What in god's name did Hank say to Erik?

The man who had avoided him for three days was now sitting on a chair only a few inches away.

How did that happen?

To say that Charles was surprised would have been the understatement of the year. He was completely lost for words and realized after a few second that he was staring at Erik with his mouth open. He probably looked like a fool at the moment but he couldn't help himself. He had not expected that Erik would simply walk into this room, take a chair and sit down next to the bed but... here he was.

Though Erik didn't seem very happy about it. He looked tired and somehow...annoyed?

Oh, how Charles wished for that stupid helmet to vanish into thin air!

The telepath averted his eyes and tried to clear his head, to find something to say to Erik. He noticed that Hank had entered the room as well but he had stayed right next to the door and was simply observing Erik in silence. When Charles asked him telepathically what was going on, Hank responded: 'I told him to come here...but Charles...something's not right. I don't know what's going on but he is being way creepier than usual. I won't leave you alone with him.'

The moment Charles wanted to thank Hank telepathically, he heard Erik clear his throat.

"Why aren't you teaching today?"

Erik asked that question in an accusatory way.

There was no concern, no warmth in his voice.

Charles fought the urge to shout at Erik.

How could he talk to him like that?

Like he was a kid, skipping school.

He knew it was typical for his friend to hide his own pain behind aggression but Charles' patience was wearing thin.

Three days!

For three days no word from Erik and this was the first thing he said to him?! Really?!

"Why did you ignore me for the past days?" Charles could play the accusing-game, too.

"So that's the reason then? You won't teach the kids because I ignored you. Where's the logic in that?"

"Oh, because hiding in one's room all day is more logical? And wandering through the mansion at night like a ghost as well? And avoiding the people who care about you? Yeah, that behaviour is very logical. You're a role model, Erik."

This fight was childish and unnecessary, Charles knew that of course but he couldn't help himself. How could Erik behave like that? So arrogant and cold. That man drove him crazy!

"Just like you then, I guess. The kids can really look up to a professor who's an alcoholic."

Charles could feel how his face turned red with anger.

"At least I am not wearing a metal bucket on my head for days on end, because I'm afraid of a certain telepath. I mean, seriously, how do you sleep in that thing?"

The atmosphere inside the room changed immediately. As if someone flipped a switch, the tension disappeared. Erik's shoulders slumped, he looked down to the floor and said, barely audible: "I don't."

Charles would have expected a fit of rage or another spiteful remark but not this. All of a sudden, Erik looked like he was too tired to fight.

"You don't...what?"

"I don't sleep. I can't."

The anger that Charles had felt mere seconds ago, vanished in the blink of an eye. He couldn't stay mad at Erik not when he seemed so lost and troubled.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Something is missing. I can't put a finger on it but I know it should be there but it isn't there anymore. It's exactly like seeing something in the corner of the eye but when you turn around it's gone. But I know...I know it was there. I can't find it and it drives me crazy and I can't sleep because I have to find it. I can't focus on anything else, I've tried but it's no use..."

"Erik, Erik, please...", Charles had to interrupt his friend, "I don't understand what you're talking about. What is missing?"

Erik raised his head and looked at Charles. He seemed to be confused and unable to cope with this question. He frowned and after a while he said: "I don't know how to answer that." Those words were spoken in a way that indicated that Erik just realized right now, that he had been looking for something in the past three days that he couldn't even name.

"Well, is it an object?"

"No."

"A memory then? Something you forgot?"

Erik shook his head. "No...I think it is something I felt...", he hesitated and looked at Hank for a split second. "Does he have to be here?"

Charles heard Hank snort and thinking: "Oh, I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as he's wearing the helmet."

A thought crossed Charles' mind and he immediately acted upon it. Because maybe, just maybe it would work.

"He's not gonna leave me. Not as long as you are wearing that helmet. You have not been yourself lately and Hank is here to protect me."

"Are you afraid of me?" Erik asked tentatively. From the look on his face, Charles could tell that his friend was surprised and shocked at the same time. Perfect. That was exactly what he wanted.

"Well, as I said...you haven't been yourself lately. I'm just being careful."

It was hard to hide the joy and relief Charles felt, when he saw that his friend took the helmet off and let it float towards the desk behind him. Finally, he could feel the presence of Erik's unique mind again. Oh, how he had missed it. He fought the urge to have a quick look, just to see if he could catch a glimpse of what was troubling Erik. But he knew that he couldn't do that, not without Erik's permission. He had to be patient.

Erik looked at Hank and said: "You can go now. I'm not a threat. The helmet's over there. See?"

Hank frowned but before he could say anything, Charles entered his mind. "It's alright Hank, you can go. Without the helmet, I can stop him immediately if he tries to harm me in any way."

"Okay... but I just wanna say that I don't like it and I still don't trust him and I'll be waiting right outside the door."

"Thank you, Hank. I'll call you if there should be a problem."

Hank scowled at Erik before he left the room.

"So...you tried to say something before? About the...well...whatever it is you're missing."

Obviously it was hard for Erik to talk about it, but now that it was only him and Charles inside the room, he had the heart to at least try it.

