And yeah, here's the final chapter of this story with just a perfect song to finish it up. Although this time there was a little less receiving from all of you I think that at least there was people who remained constant to follow this story, I thank you a lot :)

I have lots of ideas for this couple in some one-shots or in some other story, and I may even change the couples, I have to consider it a little.

Anyway, enjoy this last chapter as much as I did writing it, and it's LONG so take it easy there :)

Song: Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship (/watch?v=3wxyN3z9PL4)

Lyrics: Mason – italics Spencer – underlined Both - bold

I'm here

The days before Christmas are a couple of dates where families are gathered together, where there are mounds of snow at the entrances of the cars and often there are also a few in the middle of the street, the interiors of the houses glow with lots of lights with different colors or also with white lights, fireplaces lit up and families having a good time.

While I stay lying on the mattress I start thinking that maybe I shouldn't reject Spencer's invitation to attend to the winter ball from tonight, or being locked up in the house while mom and dad are finishing up with some last minute Christmas shopping.

But I can't help it, I envy and desire to live the most of everything it has to do with these dates. Right now I feel like the Grinch, but I'm still not at the disposal of stealing Christmas from everyone in the neighborhood, and even if I want to do so I'd need so much help.

The winter wind blows hard and sometimes outside the window, some fragments of ice crashes against the glass from time to time, I wrap myself more on the soft blanket covering my bed and take the book that Spencer gave me, one of the seven titles that appeared one day inside my locker.

Les Misérables, A Clockwork Orange, Alice in Wonderland, Carmilla, and The Hunger Games trilogy, all of them with a cover made in braille, thing I didn't think that it could be possible. Right now I'm in that part of Mockingjay where everyone is dying and I no longer want to keep changing pages because I don't know what might be on the other side, just what I've heard when people talk about the Game of Thrones books. I'll try to get one of those for my birthday, this is too much for Spencer.

He has enough dealing with me to give me surprises like that.

I take a deep breath and work up the courage enough to continue with the slaughter that I have on paper, I slid my right forefinger until I finally find the paragraph where I was, and from the very beginning nothing sounds promising.

"First I get a glimpse of the blond braid down her back. Then, as she yanks off her coat to cover a wailing child, I notice the duck tail formed by her untucked shirt. I have the same reaction I did the day Effie Trinket called her name at the reaping. At least, I must go limp, because I find myself at the base of the flagpole, unable to account for the last few seconds. Then I am pushing through the crowd, just as I did before. Trying to shout her name above the roar. I'm almost there, almost to the barricade, when I think she hears me. Because for just a moment, she catches sight of me, her lips form my name.

And that's when the rest of the parachutes go off".

"No, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO! NO!" I shout with all my might while I refuse to throw the book out the window and hit the walls that I have nearby. "That simply did NOT just happened!".

I take a pillow and put it on my face, I drown screams against it and also my sudden impulses by letting go everything by crying. She was so young, she was going to be a wonderful nurse, she was necessary… everyone needed her, her sister… Katniss… this is too much.

The doorbell rakes me out of my little moment of excess of emotions, and I could almost feel the moment when the parachutes explode. Who would be more devastated if that happened? Mom? Dad? Madison? or… Spens?

I get up when the doorbell insists again, I put the blanket over my shoulders and walk shuffling, I think I also just had the same mental collapse that my favorite main character. I love her history, so if I remove all the entire deaths that have been happened and those that whether they're about to come in the stretch missing for me to finish.

When I'm in the middle of the corridor that reaches the door I hear a cheerful whistle from the other side, like if it wasn't freezing out there, and now the doorbell stops making noise and the knocks are at the door. I almost forgot that there is a crystal that adorns it and that almost everything can be seen on the other side.

"Who is it?" I ask while I place my hand against the door, my hands are still trembling a bit due to that time of reading for which I definitely wasn't ready or prepared.

"Uh, it's me, Spens" «now I'll add that I neither was prepared for him to come and visit me, he was supposed to be on his way to another place».

I raise my head and frown a bit, at the same time I also bite my lower lip a bit because the fact that he's on the other side of the door only means that Madison had failed in the only order I've done with her in a whole week, now she owes me this time.

He was supposed to be in McKinley right now, in the gymnasium, dancing and singing along with the performance that all New Directions had prepared, one that however oddly it could seem was planned by us. From the beginning I told Rachel that I didn't wanted to participate, and although she agreed reluctantly I assumed there wouldn't be major consequences.

I take the doorknob and open it slowly, if I could see then I would surely be seeing a disappointed expression for not being present with the others in the gym, but again I don't have the mood to do something in the most important date and the most that I look forward in the whole year.

"Is it really you?" to answer that his hands places on my waist, they slide slowly and he pulls me closer to his body in a warm hug because of the coat that he's wearing on while at the same it's cold due to the light snowpack that covers him.

"It's really me" he whispers on the exposed part of my neck, which doesn't reach to be covered by the blanket.

We stand there for a moment, wrapped in each other's arms, while that the breeze is whistling behind him and I can hear some carols in the distance. How can people be outside with this hell of weather?

"I don't understand, what are you doing here?" I ask with evident surprise in my voice while I split apart a bit and lean my nose on his, smiling while he caresses my cheekbones. "I thought you'd be in the ball".

"I was about to leave my house until I came up with the idea to call Madison before, I asked if you two were already there and she told me that she was at McKinley".

I chuckled because he tells the history like if it were a kind of detective story, and frankly the way in which he tells it makes me want to listen to him talk for hours, but Madison told the truth.

"Then, since she emphasized that word I got to think: 'well, where could my cute boyfriend be right now?' and the first thought that crossed my mind was that you would be here" he moves his head, now I no longer envy Eskimos and their way of showing affection. "Plus you're the only person with who I wanted to dance tonight, so I didn't see the point to go if you weren't there".

My forehead hits against his chest, his barely perceptible heartbeat is the most perfect melody that I have now, even better than the carols that are still being sung in some place near in the neighborhood. A strong blow from the blizzard makes us shudder, I raise up my head and kiss his nose.

"Come in or you'll catch cold".

I take him by the shoulders, I smile to him while I bite my lower lip slightly and force him to get in, but not before listening him dragging a couple of things with him, but I don't know what are they but they didn't sound so heavy.

"I like the decorations that you all decided to place in here, like the one outside" I solemnly swear that the wipe to close the door was an accident, but since I can't undo it I just try to pretend like it never happened, "yeah, uh… well, I must ask: where's everybody?".

"Well obviously Madison is in the ball, mom and dad are somewhere doing last minute shopping".

"What can be it so important for them to go out at this time, and in this dates to be exact?" as I recall it was nearly nine p.m. the last time I heard the clock, so it's not that late.

"Things for Christmas dinner" I sigh, moving away the hair that covers my forehead, "dad prepares a dessert of apple with cinnamon so delicious that it would be a crime if it's not present this year".

"I wish I could be there for that".

I give him a nudge in the ribs while we walk side by side towards the living room, Spens is dedicated to get rid of the grating sound of the series of Christmas lights adorning the huge tree that must be a few meters away from the fireplace. I really like the melody, no doubt about that, but I've been hearing it for about three continuous hours, it's a relief.

"So then…" he takes my right hand and makes me to sit on the couch next to him, the space between us is nonexistent at the time that his arm is placed on my shoulders, "do you want to do something?".

I take the blanket off just a little and then put it over his shoulders, the cold emanating from his body for not having his coat on is not what I expected, but that doesn't stop that he begins to shiver and moves closer to me, placing his head on my shoulder and sighing.

"I don't know, you can watch a movie while I put my head in your lap and we stay here".

"That sounds great" he kisses me on the cheek, now it hardly surprises me that much when he does since from some time ago he has decided to clear his throat before kissing me, his warning.

