A/N – Based on a tumblr post which I can no longer find. If anyone has a link to it, could you let me know? I'd like to give credit where it's due. This was written at 4am, so it probably doesn't make any sense.
"Is that it?" James' voice was loud in the otherwise silent room. "I kept the leaf of a mandrake in my mouth for an entire month for this!"
"Maybe it takes time," Peter tried to calm his friend, but he couldn't entirely keep the disappointment from his own voice.
"It wasn't that bad," was Sirius' quiet interjection. "Kind of like grass," louder now.
"Mate..."
"No."
"What? You've never chewed grass?"
"No!" both James and Peter shouted at once.
"Well you're missing out."
"Not if it tastes like mandrake root, I'm not," James scoffed.
"C'mon, we better head back before Remus notices we're missing. He won't stay in the library forever."
"Just concentrate, Sirius," James snapped.
"We've been trying for weeks now and nothing's happening. We probably did it wrong."
"We might as well keep trying. We can't get all the ingredients again so soon or someone might figure notice."
"Yeah, I... Where's Peter?"
"What? He's right... Where'd he-"
Both James and Sirius let out inhuman shrieks at the sight of the rat scurrying towards them, scooting backwards on their arses until they were huddled together in the far corner.
A few minutes later loud laughter cuts through the terrified silence and they open their eyes to see Peter bent over in the middle of the room, face bright red and tears making tracks down his rounded cheeks.
"You- And you- Your faces!" he managed to get out before another loud peal of laughter stops any more words.
"There was-"
"But-"
"You-"
"Wha-"
"Wait, you're a rat!?" James managed to recover from his shock first, stifling his own laughter now.
"Mate, that's gold!" Sirius' own cackles entered the mix.
"At least I did it!" Peter cried indignantly. That shut his friends up pretty quickly.
"Try getting into the mindset of an animal," was Peter's ever so helpful suggestion when another week had passed with still no change.
"What's that supposed to mean?" James scowled at his friend.
"A lot of animals walk on all fours. You could try crawling for the next few days?"
"Why don't I take a shit in the woods, too, while I'm at it?"
"Whatever helps you, mate," Peter was really starting to grate on James' nerves.
A loud bark startled them both.
"Oh, not you too," James groaned.
"He got into the mindset of an animal," the dog growled, hackles raised.
"Why's there a dog in here?"
"What's that, Remus?" James asked with as much false innocence as he could muster.
"What did you do?"
"How could you possibly-"
"Peter!"
"Yeah?" came the reply from across the room.
"What did he do?"
"I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific, mate."
"Y'know what? Nevermind. I'm not joining you lot in detention for whatever this is." Remus gestured violently at the bear-sized dog, grabbing his bag and leaving the dorm room.
"Where's Sirius?" Remus asked over breakfast the next morning.
"Er... I think he said he was going to catch up with McKinnon," James supplied.
"McKinnon's over there with Evans."
"Oh, well, er..."
"He's probably still sleeping," Peter said through a mouthful of scrambled eggs, not taking his eyes from the paper.
"Oh, okay," Remus looked from one to the other, a slight frown marring his features.
"...I'm going to class," Remus said quietly when no one had spoken for a solid five minutes.
"We'll meet you there," Peter replied cheerfully, spraying toast crumbs everywhere.
"Still can't do it James?" Sirius taunted his friend.
"Shut up Sirius! It took you three days to turn back!"
"Yeah, I know! Do you have any idea how many detentions I've got!?"
"C'mon, James! Focus! We've only got two days 'til the next full moon," that shut them both up pretty quickly.
"Well, how did you do it?"
"Focus on yourself," Peter was quick to reply.
"That should be pretty easy for him."
"Shut up Sirius! I meant focus within yourself."
"How am I supposed to do that?" James complained loudly.
"You could try not talking, for one," Sirius suggested, ignoring James' responding glare.
"Well maybe if you two would shut up I could focus easier," James snapped.
"You did ask for our help," Peter muttered to the floor.
