Axel

I'm not sure what I expected to hear when I finally confessed to Roxas that I love him, but the sickening thud on the other side of the door was not it. "…Roxas?" I fight through the lump in my throat to ask. "Roxas?!" I cry again, yanking on the doorknob as hard as I can.

In my frustration to get to him, I melt the doorknob out of the door and kick it open. When I don't see him right away, my brow furrows in confusion, "…Rox?"

Turning towards his bathroom, I nearly vomit as I step in something sticky on the carpeting. The acrid smell of blood fills my nose and I have to cover my face with my sleeve as I take another careful step towards the bathroom.

"Roxas…" my entire heart leaps into my throat when I find exactly what I'd been terrified of. I drop to my knees beside him, pulling his blood-soaked upper body onto my lap and trying desperately to find any sign of life in his body.

My hands won't stop trembling as I fumble in my pocket to find my phone, barely able to dial the emergency line. "Roxas… you promised me… You promised!" I shout to nobody in particular as the phone rings.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My roommate… he tried to kill himself," I sob into the receiver, "He… I think he slit his wrists… We're in apartment 813…"

The woman on the other end stays calm, "What's your name?"

"Axel… Axel K…Kai…" I mumble, holding him close to me.

"Is he breathing, Axel?"

I look down at him, my vision blurring with tears, "B…barely…"

"All right, Axel… we have an ambulance on the way. They'll be there shortly. Listen to me, I need you to find some towels or some fabric… anything you can wrap around his wrists to try and stop the bleeding. Can you do that?"

"Y…yeah…" I sniffle, reaching up and yanking down his bath towels, then putting the phone on speaker and setting it up on the sink. I wrap the towels around his wrists and hold pressure there, "O…okay… Now what?"

"Just wait for the ambulance, Axel. They're on their way," she assures me, "Stay on the line until they arrive."

In only moments I hear the paramedics come in through the front door. They usher me out into the living room quickly, where I'm met by the police.

"What the fuck happened to Roxas?!" one of them exclaims, clearly dropping his professionalism when he realizes that it's their coworker.

"He… he… I don't know! We were sort of fighting and then he locked himself in his room and… I just found him like that!" I try to explain, but all I'm met with are glares.

"So you were fighting? Did you hurt him?" the taller of the two narrows his eyes on me, pulling out a little notebook.

I look up and him in surprise, "N…no? What the fuck kind of question is that?! He's my best friend, I'd never hurt him!"

"I remember you… Didn't we just arrest you last night?"

"That has absolutely nothing to do with Roxas. Can we focus on making sure he's not fucking dying?!" I shout at them, my heart nearly breaking inside my chest as I watch them wheel him through the living room on a stretcher.

The shorter policeman just sneers, "They're taking him to the Twilight Clinic. You can meet him there."

And suddenly I'm alone.

"Wait! I don't have a car!" I shout after them, but it's too late. "Shit…" I mumble, running a bloody hand through my hair without realizing it. The train doesn't run to the hospital, and it's too far for me to walk…

I stand in the middle of the living room for a long moment before the slight glint of light on Roxas' keys catches my eye. I… I can't… It's a crime… I could get arrested again…

But… it's parked right downstairs. It's full of gas… and I have the keys…

"Fuck it," I decide, grabbing his keys off the hook and shoving both of our wallets in my pockets. When I get downstairs I stare at his shiny black and white police car, my stomach flipping a little as I unlock it and get in the driver's seat. Of course… my legs end up crammed into my throat because Roxas is a midget.

Throwing the seat all the way back, I turn the key in the ignition and speed out of the parking lot. But of course… as if my night isn't shitty enough, I hit every fucking red light in town.

Eyeing the little switch for the lights and sirens, I chew on my bottom lip. Now… I really shouldn't do it. I know that I shouldn't. But Roxas might be awake in the hospital right now. He might be alone and afraid and… fuck, he might hate me, but I need to be there for him.

So I swallow hard, flipping the little button on and suddenly I'm speeding towards the hospital, running lights and forgoing every single rule about driving I've ever learned.

The moment I reach the hospital I park as close to the Emergency Room entrance as I can get, running through the doors and nearly bowling over an elderly couple as I approach the front desk.

"Roxas. Roxas Sai. I need to see him now."

"Sir, are you bleeding? Were you hurt?" the small blonde girl squeaks, looking terrified of me.

I slam my hand down on the desk, leaving a print of half-congealed blood there, "It's not my blood. I'm fine. I need to see Roxas Sai. Where the fuck is he?"

"Let me make some calls and I'll see if I can get you a visitor's badge, okay? Just have a seat in the waiting room," she wrinkles her nose as she speaks, grabbing a pair of gloves and a heavy duty disinfectant to clean my bloody handprint.

"Fucking hurry," I glare at her, taking the seat closest to her desk to make sure she calls right away.