While he meditates the ideas I start to think about another of the arrangement I did to Madison, the one which is still in my room, I know that because I made sure it was there by my touch. A little nervousness comes over me at the thought of that option, but it's simply because everything that he does, thinks and says with me, about me and about us that I can't help thinking that I'm the worst boyfriend in the world.

«Boyfriend… boyfriend… boyfriend… I finally said it, in some way».

"Or we can" I interrupt his thought, "I don't know, if you want we to can go up to my room, I can give you the present that I've prepared for you and see the movie there, with some cookies that should be in the kitchen".

"That sounds even better".

One of his hand travels to the side of my face, his index finger traces the line of my jaw before cupping it, also leaning forward and kissing my nose. I let out a sigh as I realize that he moves down very fast, falling on my cheek; my foot gets shoot straight and it makes me to push down something, the sound of the hit echoes through the slightly empty house.

The sound is equal to the explosion that I just read, and that takes out from my head any ideas having to do with pleasant sensations.

"Wait, no!" I cross my arms and I can't help but start thinking that my expression must be similar to that of a tantrum of a small child. "Right now I'm so upset with you" to finish with that I purse my lips a little.

"What do I did this time?" he asks with a small laugh, but that takes me somewhat by surprise. «This time?».

"You gave me a book where everyone dies, a trio of books now that I think" I arch my right eyebrow, clears his throat.

"Oh, you got to that part".

"Yeah, and I'm really upset with you. I haven't finished yet with the last one and I don't want to continue".

"I also was very surprised with all those deaths, here among us I'll tell you that I cried on some occasions" he moves his head and his breath crashes against my neck, a small gasp escapes without my permission. "But you can't be upset, if you are then I have brought my guitar in vain".

I feel that in my cheeks runs a blush, I smile and raise my shoulder to catch his cheeks against me, I move my head so that now my breathing is also crashing against his neck, then everything becomes in a little tickle war without some kind of quarter, in which I'm losing in such a completely pathetic way simply because I love his hands on my waist and his laughter crashing against my neck.

I shrink in the couch a little each time until it reaches a point where my head is on one of the armrests, his head is still rubbing against my neck and my hands are placed on his waist, something that always makes him to get tense. I guess he doesn't like me to do it, but he never had told me to quit it, and I honestly don't know if I would abide that order.

"Let's go to my room" I say when his nose is placed on mine. The little grunt is something that not even I could have been able to avoid.

He stands up and helps me to stand up, he entwines his hand with mine and we start walking while he puts the guitar on his back and raises up a couple of things that I still don't know what they are with his free hand. More gifts?

Before going up I say that I'll go find something in the kitchen, he insists to help me but I simply give him a kiss on the cheek and that's enough for him to leave. I want to do things alone.

While I try to find the jar with the cookies that mom was baking with Madison yesterday again comes to me the idea that right now Spencer and I could be in the middle of the dance floor, next to each other, swaying slowly while some cheesy song sounds in the background, reminding me that I'd never felt this way with a person.

It's like if the slow way in which I take things in a relationship now doesn't have a reason to be and I simply act on what my stupid impulses orders me to do, though I don't know if that's a very good idea…

I move aside the options on which I can no longer pick and take the tray on which mom usually puts some fruits to now place a couple of cookies and two warm cups of a drink made with cinnamon and sugary water, something that she loves to drink always. It's not of my total satisfaction, but since it's less likely for me to suffer a serious burn if I stumble with this then it's what I can ask most for, also that we don't have any hot chocolate.

I balance the tray with my left hand and with the right one I'm guided over the walls to know where I'm going, I start to climb up the stairs and Spens guitar serves a little to get my bearings.

When I push the door of my room to get in I hear him more clearly while he's tuning his guitar at the same time when he also sighs, the sound that's coming out from his body is a synonymous of things that he hasn't said as well as things that has him a little anxious, and apparently those are things that he's not planning to say.

Will I be the cause of any of those things? Very probably yes.

"Hey, what's going on?" I ask with a little smile while I hear him getting up, he takes the tray from my hands and I hear him moving away, then he returns to take my hand and entwine our fingers firmly.

"What are you talking about?"

"The way in which you sighed was… I don't know, different".

"Oh, it's nothing, everything is alright" he lets go my hand.

"Spens, tell me" I kindly insist while I move forward, groping in my way and with the door closing behind me, to be able to find one of the legs of the bed with my bare feet. I bite my cheek from the inside to keep me from screaming in pain when my little toe finds it. "What's worrying you?".

"Mace, I swear it, there's nothing that worries me" I sense that he passes next to me, I reach out and miraculously I manage to hold one of his thighs.

"I've learned to listen to that sort of things for a while, so I can assure it" I lean my palm completely against his thigh and I restrain myself by sighing, or to do something else. This is a serious moment. "Talk to me".

He sits beside me, his waist is almost above on mine, but he doesn't seems to it notice because he simply sighs heavily, like if by doing so he got rid a bit of what he have inside his head. The words are a better solution, but they haven't been in total utility at times.

One of those few times was when I finally gave meaning to what happened with me and Spens long time ago.

"Honestly it's not a big deal, it's just that my parents are in the hospital taking care of my grandma" I can hear that he's indeed really sad, and I can just imagine his expression.

"Is she okay?" for a moment I reconsider over the obviousness in the question, but the most I can hear what bothers him is better.

"She had a heart attack a few days ago, but I guess that was something that should be expected, after all she's ninety-three years old".

I place my head on his shoulder and one of his hands places on my knee, he draw small circles with his fingers to finally leave it still on my thigh and he sighs again.

"The doctors say that she will be like new in a couple of weeks, but when I went to visit her I could clearly note that she's willing to move on to the afterlife and meet again with grandpa".

It occurs to me to suggest him the idea of resorting to euthanasia, but that would be synonymous of a crime in all aspects because a person may not cause the death of another one, even if it is the will of that other person.

I put a hand on his shoulder, I slid it until I find his face and so I can cup one of his cheeks, I approach to him while I make him to spin until his forehead gently places against mine. He takes my hand and I close my eyes at the same time as he does.

"You count with me at all times, you know it".

"I know it".

He hugs me, he clings to me with a bit of desperation while his head sinks into my neck. My hands roams his back to try to provide him some relief, I hum a little lullaby while I move from front to back, which makes him to cling closer to me. Among his whispers I can hear him saying that he loves me (thing that I obviously say back to him) and that he will try to stop keeping that kind of things, the sentimental stuff, to himself.

The humidity of a couple of tears touches my neck, the sigh of full relief that's coming out of his chest takes my breath away. It's the first time I can be with him for a moment of vulnerability.

"Enough of sentimentality, tell me what you want to hear" he sips his nose and takes his guitar again to finish tuning the last chords, by the suddenness of his mood change I could almost bet that he's bipolar, but I stop thinking about that and I give him the warmest of my smiles.

"Surprise me".

I move on the bed while he sits there and begins to move his fingers over the strings. I dare to compare and say that he doesn't has the same skills as Roderick with the instrument, but having Spens here, playing and singing for me is what matters most now. The only thing that matters now. The only person I care about now is him.

Can I ever stop with this kind of ideas at some point? I hope not.

While I move around my room, suddenly I have a sick need to put in place the things that I was occupying all day long here, I hear him singing different songs, all of them make me feel flushed and with the widest smile of all implanted in my face.

True Colors by Cyndi Lauper, Arms by Christina Perri, By Your Side by Tokio Hotel, I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner, More Than Words by Sting, all of them being sung to me. I didn't think he knew all those songs, because I refuse to believe that he learned them just for this.

In the middle of More Than Words I go back up to the bed, leaving aside the box which contains the present that I wanted to give him until Christmas day, I slid my arms around his shoulders and down to his chest, I surround him and I let that a sigh collides with the back of his neck, causing his voice to tremble slightly at the same while I smile for it.

