WHEN TWO SUPER PERVERTS UNITE

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or Sekirei. They are owned by Masashi Kishimoto and Sakurako Gokurakuin, respectively.

Chapter 1: Jiraiya and Matsu: The Unholy Unity

Jiraiya was drowning. He had just fought and lost in a fierce battle to the death against Pein, who was thought to be the leader of Akatsuki at the time, before being thrown into a body of water. Now he was lamenting his failures in life. As he died, he revived himself through sheer willpower, if only for a moment, so that he could finally succeed in accomplishing something before dying. Thus, he engraved the secret to defeating Pein onto a newly summoned frog's back and told it to give the message to the Hidden Leaf Village. After doing this, his vision once again began to fade before he closed his eyes for what he believed to be the final time.

He was wrong.

If Pein would've stuck around for a second longer, then he wouldn't have missed the blinding, white light that covered the Toad Sage's entire body.

At Izumo Inn, we find Miya, Homura (a.k.a. Kagari), Uzume, and Matsu eating breakfast together at the table.

"My, my, it certainly is unusual for you to be out of your secret room, Matsu," Came the idle comment from the lips of the purple-haired landlady of the inn, Miya Asuma.

Upon hearing Miya's remark, everyone turned their attention to Matsu expectantly.

In response, she sighed in resignation. "Well, I guess it can't be helped then. As weird as it sounds, I came down here this morning because I thought that I heard my Ashikabi's voice calling out to me."

For awhile, all of the occupants of the inn silently stared at Matsu in surprise...before they burst into a laughing fit a moment later.

"So where is he? It's not like he's just going to magically appear outta...thin...air...?" Uzume trailed off before gaping at the form of Jiraiya, which suddenly appeared on Matsu's lap.

"Actually, it is," Matsu retorted with a smug grin on her face, even though she was just as baffled as everyone else was.

Jiraiya's eyes fluttered open to the sight of a blinding, white light, along with the blurry silhouette of a person looking down at him. Why was-oh, that's right, he remembered dying during his fight with Pein. He also felt no pain, so the winds he had received during his last battle were most likely gone.

"So peaceful...then does this mean that I made it to Heaven...?" Jiraiya mumbled out in a weak and drowsy voice.

Suddenly, the light faded, and his blurry vision became focused on the figure looking down at him, which turned out to be a red-headed woman with glasses and a massive bust leaning directly above him. She was also staring at longingly at him while rubbing her gorgeous legs together in an attempt to restrain herself from screwing him silly.

"HEAVEN IT IS!" Jiraiya shouted as he suddenly gained a perverted look on his face before a jet stream of blood shot out off his nose and rocketed him into the wall, rendering him unconscious.

While the now-unconscious Toad Sage laid in the wall with a blissful and perverted look on his face, the three tenants staying at Izumo Inn turned deathly pale and started to sweat nervously from the cold, blank stare that Miya was directing at him.

"My, my, what a perverted look our unconscious newcomer is sporting. I sincerely hope that this pervert isn't Matsu's destined one," Miya stated a bit too cheerfully as she rested her hand on the handle of her sword.

"WHAT?!" that moment, Jiraiya regained consciousness, startling everyone. "I'm not a pervert!"

Miya then gave him a challenging smirk, daring him to prove her wrong.

"I'M A SUPER PERVERT!" The Toad Sage exclaimed as he gave an idiotic smile and two thumbs up.

For a moment, everyone stared at him incredulously, minus Matsu.

"I want to kill him now," Miya said in a very calm and cheerful voice, breaking the silence.

"KYAAAAAAAA! Come here and give me your DNA, my Ashikabi!" Matsu exclaimed and tackled Jiraiya.

Before the Toad Sage could react, Matsu pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. Wings of light then shot forth from her back and covered the whole room in a blinding light. When the light died down, Matsu broke the kiss and huskily recited her Sekirei's Pledge to the white-haired ninja, announcing herself as Sekirei #02 Matsu.

Jiraiya dumbly blinked twice before his brain finally caught up with him.

"WAHOOOO!" The Toad Sage exclaimed in glee as another pool of blood shot out of his nose, causing him to once again blast him through the wall and fall unconscious due to blood loss.

Matsu then noticed a small, orange book that had just fallen out of his shirt pocket. She walked up to it and picked it up before looking at title, "Icha Icha Paradise" ("Makeout Paradise" in English).

A perverted grin then made it's way onto the second Sekirei's face. She opened the book and read a few lines before closing it and standing up with a frown on her face...

...Followed by a nosebleed that sent Matsu rocketing from Izumo Inn to the other end of the city.

After retrieving an unconscious Matsu, Jiraiya found his book on the dining room table. He also noticed that Miya was nowhere to be seen at the moment, and his pervy senses started tingling in the direction of the bath house.

As soon as he arrived at the bath house, he creaked the door open just in time to see Miya ejaculating. The loud moan she gave out and her arm's positioning were a dead giveaway.

Jiraiya gently laid the unconscious Matsu, who he had brought along, down beside him. He then pulled out a pen, as well as a notepad, and started writing at a furious pace while giggling pervertedly. It didn't take five seconds for his danger senses to start tingling either, though. When he looked back up, he immediately wished that he hadn't. Standing in front of him was Miya, and the look in her eye was the same one she held when she and the 1st Disciplinary Squad had decimated an army all those years ago. She also had a pitch-black aura surrounding herself, and her sword pointed at his throat.

