Chapter One - Best for Us

"But mum, it's just getting too long… can't I get it cut a little bit shorter?"

My mother's face darkened, her grip became rigid round her coffee mug. I hated it when the subject of my hair came up, it nearly always causes tension whenever it needs trimming. Unfortunately, with March rapidly approaching and the intensity of assassination training, I wasn't the only one looking for a shorter, more practical haircut. Most of the girls in Class E had somehow been allowed to have boyish cuts… I didn't think it was that unreasonable to ask for the same, I mean, I am a boy.

Though mum forgets.

I forced a laugh with the intention of hiding the chattering of my teeth, letting my fingers smooth out the itchy, lace trim of the blue skirt I was involuntarily shoved into from the moment I got home. I balled my hands in it, willing them to become still has I built up my courage. I kept my eyes focused my tea, not daring to look up.

"It's not as if it won't grow back. Besides, loads of people in my class are going for shor-"

"No."

The mug slammed onto the table. I took a hesitant glance up to her. Mum was standing, her hands planted firmly on the table. The bags under her eyes seemed to manifest at once. As though her contentment alone could conceal the dark aspects of fatigue on her face. However, her paled skin reflected the touched nerve, its surface shiny from a cold sweat.

I chewed my lip, never before have I wanted to be the chair I was sitting on more than now. Assassination training made even the most threating of enemies appear like mice, but looking up to the ghoul in front of me, I doubted even Koro-sensei would be able to take down this formidable foe without shrinking away in fear.

"Why would such a lovely young lady ever want to cut such beautiful hair? It looks perfectly healthy, I'd imagine you are the envy of many girls… doesn't it make you feel empowered?" She jeered, as if all this could make me feel better.

I just wanted my hair cut.

"Do you hate me? Is this why you are trying to hurt your own mother like this?" She stood and circled around the table like a lioness. Her face contorted into a sorrowful expression, though the purple underneath her eyes was still present, washing out any sense of maternal solace I could have gained from her penetrating stare. I sat paralysed as she closed in. I stopped breathing as she ran her fingers through my long hair, stopping just passed my shoulders. She exhaled, encircling her arms around me from behind.

"I love you, Nagisa. I just want what's best for you… Best for us."

I nodded numbly, tears prickling my eyes as her words sliced through me… it's only a matter of time before I'm cut into small pieces. The will of my mother overwhelmed me with ease. I had lost this round.

"I know… I love you too."