"I changed my mind."
"You two should just tell him, then he doesn't have to be alone tonight," James stared dejectedly at the suit of armour across the hall from him.
"C'mon, mate, you've still got time," Sirius tried for encouraging, but it fell a little flat.
"What were we doing when we did it?"
"Uh... I was trying to ignore you and James. You were talking about shitting in the woods. It was weird."
"We weren't talking about shitting in the woods, we-"
"Well, shit!"
"Sirius!"
"No, look," Peter turned to where he was pointing, and where James had been standing before now stood an enormous stag.
"...how are we going to get that back to the dorms?"
"What's going on?" Remus was clearly unaffected by Sirius and Peter's obvious excitement.
"Just... come and see!" Sirius was practically bouncing on his feet.
"I'm not falling for that one again!"
"It's nothing bad!"
"You said that last time!"
"It really isn't, Remus," Peter interjected. With a sigh, Remus allowed them to drag him outside. They didn't stop until they were just past the first trees of the Forbidden Forest.
"If you're hoping to keep that as a pet, the answer's no," was Remus' immediate response upon first seeing the stag. "If that dog taught you anything-"
"No, look! That's James!"
"Okay, Sirius, I'm not sure what you're on but that is definitely-"
"No, we-" Peter began, but a loud bark cut him off.
"Wha- S-Sirius?" Remus' eyes widened, slowly raising his hand towards the dog.
The dog licked a long stripe up the side of Remus' face.
"Yeah, we, er... We thought if we were... Then you wouldn't have to..." Peter tried to explain.
Remus nodded, a wide grin splitting his face.
"How?"
"Why doesn't James change back?"
"He probably can't. It took me ages," Sirius didn't seem too bothered, buttering a piece of toast and tagging a large swig from his goblet of pumpkin juice.
"I managed it straight away."
"Yeah, well... you're a rat. It's probably the bigger the animal the harder it is to-"
"Shut up, Sirius!" Remus and Peter hissed almost simultaneously.
"People can hear you!" Peter whispered.
"Yeah. So?" Sirius' voice was still obnoxiously loud.
"Do you have any idea how illegal that is?" Remus whispered.
"People hearing me?"
"Sirius!"
"We should have codenames!" Peter suddenly raised the volume of his voice, earning a few curious stares. Most people were used to this kind of behaviour from them, however.
"How is that a helpful suggestion?" Sirius was quick to reply.
"I don't know. It would make it easier to talk about," Remus mused, chin resting on his open palm.
"Peter should be Rabies!"
"For the last time Sirius, we're not going to call Peter 'Rabies'!" James' voice was muffled by the pillow he was pressing against his face.
"Why not?"
"It's stupid!" Peter yelled.
"I disagree."
"Alright, fine! Then you're Snuffles!"
James' loud snort almost drowned out the sound of Remus banging his head against the wall.
"Maybe we should do Remus' name first?" Sirius groaned from his position lying sprawled across the floor.
"Why?" James' head appeared over the side of his bed.
"I don't know... It's easier, I guess," Sirius muttered.
"Well if we call Peter Rabies then you're-"
"Shut up, Potter! We are not calling me Snuffles!"
"Why not!? It's-"
"Something to do with the fill moon, like Moonlight or-"
"Moonlight sounds a bit ridiculous, Peter," Remus cut in.
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Snuffles!"
"I'm going to kill you, Potter!"
"... Moony?" was Peter's quiet interruption.
"What was that for, Sirius!?" Peter yelled, face contorted in pain.
"It was an accident!"
"How? How could you possibly have accidentally stomped on my tail!?"
"... I thought it was a worm..." James' laughter earned glares from the both of them.
"Your tail looks like a worm!" James choked around his laughter.
"Oh, Merlin! That's brilliant!" Sirius' own manic laughter joined the mix. "Wormtail!"
"That means I get to name Sirius," James proudly announced the next day.
"How'd you figure that?" Sirius asked.
"I can't very well come up with my own nickname, now, can I Black? Think it through!"
