So there are a couple notes to this fic.

Most importantly, it's based on a tumblr post (I got permission from the creator) and it's my favorite thing to every favorite and it's here:

the tumblr is:

ask-usagi

and the post:

post/38278060791

So I would glance at that first before reading, but you don't have to. Basically, it's a picture that tries to answer the question "what if there was no super hero stuff, would Usagi and Mamoru still find each other?"

the title is from Big Me by Foo Fighters

Some of the scenarios in the fic may come from random tumblr prompts that I found amusing, too. This fic will probably be kinda long, but I had a lot, I mean a LOT of fun with this so I hope you guys do too.

Usagi hadn't seen Chiba Mamoru in years, and she certainly didn't expect their next meeting would end up with her sprawled across his lap, but that's the universe sometimes.

The last time Usagi had seen Mamoru, she was heading off to her first year of high school and he was headed off to god knows where to study god knows what.

It was at Crown arcade, of course. Motoki was there, and Unazuki with her sparkling eyes, and Usagi was surrounded by her girl friends - finally all of them due to be in the same school (except Rei, striking in her TA high school uniform against the sea of blue and white). Mamoru - with the tell-tale amused look in his bright blue eyes, put a hand on her head, just briefly, before he left.

"Later, Odango atama."

Despite herself, she had watched him leave.

Fast forward six years later, give or take a day, and Usagi was walking briskly down the hallway of her workplace, and the next second she caught her foot on something and would have collided with the floor had she not landed on someone first.

She'd knocked him down, so he was half sitting up on the ground, glasses knocked askew, blue eyes blinking at her in slow surprise.

"Odango?"

Mamoru? Usagi managed to glance up at him from her rather undignified position, legs flailing behind her, her chest pressed against his abdomen. Yes, it was definitely him. And he was still definitely incredibly (and unfairly, Usagi always thought) good-looking, even sitting on the ground in a heap. Her face flushed almost painfully hot.

It took her a moment to untangle herself from him, pushing herself back onto her knees. She started to gather up her files, "I'm so sorry about that," she said, looking up at him with an apologetic smile. The shock in his eyes melted away to amusement and Usagi felt a spark of annoyance toward him. Always that smirking look in his eyes, that hadn't changed either.

"And my name is Tsukino, remember?" she said, primly tucking some stray strands of hair up into her twin buns.

"I remember." Mamoru handed her two file folders she'd missed, and she took it with a professional nod, standing up along with him.

"I look forward to working with you, Ms Tsukino," Mamoru said, a half-smile pulling at his lips. As a parting shot, he handed her one stylish pink pump before bowing and continuing down the hallway while Usagi hopped on one foot, quickly attempting to replace her shoe before anyone noticed.

She glanced behind her at the carpet to see what had tripped her, but nothing was there.

Well, this week was already going great.

Usually the free donuts were the only part of the morning meetings Usagi really cared about. But that day it was slightly more interesting, if only because Mamoru and three other well-dressed, intelligent looking people stood up at the front of the room with the section-leader, Boss Inoue.

"I'd like to introduce our new engineers," Mr. Inoue said, gesturing to the group behind him, who bowed and recited greetings. Out of the group, only one was a woman - a stunning brunette who introduced herself as Fujiwara Saori.

Usagi pretended not to notice as Mamoru caught her eye and smiled slightly during his introduction. "Yum," one of Usagi's coworkers, Erika, murmured under her breath. 'Wait until you get to know him,' Usagi thought.

"I hope you work well with them, as their designs and modifications to our products help bring the future of technology here today," the section leader finished. Saori put her hand on Mamoru's arm and murmured something to him, making him laugh a little.

"They will be working closely with your groups," the boss continued, "I hope you all make them feel welcome. And, on that note, please join us Friday night for a night of food and drink at Izakaya."

They all cheered, clapping a little. Usagi couldn't help smiling too. After work drinks were common, but an official food and drink party would be covered on the company dime. Nothing like free food and some decent beer. There certainly were at least some perks to being part of the corporate world.

Usagi made sure to keep a little beer in the bottom of the glass to avoid constant refills, but still she felt flush and relaxed from the two cups she'd had. Conversation flowed around her as she flexed her legs, stretching them under the long table around which everyone was kneeling.

