(Special thanks to the most amazing, sweet friend I could ever ask for, RadicalCat, for continuing to beta my stuff)

Ahsoka Tano sat on her bed in her quarters.

Her old self would have been crying. Her old self would have been trying to meditate through the chaos.

Her old self would have sought out Anakin.

But Anakin was dead, and so was that part of her. Now, she was a leader, a warrior, a rebel, a voice of freedom. She was not Snips. She was not a Jedi.

Ahsoka pursed her lips. She did not cry. She did not meditate. She was numb to everything around her. All she could feel was the fear, the anger, the hate. Her emotions were in turmoil.

She just wanted to talk to Obi-wan, but he was probably long gone, possibly dead. Ahsoka wondered if the last face he saw was the one behind the mask.

She wanted to go back to the old times, when the Clone Wars seemed like something that could be won, before everything had started to unravel. When everything felt like it was under control, when Anakin was by her side with a witty joke and a warm smile.

The old times were gone, cloaked in the blood red flag of the Empire.

She'd never known what had become of Anakin. She did not take part in the final days of the Republic. All she had seen was the smoke, felt the balance tipping and the burning all the way out on the edge of the Galaxy.

And then the Emperor had come forward, fanning the flames and claiming he was stomping out the embers.

Everything had clicked together. They had been tricked, and the mastermind sat on his throne of lies.

Why, Anakin? Ahsoka swallowed the lump in her throat. What happened to you?

For years, she had assumed he had been killed in Order 66, if only to keep herself from searching him out.

But now, she knew it was true. Now, she saw the reanimated corpse, something wrong and evil, an abomination in the body of her old Master.

Ezra had looked at her, his face usually young and hopeful, but his blue eyes were blown wide with fear. He'd seen the ugly side of war that day. Rex would have called him a shiny.

Kanan was a wall, or a great solid tree- shaken to the core. Ahsoka did not know how he survived the massacre, but she felt his resolve shifting, which was a concern she would have to face much later. The boy had shifted his eyes between them, looking for answers.

"Do you know who, or what he is?"

Ahsoka had looked him straight in the eye and firmly told what most people would call a lie. "No."

She called it a truth.

She didn't know who that presence was. Master, enemy, friend…

Monster.

Ezra had looked away, accepting her truth but not at all comforted. And rightly so. There was much to be afraid of now. More then she'd ever thought possible.

Ahsoka had learned that monsters do not hide in the shadows under beds. They hide in the darkest corners of souls.

They hide behind the faces of those you love.

Ahsoka did not know the monster behind the mask. She had known Anakin.

Ahsoka wiped the tears that had finally come to the surface. She wanted to scream, but the silence would have drowned it out.

Instead, she sucked down a hard breath, and stood.

She remembered her Padawan beads in Anakin's hand and his eyes boring into her- searching for an answer.

"Why, Snips?" He didn't understand- he couldn't. He was a Jedi through and through.

But Ahsoka was not. She learned that a long time ago. She was lacking something.

She'd left the order, left him.

Ahsoka moved towards the window, looking out into the stars. The darkness between then seemed larger- deeper and colder than before. She shivered and laid her palm flat against the glass.

"How many times do I have to say goodbye, Master?"