Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter 8: Clan Loyalty

The sun set slowly in the west as the Sandaime Hokage stared at a set of Polaroids a patrolling ANBU had just presented him with. Each photo showed one of the great faces carved into the Hokage Monument looming directly behind the Hokage Tower complex.

The first photo was of Senju Hashirama. Two artfully trimmed pines sprouted out beneath his nostrils; the evergreen foliage curled in a thick handlebar moustache.

The second photo featured Senju Tobirama, sporting a lushly green Fu Manchu. At both ends of his grimly pressed lips were long, tapering cascades of lady ferns, and a third tapering curtain sprouting from his chin.

The next photo was of Namikaze Minato. Small thickets of bamboo sprouted angrily from his nostrils and ears.

Lastly, Sarutobi Hiruzen saw the photo of his own stone visage. In a way, he had suffered the least desecration; thick moss covered his carven hair. He looked like a damned Chia pet.

A weak explosion rang out from somewhere in the village, and Sarutobi lifted his eyes to look out the wide bay of windows.

He sighed as a tiny, yellowy-orange blur darted over nearby rooftops, with four larger blueish blobs in hard pursuit.

In a moment of kismet, the smallest blur came to a halt, and the seven year old boy looked up to the Hokage's office windows. As their eyes met, the boy waved. Sarutobi caught himself waving back with a smile even as the blond boy grinned wider.

An eyeblink later, the four large blurs proved to be four flak jacketed chuunin, slowing only minutely before dogpiling the waving boy. After a tense few moments, the four men stood to surveil their prize, and Sarutobi's brow creased in concern at the sight of the motionless jinchuuriki... until a pop of smoke enveloped the brat, leaving a battered wooden log in his place.

After some rude gesticulations and angry huffing, three of the now very irritated chuunin split up to renew the search, while the fourth lingered to shake his fist at the darkening sky and shout.

"I'LL GET YOU NARUTO! EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

Sarutobi shook his head, dismissed the ANBU in his office, and refilled his pipe for the walk over to ANBU headquarters.

The spartan, uniformly rectangular cafeteria on the second floor of the ANBU building was strangely subdued, despite being packed wall to wall. Sarutobi glanced to the wallclock above the service tables; still half an hour to dinner rush. A quick peer around the room reiterated this; the majority of his porcelain-masked shinobi had neither dinner trays nor a drink before them. When they happened to make eye contact with him as he scanned the room, they furtively dropped their eyes and looked away.

He shook his head, making his way to the back of the room near the service tables. A slouched, dog-masked ANBU sat near the announcement board. The silvery haired ANBU immediately rose as Sarutobi approached, snapping to an overly rigid attention. He gave Sarutobi the overall impression of a three year old with crumbs on his face and both fists in the cookie jar.

"... How may I serve, Hokage-sama?"

"Who is on Monument patrol duty today, Dog?"

The dog masked ANBU grabbed a clipboard dangling from the announcement board, scanning the top page.

"That would be Chuunin Umino Iruka, leading Patrol 17, sir."

"Is that so?" Sarutobi stroked his goatee thoughtfully. He sighed and dug in his robe, pulling out his worn leather wallet.

"Here's three hundred ryo... on Naruto," Sarutobi left the notes on the adjacent sidetable, then replaced his wallet and strolled out of the cafeteria.

As soon as the double doors swung closed behind him, the room erupted in shouts, jeers, and cheers.

The Sandaime Hokage began the stroll back to his office, stroking his beard and already mentally counting his winnings.

Secreted away in an isolated corner of Konoha, a gathering of men argued heatedly. Lit dimly by a handful of candles, they were seated evenly around the periphery of the room, shadows flickering over the varying blue and grey and white shades of their kimono.

The clan head, flanked by both an empty seat cushion and his firstborn heir, watched his clansmen in silence. His fingers drummed on the low circular table, even as his eyes flicked from the ancient banner on one wall, bearing their embroidered clan emblem, to the tokonoma in the opposite wall, featuring an ikebana of evergreen and winterberry.

"How long must we suffer this outr-"

"Calm yourself!"

"There's no reas-"

"We are the strongest clan in Konoha! Why are-"

Uchiha Fugaku slowly raised his hand up, and the room quickly settled into silence.

"I am aware many amongst us are dissatisfied with the current standing of our clan. Though we, by ancient agreement with the barely-extant Senju, are a keystone of this village, we have lost much and more in the time since the Kyuubi's attack."