There was a flurry of activity as a new pitcher of beer arrived at the table and people quickly began filling glasses. One of the girls she worked with squeezed behind the group to go talk to someone else, and Usagi found herself suddenly next to Mamoru who looked at her with slightly bleary eyes.

She had noticed their boss kept filling Mamoru's glass even when he protested, and soon he just stopped protesting.

"Odango atama," he said, and judging by his voice the alcohol was starting to effect him.

Usagi fixed him with a defiant stare. "Tsukino," she said. "My name is Tsukino, Mr. Chiba."

Mamoru gave a short laugh, shaking his head a little. "Sure," he said, still looking at her. "Tsukino Usagi."

With a toss of her hair, Usagi took a sip of her drink and reached for another piece of fried chicken. The beer was okay, but Usagi was there for the free food above all else. She tried to ignore Mamoru, who was still looking at her, resting his chin in his hand.

"How am I going to work with you, Odango atama?" he murmured, almost to himself.

"Excuse me?" Usagi said, not bothering to keep the edge out of her voice. "What do you mean by that?"

With his free hand, he gently brushed his fingers by a strand of hair falling near her ear. Usagi's breath caught.

"Silly, clumsy, F-student Odango atama," he continued, that half-smile back on his face.

Usagi jerked out away from his hand with a glare. "I'm 22 years old now," she snapped. "I'm an adult, who had this job before you did which technically makes me your upperclassman now."

Mamoru laughed out loud, putting his head down on his arms again. Usagi bristled at his laughter.

"You're drunk," she said, knowing that more than half the people at the party were in the same state.

"You're angry at me," he said, blinking unevenly, still looking at her with that stupid, smirky expression. Even drunk he manages to act all superior, Usagi thought, pointedly ignoring that he was so close his arm was brushing hers. "You are still so adorable when you are angry at me."

At that, Usagi shot him a surprised look and stamped down on the violent thump of her heart. "What?" she said, with a curtness she didn't intend.

Mamoru grinned at her, and then someone else was pulling on his shoulder, "Mamoru," Saori was saying, "Inoue wants to chat with you about something."

There was another shuffle of people, and Usagi found herself separated from Mamoru until the end of the night.

The cool night air was like a balm on her flushed face as Usagi left the restaurant. She and a few of her coworkers were headed to catch the last trains out of the local station. On her way, Usagi saw Mamoru waiting for a cab with a few other stumbling coworkers of hers. Mamoru caught her eye and that certain annoying smile bloomed across his features.

As she walked by, he took a step toward her and she put her arm under his to steady him, pretending not to notice (or care) that his arm wound around her waist in return.

"Now it's you who will knock us both to the ground," she said, grunting a little as he leaned on her heavily. Mamoru tightened his hold on her waist, just a little, as she walked him down the taxi line. Beneath the alcohol, she could smell his scent - soap, and a hint of spicy cologne. His fingers pressed against her waist slightly.

"At least I have an excuse," he managed to say.

"Snarky to the end," Usagi said, but couldn't help her lips from pulling up a little.

Mamoru noticed, and touched her cheek with his finger, clumsily. "You have such a pretty smile," he mumbled, his words slurring together.

"And you are completely wasted," Usagi said, with a saccharine smile and voice. He gave her a crooked smile in response, nuzzling his face into her hair.

They reached the front of the line and Usagi helped him into the taxi that had just pulled up. As she was about to close the door he looked up at her with red-rimmed, but still striking, blue eyes. "What about you? Getting home okay?"

"A bunch of us are taking the train," she nodded toward a group starting to coalesce outside the door of the restaurant.

One of them waved to her, "C'mon, Tsukino!" he called. "Last train leaves soon!"

"Have a good night, Chiba. Go home and sleep it off," Usagi said.

"Later, Odango atama," he called as she shut the door, and Usagi just shook her head. What an infuriating man.

The group she was with tittered a little, one girl slinging her arm around Usagi as they walked toward the station, "What's 'odango atama' mean?"

"It means some things never change."

