Disclaimer: By now I believe we have established the fact that I don't own
the Lord of the Rings or its characters. Is that clear to everyone??
Author's Notes: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER EVERYONE!!!!
Legolas: *sobs* I'm going to miss all of you!!
Duo: me too!! *hugs Legolas and they cry together* we had so much fun writing this story!!
Emerald: *rolls eyes* honestly... muses these days. Sorry this is out so late but hey, at least I finished it!! Oh and Funny ending won, so you people that wanted something else. YOU SHOULD HAVE VOTED MORE!!!!
Legolas: Oh, one more thing. This chapter gets a little dirty at times, though nothing can be worse then the last chapter. But just so you've been warned!
Chapter 8
Elrond stared in horror at everyone. He blinked twice before muttering under his breath, "I am so not in the mood to deal with this." He checked behind him to make sure the hallway was clear. After all, he didn't know what was going on, so who knew what kind of rumors could spring up from this mess. Beleglion walked over to him.
"My lord, I can explain. Well sort of anyways. ok. maybe I can't explain. But it's all their fault!!" He pointed to the twins. "They tied up Prince Legolas and did HORRIBLE things to him!!!!" Arwen and Clarea nodded vigorously from the background. "We were just trying to save him."
Elrond continued to stare in horror and shock. He slowly processed the words before seeming to come to a decision. "EVERYBODY STOP NOW!!" The room went silent. Aragorn and Elladan stopped strangling each other, while Haldir and Elrohir stopped mid blows, respectively sporting a broken nose and black eyes. Elrond took a deep breath to try to calm himself. "I want to know what's going on in here, and I want to know now." He said in an eerily anger-free voice.
"Why nothing, Father. We are just playing around. No problems here." Elrohir said innocently. Elladan quickly picked up and continued. "In fact, we were just about to go back to our chamber. We'll be off now!" The two broke out of their holds and quickly grabbed their clothes as they attempted to run out the door. Before they could manage to escape Elrond grabbed their hair and pulled them back in. Ignoring their cries of pain he dragged them to the bed and threw them on it. He then glared at the rest of the room.
"Am I surrounded by a group of children? I demand the real explanation! NOW!" Arwen timidly spoke up. She knew that as her father's beloved daughter, there was less chance of him hurting her.
"Well you see, Father, it's like this. Legolas was minding his own business in his bedroom while the women lined up outside would one by one come in and make love to him. Legolas went along with it out of pure generosity. But my brothers contrived an elaborate plan to sneak out of their chambers, where you had sentenced them, my most noble Father, and in here. Once they managed to enter, they tied poor Legolas up, and. uhh. you get the picture. We were only trying to help our friend." The others in the room (excluded the twins) nodded approvingly. "So you see, darling Father of mine, Legolas was the victim here." She finished.
Elrond quirked his eyebrow at the twins.. ~ES: Don't you just love it when he does that in the movie? IT'S SO ADORABLE!!! Legolas: *clears throat loudly in background* HELLO! Back to ME! ~.. "You tried to have sexual relations with Legolas, son of my beloved Thranduil, my cherished future stepson, and your own future stepbrother without his consent?" He asked, the anger becoming more apparent in his voice with each word. The twins exchanged looks of horror. They had a feeling their long lives were quickly coming to an end. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! HAVE I RAISED A PAIR OF ORCS!!!!!" Elrond glared furiously at the twins, who cowered in fear. Still fuming, he hauled the twins off the bed, pausing to throw their robes back over them, and dragged them to their chambers.
The rest of the group glanced warily at the door, but it appeared that Elrond in his fury had forgotten about them. They then turned towards the bathroom. There were frantic noises still coming from with in. As one the group turned back to Arwen, knowing that she would be the best person to deal with the psychologically damaged Legolas at the moment. Meanwhile they went about repairing the door and cleaning all traces of the incident from his chambers. The night passed quickly, the rising sun showing another new day was upon them.
When Elrond was finished dealing with his disobedient twins (who looked like they had seen several wars in the course of one night) he headed off to find Thranduil. Once found, he quickly relayed the events of the night to him. Thranduil fled to his son, and finding the poor prince still in a state of despair, arranged for several immediate counseling sessions.
Days passed with Legolas refusing to see anyone except his father, Arwen, Elrond, and his new therapist. At first he was mortally afraid of every male in existence (which explains why his therapist was a woman..) but being a brave elf by nature he quickly shed the fear and replaced it with a growing hatred. News from Arwen of the new rumors in the city about his bondage fetish with the twins only increased his hatred. The therapist was very talented though, and helped him work through his resentment. She couldn't rid him of his intense hatred of the twins, and eventually gave up (not that the evil creatures didn't deserve it). She pronounced Legolas cured and relinquished him back to his father.
The wedding was only a few days away when Thranduil took Legolas and Elrond aside.
