Santana was somehow able to block out the wall of sound in which she found herself enveloped. Brittany was crying, Tina shouting, and Quinn calmly relaying everything that was happening to her brother over the telephone.

She was absently struck by just how alike Kurt and Quinn were, at least in this instance. Oh, she had noted several eerie similarities over the years, but this one was, for whatever reason, the most glaring. In the midst of a crisis, both Kurt and Quinn had the enviable ability to detach from the melee surrounding them and focus on the crucial points, doing what must be done when no one else was able.

Finn had been similar in that circumstance. Most of the time, that boy hadn't the sense given a goose, but put him in the middle of a calamity and he turned into Scarlett O'Hara. She actually missed him. How … odd. She hadn't liked him. She hadn't liked him when she had slept with him. She hated how he had treated Brittany, even how he had treated Quinn, and most especially how he had treated Kurt … but she missed him.

He shouldn't have died.

She really wasn't in the mood for someone else to die so, even if she didn't know him, she hoped Xander Harris would be okay.

Quinn, meanwhile, had reached the same conclusion as her twin: something was very abnormal about Riley and his friends. On the one hand, she didn't find it difficult to believe they were colleagues; they functioned like a team. On the other, the idea of Buffy being his superior officer was laughable. She was at least three years younger, shorter than Quinn herself, and appeared in serious need of a sandwich.

So what was going on? Putting aside the weirdness with Xander, it was obvious they were all involved in something bizarre and certainly dangerous. How had Cordelia known to ask what color Xander's eyes were? Why would she have any reason to assume they had changed? And when Quinn had told them his eyes had changed from white to green, there had been no reaction, though their silence over the phone had screamed.

"Tina," she said softly, "call ahead to St. Rita's and let them know we're coming."

The girl nodded hastily and pulled out her phone.

"Tell them to page my mom," Santana added. "She's one of the best neurologists in the state and I've never seen or heard of a seizure like the one he just had."

Quinn turned toward her. "What are you thinking?"

"The same as you, I'd guess. Something weird is going on and I doubt we're going to get any real answers."

Quinn pursed her lips. Oh, she would be getting answers.

Kurt pulled up the emergency room doors just as Xander was being loaded on a gurney. He let Riley, Buffy, and Cordelia scramble from the truck and then veered into the nearest available parking space, Santana pulling up right beside him. He turned off the ignition and stared down at the steering wheel.

"What's happening?" Mike whispered.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

Mike bit his lip. "You saw them, right? How freaked out they were? Even Riley."

Kurt nodded. "I saw."

"Something is really wrong here."

"Don't be scared, Mikey. Everything will be fine."

And that's what Mike needed to hear most, because as long as Kurt said things would be fine, then they would be. Kurt had always made everything okay for them.

Kurt patted his brother's leg and forced a small smile. "Let's go inside. Riley will need us whether he knows it or not."

Cordelia didn't understand what had happened or why, but she was annoyed. She had just lost one of her best friends and wasn't about to lose another. Why did Xander always have to be so weird?

And when had she become Buffy's crutch? The girl was clinging to her as though Cordelia's strength was the only thing keeping her upright. That was just bizarre. Still, she supposed if anything could bring them together, it was Xander or Angel being in trouble. As often as trouble befell those two blockheads, she and Buffy should have become besties years ago.

They probably would've been if Giles had let them start drinking when they were fifteen.

As they walked through the automatic doors, it was all Cordelia could do to keep Buffy standing. She was about to deliver a beautifully caustic remark about the unreliability of Slayers, but she and Buffy were kind of friends now and …

That laugh.

She had never heard it, not really, but she had imagined it over the years. Never had she believed it would be so frightening. It was loud and it was high and it was cold, a whinny that carried across the entire floor of the complex. The idea of Xander as Voldemort was terrifying.

"It wasn't like this before," Buffy whispered. "Even when it was in control, it was still Xander."

"No, it wasn't."

Buffy turned toward her sharply. "What do you know?"