"Yes, erm..I..", Erik stopped and took a deep breath before he continued, "something changed and I don't know how and when exactly but it did. During the time we spent at the lake house, I felt...happy. I was with you and that was all I wanted. In the night, before I was abducted, you were lying in my arms and I have never felt closer to you. I swore to myself to protect you and I knew that I would never...could never leave you again. It filled me with absolute horror to even think about being separated from you. But all of it, all that I felt back then is gone. The memory of it is all I can recall, not the feeling itself. Now...when I think of you, when I am with you...I feel nothing. And usually I am glad when feelings disappear, because they are debilitating and rather unnecessary at times, but I must admit that I miss what I felt for you. I want it back. In the past three days I tried to find it, tried to fix it somehow, rebuild it from the memories I had of it but nothing worked. There were moments when I would get paranoid. The thought that someone had erased those feelings from my mind, seemed to be the only explanation as to why I couldn't find them anymore. At times I even suspected you...because...you know...maybe you want me to go and..."

"No! I would never do that, Erik. And I didn't! I don't want you to go. For three days I wanted nothing more than to have you by my side." Charles sighed, he wished that Hank would've made Erik come to him earlier. This was exactly what he had feared would happen. Erik had probably restored that dark and confusing place inside his mind and had pushed all the feelings in there that weren't useful to him during his imprisonment in the metal room. Of course this was just a theory and Charles had to find out if it was true.

"Would you let me have a look?" Charles asked, putting two fingers to his temple. "Maybe I can find out what happened."

There was silence for a while and Charles sensed that Erik was fighting against his paranoia, that a part of him still thought that Charles might have done something to his mind. In the end reason won and he nodded.

In a matter of seconds, Charles found his way back to the dark place in Erik's mind where he had seen the ball of metal wires the first time. And there it was, just like Charles suspected, a new tangled mess of feelings and emotions that Erik had put away. There was a distinct difference to the first one though. The wires were so tightly wrapped and intertwined that it was much harder for Charles to disentangle them. Erik had desperately forced his feelings out of the way, as fast as possible.

Charles heard a yelp and the words: "What are you doing to me?"

"I found your missing feelings. You have put them away yourself, just like the last time. I'm trying to set them free. Does it hurt?"

"Yes", Erik gasped.

Charles immediately retreated and was shocked to see his friend's face contorted with pain.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. But I'm afraid, you were very thorough this time. Setting them free isn't that easy."

"It's okay. I can take it. Go on." Erik clenched his teeth and nodded when Charles hesitated to enter his friends mind to finish what he'd started.

It was complicated and the fact that he heard Erik groan with pain didn't make it any easier. To find the root of it, the beginning of the thread in order to be able to disentangle it was much more challenging than the first time.

Charles was relieved when he finally found it. Whilst he was unravelling the chaotic ball of metal wire, he took a closer look at its origin and what he saw made him feel terribly sad. He understood, why Erik had had the need of freeing his head like that. The pain and agony his friend had felt in that room would've been too much to take for anyone. Even for someone as strong as Erik.

Suddenly Charles felt a surge of anger. Leon had gotten away too easy! He should have tortured that bastard for days, not just for a few minutes. He should've ripped him apart, skinned him alive, made him eat his own intestines and eyes. He should have...WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH HIM?!

Charles couldn't believe that he was capable of such thoughts. Leon's death had been brutal enough, unnecessary brutal. Charles wasn't proud of his actions. So why would he even THINK that he should've tortured him more? Charles was shocked about his own imagination. The graphic details about how he should've treated Leon, were harrowing and made him feel nauseous. That something like that could've emerged from the depth of his own mind was deeply worrying.

He would get to the bottom of it but not right now, he had other things to deal with. The wires inside Erik's mind were finally disentangled and the blackness dissolved. Erik would be overwhelmed by all the pent-up feelings and Charles had to be there for him.

Erik slid from the chair and onto his knees, tears streaming down his face. He was kneeling next to Charles' bed and let his upper body collapsed onto it. In an attempt to muffle his sobs, he buried his face in the blanket.

Charles had succeeded. He had dissolved the blackness and disentangled the wires once again. Erik's emotions, all of them, were now free, flowing through him like a wild river. It overwhelmed him and much like the last time, Erik wasn't able to stop the tears.

He himself had gotten rid of the feelings. He had created this blackness, that had taken them away. It was designed to make him stronger, to ignore fear, to be able to deal with pain. Erik had used this technique since his time in the concentration camp and it had helped him countless times. He understood now why the blackness had swallowed the feelings he had for Charles along with the fear and pain...because they made him weak.

"You make me vulnerable, you make me weak", Erik sobbed.

There was no response, instead Charles began to stroke his head calmingly. And this small comforting gesture meant so much to Erik, because through the touch of Charles' hand, he felt a surge of emotions... emotions he had been looking for in the past three days.

And yes, they made him vulnerable and yes, they made him weak...but he needed them. To ignore them, to shove them away would make him strong in some situations, that was true, but it would cripple him in the long run. He would always have this nagging feeling that something wasn't right, that something was missing. He had to accept them, the feelings for Charles...his weakness.

