Sup guys! Look, a new shiny chapter!

Edit: Just got a review accusing me of plagiarism. Uh... I came up with this story on my own. Annoyed me because I had to go look up this other story called "Past And Secrets" to insure that someone wasn't plagiarizing me! Then I read this other person story and realise that our two stories are not even the same. If anyone else is reading/has read this Past And Secrets story can you please tell me how exactly I'm plagiarizing. Vaguely similar plots using an overdone cliche and copying are not the same thing as far as I knew. Oh well, maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, I wasn't posting this story onto my AO3 account with my others, but it looks like I might have to move ALL my stories over there because I'm tired of mine being threatened of being taken down because of mistaken people accidently thinking it's plagiarism or against the rules or something. This is the sixth story I have written here that someone has threatened to report. SIXTH.

This chapter is rated T for Tiresome British Slang That Is Overused In This Chapter~

This chapter is rated X for X-tra offensive Russian stereotypes of not speaking proper English when speaking English. Mostly because it felt in-character for Russia somehow. Russia doesn't speak much in this chapter though, so it's minor.

"Who's reading next?" Prussia asked from his chair, Canada curled up on his lap. How the taller nation fit there no one was sure.

Austria picked up the book and hit Prussia with it before opening it up again to see who the next person was.

England…

"Oh, bloody hell!"

Austria cleared his throat to shut him up before continuing. "England wasn't just a grumpy, cynical nation who pretended to be a gentleman."

"I am so! I am an Absolutely Invincible British Gentleman!"

"I would rather get through this chapter without all of this senseless interrupting this time!"

"Aw, but Roddy! This book would be so unawesome without commentary!"

"Nein!"

"Can we just go back to the book so we can find out what Angleterre is hiding, oui?"

"Bloody pervert…."

He was proud, quick to anger, arrogant and prideful, sure, but he was easily hurt, easily offended and often sentimental. There were many parts that made him up, and frankly, he was a rather interesting nation.

1. England was married to Elizabeth I

England looked sad suddenly, almost nostalgic. The other nations watched him quietly.

2. England has no idea how to swim, odd since he used to be a pirate.

Spain looked at him from where he was sitting. England sent him the two-fingered salute (1)

3. England once got kicked out of an Karaoke place for smashing a guitar

4. England has a tattoo of a six-string on his ass

"Whoa, whoa!" America started. Austria didn't let him finish and continued on.

5. England's least favourite of all his Kings (and Queens) was definitely Henry VIII. That guy was a dick.

6. Charles I was a dick too.

7. England only drinks Earl Grey tea. Because duh.

England sighed. "Well, it appears that this Milky person butches the English language more than America."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

8. England secretly thinks that Romano and Veneziano are the more adorable things

"I am not adorable, you damn Scone Breath!"

Ve~ Grazie, Mr. England…. You're not that scary after all!"

"What? You think I'm…scary?" England looked said.

9. Especially when they were little and Romano was quite literally kicking at Spain's heels

Spain naturally smiled, as if remember what Romano looked like as a kid. Meanwhile, other nations such as Belgium and Hungary starting swooning as they remembered. He was so cute!

10. He secretly watches Dora The Explorer sometimes when he drunkenly tries to create new spells or chants.

Spain frowned. "What's wrong with watching Dora The Explorer when drunk?"

"Everything." Romano said.

"Oh, bugger off! Austria, would you like to continue to read so we can get this over with?"

11. England loves Doctor Who

12. England secretly loves McDonald's food.

"Huh? Then why are you always yelling at me when you think I'm eating McDonald's?" America asked. Well, more whined. "That doesn't seem fair, Britain."

"Well, I—Oh, just belt up."

13. England burns his food on purpose so no one else would eat it

"I do not! And I'm not a bad cook either! You are all just jealous!"

14. Just kidding. His food just tastes like shite.

"Ha!" France said. "Even the author of this book knows that the French make the best food!" Suddenly a piece of paper fell from the sky and landed on his head. He read it. "This is a disgrace!" He exclaimed.

America took the paper from him. "Yo, South Italy. Author says you have the best food." Romano turned tomato red.

"Aw, isn't that cute! He looks like a tomato!"

"I do not! Cut the crapola, jerk bastard!"

"I'm Starting To Think That You Don't Mean That, Lovi!" Spain then pulled Romano into an affectionate hug. That Romano totally did not lean into. No way.

15. England is Protestant

16. Or is he Catholic?

America chuckled, remembering the time that he got drunk. France, Austria, and Spain just started laughing. Because it was so true.