He stops and places my left hand over his while again he puts it on the fretboard, my right finds his in its own and so I notice how difficult it is to move the fingers on both the frets and over the strings to keep a tune as perfect as the one that I'm hearing now.

I place my chin on his shoulder and sing with him, for that his voice is filled with a little of joy while it also becomes louder. If it wasn't for the blizzard outside then the neighbors would probably be listening to the show that can bring our voices to be together.

I can't stop thinking about how good I feel when I'm with him, to hear him sing, when he talks to me about irrelevant things in the hallways, in the moments when he takes my hand and kisses my cheeks, when he lets me jump on his back and we walk for hours in the streets, when I can sleep between his arms or he in mine, all that and more.

I'm just completely in love with Spencer, although I show it to him in a weird way.

"That was a real surprise" I say in a sweet tone against his neck, I move my hands to his stomach and he gets tense.

"You deserve all I can offer" he leaves his guitar on the floor and turns suddenly, taking me by the shoulders and pushing me slowly so now I'm with my back completely on the mattress.

He goes back up over my lap, he hadn't done it since that day I went to meet his parents, his hands cups my face and he makes me to get up, the slow caresses on my cheekbones arouses a smile, but before anything can happen I put my present in front of my nose.

"Merry almost-Christmas, Spens" he lets go a long breath and takes it, his fingers entwines with mine slightly before he takes the package away.

"I don't know if our minds are kind of coordinated or what but I have something for you too".

He gets up and goes back into his place almost at the same moment, he kisses me on the cheek before giving me a small box. Before doing anything I wait that the opens his gift, and I'm finally giving him something for everything he has given me; I'm sure that is not the kind of answer he's looking for.

While he's dedicated to get rid of the package I get to think about why I react in that way when he's around, I wonder why I have to find a way to tout all his attempts.

Some part of me could say that it's the fact that I'm not used to having this kind of attitudes with a guy and that everything is totally new to me, but the truth is I'm just scared.

I'm scared because it would be the first kiss that I give to a guy, the one who has made me feel like the most important person that can exist in the universe at the same time that he makes me feel just in the same way in all respects as the first time when I was about to kiss a girl, just as nervous and scared to believe that my nose would collide against one of his eyes or that it simply could not be something important or relevant.

I get out of my reverie when I hear his expression of complete surprise, he even begins to make small hops over my lap, something that does nothing more but cause me chills and that I bite my lower lip with a little aggression for the kind of ideas in my mind right now.

"The anniversary jacket of the Ravens?" his voice rises in pitch with each word as I can only imagine the raised eyebrow he should have right now, but that's immediately erased when he goes back to take small jumps. "I've tried to get in almost everywhere in the whole universe! I can't believe it!".

"I had the small idea that you would like it".

"I love it!" I leave the little box that he gave me aside and get up just how much it's needed to hear him wearing the gift that I just give him; the friction of his body with mine makes me to almost drop a small groan. "And it fits perfectly. You're the best, Mace".

«No, I'm not. I'm one of the worst people in the world».

He leans in to kiss me on the forehead, his arms surrounds my head and I'm caught against his chest, something that for nothing is unwelcome. I hug him when I hear him sighing again, his hands gets deep into my hair and right now I know that I'm really acting like an idiot, again, to be afraid to do something that both uf us are yearning to do.

"Now it's your turn" he whispers while kissing me on the head while handing me the box. "Merry almost-Christmas, Mace".

I smile to him while he moves off from my lap, he sits next to me while I open the box in a slightly very desperate way, the paper that surrounds it disappears in matter of a few seconds, and the ribbon that also adorns it now I place it on my hair while I finish up discovering what's inside.

When I remove the cover and put my hand inside I can feel that a sudden chill comes over me, something that couldn't be compared if the window was open. I think it's a small state of panic as I realize that I'm touching at the only one thing that 'fights against me' for the love of Spencer.

"B-Booky…?" I say, running out of breath.

To make sure I really have his teddy bear in my hands the tips of my fingers moves over each one of his features, starting from the soft cheeks, going through his plush body, the bowtie that feels somewhat differently than I can remember it and down to his small paws.

"Yes, Booky" he lets out a small sigh and one of his hands finds mine to entwine our fingers. "He's now yours".

I stroke one of the cheeks of the little bear with the back of my fingers once more, I shake him a little and until now I realize that in the beanie that's decorating his head there's a small sleighbell. I guide him towards my face and his plastic nose rests against mine, for some strange and weird reason I give him a little kiss and one last smile, I also perceive the slight scent of the cologne that Spens uses occasionally, but everything stops before the time of reality to wildly come over me, so suddenly that I feel a little dizzy.

"No" I say no more, I extend my hand that's holding Booky and purse my eyebrows a little, worried at the same time that I feel completely flattered. "I can't keep him".

"Mace, you can't return a present, it's not polite" he pushes my hand, closing his fingers over mine for me to cling to Booky.

"No, Spens, I can't".

"Oh come on, I know that he's a teddy bear and all of that, but it's something that comes from me to you, you can't refuse him" I try to reach out but the strength that exceeds in heaps mine that he owns prevents me to.

"Spens…".

"Mace, keep him".

"Spencer, stop it, I can't…" I clench my jaw and force my voice to not sound annoyed. "This is too much, I don't think…".

"Now he's yours, and I will not…".

"I said no, Spencer!" I raise my voice and for a moment I can imagine his expression of complete surprise. It's the first time in all the time we have being together when I raise my voice, but I don't do it for some kind of anger, this is another of my strange ways of escape.

We stay completely quiet, the worst silence that may be at times like these. It's assumed that everything is happiness since we're doing our exchange of gifts, but as usual I always have to find a way to screw it up, and right now I feel that I'm winning a championship.

"W-why you don't want him…?" his hand takes mine over the paw of Booky, ready to take him away, but that's what can be least relevant right now. His voice broke on the question.

"Oh, Spencer, no, no, it's not what you think" I move randomly my hands on the mattress in a so desperate way until I find one of his own, I try to entwine our fingers but it's the first time that he doesn't want me to, even it seems that he doesn't want me to keep touching him. "I can't accept him because he makes you happy".

"So do you, and you make it mostly…" his voice trembles.

"But he had made you happy for years, I've done it too but just for a couple of weeks".

"And those were the best weeks of my life, because I could be with you during all that time".

I run out of a concrete response, or something that makes me want to give him back his most precious object. Now he has turned me his most precious object, in his most important person, and I don't have a symbolic way to be reciprocated with him.

Only one comes to my head, and it's the one of which I've been running away the most, so I give a little hug to the teddy bear and put it between us before taking him by the shoulders and put myself 'face to face' with him, his hands wanders my lower back and that could almost make me purr because I love him having that kind of contact with me.

My desires to know his face and all the expressions that he makes when he deals with me now are increasing in intensity.

"I don't care about Booky, all I care about now is you".

I caress his cheeks as a blush comes to my face with another goofy grin, but now it isn't something that feels completely pleasant, not even being on his lap I feel comfortable.

He moves my hands away, he cups my cheeks and slowly leans towards me, and just when I can feel his breathing tickling my lips I move my head a little to the right, getting that kiss on the cheek. Obviously I notice that he gets tense, and I can almost feel punched in the stomach. And I can feel another blow that he just received in the pride.

"And this is also there" he growls with frustration, I'm about to move off from his lap when his hands are placed on my waist. "There are so many questions in my head so I'll just do them: did I do something wrong? Does my breath smell bad? You hate me for what I did to you? You're not comfortable with this…?" he takes a deep breath that comes out in a breathy sigh. My soul dies for listening him like that, for my fault; again, "you don't love me…?".

"No, no, Spens, don't ever say that again" I say defensively while I lean his forehead against mine, "of course I love you, I never loved someone in this very own way before" I'm speechless right there, as often it happens when I see myself caught in situations like this. "It's just that…" I ramble again, thinking of ways to not sound so stupid. I can't think in one at all. "You'll laugh if I tell you, I'm sure you will".

"I've been wanting to kiss you since the very beginning, but if you don't say it then I will not know how to respond to it" he snaps out, his voice sounds just a bit calmer, I hear he's still hurt by my nonsenses.

I breathe wearily as I figured that this is the longest night that can exist in the universe, but the universe is precisely the one who has made Madison to continue doing who knows what in the ball and that mom and dad continue doing who knows what before coming back home.

It's a sign, and I'll act on it.

"I had a dream that day when you sang to me in the auditorium" he sighs while his hands moves back to my lower back, moving in little and slow circles, "in that dream there was a kind of talk between us, which for some reason had sleeping pills involved, in which in the end we discussed what was there living between us".

This is completely getting out of my control and from all the standards of consistency in which a dream can stop losing its meaning, and I'm talking about a dream, dammit. What's wrong with me?

"Out of nowhere you took my face and kissed me, and it was the best kiss I could have get from anyone" his hands remain still for a moment but then he continues with his circles, I contain the purr again. "Then your hands slipped into my shirt and your lips ventured into my collarbone, and a start made me wake up from the best sleep in the world".

His hands stop just when he hears 'slipped in my shirt' like if I had expected the move he would do, then he stays quiet and, if I hadn't his body beneath mine, I would think he run away and left me here talking with my friend the darkness, with the blizzard outside and with the most precious object that he could have lying right next to me, motionless because he is a teddy bear. To what extent I will come to think that I can be surrounded by that kind of things and interact with them.

"To what I mean is that I…".

"You think that if it happens then you'll wake up from a dream".

«I couldn't have said it better, and damn that still sounds like the stupidest thing in the world».

We stay still for a moment, I can barely hear his breathing. I raise my head up just a little, I guess it may have to be in there, hanging, waiting for me to take the right decision about something that had to be happening from the very start, just like he said it. He wanted me to surprise him, like mom said, and I think that what I have in mind gives a partially special meaning to the whole situation that has me so scared.

Not anymore.

"I'm not going to deny that it sounds like complete nonsense, but as long as you feel comfortable with what you do then I think I can live a little longer with this situation".

His altruism is just completely stupid, he can't keep going with this because I also can no longer bear the fact that we couldn't have our first real kiss, the pressures of his lips at the corners of mines or in my cheeks, like the ones that I do to his, they are samples, but they're just simple samples, and we can't function in that way.

"Turn on the TV, I want to cuddle with you".

"Gladly".

He does so and surf-changes on the channels a few times until I can hear the end of The Polar Express, just before the credits begin he changes the channels again and The Nightmare Before Christmas is starting out, I can't help but smile to hear about my favorite movie.

Spens drops down on his back, without departing from me for even a little second, my head falls exactly on the dividing line between his pecs, I move the tips of my fingers over his chest while his are barely moving on my back, we sing a few verses of the title track while I close my eyes with a little tiredness over me. In my imagination some images are produced, but everything that is now getting produced in my head has become a little fuzzy and lacking of the color that it should have, like the blue sky on a clear day or the color of the uniform of the cheerleaders squad.

I don't like anything of that at all.

While he watches the television his hands moves to my hair, his indexes move in the bulging part of my skull, which causes me to tense my jaw and my hands now rest on his muscles.

"I wish that there were a way to give you something more so you can restore your sight".

I shrug my shoulders because now I feel like if I had been punched straight in the pride, or rather like if the idiot Mason had been punched in the pride. My real self is now falling in a debate between taking a way of avoidance or just let myself to act over what's making my heartbeat to get so accelerated and on what the warmth in my cheeks is telling me.

I let the old and true Mason to take the control over my actions, I find the TV remote control and press the sound off, I move to put myself on his lap again while he settles to be sitting. I place his nose rubbing against mine and I assure myself to be smiling in the broadest way that can exist in the world while my fingers are moving on his cheeks, and the smile is matched with the same amplitude level that I give him.

"You've given me so many things…".

"That doesn't matter, Mace, I want…" I place a finger on his lips, he nods slightly and I keep stroking his cheeks again.

"You've given me so many things, and feel that I haven't given everything for my part to you so far, so in addition to the jacket the other gift that I have for you is hanging over us".

He makes a sound of confusion with his throat, I feel that he raises an eyebrow and purses his lips before lifting his head slowly, moment at which a small gasp comes out of my throat. It's time, I can't keep prolonging this anymore, he deserves whatever that I can offer from now on.

"Wait, is that a mistletoe?".

"Yes, it is" the advantage of having my fingers tracing circles on his cheeks is that I can just hold them, make him to get his head down and do nothing more than to lean forward.

The first moment when his lips are in direct contact with mine takes the breath away from both of us, the feeling is just so smooth and so warmly surprisingly that I breathe out a sigh at the same time as he does, I guess it's the answer to my so sudden act. The two of us take a really deep breath and then we tilt our heads just a little to the right, I close my eyelids very slowly when one of his hands travels to my right cheek and his thumb strokes my cheekbone, bringing back the blush and the goosebumps.

My pulse quickens like never before, my thoughts stirs just like the words, a pleasant feeling comes over my stomach and all over my body, it runs wildly over my back and gets distributed to every corner of my being. Again it's like if everything had gone and the only ones remaining were just he and me.

Sadly this isn't my first kiss, but the way in which his hand now moves away from my cheek and then both move to start tracing slow circles on my back, the desperate way in which I cling to his cheeks, the way he returns me the kiss with soft and, to some extent, trembling pressures are just making me feel that this is the first kiss that I really give to someone who's really interested in me, the person from whom I feel completely loved and with whom I want to spend the best moments of my life.

His lips have a slight taste of cinnamon, due to mom's drinking stuff that's happening now to become in my favorite thing, they are so damn smooth that they seem like a couple of pieces of silk dancing over mine. His tongue decides to take participation in this and it tremblingly crosses over my lower lip, taking a small growl in its way, he does so in a way so shy and so light that I could swear that I'm also his first kiss.

I open my mouth slightly and my tongue also comes out just a little, but we don't fall into the wild and exciting struggle for dominance. No, just the tip of his touches and plays with mine before our lips meet again, then we go back to do it again. Then another one. Then another. One more time. Two. Five. Ten times. I stop counting and focus myself to feel.

He pushes me and I lay down on my back, without splitting for even a millimeter, we breathe the air that the other exhales, over my spine runs down the most pleasurable sensation in the whole world, which arises from being able to be doing this sort of things with who now owns my thoughts and my affections. His hands go down my chest and slides under my shirt, they place on my waist and he begins to caress the iliac bones with his thumbs, if he wasn't doing that I would still feel that they are too prominent and are everything but not attractive at all. Spens makes me feel sexy again, that if I ever was.

I had in mind that he would be rude and a little aggressive with this thing of not have kissed me before, but he's slow and gentle, he sighs at the same time as me and he takes deep breaths like mine because I simply don't want this moment to be over at some point, everything that bursts inside me now can't be described with words, only my actions are talking.

He takes my lower lip between his teeth, he gives it a small bite before pulling and releasing it. I let out a groan from the deeps of my throat while I move my hands behind his neck and stroke his nape with my thumbs, I take my turn to bite his lower lip and he groans in a louder way that I did. We alternate between bites and rubs with the tips of our tongues while we're breathing heavily, my body is expressing with complete freedom and without my permission, but the friction of his being against my hips doesn't make me feel so ashamed.

