A/N- Okay, so, this only took about 2 years to update. Time sure flies, huh? You see, I had already written a Chapter 2 before, only a few months after it was first published, but then I went all like, "This fucking sucks ass," and left it be for let's say...over a year? I mean, it would have probably updated earlier if it weren't for both school and two new DR installments distracting the hell out of me, but here we are.

Anyway, I've also decided to throw V3 (And DR3) characters into the mix, so if you don't want to know anything about their personalities, I'd advise….not reading this? I mean, since it's an AU (And a highly comedic one at that), there's no explicit spoilers or anything, but of course there will be references to canon and some stuff about the characters' personalities inside, so proceed at your own risk.

"This...is bad," Usami whimpered, gazing down at the fallen Hagakure, who fortunately was still conscience. "This is...very, very bad…"

"You're telling me, man," Hagakure sighed. His head was focused on one of the air vents in the wall. For a brief moment, he wondered how it was possible to have such efficient air conditioning when heaven existed at such a high altitude, given the oxygen level would typically be lower, but he quickly shrugged the thought off as there were bigger, more disastrous matters at hand. "Hey...Usami-chi, you can do something about this, right? I mean, you and your magical powers and all. If you can turn a chicken into a cow, or vise versa, I forget- whatever, if you can do that, you can put a stop to him, right?"

"Of course not! Even if he is evil, I can't kill him! That'd just be hypocritical and wrong!" Usami asserted, extremely exasperated.

"Yeah, but he's Satan's creation! There's gotta be a line for that kind of stuff, man. If that Enoshima chick is planning to start the apocalypse with this kid, we gotta do something pretty drastic." Hagakure pointed dramatically in some direction to emphasize his point, despite not even looking Usami in the eye. Or...bead, I guess. "The Age of Passive-Aggression is over, Queen Usami. You hear me? Over!" He sighed heavily, only to slowly lift his shaggy head to a face of sheer confusion and contemplation of what to do with this moral dilemma from Usami. The rabbit-thing was always a fairly simple women, and was always a woman who stuck very adamantly to one moral code that was essentially "let's just get along and be friends", so the very idea of getting rid of Satan through maybe not so pleasant means didn't exactly appeal to her.

"Okay, Usami, listen," Hagakure began again, "We don't have to kill the kid. We don't even have to hurt him. But we have to do something about him or else the whole world's gonna end and this little paradise up here is gonna go down the toilet. And, I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound that great to me." Usami cocked her head to the side, a bit more thoughtful now. "But, like I said, you have magical powers, right? Right."

"Right what?"

"What's right is that you can at least find some way to deal with Enoshima's son aside from murdering. Like, you could, uh...de-evil him, maybe. I don't know, but you can do something!"

"Gee, I don't know…it seems hard…"

"Dude, you run an entire dimension. It can't be that hard to take care of one piece of devil spawn."

"I mean, I only have a degree in education…"

"Who cares about that! Agh, it's not cool to just keep stalling like this!" Hagakure began to stand up again, completely prepared to angrily pace around the room until Usami had stopped being difficult.

"W-Wait! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Hagakure-kun...it's just that I can't do anything about this! I don't even know who or where the child is…"

"Well, I don't know, he's probably a foot-long screaming prune who looks like he had a tomato throw up on him. I mean, narrowing it down, you could probably find the amount of new-born babies on Earth today in no time at all!"

"I don't have the records for that kind of stuff!" Usami wailed. If she had tear ducts, she probably would have been crying by now. For all we know, she could have actually had tear ducts.

Hagakure drooped his head in defeat. Either Usami was finding every single way to somehow get around addressing the problem at hand, or she was being genuine and there was honest to god no way to stop Satan Child. Hagakure had run out of ideas himself, and maybe that's because he wasn't a particularly smart man, but I digress.

"Well, I guess I'll go contact Fujisaki-chi and tell him the world's going to end. Thank you for all of your help, Queen Usami. Really," he said in a voice that was way too obviously sarcasm as he started to slumber out the door.

"WAIT!" Usami shouted. Hagakure turned his head? Could it have been, one last idea? One, last, Super High School Level Idea? "I got it!"

"So ya thought of something?"

"Yes…but it might be hard…"

"Dude, I've been ridiculed by the entirety of Heaven as a scammer, a fake. People have stolen my crystal balls, told me that my predictions have been incorrect, and you know what, that hurts. I can't be right all the time. It takes a lot of work being right 30% of the time. I know what difficulty is."

"Well, I just think it may take some time...maybe a lot of time…"

"So, like, two days?"

"Maybe 16 years."