The Uchiha clan council nodded in agreement, though some more angrily than others. Fugaku continued on.

"Despite our operation of the Konoha Military Police Force, a charge laid to us by Nidaime-sama himself, we are still viewed with suspicion by a majority of the other clans, despite whatever the civilians may think. And now... now we know why."

He pulled a scroll from his sleeve and threw it hard on the floor. The wood of the roller clattered as it bounced and the parchment unfurled.

The councilmen slowly clustered around the scroll to read it, whispering. Whispering gave way to arguing, and arguing gave way to outright howling.

"How did you acquire this, Fugaku?" an older councilman looked up to ask.

"My son, Itachi," Fugaku nodded to his left. Itachi dipped his head in quiet acknowledgement. "The boy was searching ANBU archives for mission related documents, and came across it. In the face of the mounting clan-village frictions we've been facing, he felt it necessary to discreetly copy and deliver this to us."

"How dare anyone think we had something to do with that demon's attack?!"

More shouts of agreement, anger.

Itachi chose this moment to break his silence. "Given the evidence now before us, it may be prudent to entertain the possibility that the Kyuubi's assault was orchestrated by a holder of the Sharingan. Our current situation of discord is likely an intended outcome planned by this unknown puppeteer."

"That's even more ridiculous! You'd have us impugn our own clan's honor!" another councilman shouted.

"It's impossible, Itachi. All our clansmen, living and dead, are accounted for. Even that no-account Hatake thief," Fugaku said, cutting them all off. "The fact of the matter is, we now have conclusive, hard evidence of Sandaime-sama's dismissal of not only our strength, but our sacrifices for this village."

Heads nodded in agreement. One spoke out.

"Following this, what should we do?"

"I believe..." Fugaku began, "...I believe that if Sandaime-sama trusts even less than Nidaime-sama did, then he does not deserve our trust in turn."

"... Thusly, as shinobi, we must be prepared to strike before they strike us."

The council members digested their clan head's words in disquiet. Slowly, one after another nodded.

Fugaku smiled faintly. The pieces were falling into place.

"But, otousan," Itachi shifted agitatedly, "there is no evidence to suggest that Hokage-sama will commit to anything of the sort."

"It is expected of my son, to bring such information before the clan," Fugaku paused, frowning. "But you must remember your place as my heir, and trust your elders to arrive at the correct decision."

"Yes, otousan," the young Uchiha bowed his head in shy submission. "Please forgive my rude outburst."

His father nodded faintly, then turned back to his fellow Uchiha. "Now, we must begin by renewing our surveillance efforts regarding the other clans; specifically, the clan heads and their heirs. As we comprise the bulk of the Military Police, this can be accomplished under fairly low profile."

"What about the ANBU? Or even those rumored ROOT bastards under Shimura's thumb?"

"Have you forgotten already?" Fugaku shook his head. "My son has proven his strength and skill as a jounin, and already stands in trusted officership amongst the Hokage's masked muppets, Sakumo's spawn included. If a boy can rise so highly amongst the village 'elite', then I believe it will be a simple matter for the clan itself to subdue them all when the time comes... don't you agree, my son?"

"As you say, otousan," Itachi deferred blankly.

"And when the time is right, we will be prepared to remove that senile fool of a Hokage," Fugaku continued on, to much head bobbing.

"Otousan, if I may ask," Itachi asked hesitantly, "whom will you replace Sandaime-sama with?"

"I nominate our own clan head, Fugaku-san," an elderly man called out. "It was we Uchiha, with the Senju, who gathered the rabble into the Konoha of today. In the absence of a Senju, it's only right for us to take the hat."

"Hear, hear! I second this."

"I also!"

"It is our right!"

"Then, by the will of our clan, I can only humbly accept this nominaiton," Fugaku bowed in a partial dogeza. "I swear to protect our clan, to cultivate our strength, and to ensure our continued glory. Our ancestors built this village, and by the blood we shed to protect it, it shall continue to live on. Without us, Konoha is nothing. The clan comes before the village... but if the Uchiha lead the village, the village becomes the clan. By submitting to our rule, the village can only become stronger."

Fugaku looked to his fellow Uchiha in the meeting chamber, heads nodding in agreement and simmering resentment. His eyes lingered only on his son, still and subdued.

"See quickly to the preparation of your families, and ready those under your direct command. When the opportunity presents itself, we will be ready to strike at a moment's notice. You are all dismissed."

The men filed out, leaving their clan head with grim nods or statements of affirmation. But Fugaku was more concerned with his own heir.

