Disclaimer: Castle is in no way mine. Not even a little bit. The lyrics aren't mine either.

A/N: So this is my first Castle fic. And my first attempt at any sort of fic in years. But I figure in honor of #CastleFanficMonday I would give writing a shot again. From a prompt I found on Tumblr, though I have deviated from it a little. AU Post-The Limey. The lyrics are taken from "This Way" by Michelle Branch. Prompt found at the end.

My eternal gratitude to Maribea for the beta and general hand holding to get this done! You are the greatest! And to Alex for helping to convince me to post.

Changing to Grey

I don't know how long you've been holding on

I don't know how long everything's been my fault

It's getting easier to take the blame

It's getting easier to try and change

She's fun and uncomplicated. That's what he needs right now. Fun and uncomplicated. Not you. The words echo through her head over and over again as she trudges down the hallway to her apartment. She had thought that getting drinks with Hunt would help her forget for a minute that Castle was moving on and leaving her behind again. She had been so, so wrong. Sitting there with the other man had only made those feelings worse. Even though she knows he was headed to see Jacinda after leaving the precinct earlier, she still felt like she was betraying him by sitting with Hunt. After quickly draining her whiskey sour, she threw a few bills on the table, made a half hearted excuse to the foreign agent and was out the door into a cab before Hunt even had a chance to respond.

Fun and uncomplicated. Fun and uncomplicated. She unlocks her front door, throws her keys on the table and collapses onto her couch, finally starting to let all of the emotions of the day sink in. How could he just move on so quickly? When did he become that guy who runs off to Vegas and brings back flight attendants? What happened to the man who had tearfully confessed his love to her as everything faded to black? Why doesn't he care anymore? She lets these thoughts overwhelm her as she drags herself into her bedroom, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and let the tears she had been holding back all day finally fall.

The next afternoon, Kate slowly lifts her head and rubs at her eyes to clear her vision, hours of tears and restless sleep still making her groggy. As she tries to figure out what had jolted her back into alertness, she hears it again, a pounding on her front door. She slowly drags herself out from under the blankets and looks in the mirror. Her disheveled hair and red, puffy eyes make her look almost as sick as she had tried to make herself sound when she called in sick to the precinct that morning. "Great," she mumbles to herself as she grabs her robe, wraps it around herself, and heads for the living room. "At least I look the part."

Looking through the peephole, she is unsurprised to see her best friend on the other side. She reluctantly opens the door as Lanie brushes by her quickly. She heads straight for the kitchen and opens a drawer to pull out a corkscrew for the bottle of wine in her hand before she finally addresses Kate, "All right honey, what's going on? And don't give me any of this 'I'm sick' bullshit because I'm not buying it!" She grabs two glasses from the cabinet while Kate closes the door and heads for the couch, accepting that Lanie won't be satisfied with any stories other than the truth.

"How did you even know I was home, Lanie?" At her friend's answering glare, she knows. "Espo. Of course he texted you. I didn't think you guys were even talking right now."

"Don't change the subject here Kate," Lanie admonishes, "Javi and I are talking just fine when the subject is you and a certain writer boy who's been suspiciously MIA from the precinct recently." She walks into the living room with two glasses of wine, stopping to place Kate's on the coffee table in front of her before settling herself in a chair and focusing her attention back on Kate. "So what's going on?"

"I can't do this anymore, Lanie," Kate sniffles and wipes at her eyes as she reaches for her glass of wine. "I can't watch him walk away again, especially not with someone else. Not after everything we've been through. Not after we were so close. I thought we were on the same page, I thought he was ok with waiting until I was ready. I guess he got tired of waiting, I just don't know why."

"Oh, honey, I know," Lanie tries to console her. "I saw him with that blonde bimbo at that scene the other day, acting all of the Page Six playboy he pretended to be four years ago." She changes tactics, seeing how uncomfortable her friend is becoming at her mention of Castle's behavior at the crime scene. "You know what you need? You need to get away for a little while. Take a week to sort your thoughts out and figure out what you really want to do. Use some of those vacation days that are piling up again. And go somewhere else besides that cabin, that place will just make you lonely all over again."

Kate sighs into her pinot noir and takes a long gulp. "I guess you're right, I do need a break. My Aunt Theresa has a house up on the Cape, maybe I will take her up on her offer to use it."

"That sounds like a great idea. Clear your head and get your focus back, then come back so you can talk to him." Lanie gets up from her seat and moves to sit on the couch next to Kate, setting her wine glass down on the counter next to hers. "Now let's find the most ridiculous, non-romantic movie there is and forget about the writer of yours for a little bit."