"I'm sure you two are wondering why I asked to speak with you." He began slowly. "First of all, Legolas, are you sure you're comfortable with our marriage after that incident?"
Legolas calmly debated with himself for a moment before answering. "Yes Father, it's alright. I can take care of myself, and I wouldn't want to hurt you or Elrond by causing your separation." Both elves beamed at his answer. Thranduil continued.
"I'm normally against such mushy sort of things as I'm about to say, but my dear Elrond has changed me for the better. I just wanted to tell you both privately before the wedding, that I love you so much! Legolas, you are my darling baby boy, and Elrond, you are my better half! You two mean so much to me!!"
This sentence ended in a squeak as he dissolved into "happy tears". Elrond hugged him and started rambling on about something similar. Legolas rolled his eyes. The sight of the former enemies hugging each other with tears running down their faces and each murmuring how he loved the other more was almost enough to put him back in therapy. He coughed discreetly, hoping they'd get the idea. Luckily they did, and Thranduil went back to whatever it was he was saying while wiping his eyes with a pink handkerchief that had Elrond's name embroidered in a red heart.
"Anyways, I wanted to give you both a gift." He stopped again to hand them identical green journals. "They're blank, to symbolize the new life we'll all have. Of course they're journals. Elrond you can start writing your speeches in here while working them out. (What, you didn't think he came up with all those dramatic speeches spur of the moment, did you?) I hope you both put them to good use!" He smiled proudly, obviously thinking for some unknown reason that this gift was like bestowing some sort of honor on them. It didn't help that Elrond seemed to share this delusion.
"Oh my dearest! You grace me with this wonderful present! I am not worthy of your love!" He exclaimed before bursting into "happy tears" again. They both looked at Legolas expectantly.
"Um, well Father, it's a nice gift. Thank you." He managed to say. Therapy certainly hadn't prepared him for this situation. Thranduil seemed content with that answer.
"Ok, I'm done, you can go now." He announced. "Just remember to keep venting your thoughts like the nice lady recommended. I thought your gift might help with that. Bye now!" He gave his son a hug before grabbing Elrond and running off somewhere to go over some more wedding details. Legolas watched them go, his left eye twitching slightly. The therapist had suggested writing his thoughts down and venting them. He had ignored the suggestion at first, but having many feelings that needed venting and a journal thing in his hand, it seemed like a fine idea.
Journal,
Hello. My name is Legolas. I'm not sure how one normally goes about writing in their journal. I absolutely refuse to begin with Dear Diary, it is just way too anti-masculine, or feminine, whichever you prefer. Journal just sounds so stupid though. Maybe if I name you. I like that idea. So I'll call you Mike! Well Mike, let's try this again.
Mike,
How are you friend? I had the weirdest week. After finally being released from therapy (don't even go there, I prefer to pretend it never happened) I was accosted by my Father. He wanted to give me and Elrond matching journals. Honestly! I had better things to do at that moment! Still, you seem useful so far. Maybe I'll let that incident go.
Anyways, this weekend is their wedding. Father and Elrond, I mean. I wouldn't mind so much, I'm starting to get used to their horrible public displays of affection, but then I'll be related to the twins! THOSE HORRIBLE BASTARDS!! I want to hurt them. I need to hurt them. gggggrrrrrrrrrrr...
The rumors are all over Rivendell. I hear them everywhere I go. I can't stand it anymore! You know what Mike? This isn't helping. I'm going to take my mini-twin dolls to the practice field. My archery skills might be rusty from all the days spent in therapy.
Later, Legolas
The week passed quickly with Legolas alternating between venting in his journal and venting on the archery field. All of a sudden it was the day of the wedding. The morning blossomed, promising a gorgeous day. The elves were decked out in their finest attire. The ceremony itself was wonderful, so deep and heart wrenching that many of the elves cried. Legolas stood twitching nearby the oblivious couple during their vows, while Aragorn looked ready to barf. Afterwards there was a huge party to celebrate. All the elves in the city (and some from Mirkwood) were present. Legolas was going around the hall, trying to pick up girls, when he overheard some people talking.
"Why yes it's true, the twins are gay." He perked up immediately, finally, somebody was realizing the truth!!
"But isn't that because of Prince Legolas?" Another asked. The prince in question's adorable, sexy, little pointed ears were starting to turn red.
"But of course! Apparently they're separated now though, the prince got mad at them after they let the world find out about his thing for bondage. He wanted it to be kept a secret." The rest of the elves in the group shook their heads sadly.
Legolas quickly stormed away, fuming. He went off to a little side room, pulling his journal out (from where. we can only hopefully imagine) and began writing furiously. After a few minutes Aragorn stuck his head in the room.
"Legolas, there you are! I've been looking for you. What are you doing in here?" He gave his best friend a puzzled glance. Legolas quickly threw the journal over to the side, and tried to look nonchalant.
"Nothing, why?" He failed miserably. Luckily Aragorn was as sharp as a marble when it came to things like that, so he didn't notice.
"Just wondering! Come on, there are some HOT elves out here!" Arwen appeared from behind him, frowning.
"Oh really?" She said icily. "So you've been checking out the other elves? The love of the Evenstar isn't enough for you? NO! You have to admire every other female in existence!!" Aragorn exchanged panicked looks with Legolas before being dragged off. Legolas couldn't help but chuckle before Haldir poked in.
"Those two will never learn. Now come on, we don't want people speculating about what we're doing in here together." Haldir grabbed Legolas and pulled him back into the hall. There they joined Elrond, who was looking quite flustered.
"My beloved has been stolen from me by those evil well-wishers!" He exclaimed tearfully. "I can't survive without him, save me!" He flung himself at Haldir.
"Have you been drinking?" Legolas asked with a smirk. Haldir was too busy having his oxygen supply cut off to ask the question on both their minds.
"No, yes, maybe." Elrond paused to hiccup. "Does 20 glasses count?" Drunk as he was, he seemed to pick up on the fact that the boys were laughing at that query. "I can't help it! I have to give a speech about my feelings for my darling Thranduil, and I'm afraid he won't like it!!!!" Legolas shook his head.
"Of course he'll like it. He loves everything about you."
"Really???" Elrond inquired hopefully.
"Yes.. Why else would he be marrying you?" Legolas tried to reply calmly, his left eye repeatedly twitching. "Now can I have my friend back?" Elrond looked down at the now blue Haldir, and quickly released him before stumbling off.
"I need a drink!" Haldir gasped out. They headed to the bar, though Legolas kept looking over his shoulder. He wanted to go vent in his journal some more, but Haldir seemed to expect him to remain as his drinking buddy. With a sigh, he resigned himself to having to leave the journal there all night. It didn't seem that he'd get a chance to grab it anytime soon. At that point they had reached the bar. "Bet I can drink more than you and not puke." Haldir challenged.
"You're so on!" Legolas countered. And so the drinking contest began....
Quite a few hours later:
"Pink. bunnies. HICCUP. Are. so. cuddly.." Haldir sang.
"With fuzzy fur, and twitchy noses." Legolas joined in. He wasn't hiccupping, but every word was horribly slurred.
"I love.. my pink bunny! Worship... my pink bunny!!!" They sang together. Aragorn and Arwen had returned (and made up) and were watching with barely contained laughter.
"What's with the pink bunnies?" Arwen asked Aragorn.
"Oh we each have a stuffed one, that's probably their inspiration." He replied. The group that had gathered to watch the highly amusing drunkards now turned to him. "It was a gift!" He said defensively.
Thranduil and Elrond had by this time done the cake, danced, opened presents, and everything else one normally does at weddings. It was time for their speeches. Elrond was to go first. He quickly went to a little room off the hall, where he had stashed his present from Thranduil. He was much too trashed to remember his speech, but luckily had practiced writing it out like suggested. He finally found the green journal thrown off to the side. He frowned for a moment, confused about why it was there, but then shrugged it off and ran out to deliver his speech.
"Ladies and people who aren't ladies!" He began. The room tensed up. It was rather obvious he was still very, very, drunk. The less drunk people at the bar were even watching closely. "I would like to say a few things about what my darling beloved husband means to me." He stopped to blow a kiss at Thranduil. "Unfortunately, I don't remember what I wanted to say." The whole room breathed a sigh of relief. "Fortunately, I wrote it all down in this present from the king of my heart." At least half of the room started gagging. "Now let us begin." He opened to a specific page and began to read, concentrating so hard at actually managing to read the words, that he wasn't comprehending what he was actually saying.
"Mike, What's up dawg? I've been learning a new language called 'slang', and I'm trying to practice it as much as possible. Aragorn assures me that it's necessary when dealing with normal humans. I'll trust him on this, since he's my best bro. That's not why I'm writing though.
You see Mike, the twins really are bastards. They managed not only to violate my perfect, gorgeous, muscular, erotic, (Duo: KNOCK IT OFF EMERALD! WE GET THE FRICKEN PICTURE!!!!) anti-gay body, but to ruin my reputation once and for all! I can't escape the rumors. And EVERYBODY believes them! The few people I had won to my side have deserted me. It sucks man, it sucks something fierce.
Worse yet, because everybody believes I'm gay, I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SCORE!!! I can't stand the sexual frustration! I NEED SEX DAMNIT!
Honestly, how can people think I'm gay? I'm just not turned on by guys. Now girls... that's another matter entirely. I love their hair, their eyes, their breasts, their legs, their.. But I'm getting off subject. The point is, the only thing I'm sticking my 11 inch self into HAS to belong to a female!
Why can't the rest of the world see that, Mike? I think I give up. I'll just move away, to where people actually appreciate my straight self.
Later dude,
Legolas"
The room was deathly silent. Legolas wasn't drunk enough to not realize what had just happened. He turned back to the bar and quickly started swallowing everything in sight. Elrond was beaming at everyone.
"So those are my feelings for you, dearest Thranduil!" He exclaimed before passing out. Thranduil was pale, but managed to retain his dignity. He slung Elrond over his shoulder and motioned for somebody to escort Legolas to his chambers. Beleglion quickly did so. Thranduil had a feeling he would need to contact the therapist again the next morning. Arwen took control once they had left.
"Thank you all for attending the wedding of my esteemed father! Help yourself to the bar for free, and have a nice night!" The room converged as one upon the bar. Arwen and Aragorn snuck out the door, dragging Haldir.
"Free bar? Since when?" Aragorn looked extremely confused.
"Damage control, hopefully they'll get so drunk they won't remember this night." Arwen explained.
"Poor Leggy!" Haldir giggled. "Now they'll take his pink bunny away for sure, for being a pervert!!!"
"What, and you're not?" Haldir responded to Aragorn's words by sticking out his tongue.
The next morning:
"Oww." Legolas whimpered. "Head... hurts. pain." He slowly blinked. Once his eyes were fully open however, he screamed and tried to jump away. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! OWWW!! That hurt!" He collapsed back on the bed. The twins nodded understandingly.
"Hangover, no? Well I'm not surprised. I think you ended up drinking most of the bar's contents." Elrohir said before handing him some pills. "Here, these will help."
Legolas took the pills, giving the twins suspicious looks. "Why are you here?" He croaked out. He glared resentfully at the pills, but decided they couldn't make him any worse. Taking the offered glass of water, he quickly swallowed them.
"About that." Elladan began. "Father's amusing little speech last night made us realize something."
"Yeah," Elrohir continued. "We realized you weren't gay. See we thought you were just in denial. Otherwise we never would have done what we did to you."
"So now that we know," Elladan finished. "We're really sorry."
Legolas blinked at them. The pills were rapidly taking effect, and he felt much better, but couldn't remember what exactly happened last night to cause this sudden change. He suspected it was a plot, but the twins looked so guilty, he didn't see how it could be. "Umm, ok." He finally replied.
"Great, we'll make it up to you someday! Bye!" Elrohir said exuberantly before they skipped out the door. Legolas watched them go with a puzzled look on his face. He washed up then dressed, then decided to go get something to eat. He was no fewer than 3 feet from his door when he was suddenly glomped.
"Dear Prince, it's lovely to see you this morning." Some anonymous female purred in his ear. "I've been waiting for your 11 inch self all my life." Legolas gave her a look.
"That's great, come back when I'm done with breakfast." He replied. She gave him a suggestive wink before leaving. Something like this happened 7 more times on his way to breakfast, and by the time he arrived at the dining hall he was more confused than ever. Haldir, Aragorn, and Arwen were all sitting inside.
"Does anybody know what's going on? If so, tell me now!" Legolas demanded. "Feed me first though, I'm starving." He plopped in a chair next to Haldir, who was looking much worse for the wear.
"Not so loud!" He pleaded pitifully. Arwen and Aragorn exchanged glances. Luckily they were spared having to inform Legolas by his father marching in.
"Here you go son. Try to be more careful with it this time." Thranduil said calmly. "I'll talk to you next week. Elrond's starting to become conscious, so we'll be taking off on our honeymoon soon." He hurried back to his love's side. Meanwhile Legolas stared at his journal in horror. Memories from last night were rushing back at him.
"Mike, you have betrayed me." He said tearfully. "Why Mike? Why?" Arwen stood up.
"I'm going to go find your therapist now, be right back!" She made a hasty departure from the room.
"Cheer up." Aragorn spoke up. "I'm sure something good will come from it."
Legolas looked at him in wonder. "Actually something did! The twins came and apologized to me this morning, and I've had tons of girls hitting on me!"
"Do you think everyone's finally realized you're straight?" Aragorn said hopefully.
"I think so!" Legolas paused to hug his journal to his chest. "And I owe it all to you Mike."
Haldir clutched his head in pain. "That's great, but please stop talking!!! I want my bunny.."
From that day forth, no elf in Middle Earth questioned our dear Prince's straightness. And he lived more-or-less happily ever after, or at least happier than before. Thus he ended his reign of revenge, though he swore, someday the twins would pay (for the therapy bills, if nothing else).
Emerald: Ta da! What do you think?
Legolas: I'm satisfied. The girls want me more than ever. Oh yeah. *smirks*
Duo: It could have been better. *glares at Legolas* All his fault obviously.
Emerald: Once again, I'm sorry this took so long to get out. Thank you for you're never ending patience with me, I tried my best. I hope the ending pleases you all! I love you!! *grabs Duo and starts crying*
Duo: We finally finished a story, but I'll miss the experience, and you wonderful reviewers. *cries too*
Legolas: Farewell, for now. *laughs evilly*
Author's Notes: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER EVERYONE!!!!
