Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

-O-

The boy... girl... person sighed. "Exposition. Right. Boring."

The room was filled with people. Horrible, talkative people who yelled too loudly and knocked over a pile of universes to be. They ranged from gingers to black haired people, from man to woman and the between. And was that a unicorn?

When the person decided to take the job, Frog promised no breaks in the universe and no interaction. What a lying bastard. The person would probably care more if they could feel emotion, but they went cold turkey years ago and didn't plan to change any of that.

"As you know, you either tried to time travel, came here by accident or died. Or something else entirely, but we're not going to dwell on that right now.

"You can think of this place like a pit stop before you move on. I am basically the god of this side of the universe."

Shouting, and general loudness the god didn't like. The person sighed and raised a hand, causing everything to go nice and quiet. "Now, I know what you're thinking; 'Why did you make us go through all that pain and suffering?' (never mind they're the same thing). Well, I'll be the first one to tell you: The world would be boring without those things, so there.

"You will be given the choice to go to an alternative universe entirely different from your own, go to an alternate universe that very closely resembles yours, or go to an alternate universe that resembles yours, but is completely different. Any questions?"

Why did I say that? "You. With the hand raised in the back."

"Will we be able to keep our memories?"

"Ah, yes. You will either shrink down to your old age and replace the... uh, younger version of yourself, or you can be a grown adult who can see the sheer foolishness you did as a child. I'm pretty sure I missed something, but I'm sure one of you can figure it out..."

"What if we don't want to go back to our younger self's days? What if we want to go back further?"

A moment of silence. Hmm, good question. "You can shrink down to whatever age you think is necessary, or you can stay the same age as you are now. So, basically, the same applies. Just without the younger you running around."

A woman in the back raised her hand. The person nodded. "This might be a personal question, but who's my... our? soulmate?"

"That's easy. For everyone but me, it's Voldemort."

This time there was an explosion. It was interesting to watch. "VOLDEMORT? WHY?"

"Because I thought it'd be funny," the person admitted. "To be fair, you don't have to... engage them in any way. We're all adults here."

"But our soulmate."

The person sighed. "Voldemort is the one who'll make you happiest. That's the standard I set for soulmates. Voldemort gave you a purpose in life. Not like... some people who have to go find their purpose in some obscure website and get sucked into the madness of it all..."

"Speaking from experience?"

"Moving on from my problems, there is a trunk with your name somewhere behind this vast wall of whiteness behind me. It will contain the thing you need to complete your journey. And candy. And a packet of ramen."

"YES!"

"Go through those portals once you've finished your business here. Also, leave quickly. I tire of human interaction."