her shoulders, feeling it grow heavier with every inch of landscape that was uncovered as the door swung open to reveal the two men, one leaning on the door frame, the other standing stiffly with his hands folded in front of him.

"Is this the home of Derek Shepherd?"

"Yes… This is…" replied Meredith with fear lacing every syllable.

"There has been an accident, we need you to come with us immediately"

"But… My kids, I can't just leave my kids," Meredith

Meredith slowly walked away from the men standing at her door, unfocused and unsteady until she reached her precious daughter's room. "Zola honey," she said softly to the darkness, "can you get up for mommy, we need to go somewhere. I am going to turn on your light ZoZo. Be ready." With a flick of her wrist the small pink bedroom illuminated and her daughter rose from her bed, small fingers rubbing away the lingering dust of sleep. "Where are we going Mommy," the young child spoke with confusion. Meredith ignored the question posed from the young child and instead grabbed her hand and tugged her along to grab baby Bailey from the neighboring room. "Daddy needs my help sweetie, we have to go help him."

Meredith put Bailey in his stroller and met the officers at her front door once again. "I will follow behind you in my car, the child seats won't fit in your cruiser," the torn woman suggested as her lazy gaze could hardly focus on any one thing.

"Okay ma'am. We will escort you there. Your husband has done so much for us at SPD, this is the least we can do."

"Sounds fine… Come on ZoZo, time to go. Help me put Bailey in his seat. I will put the stroller in the back and I want you to buckle your brother. I will be right there to help you when I am done."

"Why is Daddy in trouble Mommy? I love my Daddy."

The Shepherd family arrived at the hospital just minutes later, not having to stop for traffic. Meredith entered the small hospital and immediately recognized the lack of technology that she was used to seeing at Grey-Sloan. The walls were a strange shade of grey with dreary blues and tacky privacy sheets. The emergency room was filled with victims of what seemed to be an accident, one young girl spilling abdominal organs out of a gaping wound. The young man looked to have a severe head injury, nurses racing to get him stable enough for a trip to CT. Gathered around the chaos of emergency were moms, dads, brothers, sisters of the living victims; all were hugging and crying for their loved ones, some members consoling strangers who they had never met before.

Meredith walked onward and met a friendly nurse who was holding a chart in her hands.

"Are you Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Yes… What about my kids?..."

"We have a social worker here who will watch them for as long as you need."

A woman with sleek black hair and a navy blue suit stepped out from around the corner, meeting Meredith's eyes with a glance of reassurance. The woman reached out for Zola's hand, requesting with her eyes for approval from Mom. "Zozo, this nice lady is going to watch you and your brother for a while until Mommy is done. I love you," Meredith finished with a kiss to both children's foreheads, "and I will back before you know it." With that she wandered off with the nurse toward the elevator.

"Your husband is on the 3rd floor, in room 304. It is just down the hall to the right when you exit the elevator." With that the nurse left Meredith alone and all of her fears came rushing into the front of her mind. She flashes back to memories of Derek getting shot and the havoc that ensued that day. Her thoughts drift to all the times her and Derek fought in the past months, all the times she told him to leave when her body wanted to beg him to stay. All the lost kisses, all the dropped calls, all the lonely nights in bed when she knew that she could have had it the whole time.

The elevator opens and brightness of the ICU momentarily blinds her, her brain not functioning fast enough to adjust. She turns to the right and sees a giant glass door and behind it a limp body hooked to more machines than imaginable. Bandages covered the pale body, a tube inflated his chest in a steady rhythm to keep a false pretense of life running through his veins. Meredith inched closer to the door, sliding carefully one foot in front of the other hoping that if she hit the right crack on the floor the entire building would shatter and she would wake up from this nightmare.

Meredith walked calmly to the edge of his bed, grabbing the nearly empty chart in front of her. Reading through the contents, examining the basis of each turn taken in his care. Her eyes drooped, her life draining from her soul. There were two options in front of her, and Meredith Grey was not a quitter. She picked up the phone and dialed a number she recently came to know.

"Hello? Amelia, I need you. Now."