Oh my God. So much feels and hurt in this chapter. It made me cry just writing this!

So, I'm basing this chapter on the song "Not About Angels" by Birdy and I think I fits really well with this chapter.

Sterek, if you squint ;)

The familiar smell of sanitary and bright lights filtering through his shut eyelids brought Stiles blinking them open into awareness. He didn't need to put together a puzzle to know that he was in the hospital due to the constant beeps of the heart rate monitor. The first thought that came to his mind was I'm in the hospital again? His body felt numb and the only thing he could move was a slight twitch of his fingers and shifting his head from side to side. It must be a medication the doctors gave him.

He drew out a long breath, shifting slightly on the hospital bed. He felt hard plastic underneath his nostrils which happened to be a cannula. He furrowed his eyebrows as he brought up a weak hand that was covered in IV needles to feel the hard plastic with his fingers. Something caught at the corner of his eye to see the familiar color of a sweater one man had always worn when he was off of work.

He peered his gaze to examine the Sheriff sleeping in a chair next to his bedside, one elbow was propped up as he leaned his head against his hand. Stiles forced himself to swallow a lump in his throat as he slowly moved his own hand to lightly nudge the Sheriff's arm. He bolted awake instantly, looking left and right as if there was danger before locking his gaze on his hospitalized son.

"Stiles?" The Sheriff murmured, quickly moving his hand to put on top of his. "Thank God." Stiles took in his dad's reaction clearly seeing the force of holding back tears and giving a smile of relief. Stiles failed a few times to give a reply. He could feel the dryness in his throat and cracks in his voice even when he made a sound.

"Dad? What…what happened?" It hurt to speak but there was no stopping him.

Stiles noticed the Sheriff's eyes lace with confusion for a short split second before his eyes softened again. "You – you don't…You don't remember?"

Stiles gaze went downward to look at the blanket that covered him to his waist as he tried to fill in the empty spaces. "I-I remember I was with Scott. We…were watching a Star Wars marathon…" Stiles winced as he pushed himself to think further, but it was all blank. "Then that's it. It's like it's there but it's not."

The Sheriff nodded, clenching and unclenching his jaw and shooting his gaze downwards. Stiles could see the hesitation in his eyes before he answered. "You had a serious nosebleed and…" he paused to swallow a lump in his throat. "You had some kind of seizure and then you – you passed out."

Stiles eyes widened slightly and sucked in a shaky breath as his father continued. "Scott and I rushed you to the hospital because we knew the ambulance wasn't going to get there on time. Y-you wouldn't stop convulsing." Stiles could hear his dad's voice crack on his last sentence and already see the tears streaming down his face.

"The doctors gave you a sedative to help with the tremors. I…I've never been so terrified in my life."

Stiles heart skipped a couple of beats. He could understand what his dad went through. Having to watch his only son having a seizure thinking that it was the end. Especially Scott. Oh God. Scott. Stiles couldn't imagine how he feels right now.

"H-how long?"

The Sheriff's eyes narrowed, not seeming to process what he was saying. "What?"

Stiles paused to swallow another lump in his throat. "How long have I been like this?"

He saw the hesitation in his dad's eyes and there was no way he could hide it. The Sheriff scrunched up his face and looked down again, tearing his eyes away from his son. He couldn't look him in the eye and say it. "Three days."

Stiles let out a shaky breath, eyes widening. This was just like his mom. He remembered a few months before she died, she was hospitalized just like this. The doctors said it was some kind of seizure. He suddenly felt a wet substance stream down his cheek of a single tear he didn't remember shedding.

"Dad," Stiles whimpered, inhaling a few shaky breaths. "It's happening a lot faster than I thought. It's just like Mom."

The Sheriff froze, parting to give a reply but Stiles cut him off.

"I saw the folder that night I came home. A-and I…I'm scared."

He saw his father give a heartbroken expression as he held back an ocean of tears. "I'm so scared. And I know you are too." Stiles felt the tears still coming and he felt like there was not stopping them. "I'm scared that you're not gonna have anyone when I'm gone. I'm scared of dying. Scott offered me the bite, you know. He said it could save me…but I don't think I'm strong enough. Not after what just happened. I'm scared of not being human anymore, Dad. How you're gonna look at me every day just like you look at Scott. You know you never look at him the same anymore after you found out what he is? It's that look that's holding me back from accepting it. How can you have a werewolf as a son?"