"In this case? Probably more than you."

"He told you?"

"He told me everything. He always has."

"Has?"

"Did you really think we stopped talking just because I moved?"

Buffy stared. "But you said in the car … "

"I said I had to get away from him in order to forgive him, but I could never cut him out of my life completely any more than you could." She paused. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. I'll make myself okay. He needs me."

"He needs you to take care of yourself, Buffy, because this is the one time he can't do it for you."

Buffy swallowed reflexively.

"He remembers."

Her knees swung inwards and she pitched forward, inadvertently dragging Cordelia with her. "Oh, god." It took everything within her not to vomit. "Why didn't he tell me?"

Cordelia said nothing.

"Because he was ashamed," Buffy whispered in answer to her own question, "because he was scared." She looked into Cordelia's eyes. "Of me?" she whispered.

"No," Cordelia said gently, "for you. You have to know he will never forgive himself for that. Not ever."

"It wasn't him," Buffy choked out in a pained voice. "I've always known that. I've never blamed him."

"You didn't resent him? You weren't scared of him?" Her tone was perfunctory, uncurious, as though she already knew the answers.

"Not ever, because I know he would never hurt me like that. It would never even cross his mind because that's not the kind of man he is." She soured. "That stupid love spell … I made a fool out of myself and he didn't take advantage of me. He's just not capable of that."

Her eyes became haunted. "But after the spell wore off, I saw the change when he looked at me, as if he knew, as though he understood, and I realized he had been scared of me that night. He probably felt he deserved it, but that's not true. I could've stopped him if it had been necessary. I'd never want to hurt him, but I could have stopped him."

"He couldn't have stopped you."

Buffy made a strangled sound in her throat. "Thank god he didn't need to."

Cordelia pulled them both to their feet. "He's going to need you now."

"He'll need you too."

Cordelia frowned. "I just don't understand what happened. Why it happened. Xander muzzled that beast and locked it away within his mind. He's kept it under control for five years now, so why is it back? What does it want?"

Buffy was bemused. "Why are you asking questions when you already know the answer? I mean, you know, right? You knew his eyes had changed color before Quinn told us and weren't surprised when they were white. What the hell was that about, anyway?"

"Nothing good. I need to call Angel."

Buffy found herself parked next to Riley, who was staring straight ahead at nothing, eyes dull and lifeless, though hers were now wide open.

She supposed she and Xander were just destined to fall for the same guys.

She should have seen it before. The signs were all there.

Xander had always been awkward with other guys and had been with Riley as well, at least in the beginning. These past few months, however, as their relationship had grown closer and she had stopped paying attention, the awkwardness had dissipated, leaving in its wake a comfortable familiarity that was more than what existed between two good friends.

Had she any idea that Xander and Angel once had feelings for each other, she guessed she would have noticed it earlier.

She had been growing apart from Riley for months now. It wasn't that she didn't love him because she absolutely did, but they no longer felt for each other what lovers were supposed to feel. They'd stopped having sex a while ago. It was embarrassing to admit they had little in common but that. She supposed it was easier just to continue the status quo than make any abrupt changes. Xander and Anya had probably been going through something similar.

Xander would have said nothing, she knew, done nothing. He would never put his feelings above what he deemed her needs. It was as frustrating as it was flattering. Xander was the best friend she had ever had, would ever have, but he didn't need to live his life for her. She didn't want that for him. He deserved so much more, deserved better, and the only one who never saw that was Xander himself.

She placed a hand on Riley's knee. "Hey, he's going to be okay."

"I know," he warbled.

She repressed a sigh and lapsed back into her thoughts.

She wondered about so many things now, but what preyed most heavily on her mind was Jesse and would might have been had he not died. She was now fairly certain that he and Xander had been more than just friends. She would never ask, it wasn't her business until he chose to make it such, but her soul ached for his loss. Her friendship with him had been so new then and she hadn't known how to comfort him, assuming Willow would be there.