After mumbling in the phone for a couple of minutes, she leans over the desk, "Sir? They've just stabilized your friend. They'll send a nurse out to get you in a few minutes. Would you like a towel, or some… hand sanitizer?"

"I'm fine. I would like to see my best friend, please."

"Come fill out your visitor's badge. Is there anybody else we need to notify?"

I shake my head, "No… he doesn't have any family."

"All right, …Axel," she says, reading the name I've scrawled on the badge, "They'll call you back as soon as they can."

Sitting back down in the chair, I slap the sticker onto my chest and wait. I fucking hate waiting.

Much to my surprise, the next blonde I see is a very familiar one. "Namine?" I look up at her, blinking a few times to make sure I'm not hallucinating.

"Axel… I'm Roxas' doctor," she offers a warm smile, clutching an iPad to her chest, "We're ready for you to come see him now."

I scramble to my feet, following her into the hallway, "You're… a doctor now?"

"Well… I didn't really have anything else to do, and my art wasn't really putting food on the table. So… yeah. I put myself through med school and here I am!" she chirps, leading me through the incredibly confusing E.R.

"Wow… who knew I'd end up doing more art than you?" I smirk a little, "Tattoo artist."

She gives me a funny look, "Oh. That… that is surprising."

"Is he going to be okay?" I ask her, stopping in the hallway to talk for a moment before we go into his room. "I mean… Should I prepare myself?"

"We stopped the bleeding and stabilized him, but he needed an emergency blood transfusion in the ambulance. He's going to be weak for a long time… and there's no way to know if there was any brain damage until he wakes up."

I fought back the urge to start crying again, "So… he isn't awake…"

"No… but he could wake up any time now, Axel. Go be with him," she prods at my side, trying to push me into the room. "Though… Axel, I just… why would he do this? Has… has he been remembering?"

I stop again, nodding a little, "Yes… it's been coming in bits and pieces for weeks now."

"Axel… if he remembers everything, I don't know what's going to happen. The procedure I did on him was obviously unstable… and having two lives suddenly crammed into his mind? It could be devastating."

"Well… let's hope he doesn't remember," I shrug, turning towards his room.

"Try to stay strong, Axel," she calls after me before rushing off to take care of her other patients.

"Roxas…?" I whisper as I enter the room, "I'm here, buddy… I'm here…"

Pulling a chair up to the side of his bed, I sit down beside him and sigh. He looks so… pale. He looks so… dead. I fight off another wave of tears as I instinctively reach out to grab his hand, but then I stop. His bandages start right at his wrists and I don't want to do anything that might open the wounds again.

Instead I reach up to caress his cheek, my thumb ghosting up and down his jawline as he breathed softly in… and out…

"You can't leave me here, Roxas… I need you… I… I love you…"

But I know deep down in my heart that Roxas could never love me the way that I love him. There's just no way… We've lived together for nearly ten years now. If he felt that way… If he was really gay…

And then there's me. I have no idea if I'm gay… All I know is that I have fallen so far in love with him that…

I can't keep torturing him with my company. This was my fault. I have been the true reason behind his depression—all of it. Everything from the arrests to my stupid decision to replace his memory.

I'm the reason he no longer wanted to live.

Roxas

Groaning softly as I stir awake, I reach towards the voice I'd been hearing for the past hour, "Axel…?"

"Axel isn't here, Roxas…" a light female voice fills my ears, making me frown a little.

"Where… where is he? I need him," I mumble, sitting up a little bit in the hospital bed that I know I'm in. I've smelled nothing but hospital disinfectant for hours.

The thin blonde woman approaches me, holding a folded up piece of paper in her hand. "He left this for you, sweetie. I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"Thank you…" I say, taking the piece of paper and unfolding it.

"My name is Namine, if you need me. I'm your doctor," she tells me before backing out of the room.

Roxas-

I am so… so… sorry that I pushed you to this. Had I known… God, Roxas… Had I just known… This was all my fault, I understand that now. I hope you find love in your life, Roxas, I really do. Stay alive for me, okay? The world is a better place with you in it. I hope you'll remember the good times we had together, like teaching me how to skateboard and watching me fall on my ass… or letting me give you your first tattoo and crying like a baby the whole time. Those are the moments I want to remember.

Hopefully by the time you're reading this letter, everything will be over and you'll be able to move forward with your life. I love you, Roxas… don't forget that.

-Axel

"What… is he talking about?" I wonder aloud, but it hits me like a ton of bricks at once. "Fuck… Namine!" I scream at the top of my lungs, hoping she can hear me. "Namine!"

"Good Lord, Roxas, what is it?!" she exclaims as she runs in, panting heavily and leaning on the end of my bed.

I spot her phone attached to her hip, "Give me your cell phone. I need it. Right now."

"Okay…" she looks at me curiously as she tosses it towards me. "Is everything okay?"

"Just… shut up!" I hiss as I quickly dial Axel's number. It rings… forever, so I hang up and try again.

"…Hello?"

I nearly jump out of my skin when I finally hear his voice, "Axel! Axel, where are you?!"

"You don't need to know, Roxas."

Hearing cars in the background and rushing wind, I start sobbing immediately, "Axel, listen to me… This wasn't your fault. You can't do this… Please, Axel…"

"It's too late, Roxas…"

I can hear him fumbling with his phone like he's going to hang up and I lose my shit, "Don't you dare!" I scream into the receiver as loud as I can, "Don't you dare hang up on me!"

"…Why?" the word is soft… broken.

"Because… because I love you, you idiot!" I exclaim, sobbing so hard that my heart aches.

There's a long pause on his end, "…What?"

"I love you, Axel! Got it memorized?!"

And in that one little phrase, my entire memory floods back at once and I drop the phone.

Axel

"Got it memorized?" the ever-so-familiar words pour into my ears, causing my entire body to freeze.

"Roxas…" I whisper into the phone, but the line disconnects suddenly and causes my heart to leap.

I take one last look at the traffic hundreds of feet below me before stepping backwards off the ledge and onto the roof of the building I was on top of. My feet just take off, my mind racing as I rush back to the hospital as fast as I possibly can.

And when I get there, it's absolute chaos in his room. From what I can see, which isn't much through the crowd of doctor's around him, he's either having a grand mal seizure or a heart attack.

"Roxas!" I cry, hoping that he can hear me over the chaos, "Roxas! I'm here!"

In the midst of my screaming, a couple of nurses shove me out into the waiting room yet again. I don't have the energy to fight them… so I slump into a chair and just wait… sobbing… terrified…

He loves me? Roxas loves me. In a friendly way? In a romantic way?

"Axel?"

I never thought I'd be so happy to hear Namine's voice, "Yeah? Can I see him?"

"Y…yes… He had a seizure, Axel… a bad one… Where were you?"

"Nowhere important," I bite, pushing past her and finding my way to his room again. "Roxas?

"…Axel?"

I choke up immediately, flinging myself at him while trying not to hurt him, "I'm here now, Roxas… I'm here… It's okay…"

"Don't… you dare… every leave me… again…" he growls, his voice sounding so… so weak.

"Hush… I'm not leaving you, Roxie… I promise…" I tell him, my hand finding it's way to caress his face again.

Of course, stubborn Roxas doesn't listen, "I remember… everything… The… the Organization… Sora… I remember leaving you behind… God, Axel… I'm so sorry…"

"Roxas, you don't have to apologize to me… When Namine separated you from Sora I asked her to replace your memories… It was stupid, I shouldn't have… made that decision for you."

Suddenly he looks over at me, "Wait a minute… Axel, you were dead. You sacrificed yourself to save Sora… to save me… H…how…?"

"Again, thank Namine. I don't know how she did it, but… she saved my life. She found a way to give us all hearts, to make us human…"

"Is that why you blame yourself for everything? Because… you decided to make my life a little bit better?"

I look up at him, "You're not mad…?"

"I'm not sure if I would have chosen the same for myself… but… you meant well, Axel. You've been looking out for me since day one. Thanks…"

"Roxas… do you really love me?" I ask him blatantly, "Or did I dream that up somehow?"

He blushes deeply, "I… I think so. I mean… The feelings I get just looking at you… they take my breath away."

"Roxas…" I smile a little, meeting his bright blue eyes with mine.

"So… you love me too?"

I chuckle softly, "Fuck, Roxie, I guess I do… I'm just sorry that it took me so long to see it."

"I'm not… everything happens for a reason, Axel… Your words are what kept me alive."

I can't help myself anymore… I lean down to him, my eyes locked on his until finally… after all of this pain and turmoil, our lips meet. A shock runs through my entire body as I kiss him, letting me know that this right here? This is right.

"Axel…" he whispers against my lips, pulling back just a little bit. "If you ever… try to kill yourself again…" he trails off, "Just don't."

Quirking an eyebrow, I snort a little, "Yeah, 'cause you're the one to talk. We're in your hospital bed, dork."

"Yeah? So whose bed will we be in back at home?" his voice suddenly takes on a sultry undertone.

My eyes widen a little, surprised by his blatancy, "Roxas…"

"Axel… do you know how many nights I've laid awake thinking about what it would be like to even kiss you? Seriously, the moment I'm released I'm jumping you."

That just makes me laugh, "You can try, pipsqueak."

"Hmm, it's even more fun when you make it a challenge," he smirks a little, biting his lower lip in an insanely adorable way.

So yeah… I'm kind of terrified of what my future is about to bring. But… with Roxas by my side, I can overcome anything that scares me.

I'm simply… unequivocally in love.