Hey Guys

I am back!

I have had this idea for a while and now I just want to get it out to you guys.

I know on my profile it says that this will be up on 13th July but I just want to get as many stories out as quick as possible.

This starts at the end of series 2 episode 13.

I hope you guys enjoy :)

Guilt

Merlin sat on his bed, head in his hands.

He had heard Gaius go to bed a while ago but Merlin knew that sleep wouldn't come to him so easily.

He had tried to reassure Merlin that it wasn't his fault but Merlin couldn't help but feel anything other than guilt for his actions.

He was the one to release the dragon. He was the one that told Balinor that he was his father. He was the one to give Morgana the poisoned skin.

Merlin tired not to dwell on the last one but it was the only think he thought about, even when the dragon was attacking.

The way she looked at him as she realised what he had done. The way she tried to fight his embrace. The way she chocked for air.

Merlin laid back, allowing his head to drop back off the bed.

The only good outcome he could think of was that if he hadn't released the dragon, he would have never known who his father was, let alone meet him.

But was it better off not knowing and him being alive or knowing that he was dead because he saved you.

Merlin groaned.

Not only that the dragon could have killed Arthur.

For someone who was so adamant that Arthur needed to be alive to create the kingdom that has been destined, he did take the chance to make sure that wasn't possible.

What if Merlin didn't get there in time? What if the dragon had killed Arthur?

Merlin stood up suddenly and started to pace.

He couldn't sit there. It would only amplify the guilt that he felt.

Merlin stopped in front of his cupboard and pulled out his backpack.

He placed it on his bed before returning to get out the few clothes he owned.

Merlin knew he had to do something. If he didn't, his mind would crumble from the guilt,

He couldn't bring back his father but he hoped he could bring back someone else.

He couldn't wait to find out if Morgana was alive or not. Whatever Morgause has planned, Merlin knew that she wouldn't allow him to know if Morgana was alive until she wanted him to know.

Merlin had spent the last week avoiding the corridor to Morgana's chamber. He knew if he goes down there it would bring back memories that he is trying so hard to hide.

He blinked a couple of times before returning to his task.

If Morgana was alive, he would try and bring her home. If she wasn't, then Merlin knew that he would never be able to return, he would never be able to look Arthur and Gwen in the eye.

If Merlin really tried, he could just blame it all on the dragon.

He was the one that told Merlin not to help her. If Merlin had told Morgana about his magic then she may have not sided with Morgause so easily. He could have shown her that it wasn't something to be afraid of. If Morgana wasn't in a position to turn to Morgause then Merlin wouldn't have been put into a position to have to kill Morgana.

Merlin crumbled to his knees and tried to muffle his sob.

He had to poison her as well. A woman's weapon.

There are numerous ways to kill a person. Merlin could have used his magic to throw her across the room if he didn't want her to know or he could have manned up and looked her in the eye as he stabbed her.

But no, he had to poison her.

Merlin closed his eyes and pictured her face, shocked at his betrayal.

He had to find her. He needed her to be alive.

He didn't care that Morgause would kill him as soon as she saw him. He didn't care that Morgana would hate him for his betrayal.

He needed to see her. He needed a chance to put right his wrongs.

Merlin picked himself off the floor and moved to his table.

He was so glad that Gaius had taught him how to write.

He picked up the paper that Gaius had given him.

This wasn't something that could wait and be said in person.

Merlin had to leave as soon as possible.

Merlin crept through the physican's chamber, being as quiet and careful as he could so he didn't wake Gaius.

He stopped halfway and placed the letter he had written on the table, propped up by a few bottles.

He knew that Gaius would try and talk him out of it so he hoped that it would suffice a good enough reason to why he had left.

He also hoped that Gaius wouldn't be too angry at him for it.

Merlin entered Arthur's chambers by the servant's entrance.

He had only used it a handful of times, despite Arthur's continued moaning that it wasn't proper for him to come through the main door, but Merlin knew it was the door closest to the desk.

Merlin pulled out the letter from his pocket and placed it in the middle of the desk.

He hoped that the prat would see it.

Merlin wanted to believe the dragon. He wanted to see the man that Merlin was making.

Merlin had only been in Camelot for two years and Arthur had become less arrogant and more thoughtful about the people rather than trying to please his father.

Merlin would never admit out loud but he was proud of Arthur.

If Merlin couldn't find Morgana, maybe he could return when Arthur is king. It would be the only reason to return.

Merlin easily left Camelot.

It was bad how easily people could get in and out. Something that needed to change.

He turned to look back.

Merlin could only just see the castle that he had called his home for 2 years. He remembers as the marble castle took his breath away when he first saw it.

He knew he would miss it but he couldn't stay there. The guilt he felt would only grow and become unbearable.

He couldn't bring back his father but there was a chance he could bring back Morgana.

Merlin turned back around and went on with his journey.