But Willow had her own grief to deal with, though she never had. Willow always ignored her problems and hoped they would go away; until they did, she removed herself from the situation and feigned happiness, faking it until she could make it.

It made her sick to realize Xander had been alone for that. Except …

She turned toward Cordelia, who was near the vending machine and whispering furiously into the phone.

Had Xander ever truly been alone?

Cordelia had always been there, though for him and not the others. Oh, her conscience, which was surprisingly highly developed and rigid, never would have allowed her merely to walk away, but she had joined for Xander. She had stayed for Xander. Even after they had broken up, she had remained for Xander.

If Xander was Buffy's lieutenant, it stood to reason Cordelia performed the same function for him. She had been his second during graduation. They had never publicized it, most likely to keep Willow from complaining, but Buffy had seen it. He had used Cordelia to reach out to all of the various cliques and she had been his willing emissary. She might have been the school bitch, but she was also a master statesman. She'd had spies everywhere and spies watching those spies. Nothing had ever happened at that school without Cordelia knowing it.

Buffy might have been the golden parachute, but Xander and Cordelia had been the buttresses of Sunnydale High. They more than anyone had been the most offended by the Hellmouth and what it represented, and it was them to whom their classmates most responded.

Her mind was suddenly inundated with various scenarios. What if Cordelia had been the Slayer? What if Xander had been the witch? Could Willow and Buffy herself have lived with the roles to which the others had been consigned, the Normals?

What if Angel had met Xander first? What if Jesse had lived? What if Kendra had survived? What if Oz had stuck around?

She knew she was being avoidant. She didn't want to consider what was happening in the farthest reaches of the emergency room. She was afraid of what would look back at her when she finally got to see him.

She was afraid to say goodbye.

She knew this was it. He wouldn't be coming back to Sunnydale with her and neither would Cordelia. They would be together, as they were always supposed to have been, in whatever form that might take, and Riley would be with them.

She didn't want to do this without Xander at her side. She didn't think she could.

Yet she knew she had to let him go or else she would end up getting him killed. If that ever happened, it wouldn't be long before she followed and she was honestly scared of what might happen to those around her. Because she would go insane.

Quinn and Kurt sat together, staring, reading each other's thoughts and carrying on entire conversations within their own minds.

They had been doing it for as long as they could remember. They knew they were close, even closer than most twins, and most people thought it was weird. They probably would have thought it a lot weirder if Kurt were straight. As it was, the incest jokes had stopped only about two years ago.

People didn't understand. They couldn't, unless they themselves were a twin. It had nothing to do with who was identical or fraternal, with gender, with intelligence, or anything else. It was about a heartbeat that had synchronized with your own before you were born. They had known each other longer than they had anyone else. They had no memories, no feelings, that didn't include one another.

It isolated them more than at just the school. The rest of the family, even their father, had, over the course of the years, resented the bond they shared. Kurt and Quinn had never meant to exclude anyone, especially not their loved ones; it was just their nature. They loved their family beyond reason but had always placed each other first. It had never been a conscious decision, but neither had they tried too hard to fight it.

Quinn knew Kurt was feeling anxious, even lost, about what they were to do now. He had been the unacknowledged head of the family for years. Their father had been the final arbiter, of course, but Kurt had always been the one to intercede on their behalf. As Kurt glanced over at Riley, Quinn knew her twin resented their elder brother as much as he loved him.

It would cause problems soon. The others wouldn't easily recognize Riley's authority because they didn't really remember him having any. They would continue to look to Kurt, Riley would get frustrated, and Kurt himself would be trapped in the middle. She didn't envy his position but neither did she know what to do about it. She knew she too would defer to Kurt before Riley and, if pressed, she would support Kurt unconditionally.

Still, she was grateful to Riley for coming, for dropping everything, his entire life, to care for them. She also thought it was about time that he did so. Kurt had been burdened unfairly for far too long. He was owed his own life.

Of course, it was also somewhat too late. Kurt had raised them and it was only another two years before she and he were off to college, leaving Riley alone for a year with the others. She wasn't sure how the triplets would deal with Riley on their own and part of her was relieved she wouldn't be there to see it.