17. He isn't sure, but he blames the damn Tudors.

Spain started grumbling things under his breath. "sank my Armada," "Netherlands, you puta" "England, you puta" seemed to be common phrases.

18. Except for Elizabeth. She's wonderful.

England smiled, thinking about her.

19. He doesn't really want to leave the EU. Really. Truly. What even is Brexit? No idea!

The Western European nations all sighed, including England. The Eastern European nations all looked scared for some reason. Well, except for Russia. And Belarus… For some reason.

20. He has a crush on America

England sputtered. "I do not! This book is absurd!"

"I'm starting to think that you don't hate me, Iggy!" America called, hoping the other nations would ignore the fact that he was blushing.

"I'm not even sure why I've started having that nickname…. America isn't even Japanese!"

"Dude…." America started to say only to be cut off by Austria who cleared his throat super loud to continue to read.

21. But…

22. He also has a crush on France…..

England looked livid. France started to say something that was likely to be super perverted, but England somehow managed to conjure up duct tape to cover his mouth before he could. Or maybe the author just couldn't come up with a phrase that sounded in-character enough. Wait, author? What author?

23. Wait no! Of course he doesn't! How preposterous! He hates them both.

"See? This book can't even decide what's true and what's not. This is absolutely ridiculous! Why the bloody hell are we still here reading it anyway?"

"England's right. This book seems to contradict itself. It must be filled with lies after all." Germany said.

"I don't think so." Austria said, adjusting his glasses as he read the next one.

24. 23 was sarcasm.

25. He clung so hard to Canada after America left that he didn't want him to hate him so he politely and gentlemanly allowed him to be independent.

Canada glanced up at England, who started sputtering again. "D-don't look at me like that!" England said. "I can't even remember your name for bloody sake's."

"Dude, you say 'bloody' way too much."

"You don't even know the proper spelling and pronunciation of aluminium you nitwit!" England snapped at America, who grinned.

26. Considering Canada is still part of the commonwealth, he'd say that was a good call.

27. England... Dammit, forgot what this one was supposed to say. (10)

Everyone just looked at the book. "Did… it seriously say that one?" Asked Prussia. "Didn't think that Prissy Aristocrat knew how to…"

"Hungary, would you set the pan down please so we can get this nonsense over with?" England asked.

28. He temporarily went blind in one eye during the Great London Fire

England shuttered, remembering that. A few of the other nations, France and Austria in particular, looked a bit concerned.

29. Scotland is the only person who knew

30. He's so tired of France teasing him about his and America's "Special Relationship."

France somehow managed to get the duct tape off his mouth. "It's not like you mind having 'La relation spéciale' with Amérique."

"Shut your mouth, you uncultured swine I am trying to read!" Austria snapped before England could say anything.

31. No, really. Seriously. Damn Cheesy Froghead

"Oh, You've never had the best insults mon petit lapin."

"I'm not your little bunny! What on Earth is that supposed to mean, anyway!"

"Wait… Scone Breath understands the bastard?" Romano mumbled in confusion.

"What did France say?" asked Italy, trying to figure out how to pronounce the words. Romano and Germany picked him up with matching sighs and locked him in the closet. Nope, no French for Veneziano. He doesn't need to die today.

"How cute!" Hungary exclaimed in regards to England's understanding of French.

"I… I do not understand him! I just guessed!"

"I'm starting to think that you don't mean that!" France said with a dramatic swoon.

32. And his insults are splendid thank you very much!

"No…. No, they aren't. Dude, my whale could make a better insult than you."

"Oui. And better food too."

31. He hates how oblivious America is.

"Hey!"

32. And not even because of that, either.

33. WHY IS THE KID HE RAISED SO IGNORANT?

"Not cool, dude!"

"Trump."

"Brexit."

"Trump."

"Brexit."

"Trump."

"Bre—"

"Both of you shut up! This is not a competition of which Anglo nation can mess up the global economy more! Be mature adults and sit down and be quiet!" Germany said.

"I don't think either event ruined global economy. Economy is booming!" Russia muttered.

Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Ukraine all nodded along with scared looked on their faces.

34. Seriously this man's people just elected a crazy egomaniac with free reign to destroy the planet with his climate change denial and nuclear codes!

America frowned. "Dude. This isn't even my chapter and this book can't stop talking about me!" The slight wince he gave suggested what he was actually thinking.

England gave him a secret smile. "I'm starting to think that you don't mean that… wanker."

35. He lost his virginity to France

"WHAT!" yelled just about every nation who wasn't named Spain or Prussia.