Legolas: *sobs* I'm going to miss all of you!!
Duo: me too!! *hugs Legolas and they cry together* we had so much fun writing this story!!
Emerald: *rolls eyes* honestly... muses these days. Sorry this is out so late but hey, at least I finished it!! Oh and Funny ending won, so you people that wanted something else. YOU SHOULD HAVE VOTED MORE!!!!
Legolas: Oh, one more thing. This chapter gets a little dirty at times, though nothing can be worse then the last chapter. But just so you've been warned!
Chapter 8
Elrond stared in horror at everyone. He blinked twice before muttering under his breath, "I am so not in the mood to deal with this." He checked behind him to make sure the hallway was clear. After all, he didn't know what was going on, so who knew what kind of rumors could spring up from this mess. Beleglion walked over to him.
"My lord, I can explain. Well sort of anyways. ok. maybe I can't explain. But it's all their fault!!" He pointed to the twins. "They tied up Prince Legolas and did HORRIBLE things to him!!!!" Arwen and Clarea nodded vigorously from the background. "We were just trying to save him."
Elrond continued to stare in horror and shock. He slowly processed the words before seeming to come to a decision. "EVERYBODY STOP NOW!!" The room went silent. Aragorn and Elladan stopped strangling each other, while Haldir and Elrohir stopped mid blows, respectively sporting a broken nose and black eyes. Elrond took a deep breath to try to calm himself. "I want to know what's going on in here, and I want to know now." He said in an eerily anger-free voice.
"Why nothing, Father. We are just playing around. No problems here." Elrohir said innocently. Elladan quickly picked up and continued. "In fact, we were just about to go back to our chamber. We'll be off now!" The two broke out of their holds and quickly grabbed their clothes as they attempted to run out the door. Before they could manage to escape Elrond grabbed their hair and pulled them back in. Ignoring their cries of pain he dragged them to the bed and threw them on it. He then glared at the rest of the room.
"Am I surrounded by a group of children? I demand the real explanation! NOW!" Arwen timidly spoke up. She knew that as her father's beloved daughter, there was less chance of him hurting her.
"Well you see, Father, it's like this. Legolas was minding his own business in his bedroom while the women lined up outside would one by one come in and make love to him. Legolas went along with it out of pure generosity. But my brothers contrived an elaborate plan to sneak out of their chambers, where you had sentenced them, my most noble Father, and in here. Once they managed to enter, they tied poor Legolas up, and. uhh. you get the picture. We were only trying to help our friend." The others in the room (excluded the twins) nodded approvingly. "So you see, darling Father of mine, Legolas was the victim here." She finished.
Elrond quirked his eyebrow at the twins.. ~ES: Don't you just love it when he does that in the movie? IT'S SO ADORABLE!!! Legolas: *clears throat loudly in background* HELLO! Back to ME! ~.. "You tried to have sexual relations with Legolas, son of my beloved Thranduil, my cherished future stepson, and your own future stepbrother without his consent?" He asked, the anger becoming more apparent in his voice with each word. The twins exchanged looks of horror. They had a feeling their long lives were quickly coming to an end. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! HAVE I RAISED A PAIR OF ORCS!!!!!" Elrond glared furiously at the twins, who cowered in fear. Still fuming, he hauled the twins off the bed, pausing to throw their robes back over them, and dragged them to their chambers.
The rest of the group glanced warily at the door, but it appeared that Elrond in his fury had forgotten about them. They then turned towards the bathroom. There were frantic noises still coming from with in. As one the group turned back to Arwen, knowing that she would be the best person to deal with the psychologically damaged Legolas at the moment. Meanwhile they went about repairing the door and cleaning all traces of the incident from his chambers. The night passed quickly, the rising sun showing another new day was upon them.
When Elrond was finished dealing with his disobedient twins (who looked like they had seen several wars in the course of one night) he headed off to find Thranduil. Once found, he quickly relayed the events of the night to him. Thranduil fled to his son, and finding the poor prince still in a state of despair, arranged for several immediate counseling sessions.
Days passed with Legolas refusing to see anyone except his father, Arwen, Elrond, and his new therapist. At first he was mortally afraid of every male in existence (which explains why his therapist was a woman..) but being a brave elf by nature he quickly shed the fear and replaced it with a growing hatred. News from Arwen of the new rumors in the city about his bondage fetish with the twins only increased his hatred. The therapist was very talented though, and helped him work through his resentment. She couldn't rid him of his intense hatred of the twins, and eventually gave up (not that the evil creatures didn't deserve it). She pronounced Legolas cured and relinquished him back to his father.
The wedding was only a few days away when Thranduil took Legolas and Elrond aside.
"I'm sure you two are wondering why I asked to speak with you." He began slowly. "First of all, Legolas, are you sure you're comfortable with our marriage after that incident?"