She looked around the waiting room. She had delivered Beth in Dayton, but the room still looked the same: functional, institutional, and sterile. There were seconds, sometimes minutes, she didn't ache for her child. Most of the time, however, her mind screamed with recriminations and doubts. Had she done the right thing? She thought she had.

Puck hadn't. He still refused to speak with her and, frankly, that was a blessing. She wanted nothing to do with him. She'd been appalled he'd tried to manufacture a relationship out of a drunken one night stand. She'd been furious she'd been held to a higher standard by the school – in fact, their whole community – because of her gender. She'd been disgusted that Puck had really felt no remorse for what they had done to Finn and let her bear the burden of their shame alone.

No, Puck was in no way ready to be a father. She hadn't been ready to be a mother, either, and at least she had recognized that. Kurt had supported her, as he always did, but for the first time, she hadn't been able to determine what he truly thought about the situation. Blood was important to him. It wasn't everything; his love and fierce devotion to Tina and Mike made that clear, but it mattered.

He had made it clear that, if she wanted to keep Beth, he would have been there every step of the way. She had it believed it then and believed it now. Often it had been her only solace. Still, he hadn't said much after she had made her decision, he'd held her hand while she had signed the papers with the other, but she didn't know what he had been thinking.

Her father had wanted her to keep the baby. So had Brittany. Mike and Tina had been quiet but supportive.

It had been fifty-three days, eleven hours, thirty-one minutes and … twelve seconds since she had said goodbye to Beth forever. Or at least until Beth came looking for her. She wondered if that would ever happen, as well as what she might say when it did.

"I had a baby."

Kurt linked their pinkies together and said nothing.

Riley stared at her, stupefied. "What?"

"Two months ago, I had a baby. A girl. I gave her up for adoption."

Mike and Tina waited for the explosion.

Quinn finally looked up. She was, for whatever reason, positive that Buffy was holding Riley in place. Physically. Was that even possible?

"What did Dad say?" Riley demanded.

"He supported my decision." Eventually.

An arched brow. "And was it really your decision?"

"Yes. It was the right one."

"For you or the baby?"

Kurt released a slow, controlled breath.

"For both of us."

Riley chewed on that for a long moment, his jaws flexing. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

She was almost undone by his kindness. "No."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Don't hate me?"

"I could never hate you, baby girl," he said, sighing. "I just wish you felt you could have told me before."

"I was scared," she admitted, looking down.

"Of me?" His voice was so pained it almost broke her heart.

"Of disappointing you."

He shook his head. "Things happen in this life, Quinnie. You do the best you can with the cards you're dealt. Did you give her up for her sake or yours?"

"Hers. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wouldn't have been a good one."

"I think you're wrong about that second part, but I respect your decision."

She turned surprised eyes on him. "You do?"

"I understand I haven't been around much, but I know you, Quinn, and I know you don't do things half-assed. You deliberate your decisions. You think about the consequences. You wouldn't have done this unless you thought it was best for your child."

Her laugh was brittle. "If I thought about consequences, this wouldn't have happened. The one time – hell, the only time – I was careless and …"

"She was treated like a leper by the entire town," Kurt interrupted, face blossoming with rage. "People she didn't even know walked up to her and called her a whore to her face."

Buffy growled.

"The school ostracized her. Finn dumped her …"

"He did what!" Riley bellowed.

"He wasn't the father, Riley," Quinn whispered.

His blink was owlish and confused.

"I was drunk, vulnerable, and thoughtless."

His brow furrowed as he fidgeted. "Were you … was it your choice? Were you … oh, god …"

"I wasn't raped. It was my choice. A bad one. And one I'll have to live with for the rest of my life."

He was silent for several seconds. "The father?"

"Was Finn's best friend. He wanted to keep the baby, but not for the right reasons. It wouldn't have been fair."

"Then you did the right thing."