When he begins to finally move away I feel separated from everything that makes me happy, but at the same time I can feel that a thorough feeling comes over me, the hours I thought it took us to do that were probably just a couple of minutes, my minutes the paradise.

"The best… almost-Christmas present… of a lifetime…" I open my eyelids, I don't know why I had the stupid idea that that kiss could make me see at least blurred silhouettes.

"And you have… the worst boyfriend… of a lifetime…" he kisses me on the lips, just a little pressure, enough to take my breath away. I have the slightest idea that this kind of actions will be more recurrent than I might expect.

"We'll do a little exercise here to get that out of your head. Repeat after me" he takes my chin and makes me to tilt my head slightly to the right, his lips places on mine, without kissing me, and I don't think I can get back to feeling so desperate for a kiss. Now I can't stop. "I'm…".

"I'm…" I whisper with a small giggle as I feel his lips barely caressing mine with the words.

"… your…".

"… your…".

"… boyfriend" he growls against my lips, the little gasp is inevitable because his deep voice is terrifying at the same time it's sexy.

"… boyfriend" I whisper, feeling a sweltering heat throughout my body to be able to say it aloud. "I'm your boyfriend" I say, to corroborate.

"And I'm yours, Mace. We must focus on what will happen from now on, okay?".

"Deal".

He smiles, and before I can push forward to end up with this little game of whispers and also with the space between us the clock on my nightstand table notifies the time shift with two short beeps; it's midnight. I'm ninety percent sure that mom, dad and Madison are already at home, but they're as quiet as a tax increase that I would almost think right now that I live just in the company of Spens.

"Mace, it's officially Christmas Eve, you know what you want as a present?".

I get up on my elbows and make the tip of his nose to meet mine, I give him an Eskimo kiss before kissing him in the right way on the lips, earning a sigh and a smile as I depart.

Another moment of reality comes to me, one of those terrible slaps in the face that life enjoys giving me.

"There's only one thing I wish to have, more than anything in the whole universe".

"It's yours to simply say it" his nose touches mine and I kiss him on the lips as I force a smile to appear on my face. I'm just more than happy for this moment that just happened, but my greatest wish is simply something that prevents it to be entirely.

"I want to know how you are, in real life".

"What do you mean?" he asks without hesitation and with genuine confusion. He slides his hands under my body and he makes us roll on the mattress, I put my hands on his shoulders and approach to whisper over his lips.

"That, Spens, I have no idea how you look like physically speaking, I don't have the slightest idea of how your face looks like and I never before could see it, not even once in the hallways…" I release a sigh of longing and close my eyelids strongly to not release the tears that are threatening to come out, "that's all that I want".

"But you had saw me…".

"Once upon a dream?" I say, and although it's not the best joke he laughs.

"No silly, and right now you remember me the hatred that I have against Aurora, but not to the Disney version one, I hate the Once Upon a Time version, and I will not give explanations about why I watch that, but I hate her because…".

"I've never seen that show before".

"That can be solved, but we were in that you had seen me before twice actually".

He describes me the only two occasions when I've seen him, and I didn't think that he had that kind of memory for so completely insignificant events. The first occasion was on our first day of school, the first of all, I was so mired in a intense conversation with Madison about our desire to become cheerleaders that when we folded in a hallway I crashed directly against him, he managed to hold my arm to keep me from falling down straight to the floor. Madi told him a couple of insults about his clumsiness, but I remember that Spencer gave me a little smile and then he left without another word. If it's true then I can remember the clarity of his eyes, his confident smile, I remember a cute guy and not so athletic, and I also remember a vague desire to find him later.

On the second occasion my desire to find him again was fulfilled when he handed me a small booklet filled with notes that I forgot in a classroom, he accompanied me to my locker and we we're exchanging some comments about our new teams (the Titans and the Cheerios squad) before the bell for the change of classes interrupted us, and I'm not sure if it's something made up inside my imagination the request that my cheering was especially dedicated to him during the first game of all. And I don't remember if I did so.

It was my imagination or not I lean to kiss him, his hands are placed on my waist and mine on his cheeks, I kiss him with full need to feeling his lips on mine and have him completely close to me, I'm giving him a little of everything I've been taking away from him, and it doesn't seem that he wants to stop in the next couple of millennia.

"I'm in love with you, Spens".

"Good" he cups my cheek and kisses me on the lips, he's slightly biting my lower lip and I shrug when both of us let out a little giggle. "Because I'm also in love with you".

"Then I already have my present" his nose moves over mine before he gives me a kiss.

"And now we're gonna have our first marathon in Netflix until you learn to hate Aurora almost as much as I do, I'll describe each of the scenes if it's necessary until you understand it".

"Fine, but before anything else can happen…"

I don't finish the sentence because I find myself again with his lips, he sighs again against my face and now we become a mess of limbs, pressures on the lips, light bites, stupid laughs and wide grins, but in a little twist to all of this I achieve to catch his tongue between my lips, I make a small suction that takes him by complete surprise because he moves in a strange way, between surprised at the same time he's scared, and he decides to play the same way with me and I move under him exactly in the same weird way, but the difference is that I add to it a startle.

"That was a dirty trick…" he gasps and the shadow of a kiss appears on my lips, "so now you have to compensate it with more episodes".

I nod with a rush of energy, he moves on the mattress so that his head is on my pillows and mine is back over his chest, I hug his body and his hands starts playing with my hair while I hear that the show begins, I close my eyelids while he begins to describe with every detail from the very beginning and everything that happens in that marriage, what happens while everything starts to spiral out of their control and they reach the current time.

His voice begins to become heavier, he yawns occasionally and he keeps doing so even more until there comes a point at which his breathing encompasses too much, that signal to know that he's already completely asleep. I turn off the TV while I move up a little and kiss him on the lips, I whisper that I love him and leave my head in his neck, getting completely intoxicated with the scent of his skin at midnight.

I find Booky and pull him close to us, I kiss him between his tiny ears and close my eyes, Spens arms moves while he babbles, he growls that he also loves me and that's when I join him in his dreams and in one of the best Christmas Eve's I have lived in my young age.

The cold air hits my cheeks even with a ski mask over my face, my nose is likely in the nearer point to absolute freezing while my hands are still shaking in my pockets.

The first day of school is always a greater feat for me, and even more after a few well-deserved days off.

When I arrive to the main door someone asks me to take off my ski mask and not use it again in all day long, like if I were some kind of terrorist or something like that, I take the cane out of my backpack and start walking as I realize that there are heat inside the building, so perhaps it's not entirely necessary to wear it again.

As I walk through the hallways I start to think about the level of seriousness that mom and dad are giving to what is between me and Spens. I mean, how many times a guy can spend the holidays with the family of his boyfriend, being invited by my parents obviously not giving me a clue about it? Indeed they are really evil, but I guess that I would have gone into a state of panic of having learned on my own.

The only thing that was bad about all this was the death of his grandmother, about two weeks ago. He came to my place, greeted my parents in the most cordial mode in the world and he immediately took me to my own room, he closed the door behind me, he wrapped his protective arms around me and let out all the tears which can result of the loss of a so close person. We spent most of the day locked up as he held me against his body and told me stories about the kind of woman she was, how she was one of the first people to accept him and how she was more than happy to know that he had found someone who would be there for him when she was no longer by his side.

I stretch out my hand as I let out a sigh, I'm wrong of locker but it's a fortunate thing that I put a small sign at the bottom of the door of mine, so I can find it two more lockers away on the right. I don't understand why Madison decided to let me go alone this morning, but I guess that having to plan a performance with Jane and Kitty has to play a too important role.