Erik's broken ribs began to hurt. The way he was lying on the bed started to get uncomfortable and the sobbing didn't help either. Charles seemed to notice that and said: "You can lie next to me on the bed if you want to."

Erik didn't object to that offer and so he lay down next to Charles on the bed, leaning his head against his friends shoulder.

"I know that having a weakness is a nightmare for you but you have to know that you are my weakness, too. Leon abducted you because he knew that I would do anything to get you back. Even if it mean to free a murderer. But that doesn't mean that I want you to vanish, on the contrary. To care about someone means to be vulnerable and that isn't a bad thing."

"But people will use this against us, just like Leon. And you know that the list of my enemies isn't exactly short." The storm of emotions that had been set free, was now dying down a bit and Erik was able stop the tears. "What if someone like Leon comes along again?"

A low growl resounded in Erik's head, followed by the words: "I'll make him eat his own intestines."

The voice unmistakably belonged to Charles but it sounded lower, deeper and Erik had never heard him talk like this. Neither telepathically, nor out loud.

"We'll deal with this when it happens", Charles said.

"What did you just say?"

"I said, we'll deal with..."

"No, not that. You said something right before, telepathically."

"No, I didn't." Even without looking at Charles, Erik knew that he was frowning, he heard it in his voice.

"Well, you can have a look inside my mind if you like. I don't think I made that up."

It didn't take long and Charles said: "Oh..."

"That was you, right?"

"It sounds like me, but I don't remember saying it, let alone thinking it."

"Is there another telepath close by, who could've done that? Maybe the one who was involved with the military?"

"No. I check the area around the school regularly. And I was keeping an eye on that telepath since Hank and I broke Leila out of that military facility. This guy is nowhere near. He couldn't have done it."

"So it must have been you then."

"...must have been..." , Charles mumbled, clearly worried.

"Don't brood over it. You're probably just tired and it slipped out of your subconscious mind.

"hm..maybe."

Erik sighed inwardly. Who was he kidding? Of course Charles would brood over it, because even Erik had to admit that it was uncharacteristically brutal of him to say/think something like that.

Erik tried to take his friend's mind off this incident by talking about the future. At first Charles was still absentminded and he answered mostly in monosyllables but then it seemed to dawn on him that Erik really considered to stay at the mansion and he pushed his worries aside.

"You're really staying then?" The happiness that radiated from Charles was almost tangible.

Erik closed his eyes for a while, pressed his nose to Charles' shirt, breathed in his scent and said: "Yes. Even if you make me weak...I need you."

They continued making plans for the future. And Erik stated the he wouldn't be a teacher, he would help with errands or repairs though, but that was about it. He would eat and sleep at the mansion and he would spend as much time as possible with Charles.

However, Erik told his friend that he needed time for some side-projects as well. It could be the case that he would spend a few days away from the mansion but he assured him that he would always return.

Erik avoided to specify the term 'side-projects', because he knew that Charles wouldn't agree. Something told him though, that Charles already knew what it was, because he didn't ask any questions.

Even if Erik was happy to finally be able to be with Charles, he couldn't ignore the fact that thousands of mutants on this planet, were still being hunted down and tortured by humans. And that the military facility that had tried to capture him was still operating and probably still looking for him. And of course Leila's blood. Erik had to find out if there was some of it left, or even worse, if it was already weaponized.

As soon as his broken bones were healed, Erik would gather the survivors of the Brotherhood, if there were any at all, and recruit new mutants. This time, he would be more careful, more vigilant. No spy would ever enter the Brotherhood again. The military would have no advantage over them. Erik would be prepared for every eventuality. Yes.

"And I'll rip everyone apart who dares to hurt you. Just like I did with the twins." This time the low voice was accompanied by a purr, rather than a growl and was followed by a wave of affection. The voice seemed to like Erik's plan to destroy the military and that he intended to leave no survivors.

Who or what was that voice? It sounded like Charles, but his friend would never like a plan that involved killing humans.

Erik raised his head to look at Charles and just like the first time, he seemed oblivious to what just happened.

"What?"

Erik didn't say anything about the voice, because he didn't want to worry Charles any more. And of course because he would have to look inside Erik's head again and then inevitably stumble upon all those plans Erik had for the Brotherhood. That would most likely end in a fight and Erik didn't want to fight, not now. To lie in Charles' arms felt so right, so peaceful, he didn't want to ruin that.

"I'm really tired. Is it okay for you if I sleep here?"

Charles smiled at Erik and kissed him on the forehead. "Of course."

It wasn't just a ruse, he really felt like he could fall asleep in Charles' arms. After three days of insomnia it was good to feel sleep creeping up on him.

Whatever that voice was, it wasn't an immediate threat. They could deal with it later. And to be honest...it even made him feel safe. It seemed to like him and it had a fierce desire to protect him, so it couldn't be a threat. At least not to him.

And whilst falling asleep, Erik sent a question to the unknown voice: "Who are you?"

And Erik, already half asleep, only heard the first half of the answer that the purring voice gave him: "I am Charles Xavier...but I will be so much more than Charles Xavier...one day."

the end

Thank you so much for reading this story!

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Take care!

Jago