They all turned and looked at Cordelia, who walked toward Quinn and crouched before her, Santana trailing after her.

"You did the right thing," Cordelia repeated. "You put your child's needs first. That's the only thing that can be asked of you as a parent. You can second-guess yourself until the cows come home, but it doesn't change anything. You did what you thought was best."

Tears streaked down Quinn's face. "You can't know that."

Cordelia's eyes turned distant. "I was only a little older than you when I became pregnant."

Buffy sat up straight in her chair, eyes wide, though she remained silent.

"I didn't know what I was going to do," Cordelia quietly continued. "My parents would have disowned me. At the time, that was the most terrifying thing I could imagine." She paused. "Not that they were much use as parents. When the money went, so did they and I was on my own. But, at the time, the thought of their disappointment was more than I could bear."

"What did you do?" Quinn whispered.

Cordelia said nothing at first. "I didn't tell Xander. I should have. I knew that he loved me. I knew that he would marry me. Not because he would've felt he'd had to, but because we had talked about it. It was an eventuality, not a possibility."

Tears formed in Buffy's eyes as she sensed where this was going.

"I didn't tell him because I was scared. Not of him, but because of the pressure it would have put on him, of the pressure he would have put on himself. Xander is the strongest person I've ever known, but he's almost incapable of being strong for himself. He always put the needs of everyone else before his own. It's actually the thing I like least about him."

Kurt flinched as he felt several pairs of eyes upon him.

"His parents … there aren't words for their cruelty, for the things they did to him." She ground her teeth. "His father …"

Buffy's respiration quickened as a horrified Quinn stared at Cordelia in understanding.

"Xander could've handled it, I think, but the price would've been high. His greatest fear has always been turning into his father. It would never happen, but it preys on him and colors every decision he makes in his private life." Her tongue ran over her upper lip. "I decided I wanted my baby. I wanted it because it was made from love. And I was going to tell him."

Her eyes closed. "Then came that horrible night. Xander and Willow were kidnapped by an idiot who wanted to use Willow for something stupid. Xander was the insurance. They were locked away together. Things got out of hand quickly. Oz, Willow's boyfriend at the time, and I went to find them and we did. When we got there …"

"That's why you broke up with him," Tina said quietly.

"No," Cordelia said. "I broke up with him later because he had been lying to me about his feelings for Willow. People talk about them as if they're an institution, as though they're some unfathomable creatures known only to each other, but that's bull. I know Xander better than anyone and, when I walked into that room, I knew what was going on was not entirely his decision."

"She drugged him?" Mike gasped.

"Yes," she replied, deciding it was the simplest explanation. "They were being held in an abandoned factory that should've been torn down years ago. When I walked in on them like … that … I backed away in the other direction and fell through some rotten flooring. I was impaled on a rebar."

Quinn placed her hands over her stomach and began crying. Tears dripped down Kurt's cheeks.

"When I woke up, I was in the hospital and my baby was gone. I was a minor so my parents were told. They never spoke to me after that. A few months later, we were audited and lost all our money. That was all we ever shared as a family. My father went to prison and my mother went off in search of another rich husband. I haven't heard from either of them in over a year and don't expect I'll ever see them again."

Quinn reached down and took her hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Cordelia said stiffly, "but I'm not telling you this for sympathy. I'm telling you because I understand. I know what it is to watch a white stick turn blue and your entire life changes in a second. I know what it's like to feel the life of another run through your veins and what it means when it stops. I lost my baby, you gave yours up. The circumstances are different, but the feelings are similar."

She gripped the younger girl's hand. "You have to take the time to mourn the loss. You're not going to get over this anytime soon. You might never get over it, but you have to remember that your child is alive, is wanted, and is being cared for. You have to let that be enough."

Quinn gave a miserable nod.

"You never told Xander?" Kurt asked.

"It would have killed him. I mean that literally. His guilt at my being hurt was suffocating. Telling him about the baby would have destroyed him. That's one of the major reasons I left Sunnydale. My parents were gone. My money was gone and, with it, my so-called friends. My baby was gone.

