Welcome to my Assassin's Creed crossover! Open up your umbrellas, folks. It's gonna be raining bodies.

Disclaimer: And Lo, the Gods of Fanfiction speaketh thus: "It's fanfiction, you fools! By definition, nobody except the published author owns any part of this!"

Rufus Scrimgeor was a man of upstanding morals. He was also a family man, something he gladly told anyone who asked. He had a wife and family that he loved dearly, and went home to (most) every night. He donated to Saint Mungo's whenever he had a spare galleon, he kissed babies that were presented to him in public, and he had a kind word for anyone he happened to meet. It was no surprise to anyone that he became one of the more popular Ministers of Magic in recent years. He was a politician through and through.

He was also, as people frequently forgot, a former auror. He had fought near the end of the first Voldemort Insurgency. He knew precisely what enemy he was dealing with, and was even more aware of the danger his position of authority put his family in.

Alastor Moody was not a man of upstanding morals, nor was he a family man. He used to be, before his wife and son, as well as his son's wife and children, were murdered in their beds by Death Eaters while he was working late at the office. Coping in the only way he knew how, he threw himself into his work with a ferocity that made him feared among Death Eaters all over Britain. He became so paranoid because Voldemort didn't play fair or straightforward in any way, shape, or form. Booby traps, Imperiused suicide bombers, glamoured Inferi, guerilla warfare... Alastor's paranoia led to him being one of the very few survivors of the first Voldemort Insurgency, despite fighting in it from the get-go.

Amelia Bones wasn't a family woman, but she did have a niece whom she acted as guardian of. She was the head of the Department of Law Enforcement, and it was roundly agreed that she was very competent at her job. She had fought against Voldemort's forces and went to great lengths to weed out the sympathizers that were leaking intelligence inside the DMLE. It gained her a reputation as being incorruptible and straighter than an iron rod, but very little could actually be further from the truth.

Due to the nepotism rampant in the magical government, and the ease with which criminals could hide their illicit ventures with a few simple secrecy spells that only the most magically sensitive of people could find, 'Crime' and 'Law' were actually almost two sides of the same coin. Upon joining the aurors as a trainee, it came as a severe shock to Amelia that not only was it acceptable to agree to the occasional bribe, it was also expected up to a certain point. Her shock was only deepened when she found out that being a senior auror required having criminal contacts which could be put to use in sniffing out clues for important investigations. Becoming the Head of the entire department, something that had been her dream since early childhood, meant that she needed to know almost as many criminals as the criminals themselves did.

In case it isn't clear, that's a lot of criminals.

All three aurors, former or not, had experience fighting Voldemort and using the more disreputable elements of society to their advantage. However, at the end of the day, all three were firmly on the side of Truth, Justice, and Law.

So, it was understandable for them to be just the tiniest bit uncomfortable with what they were about to do.

They were sitting in the Minister's luxurious office, awaiting his appointment with an ambassador from America.

At least, that's what they told his secretary. It was even true, provided you substituted the words "appointment" and "ambassador" with "initial price brokering for hired work" and "assassin". The three former aurors were understandably nervous.

The voice of said secretary, a young pureblood Hogwarts graduate of course, spoke up from a rune carved into the ornate desk. There was a corresponding rune placed on an object that a muggleborn would find suspiciously similar to a microphone, that resided on the secretary's own desk.

"Minister? Your Two o'clock is here."

Rufus plastered on his warmest smile in preparation for the meeting. Also, he found that facial movements helped emphasize the corresponding tone of voice. "Thank you, Belinda. Show him in."

The person who entered had Rufus looking twice. Instead of an oily man with a penchant for unnecessary murder, like he had often imagined, there was a well dressed young man, barely out of his majority, with a pointed hood over his head that magically obscured any distinguishable features, and a warm, charming smile on his mouth.

"Minister, how lovely to finally meet you face to face!" the assassin (boy, his mind supplied) greeted.

Rufus automatically stood up and shook his hand in greeting. His political experience served him well in times like these.

"A pleasure to meet you as well, young master. May I introduce Amelia Bones, Head of the DMLE, and Alastor Moody, retired Head auror?"

"How do you do, Ma'am? Sir?" He shook hands with a hesitant Amelia and nodded at Moody, seemingly not bothered by the blatant threat of Moody's wand pointed directly at him over the table. He sat down and placed his hands in his lap. "Shall we get down to business, then?"