The Sheriff felt himself crying as he squeezed his son's arm to stop his rambling. "Stop, just stop."

Stiles gritted his teeth to keep in his sobs and the only result was quiet small heaving of his body and tiny whimpers escaping from his lips.

The Sheriff locked a hard and firm gaze on him as Stiles watched him struggle with tears too. "Stiles, you're my son. My son. I don't care what the hell you are because it is hell of a lot better than to not see you breathing. Because I can't live in world without you and I don't want to be alone. I don't wanna be alone, Stiles."

Stiles' bottom lip quivered at his words. "I know, Dad. B-but I'm too weak. The bite might not take. Erica Reyes may have had seizures before she was turned but she was hell of a lot stronger than I am. Everyone is stronger than I am."

"That's not true."

"But it is, Dad. It is true and I'm gonna keep seeing it that way because I've been in denial for too long to admit it. This disease…it's making me weaker and if I take the bite, I'm pretty sure I'll be vomiting black blood all over the carpet in less than a minute. I'd rather die a slow death than an agonized one." Stiles felt his voice crack on his last sentence as he watched the Sheriff trying to keep himself together.

His dad gritted his teeth. "You're gonna die an agonizing death anyway if you keep this up."

"I've been in denial for too long, Dad," Stiles murmured, completely ignoring what his dad told him. "It's time for me to face reality. It's time for me to stop denying. Because if I do…it's only gonna make it worse."

The Sheriff shook his head. "I can't lose you, Stiles." He sobbed. "I can't. Not like your mother."

"I-I'm sorry." Stiles closed his eyes, can't finding the courage to look at his heartbroken father. "I'm so sorry."

And that was the last thing he said the entire day to him.

The doctors let him out of the hospital within the next few hours, giving him yet another bag of medications to take. The Sheriff told him that everyone had come to see him while he was unconscious but the doctors could only allow family in the ICU. He stayed silent on the drive home as he watched the rain drops stream down his side of the window. He could sense his father glance at him every few minutes, trying to find words to say but they slowly died in his mouth. Stiles has never felt so weak or useless in his life. The dementia was working on him fast and the bite would only kill him faster. He couldn't think and it scared him because he could always think and he never stopped. He felt like he was turning into a stern and broody Derek; his face cold and expressionless. Maybe Stiles was worse.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but stayed frozen as if the object never existed. He knows it was probably Scott. Or Lydia. Allison. Derek. He didn't feel like finding out as the car pulled into their driveway. In his mind, Stiles would have said 'home-sweet-home', but of course…he didn't. The rain seemed to be pouring down a lot harder just as the Sheriff put the car in park and Stiles didn't move his position. He could feel his dad's eyes bore into the side of his head and drew out a long sigh. "I'm gonna go open the door okay?" he murmured. Stiles didn't answer as his gaze stayed specifically on one rain drop on his window. "You can come in when you're ready…maybe when the rain dies down?"

Still nothing.

The Sheriff knitted his eyebrows together, letting out another sigh and slowly climbed out of the car. Stiles watched silently as he saw his father half ran, half jog his way to get to the front door passed the rain which slightly soaked his sweater.

He sat there in silence for what seemed like an hour but he knows it's only been minutes. He surprisingly felt his hand moving to grab his phone out of his pocket. It was like something was taking over him that he couldn't control. He turned his phone on and he wasn't too surprised. Five missed calls from Scott. Two from Lydia. One from Derek. The rest were all text messages.

From Scott: Call me

From Scott: Dude, please pick up your phone

From Scott: Are you okay?

From Lydia: Call me as soon as you're out of the hospital

From Allison: Oh my God. Stiles are you okay?

From Isaac: Hey. Scott's been trying to get ahold of you. And are you okay?

Stiles shut his phone off as soon as he finished reading his messages, not feeling any regret for not replying back. He couldn't face them. They would ask him repeating questions and it was really pissing him off. They already know he's not okay because he's not. Just as he told Scott in the cafeteria, he will never be okay.