Among my mess of books and loose notes I find the little sheet of paper that I had planned to give him before going on holiday, but since I wasn't sure I could repeat it I preferred to keep it here, protected. I take out the photo that Madison gave me, one of many that was devoted to take in the Christmas party that she organized for the whole choir, and I can imagine the huge smile that I must have while I'm kissing Spens on the cheek, and she says the expression he does is so cute that it's impossible to have stemmed directly from him.

And speaking of the devil, his hands places on the straps of my backpack and he takes it off my back away slowly, then he puts them on my waist and his body completely close the mine, taking us back to that point where there can't be a dividing line between us, we can almost be one here.

"Good morning, Mace" he whispers in the back of my neck, I move my head to the right for his cheek to be able to find mine and I turn mine slightly to kiss his cheek.

"Good morning, Spens".

He moves away from me and leans in the lockers next to me, I can feel his eyes on each of my movements as if they were completely captivating, instead I start to think about the long nights we spent together watching his secret show, and it's something difficult for him to describe everything that happens without pausing it. But they are the best nights I can have.

"And… h-how are your parents?" if the death of his grandmother had a great impact on him in his parents it was even worse. Mom and dad recommended them the crisis intervention service from Dr. Watson. His heavy sigh don't tell me much about it.

"They're… fine, I guess. They go with Dr. Watson as suggested by your parents, and I see that they are much better because mom is not late at night crying anymore and dad is already back to work".

"And how are you?" I take a couple of books and close the door of my locker, he immediately takes them and he takes my hand and now we move towards his locker. He slips his arm around my shoulders and I put my head on it.

"Good, I also feel a little better" supposedly he should be taking the service too, but for reasons he doesn't want to tell me, and I honestly don't want to know them, we don't talk about it at all. When we get to his locker he puts the necessary combination to open it. "I mean that I'm getting used to the idea that the visits on weekends at her place are over and that I will not see her anymore. I think I'm getting over it".

I reach out and I meet myself with one of the sleeves of his jacket, I slid my hand up to his shoulder and I walk closer until I can hear his breathing in a slightly agitated manner. He's not getting over it in the least, and I shouldn't bring that wound to his life again.

"I'm here, okay?" he ruffles my hair and places his hand under my chin to make me look at his eyes, supposedly.

"I'm counting on it, I always will" I close my eyes, the kiss that I had in mind that would happen never comes, in fact he stops taking my chin and returns to his duty in his locker. Frustration is little to describe what has just emerged in me.

"Well, I didn't expect something like this" I say, crossing my arms while all the bystanders begin to again be part of the world. I don't remember pushing them away at some point.

"What are we talking about exactly?".

"Aren't you going to kiss me today?" I ask, like if it were the most obvious thing of the universe, but hearing him hesitant strikes me that perhaps he wasn't planning to do so, or at least not here.

"I didn't think you wanted it, I thought that you wouldn't be completely cool with me doing something like that with all this being something new for you".

Again I have to clear up the things I'd said that I no longer want to keep up, and this one certainly is especially one of them. I have no fear about this kind of displays of affection, even if it involves that we receive some occasional insult, but either way I'm sure he would manage to avoid those words to make me feel bad or little easy.

I uncross my arms and slide against the door of his locker when he closes it, I smile broadly along with a movement of my eyebrows before stretching my back and feel his hands on my neck.

"So can I kiss you always that I want to?" his thumb draws a line on my lower lip, I cringe a little and loose a little chuckle when I can no longer walk backwards without the locker eating me.

"Yes, Spens, you can".

"Whenever I want to?" his hand cups my cheek now, I feel that blush more and more each second while I also feel that the warmth of his body increases over mine. I'm sure that my knees would be trembling if I could see the blue of his eyes so close to my green ones.

"Yeah, anytime".

His nose plays over mine, I let out a stupid laugh while I'm listening to a few whispers when they walk passing by that are confirming that we're something, that we're actually dating, and, just like Kitty surely did, they get the money of some bets.

"Can I kiss you here? Now?" his two hands are now cupping my face, I move my hands down all the length of his strong arms until I entwine them behind his neck.

"Yeah, do it".

Time stops when his lips meet mine, he merely tilts his head slightly to the right and moves a bit forward. I move my hands to cup his cheeks and my books, which I was holding with my knees, now fall helplessly to the floor when they start to tremble. Each portion of my skin is now having chills when his tongue slides a little on my lower lip, everything around me becomes ephemeral when small bites and growls are becoming part of this.

I don't know how I'd feel right now if I were lifted and placed against the locker that keeps me connected with this world.

"Did I already tell you that I love you?" he firms his grip around my waist, his forehead is placed on mine. He stops our little moment and his head sinks on my shoulder. I hug him tighter.

"I think you did about four thousand times, but one more wouldn't hurt".

He does so with a sigh before kissing me again, his hands stop doing contact with me and before I can do something to ask where they are they both slide up and behind my neck, something gets secured in the back of it, then his palms slides down over my chest and damn that felt so good, but I can't let go little moans in the middle of the hallway.

When he moves away I instinctively slide my right hand on my neck, I find a small leather cord at the end I can feel a flawless and smooth stone with a small letter typed in braille, his letter, an S.

"I have one that matches, with your letter" he takes my left hand and puts it in his shirt over the top, immediately I can read the little letter with the tip of my index finger while I let out a long sigh. "With this I want to seal a promise with you" he hesitates a little while he cups my cheeks, "no matter what or who you're going to be mine and I'll be yours. I swear and promise that I will never disappoint you, if at any time I do so then I'll have to remedy it somehow and like never before. You chose me for some reason and I'll make that reason to remain being why you smile and also are blushing every time we're together, or that it be the same reason why you go back to being warm, friendly and everything you've always been with everyone else. You're the most important person in my life now. Mace, I love you, and I want you to promise me that we'll be made for each other from now on, you promise it?".

I laugh a little nervously as I lean to his lips for them to cease forming so many words and they move at the pace we've never practiced before but we know that we need to have. Every time his lips touches mine it makes me think of so many things… I was avoiding all of this because I didn't want to feel that thing of being in love? I didn't want to accept this part of me, the one that likes Spens? How many times does a person can sigh in a small morning before school even starts? Are we made for each other?

There will be answers later, for now I focus on smiling while he's still holding me by the waist and his lips keeps moving on mine, the talks around are alternating between becoming a fact and speculate/criticize about what we're doing in the middle of the hallway, but the less Spens feels that I try to establish some kind of boundaries between us is much better, because I don't want to miss any of this for things that I said before and that I don't want to continue to have standing.

"I promise".

We join in a hug, my head is facing his neck like his to mine, I close my eyelids when I hear him mumbling the lullaby that I'm used to hum for him when he's felling sad. I really hope that this is not understood in ways of weakness against everyone else in here, and that from now on the guys on the team will think he's weak and all that stupid stuff, but I guess that I'm really making him to stop feeling that he has to be a strong guy and that is not bad to show this emotional side occasionally.

His head moves so in that way, with our hug, he kisses me, but at this very moment someone decides to get my attention poking at my side. I don't give importance to it and focus on Spens.

"Why, look at this" Spens growls and I was about to slightly bite his lower lip, however I split away and put my head on his shoulder to try to glare at Kitty with my hollow look. "Finally I see you two chewing each other's faces".

"Ah… yeah?" I ask, completely sure at the same time that she must be talking to Madison or anyone else in the squad, Spens hand becomes firm in my lower back.

"Yes, we are, or rather we were. Are you done?".

"Easy there, Gay Boy, I just wanted to come to say that I'm really happy for you".

"You can't feel happiness about anything, you're Kitty Wilde".

"But she can" says the new voice to which she was talking, which happens to be Madison. "She's happy about many things".

"Tell me ten" says Spens, daring them. I hit him in the chest to stop behaving like that at least with my sister, to Kitty he can say whatever he wants.

"Nah, we're not talking about me here" Kitty growls, I'm sure she's about to insult Spencer, "and if so then I don't think that someone like you could say anything of it because…".