Rufus nodded slowly but didn't sit down with him. "Ah, forgive me, young master, but-"

"You were expected someone older?" The assassin shrugged. "Understandable. I get a lot of that in my line of work. However, I assure you that I am extremely proficient at my job. There are few better."

"You're joking," Moody growled at him. "No two bit brat like yourself could hope to measure up to an adult of any field."

Rufus shot him a look, but didn't reprimand him. He frowned at the assassin (boy, his doubts whispered). "Be that as it may, young-"

"Snake," the young man interrupted. His smile held a tad less warmth than it did a minute ago. "My moniker, codename, whatever you like to call it is Snake. No relation to your own pest problem, I am happy to assure you."

"Very well, Mister... Snake." Rufus paused to consider his next words. "I'm afraid I have to take issue with your age, despite your undoubtedly sincere assurances. Our... pest is a problem of terrifying power, and at least thrice your own age, whatever that may be. I simply cannot believe that a young man such as yourself has either the power or the ability to kill such an... animal."

Snake's smile became thin. "The element of surprise is the great equalizer, Minister. I do not need equal power when a poisoned dagger in the back will do."

Moody scoffed, while Amelia shook her head.

"If a poisoned dagger worked, it would have been done long ago," Amelia countered. "I cannot, in good conscience, sent a young man of your age out to die. I am against this, Minister."

Snake's smile slipped from his face. "Madame, if all you needed was a demonstration-"

"No." Rufus' voice was flat. He leaned forward and placed his hands his desk, not so subtly adding to his authoritative presence. "We cannot accept your services. Please go back to your country and tell your leader to send a businessman of higher seniority."

Snake went still and silent for several seconds. Finally, he said, "If I might have one more chance to convince you, minister?"

Rufus internally sighed at the boy's tenacity. "While I admire your persistence, young master, nothing you could say will sway me."

Snake grinned. "Then I shan't say a word."

"Watch it!" Moody roared, shooting to his feet and firing a Bonebreaker. Amelia also leapt up, drawing her wand. Rufus jerked back and fumbled for his own wand. All three were too slow. Rufus would later watch this image in a pensieve and only then realize how close he had been to death.

From his hip, Snake drew an ornate knife. Moving faster than the eye could follow, he plunged it down three time in between the fingers of Rufus' wand hand, then he hurled it at Mad Eye. The knife plunged into the wall behind the retired auror, just over his shoulder. At the same time, his left hand pulled his own wand and cast a Disarming charm which caught Amelia a split second too fast to counter, sending her wand flying out of her hand. In his right hand he wandlessly cast a Dueler's Torge, a wand held, or in this case, handheld held shield that only covered a single square foot and was designed to deflect spells with minimal effort and show off a dueler's hand-eye coordination and accuracy. It was a difficult spell to cast at the best of times. The shield batted Moody's Bonebreaker aside, sending it crashing into the office wall.

Silence reigned in the office. The knife in the wall vibrated from the force it was thrown with. Amelia looked apprehensive at the wand aimed at her, while Moody and Rufus stared at the hand outstretched at them.

All three of them noted that the assassin did not even move from his chair.

"Basilisk poison."

The soft voice pulled their attention to the assassin himself. He smirked and continued.

"That's what the knife is coated in. One stab to your wand hand, and then you can't even fight back while you die. Only striking once would have allowed me to throw it faster, so I probably could have gotten Mister Moody there as he was casting. If I was lucky he'd have missed his shot." Instead of me deflecting it, the three officials heard loud and clear. "As for Miss Bones, use an Imperio instead of disarming, and even if I failed to dominate her mind, it would have made her pause long enough for me to stun her. If it did work, well..." His smirk turned into a grim smile. "Have her pull the knife out of Moody, use it to cut the throat of her own boss, and then she would tragically stab herself out of remorse. Murder/Suicide and with the Notice-Me-Not charms on my cloak and a Disillusionment, no one's the wiser when I walk out the door." He savored their stunned faces. "Quite neat, if I do say so myself. Will you be requiring any further proof?"

Rufus all but collapsed in his chair, rubbing his hand and eyeing the three gouges in his desk. "No, I think that will be sufficient, Master Snake."

Rufus took a moment to shore up his Occlumency, then looked to his right. "Amelia, if you please?"

Amelia made a sour face at the prospect of hiring someone who, for all purposes, had just humiliated them, but complied and gave the assassin the document folder she pulled out of the desk and started the debriefing.

"Your targets, as I'm sure you already know, are the Death Eaters. No more than that for now. Any direct attack against Voldemort is out of the question; He is simply too powerful to fight head on, and I doubt assassinating him will be met with much more success." She opened up her own folder and pointed to a specific list. "We recommend you start at these locations. Payment will be one hundred galleons a head." Amelia paused. "And when I say 'head', I mean 'body'. We'll need the Dark Mark attached as proof. At the very least keep the head and the body together so we can identify the kill, however you... transport them."

Rufus got the feeling the young man across from him was raising at least one eyebrow. "But of course," the assassin said smoothly. "However, the price..."

"It is as high as we'll go, Mr. Snake," Rufus said firmly.

Snake chuckled, something that made Rufus' irritation spike. The little bastard's laughter was condescending.

"Minister, please." Snake drawled. "You could buy any professional killer for a hundred galleons. When you called for me, you called for the best in the business. The absolute best; Hands down, full stop, the end. Single kills often rate in the thousands depending on urgency and importance. A hundred?" Snake shook his head and clucked his tongue. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to say one grand per head, at minimum."

"A thousand?" Rufus hissed. "Bloody ridiculous. Do you have any idea of the size of his ranks?"

The assassin shrugged. "You are paying me to rid you of an infestation. It's not meant to be cheap, Minister."

Rufus shook his head. "Two hundred. These are barely bandits we're dealing with, here."

"Five hundred," Snake countered easily. "And seven hundred fifty for members of Voldemort's inner circle."

Rufus tried a different tactic. "Two hundred and one thousand for the inner ring members."

Snake paused. "Three hundred and eight hundred."

"Two fifty and nine hundred"

Snake considered, then smiled. "Deal." He leaned forward and held out his hand.

Rufus sighed at the cost, but shook anyway. Magic flared around their hands, sealing the deal.

"Wonderful. If there's nothing else?" When no words were forthcoming, Snake cheerfully moved to his feet and made his way to the door. Laying his hand on the knob, he turned back. "Oh, and Minister?" The assassin wandlessly summoned the knife from its groove in the wall. His smile grew terrifyingly predatory. "Do check to make sure that the gold is all there. I would hate to have to remind you." Then the door was open and Snake was gone.

Moody was the first to break the sullen silence.

"Un-fucking-believable. I have never been so ashamed of myself," the scarred man grumbled.

"You're telling me," Amelia groused, removing her glasses so she could rub the bridge of her nose. "The worst part was that he actually would have gotten away with it. You know how people always see us at each other's throats."

Rufus didn't offer his own opinion, preferring to massage his temples in an attempt to stave off an impending headache. "You both understand I will need your oath on this, of course."

Amelia nodded. Moody grunted his assent, but added a warning. "Albus isn't going to like this one bit when he finds out."

Scrimgeor scowled. "A pox on the old peacock. He won't approve of any damn thing that could end this hell-begotten storm sooner than whatever he's planning. He can keep his secrets, but I'll be damned if I don't keep mine as well."

After a short magical secrecy oath they cleaned up the office and prepared to go about their jobs. The Minister of Magic, the head of the DMLE, and the former Head Auror all looked at each other and hoped that they did the most efficient thing, even if it wasn't the right one.

AN: This one won't be updated for a while, I'm afraid. I have to figure out where it's going, and what will be happening in between major plot points.

But! How did you like my little addition to the Auror Experience? I found that the ease with which Voldemort suborned the ministry reminded me heavily of the Provost Guard from Tamora Pierce's Becka Cooper series. Wonderful stuff, everyone should read it. I'm planning for the criminal nightlife to be a lot more prominent in this story, because come on! Magic could make crime SO much easier it's not even funny. If freaking terrorists can get out of jail with a slap on the wrist, I hardly think minor criminals will rate much fuss. That's not even starting on the fact that the DMLE enforces the laws of the Ministry, which was technically set up to enforce the Statute of Secrecy first and foremost. Minor crime among magicals is probably the least of their worries.

Also, Mundungus will actually be competent. Seriously, so tired of him being a bug on a windshield in every fic ever.

I'm being a bit hypocritical asking for reviews, as I rarely ever give them, but I'm going off the beaten track here, so I'm gonna need feedback! Tell me what you think in the box below!