After about fifteen minutes of sitting in the car, Stiles finally went inside. He found his father asleep on the couch with the TV still on. Stiles knows that he barely got any sleep while he was unconscious in the hospital. He inwardly sighed as he slowly and quietly made his way upstairs to his room. His room. It was where it all happened and he was slightly glad he didn't remember exactly what went on with the seizure he had. He took an inhale of breath as he slowly opened his door. The sight wasn't what he expected as he saw a familiar figure standing at the foot of his bed. He jumped and felt his heart skip a couple beats.

"Derek? What the hell are you doing here?!" Stiles nearly shouted putting a hand over his heart. He didn't want to wake the Sheriff sleeping downstairs.

The werewolf raised his eyebrows. "I heard what happened. You're not answering anyone's calls or messages."

"Oh, of course you heard! That doesn't surprise me even in the slightest."

"Stiles…"

"What, Derek?" Stiles snapped.

Derek crossed his arms and looked down, surprised by Stiles' outburst. "I was just making sure that you're okay."

Stiles scoffed and gave a scornful laugh. "'Okay?' I'm not 'okay', Derek. In fact I will never be in that matter because guess what? News flash; I happen to be diagnosed with a disease that took my mother's life. And I'm next. I am dying and I can feel it. And no, Derek. I can't take the bite. I'm sure you already know why-,"

"But Scott doesn't."

Stiles paused, clamping his lips together. "I don't want to discuss this."

"Stiles." Derek pressed, and Stiles could hear a small growl. "Don't do this to yourself."

"Do. What?" Stiles muttered through gritted teeth.

"You're in disgust of yourself. I can smell your emotions. You're angry, scared, depressed-,"

"Depressed? Ha. Yeah, that one isn't new."

"-and you need to stop being this way. You're pushing everyone away, Stiles. Including your own father! For God's sake Stiles, we're only trying to help you but you won't let us."

"I never wanted any of your help! I never asked for any of your help! And I definitely never wanted this particular life!" He felt angry tears prick at the corners of his eyes he didn't remember getting there.

He saw Derek slightly widen his eyes and part his mouth to say something but the words died in his mouth.

Stiles moved over to his bed and sat down, clenching his fists in his hair as he felt tears stream down his cheeks. "Please, leave."

He could feel Derek's hesitant glare on him without looking his way. "Stiles-,"

"Get out, Derek!"

"No!"

Stiles whipped his head towards him, eyes slightly widening at Derek's remark. Derek stood there with a hint of anger in his eyes and clenched his fists. Stiles thought he saw his eyes glow for a short split second before his eyes softened and he sighed. "Look, Stiles…I didn't come here to piss you off, alright? Everyone's been worried about you and one of them just so happens to be me."

Stiles gave a blank expression, tearing his gaze away from him to look at his own hands. "Why you? You can't even stand the sight of me."

Derek scoffed softly. "You know that's not true."

Stiles gave a watery laugh as more tears welled up in his eyes making his vision blurry. He felt his hands shake and he was relieved that it wasn't signs of another seizure but just nervousness. "I never wanted any of this."

Derek blanched as he slowly made his way to sit beside Stiles on the edge of his bed, listening to him continue.

"I never wanted my mom to die…" he paused to swallow a lump in his throat with a couple of tears threatening to fall. "And every time I think of her it always comes back to that day. I was there, you know. The night it happened." Stiles felt a pain in his chest as he struggled to keep in his sobs. "There were no last words…"

Derek couldn't tear his gaze away from him. He's never seen Stiles cry and it terrified him.

"She was in a coma when she flat-lined. But I remember her words to me before she was hospitalized since I barely saw her. I was just too scared to face her and see her in that condition. It killed me…but it was killing her faster." Stiles clenched his teeth in anger as more tears kept running nonstop. "Before my dad brought her to the hospital…she told me that she loved me." Stiles felt his bottom lip quiver. "But I didn't say it back." His sentence ended with a sob that he's been containing for what seemed like an eternity. "I didn't say it back!"