"Seriously? Out of all the things that this book evidently knows it picks that one?"

"It's not like it wasn't a pleasant memory…"

"It wasn't! You're awful in bed, you arrogant perverted frog!"

"Ah, rosbif! I'm wounded!"

36. He wasn't a very old nation either. It was pretty early in his nationhood.

37. His kings were still Normans at the time, anyway.

38. He's jealous of Tony for being so close to America

"Dude! He's just an alien! I couldn't like him like that! I just saved him from Area 51!"

39. He also hates Tony

"What? B-but he likes you!"

"No he doesn't, you stupid git!"

40. Damn alien always insults him

41. He doesn't understand why people think he's crazy when he's talking to his friends

"…." Everyone but Norway, Romania, and Iceland just looked at him like "bish, you are."

42. At least Norway gets it.

Denmark, Sweden, and Finland looked at Norway like "bish, you crazy."

43. He continues to bake America scones every year even knowing that America probably throws them out or something.

"Dude, I don't."

"Well, I know that now! Not like storing them is any better…."

44. He doesn't really know why either

"Because you loooveee me!"

"I… Shut up! You're barking mad! I don't love you!"

"I'm starting to think that you don't mean that." America sing-songs.

45. He bakes Canada scones sometimes too, or at least he did.

46. Then he found out Canada and Russia used them to play street hockey when the streets get incredibly icey

"Ice hockey is bomb. Scones make very good puck" Russia said with a smile from his seat. Canada looked embarrassed as the other nations laughed, though mostly at England's expense.

47. He and Spain used to have hate sex in their pirate days

Romano ran to the closet and puked. Veneziano screamed. Romano closed the closet door with an angry look on his face.

"Ah, fratello?" Italy said. "Please open the door! I smell like rotten tomatoes and twice-chewed churros! Fratello!"

Romano ignored him and went back to his seat, glaring at England the whole time. Spain looked at the book. Spain mumbled under his breath about Armadas again. And glared at Netherlands, whatever that was about.

48. Yes, Queen Elizabeth did know about it

49. Hell, she encouraged it!

"Should we be reading this book with Sealand in the room?" Latvia asked.

"Wait! Why the bloody hell is Sealand in here! Go home and watch some anime!"

"Shut up, Jerk Britian! You're not the boss of me!" Sealand called from behind Sweden's chair.

50. He changed his accent to sound a bit more posh-like when America left

51. He thinks America's fake English accent sounds stupid, but for some reason it turns him on at the same time

"Dude, I'm going to start talking like you for the rest of the chapter!"

"Don't you dare, you frigging idiot!"

52. He's about as much of a pervert as he claims France is, only he tries to pretend otherwise

France did his creepy-ass laugh here. Austria kept reading.

53. In his younger days he probably had about as much sex as France did.

English blushed. "I'm not like that anymore!"

"It appears that moi isn't the only 'pervert' anymore!"

54. One Direction annoys the shit out of him about as much as Bieber annoys Canada.

55. The Beatles were so much better.

Every nation, including America, nodded.

56. He can't stand American English. C-O-L-O-U-R not C-O-L-O-R. T-H-E-A-T-R-E not t-H-E-A-T-E-R. Lift, not elevator. Flat, not apartment.

"Dude, what's your problem with my language! France never complains about Canadian French or Creole and Spain never complains about Mexico!"

57. Football, not soccer!

"YOU CALLED IT SOCCER FIRST, BRITIAN!"

"Sod off, America!"

"Dude…. WE PLAY THE SAME SPORTS, TOO!"

"…Rugby is different…"

58. Never mind that American measurement system was originally his or many of the spellings of words that America used were originally British.

England sighed.

59. It annoys him that some people *coughAmericanscough* don't seem to understand the difference between England, Great Britain, and the UK.

"Understand just fine."

"Then why do you call me Britain? Actually, why the hell do any of you call me Britain?"

"…I think it's the same reason that we called Veneziano Italy." Germany finally said.

60. It's not that hard!

61. England spent much of his childhood surviving on his own.

62. Scotland liked to use him for target practice

The nations winced.

63. King Arthur was real

"Would've liked to meet him." America mumbled.

64. He would know; he was Merlin's apprentice

65. He named himself after King Arthur.

"Of course you did…."

66. After Merlin's death, he was raised in a monastery. Not long before Norman times he gave himself the surname Kirkland… meaning "Land Of The Church."

67. Speaking of which all the religious wars have confused him so much that when he is drunk he forgets what Tudor he is being ruled by…. Even though the current ruling family are the Windsors…

The nations laughed. He glowered. "Just you wait America. I bet you 500 Euros that by the end of the year you'll start getting so pissed that your Commander In Tweet will become Mr. Obama somehow." (13)

68. He named America after Alfred the Great because he hoped that he would be a hero

69. He wishes he hadn't given America any ideas of becoming a hero because he might still love him. Or at the very least not have wanted to leave.

America just looked down.

70. England still has his piercings from his punk phase.

Annnnnnnnnnnnddd America looked up.

71. England refuses to accept Sealand as a country because he's still hurting from all his colonies leaving him

"Stupid Jerk Britain!" Sealand chastised.

72. Especially America. Damn Yank.

73. It hurt when Sweden "Adopted" Sealand. Really, really hurt. (5)

Finland started crying. "It's just so sweet."

74. He's scared of Donald Trump messing up his "special relationship" with America, especially after the disastrous co-opt press conference with Theresa May. (7)

"Don't think that he needs to worry about that…. President Pussy-Grabber can't do much in four years….Well…Actually….Wait... Fuck. Bruder, prepare to go to war!" Prussia muttered.

"What? We are not going to war with America, you dummkopf!"

"HE SAID THAT HE WOULDN'T RULE OUT NUKING EUROPE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (14)

America sighed. "Can we just go back to mocking Britain now!"

75. He had a blast watching Netherlands take the piss out of the wanker, though.

"Netherlands Second!"

"Nein! Germany Second!" Prussia said.

"Italy second, you damn albino potato!" Romano said.

"Lithuania Third!"

"Czechia Second!" Czech said.

"Nein! All of you shut up!" Austria snapped. The others figured he was just going to go back to reading again and then… "Besides, Austria is second."

The fighting continued until suddenly… "All of you can be second after me!" America yelled and took the book from Austria and started reading. His voice gave everyone earaches so they stopped caring about who was second. (15)

76. Also, HE DOES NOT SAY BLOODY HELL EVERY FIVE MINUTES

"Yeah… you do…" America mumbled after reading the line.

"Shut up, you damn tosser."

"Damn Limey!"

"Stupid Yank!"

"I'm Starting To Think Neither Of Them Mean That…."

77. It offends him that the British men in American TV all sound posh and about 75% of the time are the bad guys.

"B-but we have plenty of good guys with British accents…"

"Sure…"

78. England started imposing the strict rules on America when he was a teenager because he was afraid of him growing up and leaving him.

"See? I never imposed any restrictions on Roma and he turned out so cute!" Spain pinched Romano's cheeks.

"Dumbass." Romano said.

79. He fell in love with America during World War One.

"Awh!" Taiwan exclaimed.

80. He felt bad for convincing Canada to fight against his own brother

"It's alright, England. I wanted to."

"MATTIE!"

81. He really does feel bad whenever he forgets about Canada

"Used to it." Canada whispered.

82. He enjoys the reality show called "American Capitalizt Politics."

"What the hell is Capitalizt?"

"A nation of fiscally backwards Republicans." England snickered.

"Not to mention socially…" Norway said.

83. Yes, that is what he calls American Politics

"You know, when we say Trump here in England, we are talking about…"

"No more modern politics at the table!" Germany chastised him.

84. England can tell that Iceland sees the magical creatures too. He doesn't understand why he acts like he doesn't.

Norway glared at Iceland. Everyone looked at everyone with a "maybe this bish is crazy" look.

85. Same with America. How is it that America has that wanker alien friend Tony and takes care of a unicorn England left him and yet claim that England is crazy at the same time.

"Uh… Well, I uh…."

86. Also, Tony is an arsehole.

"Wait… Déjà vu…"

87. No, Milky O. Awesomeway did not just repeat an earlier one

88. Fuck it. Disregard 86.

"Did the author of this book just waste three spots that could have had a better use? How unprofessional." Austria muttered.

89. England always gets sick and then super pissed around the Fourth of July.

America frowned and looked at England in concern, who just huffed. And as he read the next few his grin was back.

90. He does not miss America! Don't be preposterous. He's celebrating the anniversary of getting rid of him, of course!

91. That last one was a lie.

92. No matter what England tries to say.

England was red.

93. Fuck it. Disregard 90.

"This Milky person really is not very professional." Austria remarked again.

"D-dude stop insulting them! They might make us read even more!"

94. He turned down France's offer to get married because he didn't want to get married to him (or America) for that reason. He doesn't think either loves him like that, so it doesn't matter.

France smiled softly. "Angleterre…"

"Don't mock me, Frog…" England said with a growl.