"I couldn't look at Xander and see his pain because I had to deal with my own if I was going to survive. For that, I needed to leave. I had to wait another year until I graduated, but I did and never looked back."

"How did you get through it?" Quinn asked.

"I had help. Angel was there for me. He knew about the baby. I never told him, but … he just knew. He didn't ask questions. He let me talk when I wanted and respected my silence when I didn't. Giles, the only teacher we had worth a damn, visited me every day in the hospital. We didn't talk. He'd just read to me and hold my hand."

She paused and looked over her shoulder at Buffy. "And your mother. She knew and she helped."

Buffy stared back, lips pressed tightly together as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I didn't tell them, Joyce or Giles. Angel did. He thought I needed parents." Her lips quirked up in a smile. "He picked good ones. Me, Xander, Willow – we all had shitty home lives of varying degrees, but Giles and Joyce have always been there for us."

She looked back at Quinn. "You're going to be okay. I can tell how strong you are." She looked around. "You have a good support system, so lean on them when you need. There's no shame in that. You don't have to be strong all the time. No one can be."

She rose to her feet, patted Quinn on the shoulder, and turned to Buffy and Riley. "I need to talk to you."

She walked away, Buffy and Riley following.

Kurt drew Quinn in his arms as the others gathered around them.

Cordelia whispered furiously to Riley and Buffy as they stood in a corner and, though Buffy listened, she heard nothing.

Everything she had known had changed.

Angel and Xander had loved each other, but had chosen her.

Xander and Cordelia had been deeply in love, a love that had created a child, and no one had ever realized it until it was far too late.

She thought back to those months after the now offensively-named Fluke and was mortified by her own behavior. She had been so disappointed in Xander, so filled with disbelief that the one person on whom she could always count had betrayed the woman he had loved.

Never had she stopped to examine Willow's culpability more thoroughly. Not once had she ever considered magic had been at work.

Why? She arguably trusted Xander more than anyone, including Willow, even Giles. Why hadn't she asked him what had happened? Why it had? Why did it never occur to her?

The obvious answer was devastating.

She may have silently sided with Cordelia, but she had never been her friend. A true friend would have gone to the hospital to see her. A true friend would have forced their way inside regardless of Cordelia's feelings on the matter. A true friend wouldn't have encouraged Willow and Oz to get back together while freezing out Xander and ignoring Cordelia and her pain altogether.

Perhaps she and Cordelia had never really been friends, certainly they had never described each other as such, but Cordelia had been Team. Cordelia had saved her life. Cordelia had saved all of their lives at one time or another. That mattered.

She had been so sure, so positive she knew her friends and their lives when in fact she knew almost nothing. In hindsight, it was apparent they had all been self-involved back then, as are all teenagers, but she had been selfish. She had been so consumed with railing against the unfairness of her life that she hadn't stopped to look around at the lives her friends were leading.

Xander had been the first to stand at her side. Willow had followed immediately, but the initial decision was his, even after the loss of Jesse. He was only mortal, so frighteningly mortal, but his demon kill rate was the second-largest after hers … and she was the Slayer.

He had resurrected her. It was because of him that her mother hadn't lost her child. She had been too busy blaming him for snatching away her out that she had never thanked him for what he had done. Her behavior that horrid night in the Bronze still appalled her.

Willow's contributions had been immeasurable. They would be dead if not for her. Her intelligence was incalculable and Buffy knew they had all come to take it for granted. They all had taken so much for granted where Willow was concerned. As they had matured, Willow had blossomed the most, settling in her skin and arguably becoming the most self-aware of them all.

The problem, Buffy now realized, was that made it easier for Willow to hide those aspects of herself she knew other would find distasteful.

She had known Willow was in love with Xander. She had known Willow's feelings ran far deeper than the girl had ever admitted or even acknowledged to herself. She knew that Willow often resorted to magic when frightened or anxious or unsure.