"Alright then, I'll stop this right here because I remind you that we're all very good friends, also that I want every single one of you in the auditorium at the end of the day because I'll give a performance that could make us win Sectionals again".

"Are you going to perform?" asks all three of them at the same time, and equally surprised.

"Yes, remember that I did nothing in the latest weekly assignment so I want to compensate it".

They begin to talk about the songs they're planning to do, and between that Spencer complains with me because I didn't say anything about it and he wanted to do a number with me. I didn't do a number with him because the whole idea came to me in one of those attempts to sleep, in another one of those times when he was an emotional dilemma with everything that happened to him, so I preferred not to shed the stress of a whole performance over him. Thanks to him there are songs in my heart again, and he has to know it.

The conversation then turns to what we did on vacation, which I'm sure has been discussed in countless times on phone calls or text messages; for me spending time with Spens was all I did on vacation, being there in good and bad times and all that.

"And when will you admit it?" I say out of nowhere when Spencer and I are dedicated to just listen.

"Admit what?" Kitty asks, using a tone of partial indignation.

"You know, that there's something between you two".

Everything is silent, even the people next to us stop and begin to murmur. Control of impulses of idiocy, I have to write that down on a list of priorities that I will not re-read in a lifetime, but it's simply the knowledge that there's something there but that they will not admit what I find somehow annoying, that because Madison hasn't told me anything about it being that I was an open book when it was the same with me.

"The fact that we're best friends doesn't mean that there has to be something that means that we want to get rid of the panties of the other one with our teeth, right Madison?".

"Yes, it's correct. None of that, I swear".

The inner psychic voice of my sister says all the opposite, it's asking for help on some way to things she's being obliged to say, like I did when I was in the same crossroads over Spens.

Before I can speak the bell for the beginning of class ends up with this more than tense moment. Kitty and Madison are the first on going away while Spens splits our hug, he raises my books up and he starts walking while I remain firmly standing in front of his locker, playing with the straps of my backpack and 'watching' the floor below me.

"What's up?" he asks in a slow, soft voice, it almost makes me want to regret what I want to ask but it's something I want to do because we didn't have done so in a while, or at least not here.

"Will you hold my hand?" I raise my head at the right and exact time when his forehead places over mine, he entwines the fingers of his left hand with my right one and he sighs. "I would like to walk so from now on, so I no longer would need the cane".

"So you're using me?" I kiss him on the cheek and then on the lips.

"Nope, I just want to walk with my boyfriend like this from now on".

He moves his head to give me a little kiss on the lips and he pulls me to move when I listen to a teacher telling us that we get to class as soon as we can to avoid detention.

When Spens lets me inside the Geography classroom and gives me one last kiss on the right temple before leaving then comes to me all the preparations that I have made in my head so the moment will be perfect, for him to know everything that's in my head thanks to him; to give him a big surprise.

I can't wait for the end of the day.

The only advantage that I can find about being kicked out of the squad is that I can do things like get ahead of the auditorium and get bossy with the guys in the band and with the stage lighting for the performance that I'm going to give in a few minutes when New Directions get all together in front of me. The assignment of the week again has a so stupid name, "New year, new me", but it's without a doubt something in which I can actually participate; many things has changed in this short vacations.

I stay in the little chair that I could get and move my foot with a little impatient while I listen to the instruments being tuned and tested, I hear the sound of the spotlights switching on and off to test that everything is in order. I just want everything to be blue, white and gray, although I will not be able to see those colors or any other in what rests of my lifetime.

I preferred not to disturb Spencer with the fact that yesterday I heard mom and dad in a busy call on the phone with a doctor (which I didn't know his existence) that shook off again the possibility of some kind of recovery of my sight since it was organic damage, or that's what I understood. Reflexively I take my right hand to my head and breathe a sigh.

It's not his fault, I will not blame him.

"We're sure that everything looks beyond great, Mason" says a girl whose name I completely forget, I get out of my thoughts and look up to where I think it's her voice.

"I'm sure that's it" I say with a smile.

The bell for the end of the day interrupts our conversation, some tension places on my shoulders while I stand and hear someone taking my seat while a girl brings me to the back of the curtain, I start walking in circles while a lot of questions are coming to me.

«What if the spotlights don't move the way I want them to? What if I lose my balance and fall? What if I bump into something in my way? What if I forget the lyrics of the song? What if Spencer hates this?», I try to forget those questions and swallow the lump that forms in my throat.

But that doesn't prevent me to stop and think a bit about serious things, like the fact that the time to begin to meditate in options for universities and all that is about to come, and Spencer has the ambition to become someone huge in the sport and a career, something that he has given me clues but we don't talk concisely about it. I guess that he have in mind that it will be difficult for me to adapt to an environment that is not at all likely to receive a student like me, although I suppose that I could devote myself to make some artistic things and those which doesn't involve too much movement if it is the case that my talent is big enough for that to be done.

I refuse to think about the time when we have to break-up to go to different places of the country, and I will not do something that makes him stay in this small, boring town. The more I can take advantage of everything I can live with him then all will be better.

"Are you ready, Mason?" Rachel asks, placing a hand over my shoulder. Without her help I guess this would be the fiasco that I think it would be.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm a little nervous, that's all".

"You're a star, Mason, don't let your brightness to get opaque with silly ideas. You have worked hard to prepare this assignment, so I did my best in everything to be how you want it".

I smile to her and she hugs me, until now I can notice how low at tallness she is. I confided her all of this because, even when her acting career sucks as hell, her talent as a performer on the Broadway stages means that she have too much experience in the field of the crowds, one that I had failed to get even in the camp with Madison.

She lets me go and walks whistling happily, I stay behind the curtain and I still think that this simply can't be a fiasco, but the plans don't always get along how they were contemplated in the first place, the wars in the worlds or the first attempts of Spencer to approach to me are telling so.

I hear the mumbles of New Directions when they enter while I also hear the laughter of Kitty and Madison that resonates all over the place, Rachel begins to give indications for them to stay in the front rows of seats and she places Spencer on the special spot in which I asked her to place him.

I didn't had lunch with him and neither spent time with him in the hallways during class changes, I had to ask Roderick and Alistair to keep him a little away from me, because I wanted that this right moment was the cornerstone to balance my now complete need for him with the surprises that I want to give him between now and I don't know when.

"Very well, let get this started" I pitch my ear to hear Rachel talking, she claps and receives applause reluctantly from the others as the curtain falls for someone to guide me to my exact position, behind the microphone and in the middle of the stage.

"Mason is not here" says Spencer with something of sadness in his voice, obvious sadness at me not being with him. «I'm right here, Spens», I say to myself.

"He will come soon, meanwhile I want to wish every one of you a happy start to the year. Kurt and I decided this assignment at the beginning of the school year because we thought it would be a great idea to express what you can expect in a grab bag of three hundred and sixty-five days, also that…".

While I listen to another of the very boring speeches from Rachel I can imagine how impatient Spencer should feel to know that I'm not around, but the big surprise that he will have when the curtain goes up and he see me singing to him one of my favorite songs.

I'm not pretty sure if it's normal that my feelings have that kind of such a high intensity, but I also put in the balance the kind of things that he has done and which I have done, and that I haven't done, and everything turns out that there will always be something to load more weight on his side of actions, while in mine there will always be a kind of lack.

"… and with no more to say for now, let's begin" Kurt says, and I hadn't noticed the change of voice.

"I insist, Mason is not here" Spencer growls, almost on the verge of strangling who places in front of him.

I snap the fingers of my right hand, the curtain begins to rise and, just how I had it planned, first there's nothing at all, but after three seconds a spotlight switches on and enlightens me, I can feel a slight increase of heat in the back of my neck.