Derek forced himself not to cry with but he felt sad tears well in his eyes. He wanted to hug him, to tell him everything was going to be okay – but he couldn't find any words to reply to him.

"I hate myself!" Stiles sobbed angrily, banging a fist on his bed weakly. Derek felt something take over him then, as he pulled Stiles towards him so that his head leaned against his chest as an awkward embrace. Derek felt weird to call it awkward when he was in a heartbreaking situation. He felt Stiles' body hack with silent sobs against his as he repeated the words over and over again. Derek wanted to tell him to stop or to tell him it wasn't his fault, but he only said short reassuring words. "It's okay. You're okay." A part of him mentally punched himself for only finding those comforting words and not anything else.

Derek held him like that until Stiles fell asleep. He knitted his eyebrows together in empathy as he gently placed him in a comfortable position on his bed. He stood there for a few seconds examining him over before slowly turning around. "Derek."

He stopped at mid-turn to see Stiles woken up. His face was still red and puffy from the crying as his golden brown eyes bored into his. "Yeah, Stiles?"

"Promise me you won't tell anyone about this. About what I said. Especially Scott."

"He doesn't know?"

Stiles ignored the question. "Please. This has to stay between us."

Derek didn't even hesitate. "You have my word."

Derek turned towards the window to make his way out, when he heard a small whisper thanks to his werewolf hearing. "Thanks, Derek."

They met gazes and Derek smiled. "Anytime."

He opened Stiles window and crouched on top of the windowsill where he saw the rain still pouring down hard. "And one more thing, Stiles."

"Yeah?"

"Call Scott. Call everyone." And then he was gone.

Stiles' heart beat rapidly in his chest and his gasping breaths made everything echo as he shuffled his way through a narrow sewage tunnel. He was trying to get away from someone. He touched his hands to both sides of the narrow wall and it felt like they were closing in on him – slowly and agonizingly. He felt dizzy and about to topple over at any minute, but kept his feet moving as he felt his foot step into puddle from a leaking pipe. Stiles felt his whole pant leg get soaked but there was no stopping him. There was no light at the end of the tunnel in front of him – it just kept going on and on.

"It's you." He heard a deep voice echo throughout the tunnel from all around him, making him stop his tracks gasping for air. He knew that voice. "It's all you."

Stiles whipped his head from left and right to find the figure. He felt himself crying as he held onto the walls tightly as if they were going to crumble on top of him.

"It's you, Stiles."

Stiles felt his bottom lip tremble, shaking his head in denial as the voice grew louder as if it were making its way towards him.

"You know, every day, I saw her lying in that hospital, slowly dying…" the voice seethed with disgust. "I thought how the hell am I supposed to raise this stupid kid on my own? This hyperactive little bastard who keeps ruining my life!"

He felt his knees buckle and make contact with the wet concrete floor, tightly bringing his hands to over his ears, determined to make the voice go away.

"So…It's you, Stiles!"

Stiles kept shaking his head in denial, feeling tears fall freely down his face. "No…no…no…no."

"You killed your mother, you hear me?"

Stiles sobbed, squeezing his hands tighter against his ears. But his sobs didn't outmatch the thunder of the voice.

"You killed her…"

"NO!" Stiles screamed, screwing his eyes shut. He heard the figure's footsteps meters behind him, splashing softly in the puddles. He didn't dare turn around.

"And now you're killing me."

He heard the footsteps come to an abrupt stop right behind him. So close, he could hear the figure breathing. His eyes opened wide and frightened and took his hands from his ears slowly. His conscious screamed at him not to turn around but he couldn't help himself. Struggling to keep himself together he slowly turned his head and let out a cry at the figure he saw.

Claudia Stilinski stood behind him, wearing the hospital gown she died in. Her hard, cold glare bore into his and Stiles lips trembled with fear. He saw something so clearly that won't be hard to miss – blood poured out of Claudia's nose, dribbling down her chin and onto the ground. He saw the tears in her eyes as more blood kept oozing out.

"Why did you kill me, Stiles?"

Stiles woke up screaming.

*Sigh* I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel horrible of doing this to Stiles...but there's gotta be some Stiles!whump fans out there - who's with me?!

I'll update soon. Reviews please!