Ikusaba sat on the ugly purple kidney bean shaped couch, gazing up at the dark ceiling as the sound of the hysterical laughter of what could have been multiple hyenas filled the air.

"Haha! Oh my fucking god, hahaha! I can't believe you actually did something right for once, sis!" the source of the hysterical laughter, who happened to be wearing a nice pair of gucci sunglasses, exclaimed.

"Are you proud of me, Junko?" Ikusaba asked, still gazing up at the ceiling. Please be proud of me she thought. I want nothing more than to make you happy. I'll do anything for you- Okay, enough with that. We really don't need to go there. Nope, nada.

Enoshima, who if you haven't figured it out already, is Satan, stopped her laughter and tapped her finger to her chin a few times, as if deeply contemplating the question at hand. "Meh," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "But really, this is great, super great, despairingly great, despair-inducingly great! I feel like I could die from all this...everything's going to keikaku…"

She looked into the nonexistent camera as if she was on The Office. "Keikaku means plan."

Ikusaba smiled awkwardly and raised a bent finger. "Uh, Junko...we're already Japanese."

"I know, idiot," Enoshima retorted, "God, why do you have to ruin my fun all the time? You can be such a killjoy…"

Ikusaba replied meekly, "Ah, I'm sorry…is there anything else I can do to help out in this?"

"Well, duh. Later down the road, I'm really going to need you to haul ass with your whole killing-thing in case any opposition comes through. For now, though, I'm just going to need you to sit around and do nothing. I don't really care. I hired a new consultant, anyway…"

"Huh? New consultant?"

Enoshima sat up and clapped her hands twice. "Heyyyy! Mr. Creepy BDSM Guy! Someone wants to meet you!"

In an instant, a tall, slender man with long black hair walked into the room, his entire body clothed except for his eyes. Even his nose and mouth were covered by a mask.

"Hello," he greeted, "Is there anything in need of my assistance?"

"Hey, Shinguuji. Nothing's really up right now, except this sister of mine asked who you were." She pointed to Ikusaba. "Say hi."

"Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you," he said, looking over to Ikusaba and extending a bandage-wrapped hand. "My name is Shinguuji Korekiyo. I wasn't aware that Enoshima had a sister. I think that's positively delightful. I'm not sure if there's any bond deeper in the world than the one between someone and their sister."

"Ah, yeah, totally agree," Ikusaba said as she lightly shook his hand. "So...you're her new advisor, right?"

"Yes, that would be me."

"Let's demonstrate a bit," Enoshima grinned, "So, Shinguuji, what are your thoughts on...um, let's go with murder. How about that?"

"Well." Shinguuji tapped his chin. "I've seen numerous complaints about it over the course of my life, and I'm positive astounded. I don't think it's necessarily a definitive fact to call it morally wrong. I think most beings see it as such due to societal customs and traditions, but would there be anything inherently wrong with it? I'd like to see an answer for that."

Junko gave a golf-clap. "See? I like how this guy rolls. He's going to be a great addition to the team, I know that."

Shinguuji smiled, or at least, he possibly did, or at least he sounded happy enough so that you could imagine him smiling behind the mask. "I think so too, and I'm positively excited to finally be doing an important job where I can still relish all the beauty the humans on Earth hold...ah, I'm so very thankful for this opportunity."

"Um, Shinguuji," Enoshima pouted, "You do realize what our little objective is, right?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Well, I mean...okay, I get it now. You're weird, but I kind of dig it at the same time. Anyway, Mukuro, do you know why Tsumiki's still not back yet?"

"I think she just got caught up with the people at the hospital." The image of Tsumiki timidly answering every question the doting new mother of Satan was asking came to mind.

"God, she better not getting some kind of full-time job or something. She's needed here as much as the rest of you, even if she cries so much that I get flood alerts on my phone sometimes. But eh, she's loyal, and that's just what I need."

"W-Well, if she's not back soon, I could always go get her...if that'd help, of course," Ikusaba offered.

"Meh," Enoshima sighed, "I'm kind of bored of talking about other people. I don't feel like having any drama, I'm going back to giggling about the end of the world, m'kay? Want to join, Shinguuji?"

"I'm quite alright, thank you."

A/N- Yup, two years since the last update, and I only crack a little over 1,600 words in total for the chapter. I suck, I know. Do I want to make promises about when the next chapter's going to be? No, I don't, and I feel like everyone who's favorited might as well be out of the fandom as well, but I felt guilty just leaving it as it was, and wanted to put something out there as well. I mean, if I could write a Tenko/Himiko one-shot back in February, writing this wasn't that bad.

I thank y'all for coming.