"Not Snuffles."
"Of course not. You're going the be Furry Little Problem the Second," James responded so casually that it took Sirius a moment to register his words.
"I'm going to kill you with my bare hands," Sirius growled, leaping across his bed and tackling James to the floor.
"Hey, Peter, you wanna go grab some breakfast?"
Sirius lay in dog form sprawled across Remus' bed, much to the boy's annoyance. They were all crammed onto the too-small bed, curtains drawn.
"Why do dogs have pads on the bottom of their feet?" Peter asked quietly, poking one of Sirius' paws.
"Because it would be stupid to have them on the top?"
"You're not funny James."
"It's like-" Remus began.
"That's it!" James yelled, disrupting the quiet of the dorm room. "Padfoot!"
Various yells of "Shut up, Potter!" came from the other occupied beds.
"I still don't get why I have to be Wormtail," Peter whined.
"Because we decided it and once it gets all three votes it's final," Sirius stated as if reciting an old law.
"Why doesn't my vote count?"
"Because James decided we couldn't choose our own nicknames," Remus muttered.
"He's got a point," Sirius countered. "We'd never decide on anything if we had to like our own name."
"You like yours," Peter scowled at the boy in question.
"Course I do! But you gotta admit, yours are both pretty accurate. I mean, Moony's an arse and Wormtail's a-"
"Sirius!" Remus and Peter yelled in unison, ignoring James' sniggering.
"Oh, come on! We've known each other forever! Who needs boundaries?"
"Sirius, there was a time I didn't know you. I would like to keep my boundaries firmly intact," Peter replied.
"Yeah, before first year! No boundaries for you!"
"Remus! Help!"
"There's no arguing with him when he gets like this."
"So right you can't even pretend to disagree?"
"So stupid you can't even form an argument he would understand."
"Harsh, Moony."
"Remus if you call me 'Prancer' one more time I will ram you into a wall I swear to Merlin's beard"
"Why? It's festive!"
"Padfoot, back me up here!"
"C'mon James, get in the Christmas spirit!"
"You don't even know what Prancer's from!"
"Shut up, Wormtail!"
"So a non-festive deer, then," Remus murmered.
"Hey, what about that one from the film?" Peter offered, half asleep already.
"... Bambi?" Remus didn't sound convinced.
"Bambi! That's adorable!" Sirius landed heavily on the floor when James leant over the gap between their beds and pushed him to the floor.
"Do you even know what a film is?"
"Yeah, it's like a portrait that says the same things over and over."
"Close enough, I guess," Remus muttered over Peter's quiet snores.
"So, Bambi-"
"Bambi my arse, Sirius."
"Ah, c'mon!"
"No."
"Why not?" Sirius whined.
"Because it's stupid and I know that's why you like it. And Moony, I hate you for even suggesting it!"
"Technically it was Peter..."
"He's asleep. I'll get to him later."
"Well it's not like we could just call you Prongs," Remus rolled over, attempting to block out Sirius' and James' constant chatter and fall asleep.
"Where'd that come from?" Sirius' head appeared over the side of his bed, startling Remus into wakefulness. He must have crawled underneath it at some point to switch sides.
"I don't know. What's it matter?"
"Because, Moony dear fellow, we need to remember this momentous occasion! Wormtail! Wake up!" Sirius aimed one of Remus' shoes at Peter's sleeping form.
The bundle of blankets let out a rather loud snort, before sending the shoe back in the direction it had come from. He missed and hit Remus.
"Ow!"
"Well you should keep him under control!"
"Better men then he have tried and failed," James spoke up.
"... are you talking about yourself?" Peter sent an odd look in James' direction.
"Hey! Take this seriously!"
"What? No puns?"
"Et tu, Remus? I'm trying to have an important conversation with you guys and you all insist on ruining the moment!"
"You want to call James Prongs, we get it," Remus pushed Sirius away in a futile attempt to keep the other boy off his bed.
"Yes, but-" Peter interrupted before Sirius could finish.
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs."