So, uh... yeah. This was a thing.

Just so you know, I've more or less moved over to spacebattles for the foreseeable future. It's a forum, look up "Spacebattles creative writing" in order to get there. My penname is Sager Hijinks, and all of this stuff can be found in my idea dump.

I've actually had this chapter over there for a while - I really shoulda moved it earlier. I do plan on putting out chapter 4 real soon, so look forward to that.

Harem Master Hyoudou!
Chapter 3 - A Typical Day at School

"Set me up!"

"Un!"

"Horya!"

"Ah! Block it, guys!"

"We're trying!"

"I got it!"

"Issei, the scrubs managed return it!"

"I've got this, Aika!"

"Watch out dudes, he's going for it!"

"SuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuCHAAAAAAA!"

"Ah! The legendary three-meter spike!"

"How does he jump that high?"

"I don't know!"

The ref's whistle blew, signaling that the point went in favor of the left side.

Issei high-fived Aika and let out a breath. "Whew. That got a little intense at the end."

She gave him her signature smirk. "Don't lie, it's unbecoming of you. You're barely even sweating, right?"

He stopped pretending to fan himself with his shirt and returned her smirk with a pout. "Aika, I was going to let them be proud of themselves for a little longer. Plus, the only reason I'm not sweating is because we do much harder work-outs at the dojo. They're doing well, considering the fact that I am the epitome of perfection!" He struck a mock-sentai pose.

"Well, regardless..."

Aika swiveled her head and looked at their opponents in the Physical Education Volleyball finals. They were two jocks, and played American basketball of all things. They had overwhelmed most of the competition because of superior jumping power and fine ball control.

"Let's win this, neh?"

He matched her grin with one of his own. "Sure, let's."

It was just turning lunchtime, so Issei pulled out a sheet of paper.

"Let's see... yesterday I had lunch in the cafeteria, the day before that I ate here, so today... I'm on the roof. Better bring the bag, then."

He took out a bento box and a plastic bag, rustling with something inside, and walked to the roof. He opened the door to the top of the building with a serious look on her face. He was met with another far-too-serious look from the other person on the rooftop. He dropped to a knee.

"My liege, your humble servant presents himself at your disposal."

"…Have you brought the goods?"

He tossed the other person the bag and stayed on his knee, looking at the ground as she examined the contents.

"…Acceptable, you may come over."

He looked up with a bright smile on his face and skipped over to the girl, then plopped down next to her. He then picked her up, bag, lunch and all, and plopped her on his lap, overlooking the school.

"Man, Koneko-chan, do we have to do the whole thing every time?"

She turned and gave him a blank stare, before pointing to her head. He smacked himself in the forehead for forgetting, then began to pet her. She purred, which was generally more emotion than she exhibited to your average person over an entire day.

"It's… funny… nyaaaaaaa…"

Issei gave an awkward smile. Yeah, for you maybe!

"Do you… not like it?"

She was pouting at him! She was genuinely sitting on his lap, he was rubbing her hair, and she was looking up at him and pouting!

Of course, this was Koneko, so the pout was really small, but still. This was basically moe overload.

Issei! Control yourself! Oryaa! Fight! Fight!

"Ah, ha, well… I don't dis-like it, per se…"

"Yay." She went back to her food and started eating again. She even made little "nom" noises every time she bit down on her chopsticks.

If Rias-senpai is like the incarnation of sexiness, Koneko-chan is an everflowing fountain of moe!

Issei was returned, painfully, to reality via the Koneko Cheek Pinch (copyrighted 1998). She was looking at him again, this time with her normal face. "…Are you thinking weird things again?"

He merely smiled down at her and nodded his head. "Yup!"

Her head went down and a little to the side. "…Idiot."

And so they ate lunch.

"Does anyone know how to solve this problem?"

"Yes, sensei."

"Alright, Issei-kun, how would you solve this?"

"Well, first you have to know the length of side a, so I used triangle similarity theorem to find that. Then I could use Law of Sines to get the total area, and after that it was simply a matter of dividing by the known base, and then you can get the altitude."

"Thank you, you may sit. You see class, while this method is slightly roundabout it uses fairly simple calculations and is thus difficult to mess up. Not exactly how I would have done it, Issei-kun, but very good nonetheless. I would have tried Law of Cosines here…"

"So, class, what's the main idea of this song?"

"Is it… that Beiber is concerned for his child?"

"Not quite, Motohama-san. Does anyone else have a different answer? Kiriyuu-san?"

"…He's talking to his girlfriend?"

"Correct, Kiriyuu-san, 'baby' is an English diminutive for a female companion, but does anyone else have a more specific answer? Hyoudou-san?"

"Umm… is he concerned about breaking up with her?"

"Very nice, Hyoudou-san! Yes, Justin Beiber is indeed singing about…"

"Okay class, now it's free sculpting time!"

There were quiet exclamations of joy throughout the room. Issei let out a particularly large sigh. It had been a stressful day, and being widely known as a good student didn't help. He was called on in practically every class he had had!

But now it was time to relax. He was in his second year, so this semester his art class was focused on sculpting clay. They had already done a few small projects at the very beginning of the year, so now they simply got to make whatever they wanted. Some people were making pots, some focused on dragons, fake swords, or decorative pieces.

Issei was making bracers, the ones you put on your forearms. He held no illusions about their usefulness in a real fight, but he was making them anyway, because, you know, why not? He was also planning on making some "brass" knuckles if he had the time.

He already had a few fragile, wine-bottle-shaped ceramics that he kept for the sole purpose of smashing over someone's head.

He looked around, checking to see what other people were doing.

Aika was sitting in front of him, applying what was about the fifth coat of clear glaze to the tubular object in front of her. Five layers was far more than strictly necessary, but it would keep the entire thing smoother after kilning.

Due to that rather glaring hint as to her intentions with the tubular, fairly gonad-shaped object in her hands, Issei decided to keep looking around the class.

Atsuki and Hijari were working together on what was really a very really impressive dragon sculpture. It was 3D and everything, about the size of Issei's torso. It was very well detailed, with lots of scaly incisions, deep glaring eyes, and a snarling snout. It would look epic once it was completed and fired.

Yasabura and Temo were sitting next to each other, as usual, and quietly working on what seemed like a set of china. They had blueprints, rulers, casts, and everything. Issei figured that they were planning on actually using the set.

Hikaru was on his lonesum, creating what appeared to be a humongous pile of chopsticks.

Matsuda and Motohama were creating… was that a pair of oppai? Maybe a butt? They weren't the most artistically talented out of the class, to say the least, so it was no surprise that he couldn't tell what they were doing.

Tamachi, Hiro, Chima, Joru, and Tibe were all working on a cart, apparently. Hiro and Tibe were also in the Engineering club, and Tamachi had a reputation about his love for go-carts.

I wouldn't be surprised if whatever they make ends up working.

Issei looked down to his bracers and sighed. They were still lopsided and wavy. He would have to flatten them, curve them again, glaze and kiln them before they got messed up again.

~Let's get down to business… to defeat...~

"Haaaaaaaaa… today was exhausting…"

Issei was walking home after school. He had already said goodbye to all of his lady-friends, but they had clubs today and he didn't, so he walked home alone. He felt an itch at the back of his neck, and changed his instinctual turn-around into a lazy side-side back stretch.

"Ahhh… that feels nice."

He walked for five more steps before suddenly turning around and looking up.

Silhouetted against the sunset, on top of a building, stood someone he couldn't quite make out. He could tell they were female, could see the curves and the inviting smile. The rest of her face was left in shadow. He could see her long, vibrant hair blowing in the wind, but couldn't make out any other distinct features. He blinked slowly, deliberately, and was completely unsurprised to see her gone when he reopened his eyes.

But as soon as he could tell that he was no longer being watched, his hand shot up to his mouth as he started to giggle uncontrollably. That shifted to laughing, into outright cackling. He didn't say anything out loud, because that would jinx it, but in his mind he was patting himself on the back.

There's only one girl I know with red hair like that, and that only can mean one thing. Rias-senpai's route has become available! Issei, your time has come you glorious bastard!