At that moment, Matsu regained consciousness and instinctively froze.

"What do you think you are doing, pervert? Answer carefully, because it could be your last," Miya asked and advised Jiraiya, though Matsu thought that the question was directed at her.

"W-Wh-What did-" Matsu started to ask, only for Miya to cut her off as she pointed at the Toad Sage next to her.

"I was doing research for my new Icha Icha book. Also, I'm not just any old pervert! I'm a SUPER PERV-Ack! Not the face! WAAAAAAAAH!" Jiraiya was cut off by a multitude of sword strikes, punches, and kicks to his body.

When Miya had finished beating the Toad Sage senseless, she got dressed and returned to the inn. As soon as she was was gone, Matsu ran over to check on her Ashikabi.

"Please don't die, my Jiraiya!" Matsu cried out and started sobbing on his chest, only for him to somehow completely recover and start laughing a mere second later.

The second Sekirei's jaw hit the ground in complete shock, something that did not go unnoticed by Jiraiya.

"Oh come now, it will take more than that to keep the great Jiraiya down! HAHAHA!" He laughed, making Matsu sweatdrop.

Just then, the second Sekirei's eyes fully widened upon suddenly remembering something that her Ashikabi told Miya when he got caught peeping at her a moment ago.

"Wait...you're the author of 'Icha Icha Paradise', Jiraiya?!" Matsu exclaimed in shock, to which he gave her an affirmative nod. "OH MY GOD! PLEASE RE-ENACT THE SCENES WITH ME AND GIVE ME YOUR D.N.A.!" Matsu screamed in elation as she jumped on top of him and took it upon herself to take his clothes off.

Jiraiya, who was beyond stunned at this, stared at her with widened eyes, his body motionless as his brain was busy trying to comprehend what he had just heard. When he finally came to a moment later, he began thanking the God Of Perverts profusely as tears of joy streamed down his face. Finally, a woman who understands "the way of the pervert" as much as himself! A female super pervert! If that weren't amazing enough, she wants to be with him, of all people! It was as if they were made for each other.

"OH, HELL YES! YAHOO!" Jiraiya responded to her question and followed Matsu's example by removing the second Sekirei's clothes as well.

The sexual activities and love-making that followed is far too graphic to be shown in this fanfiction. That, and a lack of knowledge on he contents of, "Icha Icha Paradise".

After three hours of "experimentation", Jiraiya and Matsu headed back into Izumo Inn. As soon as the two set foot into the house, Miya came out of the kitchen and told the perverted hermit to follow her into the kitchen. Knowing that the landlady wanted to speak with him alone, the Toad Sage did as asked.

Upon reaching their destination, Miya's gaze turned cold again. "Sell any of what you saw, and I will murder you. Am I clear?" She asked while glaring at Matsu's Ashikabi.

"Oh, please. You wouldn't stand a chance-" A sword swipe too fast for an ordinary human seemed to slash Jiraiya across the chest before he could finish speaking. However, he is far from an ordinary person, so he saw the blade coming towards him and used his Substitution Jutsu to replace himself with a chair, avoiding the strike.

Miya's breath then hitched as she felt a kunai pressed against her throat. "You know, it's rude to attempt to harm or kill someone when they are trying to have a conversation with you. As I was saying, you can't defeat me. However, you won't have to, because I am willing to get rid of it, as long as you stop trying to cut me. Deal?"

After a moment, Miya let her sword rest at her side and nodded, albeit begrudgingly. Jiraiya then relaxed and tore the pages out that he had written for his future book, and gave them to Miya, who immediately threw them in the trash.

Jiraiya then sighed in relief. "Glad that's over with. Anyways, I am looking for a place to stay until I can get enough money to buy a house. My current Job doesn't pay too well, so I decided to start my career as a writer just recently. My 'Icha Icha Paradise' book only got published last night, so I have yet to make any money off of it. Would you mind letting me stay here? If so, what's the rent cost?" It wasn't a total lie, as he didn't have any currency from this world because he hasn't put his book out on the market yet.

Miya sighed in defeat. "As much as I want to refuse, we Izumo Inn will not turn away someone in need. As for the rent, it's 50,000 yen per month. The only to rules are that fighting on this property is prohibited, and sexual activities at the inn are expressly forbidden, pervert." Miya knew that he wasn't telling her everything, but she knew that it wasn't her business to pry.

"Super Pervert," Jiraiya corrected, causing Miya's right eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "And I gratefully accept."

"You can stay with Matsu in her room," Miya told the Toad Sage, whose jaw dropped to the floor upon hearing this. "Just be sure to keep your beastly urges in check, pervy scum."

Miya had gotten tired of Jiraiya telling correcting her whenever she called him a pervert, so she decided to refer to him as "pervy scum" instead. The new moniker resulted in Jiraiya sulking in a corner of the room while everyone else laughed at his expense. A moment later, a smile made it's way onto his face. He just knew that he was going to enjoy it here.

TO BE CONTINUED...

cannot believe that I'm the first person to make Jiraiya & #02 Matsu a couple. The PERFECT match, and nobody has done this pairing until now. Is it just me, am I the only one with a brain on this planet? Lolz. On a similar note, NARUTO & HINATA WILL ONLY APPEAR IN CHAPTERS 2 & 3. Anyways, until next time, peace out.