I must keep my wayward son close.

A man with an unruly mop of dark hair made a hasty forward combat roll through the front entrance of the Uchiha clan compound, a hail of kunai screaming through the air his head would have occupied, had he still been walking.

Shisui unfurled into a crouch as he reached out with both arms wide open, to catch the shrieking blue and white blur sailing straight at him. He caught the boy in a loose armlock, bopping his head lightly before setting him down on the packed dirt.

"Owwww, Shisui-nii!" the overly eager boy whined.

Shisui only laughed and bopped the boy's head again. "That's what you get for trying to my face into a pin cushion!"

"... Sasuke...? Sasuke!" A woman's voice called out gently from further in the compound.

The young boy at Shisui's feet looked up sharply. "Hahaue! Over here! Look who I found!"

A slender woman rounded the corner, long black hair done up in a modest bun and wearing a simple apron over a dusky blue kimono.

"Good afternoon, Mikoto-san," Shisui bowed his head politely as she approached him.

Mikoto responded with a warm smile and hugged him. "How have you been? We hardly see you anymore, not since you moved away. Are you eating well?"

"I'm a grown man now, Mikoto-san," Shisui thumped his chest proudly. "I'm perfectly capable of looking out for myself!"

She slanted him a wary glance, then gave the air a light sniff. "Is that... perfume I smell?"

"Uhh... yeah. I met... a... uh, friend... and decided to treat her out to lunch at that new place a street over from the Jounin Station," the younger Uchiha laughed nervously.

Mikoto arched a brow, "I didn't know you had the kind of friend that leaves lipstick on collars."

Shisui exploded in a blush, tugginng awkwardly on his collar for the supposedly lipstick stain, only for her words to really process a moment later.

"Ah dammit, Mikoto-san, how do you always do that?" he groaned as Mikoto giggled.

"What's Shisui-nii doing with lipstick, hahaue? Isn't that for girls?" Sasuke asked as he hung of his mother's apron like a monkey.

"You're right, dear. Lipstick is for girls. But it's nothing you need worry about," Mikoto patted the boy's head, before looking to his cousin. "My husband is awaiting you in his study, please go on ahead."

"Thanks, Mikoto-san, Sasuke-kun. See ya!" Shisui sped off, grateful to be spared further opportunity to embarrass himself.

Sasuke made to follow, only for his mother's slim hand to shoot out, firmly nabbing his shirt. He slumped guiltily, before cranking his head back to see she hadn't even bothered to face him.

"Sasuke-chan... perhaps you can explain why there are all these kunai in the compound gate?"

"... Um..." Put on the spot, Sasuke racked his tiny brain in futility for a plausible cover story.

As each moment of silence ticked by, the sky rapidly darkened, and an ominous red aura flared to life around Uchiha Mikoto. She hoisted her son up and around, face-to-face, and blazing crimson eyes bored into the panicking boy's bloodless face.

"Uchiha Sasuke... what have I told you about setting traps in public areas?" A low, gravelly voice welled from from his mother's dainty lips.

Shisui entered the clan head's home, and slipped the front door closed behind him, abruptly cutting off Sasuke's scream.

The Uchiha clan head beckoned towards the seat cushions opposite him at the low table. Shisui obeyed, watching as Fugaku carefully poured out cups of tea.

"Shisui. You have come to be close to my son, Itachi, yes?" He held out a steaming cup to Shisui.

"It is as you say, Fugaku-sama," Shisui accepted it with a dip of the head.

"Since the last clan meeting, Itachi's behaviour has been... strange," Fugaku stated.

Shisui sipped a little tea. "Strange... how?"

"He rarely returns home, and when he does chance to, his words are few and far between," Fugaku frowned into his steaming cup.

"What... would you ask of me, Fugaku-sama?"

Fugaku sighed. "I'll not mince words with you. I want you to keep an eye on the boy, and report any... unusual behaviour... immediately."

"You're asking me to spy on your own son," Shisui deadpanned, slanted him a look, then sighed. "Define 'unusual'."

Fugaku's frown deepened. "Not spying, so much as... concerned surveillance for my son's welfare. Who the boy spends his time with, and if possible, observation of his off-duty activities. His recent attitude suggests he is drifting away from the clan, no longer placing the proper priority on the clan's well-being."

"With all due respect, Fugaku-sama, Itachi is a loyal shinobi of Konoha," Shisui said firmly.

"Loyal to Konoha, undoubtedly, but what of loyalty to the clan? All I ask is that you serve the clan as it serves you," Fugaku countered sourly. "Can you be relied upon for this task, or not?"

"I am Uchiha, Fugaku-sama," Shisui nodded firmly.

"Excellent. You may go," Fugaku turned away, appearing marginally less like he'd sucked on a rancid toad.

Shisui left the room, sliding the shoji softly shut behind him. He quietly left the clan head's house, beelining from the Uchiha compound gates to Konoha's market district. He slipped into an alleyway behind a small teahouse, just off the main thoroughfare.

"How did it go?" A voice asked from the shadows.

"Exactly as you expected," Shisui said disappointedly, toeing a crate of empty sake bottles.

Itachi stepped out from the shadows of a shallow alcove. "I had hoped presenting the information you chanced across could help bridge the gap between us and the rest of the village, or at the least, partially soothe the elders' distrust of the village establishment... but it seems I've vastly underestimated clan arrogance," Itachi's dark eyes closed wearily, mouth set in a grim line.

"Hokage-sama must be informed," Shisui said with a grimace.

"Agreed."

The two young Uchiha sat, shifting nervously, in the chairs lined just outside the Hokage's office. The last gatekeeper to the most esteemed shinobi in all of Konohagakure, the Hokage's ancient secretary sat perched behind her desk just outside his office doors like some stiff-necked, stone faced harpy.

"This is suicide. Just so you know," Shisui whispered to Itachi.

"The Hokage must know. The clan does not come before the village," Itachi murmured back.

"Your illustrious, but short, shinobi career will end as an avant garde smear of red on Hokage-sama's office wall, when you tell him you copied a classified scroll for the clan, Itacchan."

"... Only after Hokage-sama signs you over to T&I, to waste away in Morino-san's tender care, for first coming across said scroll in an effort to find Miku-san's contact information," Itachi rebutted.

Shisui gulped.

Ten agonizing minutes later, the doors to the the Hokage's office finally opened, and two identical Hyuuga men exited, followed shortly by the faintly smiling Sandaime.

Being the only extant identical twins in the entire Hyuuga clan, Shisui recognized the men easily; the relaxed brother was the younger Hizashi, and the stiff stick-in-the-mud cum clan head was the older brother, Hiashi. The two young Uchiha stood quickly to bow respectfully in greeting. The Hyuuga bowed briefly in return, before turning their attentions back to Sarutobi.

"It truly warms this old man's heart to see you fine young men striving to bridge the ancient gap between the two branches of your clan. I will recall my student at once, to aid you in modifying your Soke no Juinjutsu."

"We cannot express our gratitude deeply enough, Hokage-sama," the two men shook Sarutobi's hand firmly, before finally bowing once more in farewell and exiting the office antechamber.

The aged secretary cleared her throat as the Hokage pulled out his pipe. "Hokage-sama, ANBU operatives Uchiha Shisui and Uchiha Itachi request an audience with you. There are ten minutes until your next scheduled visitor," she announced crisply.

"There is always time to hear from my shinobi," he beckoned them to follow, already packing his pipe. "Why don't we step inside my office?"

Sarutobi rubbed his temples as he sat facing the two Uchiha.

So much for the golden days of retirement.

He watched a small flock of sparrows flit over the village, before sighing and reaching over to the intercom console.

"Reschedule my remaining appointments for the day, and summon for Shimura Danzo. Tell him it's urgent."

"At once, Hokage-sama."

Five minutes of uncomfortable, pipe-puffing silence later, the heavily bandaged Danzo limped into the office, cane in tow.

"Hiruzen."

"Thank you for your timely arrival, Danzo. Please, be seated," Sarutobi gestured to one of the office guest chairs. "There is a certain situation. Tell him what you have told me, Itachi."

Itachi detailed once more the previous night's Uchiha clan council meeting, with occasional elaboration from Shisui. Sarutobi meanwhile stood to drift once more to the windows and puff away quietly.

Through it all, Danzo appeared unbothered. A beat after Itachi finished his summary, the older man rose and approached the Hokage desk, producing a medium sized scroll from one kimono sleeve. He unrolled it slowly, before stepping back to allow Sarutobi and the two Uchiha to examine its contents.

After scanning it, the Hokage's brow furrowed, and he looked up to Danzo.

"For how long have you anticipated plans of a coup from the Uchiha?"

"I've expected it for some time, but until this, I could find no substantial cause for suspicion," Danzo replied. "In all fairness, this is a generalized coup contingency. Though it is concerned primarily with clan-fueled usurpation of village control, it is not tailored to a specific clan or clans. I found long ago that I prefer not to be caught unaware or without plan."

Sarutobi nodded in tired agreement, reading slowly through the rest of the scroll's details. When he apparently read enough, he sank back into his chair to match eyes with his old comrade.

"Time appears to limit our options. We either act in anticipation or in response," he turned his head to look at the two young men. "What are your thoughts on the matter? You are Uchiha, after all."

Itachi looked to Shisui, then to the Hokage, "I believe... the optimal course of action is to purge the entire clan."

Stunned silence.

"What the hell, Itachi-kun?! That's two miles of crazy on a ten foot track!" Shisui burst out.

Itachi simply pointed at Danzo's scroll, "Shimura-san knows." Danzo dipped his head slowly.

"The boy is correct. Historically speaking, the Uchiha clan is tightly knit, and boasts a high shinobi-to-civilian ratio, even in peacetime. What he's related of his clan's council meeting merely underlines the unanimity amongst those who lead. With this in mind, we cannot be sure how deep the roots of the conspiracy will go, not to mention passive sympathy amongst non-combatant clan members," Danzo huffed. "If there was something I learned from Tobirama-sensei, it was this: if there are survivors, one day, someone will surely return to seek revenge."

Sarutobi raised a hand before Shisui could explode again. "This is only one option, Shisui. Calm yourself. Despite whatever effectiveness this proposal could garner, I cannot find it in myself to give immediate approval for the indiscriminate slaughter of an entire clan."

"Don't be a fool, Hiruzen," Danzo countered. "Taking action after the Uchiha do will lead to unacceptable collateral damage, most notably amongst the village civilian populace. We've only just regained our pre-war strength... the ensuing weakened state of civil war will invite enemy nations to take advantage of that fact, those perpetual idiots in Iwa and Kumo as a case in point."

A heavy silence descended again.

"I've got it!" Shisui slapped a fist on an open palm. "I, uh, believe I've got a third option for you, Hokage-sama," he said excitedly as the other three men turned to stare at him.

"You may or may not recall, Hokage-sama... a few years ago I was performing unauthorized searches over at Archives for... personal... stuff... Anyway, my punishment sentencing was 'enforced' training scheduled with jounin Maito Gai. I seriously thought I was going to die," Shisui paused to frown at his younger cousin's smirking. "I... I've chosen to play this close to my chest, but two and a half days in, I reached my limit and collapsed. The stress and exhaustion awakened a new level of my Sharingan. I've never seen or heard of it before, but I've told only Itachi. None of the clan elders know, and I hope to keep it that way."

Danzo leaned forward. "What does this mean in relation to a 'third' course of action?"

"When I had the opportunity, I did a little testing," Shisui began hesitantly. "This new Sharingan allows me to... suggest... things to targets."

"Please clarify," Sarutobi asked curiously. 'Professor', indeed.

"Well... the bit of testing I managed allowed me to plant discrete ideas or even false experiences into the victim's mind, forcing them to conform to the implanted behaviour I chose. The real strength of the genjutsu is, the victim is unaware of the changeas being foreign, and enacts my orders as if out of free will. One of my experimental targets was ordered to go to the market every Thursday and buy, and immediately, consume raw, a single winter melon. He's a chuunin instructor at the Academy and doesn't leave the village often, so as far as I've seen, he hasn't missed a single Thursday in two years."

Danzo rubbed his chin in though. "What limitations have you discovered?"

"It takes a few seconds, minimum, to perform, and consumes a ridiculous amount of chakra, no matter the perameters of the implanted command. It leaves a significant window of vulnerability, especially immediately following usage of the jutsu. The more foreign the command is to the victim's natural decision making seems to negatively affect how frequently I can use the jutsu, though."

"So," continued Danzo, "you are proposing that you use this new genjutsu of yours to forcibly alter the decisions of your clan elders to avert this coup."

"Exactly," Shisui said, eager.

The Hokage eyed Danzo, then Shisui. "How soon can this be done?"

Shisui shrugged. "As soon as you give the order, Hokage-sama."

"What a fearsome ability," Sarutobi said, drumming his fingers on his chair's arms. "Meddling with a person's free will does not sit well with me."

"If I may, Hokage-sama," Itachi shifted in his seat. "Our clansmen forfeit all rights the moment they willingly chose their false sense of superiority over the well-being of the village... the village we have all vowed to serve with our lives."

Sarutobi continued drumming his fingers amidst the silence of the other men, until seemingly coming to a decision. His fingers clenched in a fist, then relaxed as he laid his hands palm down on his desk.

"Shisui-san. It is good you came to me with this information, difficult as it is. The Will of Fire burns strong in you... I hereby assing you an unranked mission to do this thing. Use your genjutsu to... convince... your clan council of a different path of action. But this day forward, I declare this technique of yours an S-rank kinjutsu. You are not to use it again without my order, and knowledge of this jutsu is not to leave this office. Am I understood?"

"By your will, Hokage-sama," Shisui and Itachi stood and saluted.

"Good. Dismissed."

Just as Shisui's hand grasped the door handle, Sarutobi called out to him.

"Shisui, Itachi."

"... Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Jounin Uchiha Shisui, for breaking your oath to refrain from further unauthorized entry into the ANBU Archives, you are hereby sentenced to resume supervised training with fellow jounin Maito Gai, starting tomorrow. Report to Training Ground 57 at 0400 hours. The supervised training will continue until such time as I deem you properly punished."

Shisui went paper-white, head hung low. "By your will, Hokage-sama."

Itachi smirked.

"Jounin Uchiha Itachi," called out Sarutobi, "for your complicity and failure to report his transgressions, coupled with the unauthorized duplication and transmission of classified documentation, you are sentenced to join him."

The Uchiha boy's stomach dropped not unlike a greased Akimichi down a steep cliff.

"Remember, young men, choice in training attire is not optional." Both Uchiha quavered ever so slightly.

"... By your will, Hokage-sama."

They finally departed, and Sarutobi looked out again over the village as the doors closed behind them.

"... It's never simply getting our hands dirty," he muttered.

"Sometimes one must dive right into the muck, Hiruzen," Danzo said as he carefully rolled up his scroll. "The safety of the village must come first."

Sarutobi's cheeks bulged out slightly, before expelling the smoke slowly through his teeth.

"Speaking of things that must come first, Danzo," he asked absentmindedly. "When are you going to fix that ugly mug you call a face?"

Danzo shrugged. "Cosmetic treatment is costly, is of arguable success rates, and requires multiple sessions, especially for facial alteration. Though my injury is extensive, I've never looked into it, as it's only skin-deep."

Sarutobi smirked back at the notoriously tightfisted man. "I'll see about asking Tsunade for a consultation and treatment. If she won't do it for free... well, you're a persuasive man, when you want to be."

"I would... appreciate that, Hiruzen," Danzo fingered his bandages contemplatively.

A shout rang out from somewhere nearby in the village, muffled through the windows.

"NARUUUUTOOOOOOOO!"

The Hokage looked to Danzo, who gestured towards the office phone in query. Receiving a languid nod in return, the crippled man picked up the receiver and dialed the direct line to ANBU headquarters.

"Hello. Yes... Shimura Danzo... Yes. Who is on Monument duty this evening?... Currently engaged with Subject Orange, yes."

Sarutobi watched Danzo carefully.

"... Ah, jounin Uzuki Yuugao and ANBU Patrol 9. Well, then. I'll place three hundred on Uzuki-san," Danzo's lone eye glanced back to Sarutobi, who held up four fingers.

"... And four hundred on Naruto for Hokage-sama. That will be all," Danzo hung up the phone with a clack.

Sarutobi had pulled out his crystal ball, and the two of them stared at the Hokage Monument through it. It had all been painted to resemble their real life counterparts.

Sarutobi's face crinkled with a smile as the crystal ball's view followed the blond blur speeding across the rooftops below, flinging paint left and right with the antagonized ANBU close on his heels.

"Silence!"

The shouting men reached a crescendo.

Fugaku drew in a breath. "I SAID, BE SILENT!"

The Uchiha clan council filling the dim room hushed at once, turning their undivided attention to their clan head.

"As I was saying, our swift preparations are nearly complete. We are already on the cusp of removing the hat from that old fool-" Fugaku was interrupted by having to roll foward, a flurry of shuriken following in his wake. Coming out from the roll in the center of the chamber, he angrily faced the direction the attack originated from, but saw nothing. The other council members formed a tight ring around Fugaku, all with Sharingan ablaze.

"Who dares trespass against the Uchiha?!" Fugaku's voice rang out low in challenge.

A few councilmen hissed as Itachi stepped out from behind a partially open shoji.