The next morning, after another night of tossing and turning with very little sleep in between, Kate rolls out of bed with her alarm and pads into the bathroom, intending to shower and dress quickly before heading for the precinct. After Lanie had forced some food into her the night before and then headed home, she had tried to go back to bed and get some real rest, but sleep had once again eluded her. Her mind had instead chosen to replay her interactions with Castle the last few weeks over and over in her head, trying to figure out where she had gone wrong. It didn't help that the man himself had texted her around midnight, informing her that he was planning to take a few days to write at home since there were no active cases. However, with his planned absence, she knew it would be the perfect opportunity to slip in and out of the precinct long enough to talk to Gates and then leave the city with minimal excuses.

After a brief scalding hot shower, she steps out and wraps a towel around herself before moving to wipe down her steaming mirror and look at her reflection. Noting the dark circles under her eyes from three nights of minimal rest, she reaches into her makeup basket for some concealer and gets to work at making herself look presentable for the upcoming conversation with her captain.

An hour later, the elevator doors open and Kate takes in the bustle of the homicide floor as she steps out. After nodding in greeting to Ryan and Esposito, she heads straight to the break room for some caffeinated liquid courage before her talk with Captain Gates. Even after all these years she still can't figure out how to work the professional grade machine that Castle had gifted to the unit, so she opts instead for a cup of plain black coffee. After downing it quickly and burning her tongue in the process, she slips out and knocks on the Captain's door.

Gates looks up and nods at her lead detective. "Detective Beckett, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, are you available for a few minutes? I'd like to discuss something with you." Kate folds her hands together and looks at the ground, much more timid than her usual interactions with her superior.

"I think I have a few minutes to spare before my next conference call, Detective, take a seat." Gates gestures to the chair on the other side of her desk. Kate does so reluctantly, still staring at her hands before she speaks again.

"I'd like to take some time off. Starting today if that's possible. I know I don't have much paid leave left after last summer, but I'd like to use it anyway. I just … I'm having trouble focusing. And I'm not sure if my heart is in this job anymore. I'd like to step away for a while and figure that out."

Gates takes in the woman sitting before her, noting the exhaustion and sadness in her eyes. She feels a pang of sympathy for her subordinate as she reaches for a calendar behind her. "Well, Beckett, you don't have any open investigations currently, so I suppose Ryan and Esposito can pick up the bulk of your workload until you return. How much time do you think you will require?"

Kate glances up, looking Gates in the eye for the first time since her initial knock, and brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "That's the thing," she hesitates. "I'm not really sure how long I'm going to be gone. A few weeks at least? Until I figure out what I'm going to do."

Gates peers at her over her glasses, considering her request carefully before speaking. "Well, I can grant you two weeks of paid personal leave to start, and why don't you get in touch with me toward the end of that time to discuss your return date. I will warn you though, Detective, that any additional time beyond those two weeks will have to be unpaid leave."

Kate breathes a sigh of relief. "I understand, Sir, and that sounds more than fair. Thank you, Captain." She pauses before continuing. "I have one more favor to ask. Could you wait until I leave to inform Detectives Ryan and Esposito? I'm not prepared to explain all of this to them just yet."

"I suppose that would be all right. We'll talk in ten days or so then. You're dismissed." Kate slowly rises from her chair and turns to leave the office before she is stopped by her Captain's voice once again. "Oh, and Beckett? I do hope to see you back here sooner than later. You are a great asset to this city … and to me."

Kate looks back with the beginning glimmer of a smile. "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate that." She turns and walks quickly out of the office. She spots the boys, distracted by something on Ryan's computer screen, and darts back toward the elevator quickly before her presence catches their attention. Luckily, the elevator arrives quickly, and she is behind the doors and on her way back to her apartment to pack before they even realize she is leaving.

I don't know how long I can justify

I'm tired of making up reasons you're not on my side

And I would never talk to her that way

No I would never talk to her that way

Castle strides onto the homicide floor of the Twelfth carrying two cups of coffee. After four days off, the place feels a little foreign to him, and he is surprised not to see Beckett in the bullpen already. He had texted her last night to let her know he was planning to come back to the precinct that morning, but it had been late and when he didn't receive a response, he figured she had just gone to sleep already.

The few days off had done him some good. He has been feeling re-energized and ready to get back to a professional relationship with Beckett again. He had worked through his anger and feeling of betrayal with a combination of scotch a few frivolous meals with Jacinda before she headed back to work. He'd also managed to write out a Nikki Heat chapter that had become so emotionally charged as to ensure its destiny was to remain hidden on his laptop forever. However, he had also had plenty of time to think, and had come to the decision that maybe it was time to step away from shadowing at the Twelfth to a more intermittent basis. His return today was for two reasons: to see if the team had caught any interesting cases during his absence, and to explain his intentions to Beckett and the boys.