"So, you'll never guess who one of the engineers at my new job is," Usagi said, leaning forward over the table and lowering her voice as if he might jump out of the decorative potted plants near the booth and overhear.

"Who?" Minako whispered back.

"And why are we whispering?" Makoto added, also leaning forward eagerly.

"That guy," Usagi said. "Remember from when we were in middle school, and he used to tease me about my hair? Rei was friends with him."

"Chiba Mamoru," Rei said, stirring her straw in her soda. "Don't pretend you didn't know his name, Usagi."

"Anyway," Usagi said, "he's at my job now. I ran into him-" literally but they didn't need to know that - "a few days ago in the hallway and he's like four cubes down from me."

"Is he still a pain in your ass?" Makoto asked, and Usagi shrugged.

"I don't know how much I'll be working with him, but he called me 'Odango atama', like... grow up, ya know?" Usagi forced a giggle, not mentioning the dinner afterward and how he had managed to insult her and disarm her all at the same time. While drunk. "I hope he doesn't make work difficult. I love this job."

"No, you don't," Minako said, giving Usagi a strange look and laughing a little.

"You are right, I don't," Usagi said with a shrug, "but I like making money to save for my new place. And it's something to do until something better comes along, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know," Minako said, as their food arrived. "I'm like that with lots of things, too. Clothes, men, shoes... ya know, the disposable things."

"Minako!" Ami was scandalized, although at this point, she was more pretending to be scandalized out of habit than actually surprised at anything that came from Minako's mouth.

"Speaking of your new place," Makoto said, changing the subject cheerfully, "up for apartment hunting next weekend?"

"Yes!" Usagi said, happily. "Only a couple more weeks before I have enough to move out." She liked living with her parents but the prospect of living with her friends was so much more exciting.

She, Makoto and Minako were all planning on going in on a small place nearby all their favorite haunts and convenient to their jobs. And although Ami and Rei already had their living arrangements worked out, Usagi knew they would be frequent guests. The idea of living with all her friends together as a little family made Usagi nearly vibrate with happiness. Every spare cent Usagi made was tucked away for the down payment.

"See," she said, elbowing Minako slightly, "this job is good for something at least! To our new place!" The girls raised their glasses.

"And all the awesome parties you'll be inviting us to," Rei said, with a grin.

"You crash there enough times, girlie, and we will start charging you rent," Minako quipped.

Usagi laughed, basking in the feeling of being surrounded by friends. Screw Mamoru and his mysterious mood swings and annoying nicknames. Usagi had it great, as it was, right now.

The office was deserted, and Usagi came into his cube almost silently.

"Mamoru," she said, spinning his desk chair so he faced her. Her hair was longer, like back in high school, streaming in two wavy ponytails down her back. As he watched her wordlessly, she braced herself on the arms of his chair and leaned over him, brushing his nose with hers. He parted his lips to breathe her name and her mouth descended on his, hot and wet, coaxing his mouth open and his head back.

Her blouse fell open in his hands, her skin warm and soft. Her legs straddled him on the chair, and she leaned her body into his with a soft sigh. Blonde hair fell loose, tumbling around them with the gentle vanilla scent he'd caught when she had helped him into the cab two nights ago. He ran his hands up her legs, under her skirt, and pressed his mouth to her bare chest, pulling her closer.

Her hands cradled his face, and she pulled back and looked at him with that slow, oh-so-pretty smile of hers, before she started tracing white-hot kisses down his chest.

Mamoru moaned loudly, and his own voice woke him with a start.

Blinking, he took a second to come down, realize where he was. He turned and looked at his alarm clock as it flipped from 5:59 to 6:00am and began chirping obnoxiously.

Monday morning.

Time for work.

Mamoru sat up, ran his hands over his face and stared straight at the wall, letting the alarm chirp burrow into his brain. He had always liked Usagi quite a lot more than he had ever let on, but ever since they were reunited by gravity when she tumbled over him in the hall he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. And now she'd invaded his subconscious too, apparently...

Get it together, Chiba, he thought to himself, shaking his head. Go to work, be professional, don't stare at Tsukino Usagi's breasts, do your job and come home.

Easy.