"Apologies, otousan... but I'm afraid I cannot allow you to continue traveling the path you have chosen." There was little that was apologetic about the young Uchiha's bored tone, much less his 'I'm-waiting-for-this summer-downpour-to-stop-so-I-can-hit-the-cornerstore-for-an-ice-cream-bar' posture.

Fugaku's eyes hardened into flint, "I see my son has decided to show his true colors. What a disappointment."

Itachi shook his head slightly. "No, otousan. It is you, who is the disappointment, stewing in your plans of treason against our own village."

"You're a child, Itachi, a foolish child," Fugaku spat. "No matter how talented you believe yourself, you cannot stop the clan. You've wasted your only chance to strike at me, just for a bit of juvenile posturing."

"... This is no posturing, otousan. Your arrogance blinds you; blinds all of you. And that is why you have already lost." Itachi's hand snapped out, neatly toppling the room dividing shoji to the floor.

And from the darkness it revealed, the burning red of the Mangekyou Sharingan of Uchiha Shisui stared right back at the unpleasantly surprised Uchiha elders.

"... Kotoamatsukami!"

As all of the Uchiha councilmen had been looking directly into Shisui's eyes, all off their faces bled out their anger, confusion, and surprise. They all stood relaxed, slack-jawed, as the doujutsu took hold, eyes slightly glazed and unblinking in anticipation of a command.

Shishui took a deep breath. "From this day forward, to the end of days, the Uchiha clan will serve the needs of the village."

The men nodded blankly in unison, some with neck wattles wobbling.

Itachi frowned, elbowing his cousin furiously. "They already think that by serving their own selfish needs, they are serving the village. You must be more specific, cousin... don't you remember that first experiment?"

"Ah, shit..." Shisui whispered back. "Uh... well... the uh, needs of the village must come before the needs of the Uchiha clan. The clan is only part of the whole and it should act like it!"

The Uchiha bobble heads bobbled again.

"Whatcha guys doing?" A tiny head of unruly blond hair over a wide-eyed face popped up from behind a ficus planter jammed in a corner. The two ANBU stared at the seven year old boy.

"Uh... we... are playing a game. The Uchiha Clan wishing game!" Shisui blurted out the first lie to cross his mind.

Utter bullshit. There's no way he's dumb enough to believe that! Shisui and Itachi thought, sharing a nervous glance.

"Too cool!"

He believed it!

Shisui gaped at Itachi, who merely began a discreet, but heavy sweat.

"I wish all the old farts here would stop being so stinky-faced and play with me sometimes!"

The old farts nodded, any remants of said stink faces evaporated into the night.

"Gotcha!" An ANBU in a dog mask had appeared in a whirl of shunshin and armlocked the blond boy.

"Oi! Lemme go! I didn't do nothing wrong! I'm innocent of these crimes! I only wanted to shop!" The boy struggled hard, feet flailing in impotence.

"I'm not here for that," the Dog masked ANBU hissed.

"Oh." The boy stilled.

"But Hokage-sama does want to see you, Naruto!"

"Aww, but we're playing the wishing game! It's super cool, " he whined.

Dog straightened, taking in his surroundings for the first time. Itachi and Shisui, stock-still, stared back at Dog and Naruto, while a group of blank faced Uchiha elders stared at Shisui like a golden calf.

"Uh... wow. Bad timing much?" Dog laughed weakly.

Naruto pulled on Dog's armoured vest. "Come ooonnnnnn, Dog-san! I made a wish, so it's your turn! If you play too, I'll go with you to see Jiji right away."

"Deal," Dog dropped Naruto. "And that's 'Hokage-sama' to you!" he barked, as he knifehand chopped the boy's head. He sighed as the blond brat only stuck his tongue out back at him.

The lanky ANBU's head tilted a moment, in thought.

"I wish you Uchiha weren't total dicks to me all the time, and that you'd get right on honoring Obito's memory."

The dicks nodded their wobbly heads again.

"Ooohhhh! I'm tellin' Jiji you said a bad wooooooord!" Naruto crooned. "And who's Obito?"

"None of your business, that's who. Let's split, brat," He made a grab for the young jinchuuriki. Said jinchuuriki dodge the grasping hands, ducked underneath the follow-up lunge, and rammed a punch straight into the grey-haired ANBU's precious man-land. Dog doubled over, breath stuttering.

"Nyaaa! Only if you can catch me! I'll take you for a walk, Dog-san! Uzumaki NA-RU-TO! HASSHIN SURUUU!" The boy rocketed out a random sliding door, and the cursing ANBU limped out after him.

Shisui and Itachi looked dazedly to each once more, then back to the gathered council.

Time to wrap this up.

The shoji behind Shisui slid open, and Uchiha Mikoto wandered in casually with Sasuke clinging to her kimono.

Oh shit ohshitoshitoooohhhhhsheeyiiiiiiiiiiit...

"Uchiha Fugaku!" Mikoto bellowed.

Her husband's head turned languidly toward her.

"I want a daughter. A cute one!" Fugaku's head bobbed dumbly.

He need to give his wife a daughter.

A cute one.

Mikoto winked a dark eye at her eldest son and his cousin before jauntily turning heel and exiting the room.

Sasuke lurched over to his father, hanging all his weight off the man's sleeves.

"Touchan, teach me some cool jutsuuuuuu! Please, touchan!" Fugaku's head dropped to look down at the pleading face of his younger son, and bobbed his head as much as a man a with his chin to his chest can.

"Yaayy! Cool jutsu! Touchan is the best!" the little boy cheered, and pelted out of the room after his mother.

Shisui shrugged, arms out in a who-knows gesture. "...Did... did all that seriously just happen?"

Itachi only buried his face into his hands.

"... Shisui? Itachi? What are you two doing here? And why is the clan banner ruined!?" a dazed Fugaku barked, voice rising in confusion.

"Ah, well... you see..." Shisui began, seeing that the elder bobbleheads were regaining higher cognitive function.

Itachi cut in smoothly. "One of the Inuzuka breeder dogs came down with distemper and got loose. We were tasked to capture it, but its path of destruction led through the clan hall. We have recovered from it's attack and are about to resume pursuit."

"Oh," Fugaku said hazily. "Okay... well, let those Inuzuka know we can help walk their dogs or whathaveyou if they're a bit shorthanded. We've a few extra hands at the moment."

The two young Uchiha shifted cagily.

"As you say, Fugaku-sama. We will relay your message after the completion of our... mission." The two all but bolted from the clan hall.

"So!" Fugaku clapped his hands. "Where were we? Oh yes! The Kyuubi Festival is just around the corner, and I happened upon a fantastic idea for our clan's parade float. If we start gathering the materials now, we'll make it just in time..."

The silver-and-gold bundle that crashed through the Hokage's office window landed with a hard thump into the guest chair directly opposite the seated Sandaime Hokage. Dog body flickered into the office just as the bundle proved itself to be a screeching Naruto, trussed up in ninja wire like a caterpillar in a silk cocoon. Dog's firm, black gloved grasp on Naruto's shoulders was preventing any further escape.

"Why, good morning, Naruto," Sarutobi looked up from his paperwork, fighting the twitch at the corners of his mouth.

"... Morning, Jiji. So, uh... I heard you wanted to see me?"

Naruto carefully wriggled a hand backwards.

"Indeed, Naruto. I wanted to see how you are doing. With that said, how are you doing?"

"Well, Jiji... pretty good, I'd say. How about yourself?" the boy replied. He was sawing as quickly and quietly as possible through the ninja wire, with a kunai pilfered from Dog.

"Very well, my boy, very well indeed. Listen, Naruto, how do you feel about attending the Ninja Academy?"

Uzumaki Naruto ceased his struggling, a cheshire cat's grin pooling across his face.

Two raven haired figures draped in spandex green trailed behind an overly enthusiastic bowl cut man with an identical outfit in the early morning sunlight just outside of Konoha's defensive walls.

-Pant- "Shisui-nii?" -Pant-

"YOUTH!"

-Pant- "What Itacchan?" -Pant-

"YOUTH!"

-Pant- "How come" -Pant- "How come you never asked Miku out with Kotoamatsukami?" -Pant-

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"FUCK!"

"THAT IS MOST UNYOUTHFUL MY FRIENDS! WE MUST GET RID OF THIS UNYOUTHFULNESS BY DOING 100 MORE YOUTHFUL LAPS!"

The two Uchihas whimpered.

A/N: I am aware of how the kotoamatsukami works in the anime, so please don't email me about this. Please review. :P

Editor's Note: I'm also aware of canon Kotoamatsukami (where we are only shown single target/single command functionality). But before you let your panties get in a twist, be sure to simply rest easy and enjoy the story knowing that the author has disallowed me to insert any sort of Super Pervert Boy Boy Yaoi Gangbang Exploding Youth no Jutsu. Yeowza.