Glancing around and realizing neither Ryan nor Esposito were present in the bullpen, he places his coffees next to his chair at Beckett's desk and heads for the break room, figuring that his team is chatting or grabbing some morning caffeine. Walking through the door, he finds both of the boys sitting at a table drinking from precinct mugs, but no Beckett.

He wanders over and pulls up a chair next to them. "Hey guys, where's Beckett this morning? Not here yet?"

Both men look up at him in surprise. "H-Hey Castle," Ryan responds. "You mean she didn't tell you? She didn't tell us either, Gates did, but you two are, well you two and you're different so I figured she would have at least-"

Esposito breaks in at this point. "She's not here bro. She's on some kind of personal leave according to Gates, but whatever's going on must be a doozy because she's not answering any of our calls or messages. Lanie knows what's up and that she's ok, but that's all that she'll tell me."

Castle's face drops at this news. Despite his resolve to work on a more professional relationship with Beckett, he's still disappointed that she didn't tell him about her plans to take a last minute leave. He lifts his head to question the boys more when a sharp voice interrupts him before he can even speak. "Detective Ryan! Detective Esposito! A body just popped up, I strongly suggest you get back to work!" As the Captain glares at the group from the doorway, the two detectives jump up and head for the bullpen.

She then turns to the writer, "Ahhhh, Mr. Castle, I see you've returned. Not for long, however, as I'm sure you've been filled in on Detective Beckett's absence. Her leave essentially puts you on leave as well, so I suggest you get out of my precinct before I decide to find a reason to detain you here. That's not a suggestion." At these words, she turns sharply and heads back to the office. A bewildered Castle shuffles out of the break room and through the bullpen to the elevator once again, completely forgetting about the two rapidly cooling cups of coffee on Beckett's desk and pausing only briefly to bid farewell to the boys. Instead of pushing the button for the lobby, however, he heads toward the morgue, hoping to catch Lanie for an explanation.

As luck would have it, he emerges from the elevator to find Lanie walking toward him. She immediately shakes her head. "Uh-uh, not now writer boy, no time for you today, I've got a body calling my name."

She passes by him and he quickly turns to follow, "Where is she Lanie? What's going on?"

"You're an idiot, that's what's going on. You parade around in your Ferrari with some blonde for all the world to see and you're surprised that Kate didn't just go right along with that?" She pauses long enough to turn and glare at him, then continues on as he once again scrambles to catch up.

"It's not like that, Lanie, you know Beckett doesn't care about me like that-"

Lanie swivels around at this and starts on him again. "For someone who doesn't care about you like that, her eyes sure looked like a lot of tears had fallen when I saw her. You have no idea how your actions affected her, do you?" She points a finger at his chest, "Look, you two really need to talk, but right now she is getting some much needed space away from you. She's going to leave the city for a while, stay at a place of her aunt's. I don't know if she's left yet or not, but I'm only telling you this because Beckett's my girl, and you really hurt her so when she comes back, you better be ready to fix it! Now I've got to go, and that's all you're getting out of me." Lanie sweeps away leaving a stunned Castle behind.

Castle bounds up the stairs to Beckett's apartment, hoping to catch her before she leaves for wherever she is going. He makes it down the hall and to her front door and starts pounding, "Beckett? Beckett, can we talk?"

"She's not here," a voice interrupts him from behind. He turns to see Kate's next door neighbor, Mrs. Shanahan, an elderly widow whom Kate helped with her grocery shopping sometimes. "She left on her little trip yesterday, stopped to say goodbye on her way out and to ask me to stop in and water her plants while she's gone."

"Where did she go? When is she coming back?" He pleads, desperate for information.

"I don't know, dear," the older woman replies. "She didn't mention where she was going, but said maybe it'd be a few weeks, maybe more. I'm sorry. I'm sure she'll give you a call once she gets settled." She turns and goes back into her apartment as Castle's heart sinks.

His knees buckle under him and he sinks to the floor. He's not so sure she has any intent to contact him at all. Just like last summer, he's too late.

Beckett is gone.

Prompt - Sometime after 4x20/4x21: Heartbroken and barely functioning caused by Castle's recent change of attitude, Beckett files for an indefinite leave of absence without anyone knowing except Gates. Castle finds about this and tries to confront her but she's already gone.

Please review and let me know your thoughts!