"I'm here" I say with deep voice, which I don't know what kind of effect it may have on him because I have never whispered that way in his ear.

While a small uproar over the "originality" of my way to appear on the stage breaks loose I look up and I can almost be certain that I just met with the bright eyes of Spencer.

"You can hate me for not spending time with you, but not for what I'm gonna do, or I don't know" I chuckle while I widen a smile and ignore that everyone else is talking while I say to him my little introductive speech. "You wanted a surprise? Here you have it".

I snap my fingers once more, my signal since I can't see the band behind me, and immediately when I place my right hand over the microphone the sound of drums begins to rumble across the auditorium. I hold my grip on the microphone to not jump that high.

While they get to the part where I start singing I hear the cheers of each and every one of the members of New Directions. "You're the best Mason!", "that's it Blindy!", "go, go, go!", "I love you Buttercup!". Each and every one of those words encourage me to just smile and point in front of me, the exact place where Spencer is, watching all this.

Lookin' in your eyes

I should see a paradise

But this world that I found

Is too good to be true

Standin' here beside you

Want so much to give you

This love in my heart

That I'm feelin' for you

During every sentence I can feel how something explodes inside my chest, something that drives me to keep singing on each and every one of the things that take place in me with just having him around, and after enjoying so many so close and crazy moments I have no doubt that he is the one.

Let 'em say we're crazy

I don't care 'bout that

Put your hand in my hand

Baby, don't ever look back

Let the world around us

Just fall apart

Baby, we can make it

If we're heart to heart

I split the microphone away from its base and I move back and forth shakily, still feeling that I own the whole universe and that not even this stupid and silly accident will achieve that something changes between us.

And we can build this dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Nothing's gonna stop us now (Oh, whoa)

I was completely taken aback by the fact that his voice adds to mine at that moment, that surprise is increased before I can take a deep breath to keep going with my act because he appears from nowhere next to me, one of his fingers places on my lips, then he cups my cheek and caresses my right cheekbone before I can understand what he means.

I'm so glad I found you

I'm not gonna lose you

Whatever it takes

I will stay here with you

Take it to the good times

See it through the bad times

Whatever it takes

Is what I'm gonna do

His arm places on my shoulders, he pulls me completely close to him and this time, though I insist it's a gesture between friends, I can feel myself like that weird combination between a best friend and lover that many people would like to have but just a few can reach to have. He also chose me.

Let 'em say we're crazy

What do they know

Put your arms around me

Baby, don't ever let go

Let the world around us

Just fall apart

Baby, we can make it

If we're heart to heart

All New Directions are singing with us, the hold notes are prolonged with the help of every one of us, the tingle running down my back increases to hear that all of them want to be part of what I'm giving right here to Spencer. And all of these emotions are augmented with Spens being part of my life and everything I do from now on. No more barriers, no more misunderstandings, no more weird events, it's just us.

And we can build this dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Nothing's gonna stop us now

He takes my hand and holds it with his that's holding the microphone, at that moment I forget about everything and I start to think about our here and now, in imagine the twinkle in his blue eyes and the smile that he's surely dedicating me as we continue with our amazing performance with just one microphone. All this is quite and simply perfect.

Ooh, all that I need is you

All that I ever need

And all that I want to do

Is hold you forever, forever and ever, hey!

During the guitar solo he moves to hug me, the protection and love that he can provide me with his arms it's so indescribable and unconditional that I don't want to get away from him ever, for any reason, not even knowing that the university theme will be involved and all that stuff. I want to stay with him, forever.

"I love you, Spens" I say, and I can't stop a single tear to slide down my cheek for all this.

"I love you, Mace".

We split away just at the right moment before taking the microphone and return to what we were doing, but before all that he wipes the tear that slipped and kisses me on the forehead, I smile in the broadest possible way and let everything to continue.

And we can build this dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Nothing's gonna stop us now

The band ends with the instruments, I stop holding the microphone and grab him by the jacket to just kiss him on the lips, I'm surprised that I had tilt my head just enough to avoid hitting his nose. The curtain falls while his hands are placed on my back, mine now reach his waist and it's a change of posture strangely pleasant and interesting, the spotlight over us switches off and Spencer growls like never before, awakening my wild impulses to not let him go and just hold on to his waist, and fortunately the guys in the band are not seeing anything that's happening here.

I hear the applause from everyone in the audience while I feel something wet falling down my cheeks, but now it doesn't come from me. If I could see what's in front of me I'm sure that I would see Spens closed eyelids but I would also see the tears rolling down the sides, how he wrinkles his nose when he does that and another moment of vulnerability.

"Nobody had ever done that for me before" he whispers when he moves away just enough to talk over my lips. "I had never before felt someone so special to someone else".

"Spens, you're the most special person in my life now, and I will do something like this whenever I want to show you how much I love you".

Behind us I hear Rachel talking about how wonderful it was to witness this moment while the others agree with her, Kurt encourages the others to perform with their songs just as stunning and with the same emotional weight than I just did, but now I concentrate on the fact that Spencer it's being emotional and close to me, again.

"Well, that's a little sad" before I can say anything to object to that he puts his finger on my lips for then his does the same, he splits away after and cups my right cheek. "Because I stopped hearting you long time ago and now I have come to deeply love you. I love you, Mace, and I always be here for you".

I run out of breath for being able to finally hear those words, those three little words are also ways to describe exactly how intense my feelings for him are, and they also can be used to describe how much I refused to say them because that's a point in every loving relationship that comes after a long time and also with so many things in between.

I move my hands all the way up his back, I let the tip of his nose resting on mine and I move in circles, the slow dance that I took away from him to have that night when we had our first kiss, and now I'm compensating it by humming some fragments the song we just performed as the best duet that can be in the whole world while his head moves to the right and then to the front to join us in another kiss, this time I'm also the one who becomes a small sea of tears and overflowing emotions.

I'm a few seconds to admit that I found the love of my life, which has helped me to overcome with my new obstacles and who I know that will be there for my support in whether that are going to come. Maybe waking up is better after all, if I hadn't done so then probably now I would be six feet underground without ever having experienced what it was to be loved by another person than someone from my family.

I don't care if the world doesn't like if this are almost public confessions, or that they are relatively hasty with the little time we've had together, but it's the intensity of what I do, in the way in which I think and how I act like what I just can't meditate in the right way and that it can't neither be typecast in what is right and what is wrong.

"You're the love of my life, Spens. I love you" I kiss him again, admitting that I'm also the love of his life, completely healing my soul with his affection, forcing to my old self to be welcomed back with one of the most loving persons that I've ever met, settling up some new things with his actions and especially making me feel like the most special person that can be in the world with his love.

I give him the little note along with the photo that was in my back pocket all day long, we both care just so very little that everyone starts moving to prepare the next performance when he decides to start reading it. I remain motionless until he hugs me from behind, taking my right hand and making my index finger to start slipping on what I could write, and I almost feel ashamed to read it again: you've probably heard the phrase 'live each day as if it was the last of them' (or something like that), that's why I've shown somehow accelerated about my feelings for you, I feel that we gave strides when we should give steps a little smaller, when I entered in cleverness I realized that maybe I wasn't giving all of me on this (as I told you in a couple of times), but I don't think that you can blame me for that, not after… well, you know… (and no, Spens, I'm not blaming you for what happened. Never again).

The soft and delicate way in which he makes me turn on my heels to kiss me after we finish reading, how his hands are entwined in my lower back and how he lets me to place my hands on his waist at the same time when we sigh and when I can almost swear that we close our eyelids at the same time are completely different from how they felt before we using those such strong words to describe how we feel about each other.

My future is uncertain now, full of blank pages and events that no one can foresee, just like all the people, but as long as I have him beside me there's nothing more I can ask for.

THE END