95. England is the cousin of Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Prussia, Germany, Switzerland, and Austria. (9)

"Never realised that…"

96. England stubbornly refuses to get rid of the French style of his language because he actually likes the French way, though he'll deny it and claim it's "just because the Queen's English is better than the President's English." Even though he knows that American English used to be 'correct' English.

France snickered. America glowered at him and read briskly.

97. He was inconsolable when Princess Diana died.

All the nations put their heads down in respect.

98. He let his Kings continue to call themselves royals of France long after they lost Calais because he missed being unified with France.

"We could get united right now, mon lapin."

"No way, man!"

"Why don't all three of you just go off and get married." Prussia said.

"Oui! I would love to. Mon lapin, Amérique…."

"No thanks, dude… Maybe later, when I can ignore the fact that you're apparently my father now. Besides, We can't leave." America showed him the next page with a devilish smile. "You're next."

"Merde." He started reading again.

99. England secretly waits for his Hogwarts acceptance letter to this day. No matter how many times they tell him Hogwarts wasn't real.

The nations went quiet for a few seconds before the words registered. Suddenly, Italy started giggling from the closet and Romano, Prussia, America, Denmark, and Poland started rolling around on the floor with laughter. France starting chuckling with a slight headpalm and even Germany was cracking an amused smile.

"I just—You know what, just read the last one. This is humiliating." Austria took the book from a hysterical America and read it off.

100. England tries his best to atone for his past deeds, by attempting to be more considerate towards his past colonies. It doesn't always work.

"That's so cute!" Spain said. "I should do the same with Latin America…"

"Should we let North out now?" Germany wondered.

"No! The perverted wine bastard is next!" Romano snapped. Spain started petting him out of nowhere.

Austria sighed. "Who's going to read next."

"I will!" Finland said. For some reason he was sitting on Sweden's lap. Austria just shrugged, handed him the book, and sat down at a piano that materialised out of nowhere and started playing Chopin.

All my crazy-ass Author's footnotes below here:

1. Equivalent of a middle finger

2. Gosh, the new England in the dub is awful. And is it just me or is the Season 6 dub just awful in general? Like, the translations? This might be the first season I prefer the sub for. Ugh.

3. I'm fairly behind in World Stars, so some of this may be inaccurate. La de da for not reading new strips when they come out anymore. I also haven't seen anything other than the first three episodes of the dubbed "The World Twinkle." Which is silly considering as my only other current major fandom atm is on a fucking hiatus. Though, IT'S COMING BACK ON SUNDAY! Can't wait, lol.

4. Can you guys guess what my other fandom is? Actually, just look at the last chapter of "Why Milky O. Awesomeway Has Been Banned From PJO" I answered this question already.

5. I actually really fucking hate the SuFin family headcanon. Totally historically inaccurate. In fact, I hate Sealand/Sweden/Finland stuff in general outside of AU's. Ugh. Just Ugh. No offense to those of you who love it, I know I'm in the minority.

6. For someone who doesn't curse irl I do sure type f-bombs way too much

7. "There Goes That Relationship" Trump was "joking" but the fact that he so casually can "joke" about breaking up one of the most strongest alliances we have just because some reporter upset him pisses me off so much.

8. I'm sorry these get a little political/current but they kind of have to be. Current events are history too, and these nations would definitely be thinking about it all, not just like "It wasn't 100 years ago yet I can't have an opinion" so they have opinions. Does that make sense?

9. Anglo-Saxons are very mixed in with Germanic/Nordic culture. It was the Vikings/pagans fault.

10. I just wanted to put this one out there. I literally put 27. England on this one and didn't notice until I'd gotten back to it to write up the non-bold parts. Well, whatever. I'm doing this my way, lol. I was too lazy to come up with a new one so whatever.

11. I totally regret including Spamano in the story. Bleh. It's my NOTP now but was my second favourite Romano ship at the time and since it's the most popular Romano ship it just made sense at the time.

12. Naturally, I definitely favour USUK over FrUK but the fandom is pretty half and half on these and I LOVE both ship near the same amount so I decided to do both no matter how messy or illogical it gets. Whatever.

13. For #67, I spent the whole time I was writing the dialogue going "Don't Make An "Orange Is The New Black" joke over and over again.

14. He did.

you guys haven't seen the "Netherlands Second" video or the videos that followed it, you should probably check them out. #EverySecondCounts

16. Did I say France was next? Well, whatever. Even if I didn't, France is next. And if I didn't. It's an alternative fact that I did, dammit!

17. I probably need to cool it about the Trump jokes….