Legolas calmly debated with himself for a moment before answering. "Yes Father, it's alright. I can take care of myself, and I wouldn't want to hurt you or Elrond by causing your separation." Both elves beamed at his answer. Thranduil continued.
"I'm normally against such mushy sort of things as I'm about to say, but my dear Elrond has changed me for the better. I just wanted to tell you both privately before the wedding, that I love you so much! Legolas, you are my darling baby boy, and Elrond, you are my better half! You two mean so much to me!!"
This sentence ended in a squeak as he dissolved into "happy tears". Elrond hugged him and started rambling on about something similar. Legolas rolled his eyes. The sight of the former enemies hugging each other with tears running down their faces and each murmuring how he loved the other more was almost enough to put him back in therapy. He coughed discreetly, hoping they'd get the idea. Luckily they did, and Thranduil went back to whatever it was he was saying while wiping his eyes with a pink handkerchief that had Elrond's name embroidered in a red heart.
"Anyways, I wanted to give you both a gift." He stopped again to hand them identical green journals. "They're blank, to symbolize the new life we'll all have. Of course they're journals. Elrond you can start writing your speeches in here while working them out. (What, you didn't think he came up with all those dramatic speeches spur of the moment, did you?) I hope you both put them to good use!" He smiled proudly, obviously thinking for some unknown reason that this gift was like bestowing some sort of honor on them. It didn't help that Elrond seemed to share this delusion.
"Oh my dearest! You grace me with this wonderful present! I am not worthy of your love!" He exclaimed before bursting into "happy tears" again. They both looked at Legolas expectantly.
"Um, well Father, it's a nice gift. Thank you." He managed to say. Therapy certainly hadn't prepared him for this situation. Thranduil seemed content with that answer.
"Ok, I'm done, you can go now." He announced. "Just remember to keep venting your thoughts like the nice lady recommended. I thought your gift might help with that. Bye now!" He gave his son a hug before grabbing Elrond and running off somewhere to go over some more wedding details. Legolas watched them go, his left eye twitching slightly. The therapist had suggested writing his thoughts down and venting them. He had ignored the suggestion at first, but having many feelings that needed venting and a journal thing in his hand, it seemed like a fine idea.
Journal,
Hello. My name is Legolas. I'm not sure how one normally goes about writing in their journal. I absolutely refuse to begin with Dear Diary, it is just way too anti-masculine, or feminine, whichever you prefer. Journal just sounds so stupid though. Maybe if I name you. I like that idea. So I'll call you Mike! Well Mike, let's try this again.
Mike,
How are you friend? I had the weirdest week. After finally being released from therapy (don't even go there, I prefer to pretend it never happened) I was accosted by my Father. He wanted to give me and Elrond matching journals. Honestly! I had better things to do at that moment! Still, you seem useful so far. Maybe I'll let that incident go.
Anyways, this weekend is their wedding. Father and Elrond, I mean. I wouldn't mind so much, I'm starting to get used to their horrible public displays of affection, but then I'll be related to the twins! THOSE HORRIBLE BASTARDS!! I want to hurt them. I need to hurt them. gggggrrrrrrrrrrr...
The rumors are all over Rivendell. I hear them everywhere I go. I can't stand it anymore! You know what Mike? This isn't helping. I'm going to take my mini-twin dolls to the practice field. My archery skills might be rusty from all the days spent in therapy.
Later, Legolas
The week passed quickly with Legolas alternating between venting in his journal and venting on the archery field. All of a sudden it was the day of the wedding. The morning blossomed, promising a gorgeous day. The elves were decked out in their finest attire. The ceremony itself was wonderful, so deep and heart wrenching that many of the elves cried. Legolas stood twitching nearby the oblivious couple during their vows, while Aragorn looked ready to barf. Afterwards there was a huge party to celebrate. All the elves in the city (and some from Mirkwood) were present. Legolas was going around the hall, trying to pick up girls, when he overheard some people talking.
"Why yes it's true, the twins are gay." He perked up immediately, finally, somebody was realizing the truth!!
"But isn't that because of Prince Legolas?" Another asked. The prince in question's adorable, sexy, little pointed ears were starting to turn red.
"But of course! Apparently they're separated now though, the prince got mad at them after they let the world find out about his thing for bondage. He wanted it to be kept a secret." The rest of the elves in the group shook their heads sadly.
Legolas quickly stormed away, fuming. He went off to a little side room, pulling his journal out (from where. we can only hopefully imagine) and began writing furiously. After a few minutes Aragorn stuck his head in the room.
"Legolas, there you are! I've been looking for you. What are you doing in here?" He gave his best friend a puzzled glance. Legolas quickly threw the journal over to the side, and tried to look nonchalant.
"Nothing, why?" He failed miserably. Luckily Aragorn was as sharp as a marble when it came to things like that, so he didn't notice.
"Just wondering! Come on, there are some HOT elves out here!" Arwen appeared from behind him, frowning.
"Oh really?" She said icily. "So you've been checking out the other elves? The love of the Evenstar isn't enough for you? NO! You have to admire every other female in existence!!" Aragorn exchanged panicked looks with Legolas before being dragged off. Legolas couldn't help but chuckle before Haldir poked in.
"Those two will never learn. Now come on, we don't want people speculating about what we're doing in here together." Haldir grabbed Legolas and pulled him back into the hall. There they joined Elrond, who was looking quite flustered.
"My beloved has been stolen from me by those evil well-wishers!" He exclaimed tearfully. "I can't survive without him, save me!" He flung himself at Haldir.
"Have you been drinking?" Legolas asked with a smirk. Haldir was too busy having his oxygen supply cut off to ask the question on both their minds.
"No, yes, maybe." Elrond paused to hiccup. "Does 20 glasses count?" Drunk as he was, he seemed to pick up on the fact that the boys were laughing at that query. "I can't help it! I have to give a speech about my feelings for my darling Thranduil, and I'm afraid he won't like it!!!!" Legolas shook his head.
"Of course he'll like it. He loves everything about you."
"Really???" Elrond inquired hopefully.
"Yes.. Why else would he be marrying you?" Legolas tried to reply calmly, his left eye repeatedly twitching. "Now can I have my friend back?" Elrond looked down at the now blue Haldir, and quickly released him before stumbling off.
"I need a drink!" Haldir gasped out. They headed to the bar, though Legolas kept looking over his shoulder. He wanted to go vent in his journal some more, but Haldir seemed to expect him to remain as his drinking buddy. With a sigh, he resigned himself to having to leave the journal there all night. It didn't seem that he'd get a chance to grab it anytime soon. At that point they had reached the bar. "Bet I can drink more than you and not puke." Haldir challenged.
"You're so on!" Legolas countered. And so the drinking contest began....
Quite a few hours later:
"Pink. bunnies. HICCUP. Are. so. cuddly.." Haldir sang.
"With fuzzy fur, and twitchy noses." Legolas joined in. He wasn't hiccupping, but every word was horribly slurred.
"I love.. my pink bunny! Worship... my pink bunny!!!" They sang together. Aragorn and Arwen had returned (and made up) and were watching with barely contained laughter.
"What's with the pink bunnies?" Arwen asked Aragorn.
"Oh we each have a stuffed one, that's probably their inspiration." He replied. The group that had gathered to watch the highly amusing drunkards now turned to him. "It was a gift!" He said defensively.
Thranduil and Elrond had by this time done the cake, danced, opened presents, and everything else one normally does at weddings. It was time for their speeches. Elrond was to go first. He quickly went to a little room off the hall, where he had stashed his present from Thranduil. He was much too trashed to remember his speech, but luckily had practiced writing it out like suggested. He finally found the green journal thrown off to the side. He frowned for a moment, confused about why it was there, but then shrugged it off and ran out to deliver his speech.
"Ladies and people who aren't ladies!" He began. The room tensed up. It was rather obvious he was still very, very, drunk. The less drunk people at the bar were even watching closely. "I would like to say a few things about what my darling beloved husband means to me." He stopped to blow a kiss at Thranduil. "Unfortunately, I don't remember what I wanted to say." The whole room breathed a sigh of relief. "Fortunately, I wrote it all down in this present from the king of my heart." At least half of the room started gagging. "Now let us begin." He opened to a specific page and began to read, concentrating so hard at actually managing to read the words, that he wasn't comprehending what he was actually saying.
"Mike, What's up dawg? I've been learning a new language called 'slang', and I'm trying to practice it as much as possible. Aragorn assures me that it's necessary when dealing with normal humans. I'll trust him on this, since he's my best bro. That's not why I'm writing though.
You see Mike, the twins really are bastards. They managed not only to violate my perfect, gorgeous, muscular, erotic, (Duo: KNOCK IT OFF EMERALD! WE GET THE FRICKEN PICTURE!!!!) anti-gay body, but to ruin my reputation once and for all! I can't escape the rumors. And EVERYBODY believes them! The few people I had won to my side have deserted me. It sucks man, it sucks something fierce.
Worse yet, because everybody believes I'm gay, I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SCORE!!! I can't stand the sexual frustration! I NEED SEX DAMNIT!
Honestly, how can people think I'm gay? I'm just not turned on by guys. Now girls... that's another matter entirely. I love their hair, their eyes, their breasts, their legs, their.. But I'm getting off subject. The point is, the only thing I'm sticking my 11 inch self into HAS to belong to a female!
Why can't the rest of the world see that, Mike? I think I give up. I'll just move away, to where people actually appreciate my straight self.
Later dude,
Legolas"
The room was deathly silent. Legolas wasn't drunk enough to not realize what had just happened. He turned back to the bar and quickly started swallowing everything in sight. Elrond was beaming at everyone.
"So those are my feelings for you, dearest Thranduil!" He exclaimed before passing out. Thranduil was pale, but managed to retain his dignity. He slung Elrond over his shoulder and motioned for somebody to escort Legolas to his chambers. Beleglion quickly did so. Thranduil had a feeling he would need to contact the therapist again the next morning. Arwen took control once they had left.
"Thank you all for attending the wedding of my esteemed father! Help yourself to the bar for free, and have a nice night!" The room converged as one upon the bar. Arwen and Aragorn snuck out the door, dragging Haldir.
"Free bar? Since when?" Aragorn looked extremely confused.
"Damage control, hopefully they'll get so drunk they won't remember this night." Arwen explained.
"Poor Leggy!" Haldir giggled. "Now they'll take his pink bunny away for sure, for being a pervert!!!"
"What, and you're not?" Haldir responded to Aragorn's words by sticking out his tongue.
The next morning:
"Oww." Legolas whimpered. "Head... hurts. pain." He slowly blinked. Once his eyes were fully open however, he screamed and tried to jump away. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! OWWW!! That hurt!" He collapsed back on the bed. The twins nodded understandingly.
"Hangover, no? Well I'm not surprised. I think you ended up drinking most of the bar's contents." Elrohir said before handing him some pills. "Here, these will help."
Legolas took the pills, giving the twins suspicious looks. "Why are you here?" He croaked out. He glared resentfully at the pills, but decided they couldn't make him any worse. Taking the offered glass of water, he quickly swallowed them.
"About that." Elladan began. "Father's amusing little speech last night made us realize something."
"Yeah," Elrohir continued. "We realized you weren't gay. See we thought you were just in denial. Otherwise we never would have done what we did to you."
"So now that we know," Elladan finished. "We're really sorry."
Legolas blinked at them. The pills were rapidly taking effect, and he felt much better, but couldn't remember what exactly happened last night to cause this sudden change. He suspected it was a plot, but the twins looked so guilty, he didn't see how it could be. "Umm, ok." He finally replied.
"Great, we'll make it up to you someday! Bye!" Elrohir said exuberantly before they skipped out the door. Legolas watched them go with a puzzled look on his face. He washed up then dressed, then decided to go get something to eat. He was no fewer than 3 feet from his door when he was suddenly glomped.
"Dear Prince, it's lovely to see you this morning." Some anonymous female purred in his ear. "I've been waiting for your 11 inch self all my life." Legolas gave her a look.
"That's great, come back when I'm done with breakfast." He replied. She gave him a suggestive wink before leaving. Something like this happened 7 more times on his way to breakfast, and by the time he arrived at the dining hall he was more confused than ever. Haldir, Aragorn, and Arwen were all sitting inside.
"Does anybody know what's going on? If so, tell me now!" Legolas demanded. "Feed me first though, I'm starving." He plopped in a chair next to Haldir, who was looking much worse for the wear.
"Not so loud!" He pleaded pitifully. Arwen and Aragorn exchanged glances. Luckily they were spared having to inform Legolas by his father marching in.
"Here you go son. Try to be more careful with it this time." Thranduil said calmly. "I'll talk to you next week. Elrond's starting to become conscious, so we'll be taking off on our honeymoon soon." He hurried back to his love's side. Meanwhile Legolas stared at his journal in horror. Memories from last night were rushing back at him.
"Mike, you have betrayed me." He said tearfully. "Why Mike? Why?" Arwen stood up.
"I'm going to go find your therapist now, be right back!" She made a hasty departure from the room.
"Cheer up." Aragorn spoke up. "I'm sure something good will come from it."
Legolas looked at him in wonder. "Actually something did! The twins came and apologized to me this morning, and I've had tons of girls hitting on me!"
"Do you think everyone's finally realized you're straight?" Aragorn said hopefully.
"I think so!" Legolas paused to hug his journal to his chest. "And I owe it all to you Mike."
Haldir clutched his head in pain. "That's great, but please stop talking!!! I want my bunny.."
From that day forth, no elf in Middle Earth questioned our dear Prince's straightness. And he lived more-or-less happily ever after, or at least happier than before. Thus he ended his reign of revenge, though he swore, someday the twins would pay (for the therapy bills, if nothing else).
Emerald: Ta da! What do you think?
Legolas: I'm satisfied. The girls want me more than ever. Oh yeah. *smirks*
Duo: It could have been better. *glares at Legolas* All his fault obviously.
Emerald: Once again, I'm sorry this took so long to get out. Thank you for you're never ending patience with me, I tried my best. I hope the ending pleases you all! I love you!! *grabs Duo and starts crying*
Duo: We finally finished a story, but I'll miss the experience, and you wonderful reviewers. *cries too*
Legolas: Farewell, for now. *laughs evilly*