It was two minutes to eight, and Usagi ran across the lobby as best she could in heels, juggling her jacket over one arm and her work bag over the other. She brightened to see the elevator doors open and waiting. That damn elevator was the bane of her chronically late existence: a slow, lumbering thing that took forever to come back once it was in use. Her eyes widened as the doors began to close.

"Wait, hold the elevator!" she called. The doors began to close. "Hey! Please - just-" She stumbled in just before the doors shut, her momentum propelling her forward and she caught herself on the back bar and turned on a heel to face forward again.

"What the hell?" she snapped, "Wh- oh, it's you."

"'Morning, Tsukino," Mamoru said, pushing the button for their floor.

"Why didn't you hold the elevator?" she demanded, "I was right there." She dropped her bag and shrugged on her jacket, smoothing her skirt and blouse with her hands and finger-brushing through her bangs.

"I guess I didn't see you," he said and he was so obviously lying that Usagi's teeth set on edge.

"The hell you didn't," Usagi snapped. She knew she was being kind of childish, but for a second she seemed to channel her teenage self, when nearly everything Mamoru did drove her to practically see red.

Especially since he was standing there like he stepped out of the pages of GQ, all immaculate lines and perfectly combed hair, stylish briefcase in his hands. He looked handsome as hell. Ugh, that jerk.

And honestly? How did the man go from touching her hair and calling her adorable to purposely trying to elevator-block her at 8am on a Monday morning?

"I was just in a hurry," he said lifting his eyes to the ceiling.

Is he rolling his eyes at me? Usagi thought. Oh, hell no.

"In a hurry this," she said suddenly, running her hands down the array of buttons in a fit of pique, lighting up nearly all the floors between them and their destination.

Mamoru blinked at the glowing buttons and sent Usagi a withering expression. "Was that really necessary?"

Usagi lifted her chin and raised her eyebrows at him in an expression that clearly said: Yes it fucking was.

In their silence, the elevator shuttered to a stop, opened its doors to an empty hallway, and closed again.

Mamoru sighed. Usagi faced the elevator doors, looking pretty pleased with herself as the elevator stopped at the next floor. Even though, she, of course, was going to be late, too. It was so worth it just to see Mamoru shut his eyes in frustration and lean his head against the elevator wall.

"Have a great day," she said in a sing-song voice as the elevator finally reached their floor and she exited first, not looking back.

Usagi didn't see Mamoru again until almost the end of the day, when she volunteered to bring the latest manual drafts to the engineers. She could have dropped it off to Saori or someone else, but her feet walked to Mamoru's cubicle almost of their own accord.

He was deeply involved in work, so she 'knocked' slightly on the cubicle wall.

"Hello, Tsukino. What can I do for you?" he said, looking at her without taking his hands from the keyboard.

Usagi blinked at his dismissive tone, swallowing the greeting that had been on the tip of her tongue. Maybe he was still mad about the elevator.

"Naoko and I have a manual draft completed," she said, handing him a file folder. "Can you review it for Wednesday?"

He took the folder and put it down on the desk next to him. "Alright."

"I'm sorry about the elevator thing," Usagi said. Mamoru just nodded, not looking up.

Usagi felt suddenly like some sputtering child at the principal's office. As usual, and despite herself, Chiba Mamoru still managed to piss her off, one way or another.

"You know, I'm sort of sick of having to adjust myself to your newest mood like a chameleon," she said, crossly.

Mamoru stopped typing and took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "You're right," he said, after a moment. "I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind."

Usagi leaned against his desk and tilted her head. "Like what?"

You, in various stages of undress. "Just the new job and everything," he smiled at her, shrugged a little. "Nothing major. I'm sorry for not holding the elevator for you. I should have. You just surprised me."

"Surprised you more or less than when I tackled you in the hallway the other day?"

His tight smile transformed into a boyish grin that made Usagi's mouth go dry. "Well, this was less likely to result in a concussion at least."

"Slightly less likely," she agreed, happy to be back to banter with him. The drunken affection turned immediate professional coldness had thrown her for a loop, but she was silly to be worried. Years may have passed, but this is the same old Mamoru, she thought as she walked back to her desk.

Same old infuriating, snarky, smug Mamoru - and the same strange effervescent feeling in her chest when she was around him.