That was why it was so easy to believe what should have been glaringly obvious then.

Willow had used magic on Xander that night. She had let him take the fall for their tryst while she schemed to reunite with Oz. And she had stood in the corner and watched as Xander was ostracized and Cordelia forgotten.

She thought back to all of the cruel things Cordelia had ever said about Willow but now also remembered the equally hurtful things Willow had said about Cordelia. Buffy had always believed Willow's words were retaliatory, but she couldn't trust that now. She realized she had no idea what had initially caused their antipathy before it dawned on her.

Xander had stolen Willow's Barbie to give to Cordelia, so Cordelia would have a friend.

So innocuous, so stupid, but so telling.

Willow had known that, even when they were children, Xander had cared for Cordelia, perhaps even loved her in some fashion. Willow was also a very jealous person. She had always been jealous of the bond Buffy and Xander shared, had been very territorial when Xander first expressed feelings for Buffy, had been jealous of Kendra and then Faith. Yet she had no problems keeping her relationship with Tara a secret from her two best friends.

Did Willow truly think that Buffy and Xander didn't wish her to be happy?

She nodded blankly when Cordelia repeated something, demanding if she was paying attention.

Cordelia had lost a child. Xander's child.

Faith hadn't been his first. God, Buffy had been so envious of the other girl for that, for believing she had taken Xander's innocence. She had been so angry at Xander for offering it. She had been so deluded she blinded herself to the truth of what those emotions meant.

When Faith had first arrived in Sunnydale, Willow had liked her, much like Buffy herself had liked Cordelia upon their initial meeting. When did Willow first stop liking Faith?

When she found out Faith had slept with Xander. Willow was still with Oz then and Cordelia had been out of the picture for months. It shouldn't have mattered. But it did.

So what had caused the anger between Willow and Cordelia?

The Barbie.

Xander had taken it so Cordelia would have a friend. Willow forgave Xander, but not Cordelia.

Had Cordelia done anything wrong?

No.

Then why did Willow not like Cordelia?

Because Xander did.

Oh.

Buffy couldn't help but wonder where they would all be if she had accepted Xander's invitation to that dance all those years ago. She had a feeling she knew the answer.

Cordelia had been left alone in the hospital like a discarded rag while Willow reveled in Oz's forgiving embrace.

But she hadn't been alone. Angel had been there. Giles had been there. Her own mother had been there.

Angel was logical. He would have sensed the physiological changes in Cordelia's body due to the pregnancy. He wouldn't have told Xander for the same reasons Cordelia never had: it would have devastated him. Xander was already lost to him; he wouldn't have been able to cause him more pain.

Her mother also made sense. Joyce had always been close to the others, particularly Xander, but after that summer Buffy had disappeared, the bond had grown stronger. She had told Buffy that a large part of her acceptance of her daughter as the Slayer was because Xander and Cordelia had argued her case in absentia. Given their home lives, at least what Buffy now knew of them, it wasn't difficult to imagine that trust ran both ways.

Joyce loved Xander like a son, she had from the first moment Buffy had dragged him home, and had always respected Cordelia's commitment to brutal honesty. She would have kept the secret because Cordelia had been hurt enough, because Xander would have been hurt even more, but most of all because it wasn't her business to tell anyone anything.

Giles was another story. Buffy was suddenly furious with her Watcher for keeping his silence. He had not only witnessed but participated in Xander's exclusion from the group despite knowing the man he considered his son had unknowingly lost a child. Had it truly never occurred to him that Willow wasn't the wronged party?

Yes, he had gone to Cordelia's side, but how could he not have gone to Xander's? How could he have allowed Xander to be treated as he was?

And she had been blind to all of this, too wrapped up in the Mayor and Faith's betrayal and especially Angel.

Goddamn it, these people were supposed to be her friends! What kind of friend was she that she could look right into their eyes and not see how much pain they were in?

She stared up into Cordelia's eyes with new ones of her own and it was so obvious. So painfully obvious.

"What?" Cordelia asked.