Disclaimer: I don't own The Middle; its characters, or anything that happens in the show. This is rated M for sexual content, mentions of rape, and language.
After a makeover, it was rather easy to capture the attention of a guy. I found this to be something good, but maybe in retrospect it was a very bad idea. I had gotten a new haircut, figured out how to apply makeup, and a change in wardrobe. I looked almost hot. I had smiled in the mirror before I left the house; mom and dad had both talked about how good I looked. They always say that kind of stuff, but they really seemed to have meant it.
The first college party I attended, my parents didn't know I was there. I only knew about it from Carly's new boyfriend Tyler. He had invited Carly who had invited me. She told him she wouldn't go without me, so he had no choice but to accept. I was grateful, but I was nervous. I told Carly this and she nodded. She thought I looked fantastic. And I did. I was wearing the most beautiful LBD that I could find, one with sequins to make it look fun. A fashion magazine had said to wear thongs with one. I hate thongs. I'll be honest. I put it on and it's not comfortable at all. Neither are these high heels. But for once I wasn't going to be the girl with the unicorn on the shirt. (I totally miss my unicorns).
The place was packed; it was happening at a sorority house. The scene almost looked like one from a movie I'd watched. It made me smile. I mustered up every bit of courage I had and as I walked into the house, I had several guys watching me move. I winked a little and continued forward. I literally walked into the cutest guy I had ever seen. He had wavy blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and the cutest smile. I apologized, trying not to sound like dorky Sue Heck. "I'm sorry." I said in a convincing cool-girl voice. I was sweating already. Carly and Tyler were dancing already, drinks in hand. I didn't feel like drinking, but this cute guy was already asking me if I wanted a drink. I said yes, but I didn't want it.
After he gave me the drink, he introduced himself. His name was Travis. He was a freshman pledge, and according to him I was the sexiest girl at the party. I blushed a little, but smiled. He led me to the dance floor and I tried to dance. It was almost comical though; I can't dance well. But I did my best and he didn't seem to mind.
A while later he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. I nodded because this seemed like a normal thing to do. I followed him up the crowded staircase and into one of the rooms. He shut the door with a click and I sat down uncomfortably on the bed. He kissed me. The kiss was amazing, his tongue tangling with mine in perfection. He pushed my dress up, and I struggled to move away. "What are you doing?" I asked, my eyes going wide. "Just go with it baby" Travis said, his drunk breath was on my neck as he kissed me. He squeezed my breast and I pushed at him. He was a great deal bigger than me and he held me down. The dress never made it past my stomach, but it didn't matter. He took advantage of me. I cried and I screamed as he took my virginity, but there wasn't a thing I could do to stop him. He hadn't even locked the door. Anyone could have come in at any point, but they didn't. When it was over, drunken Travis slumped over and fell asleep on top of me. I pushed him off me and he fell over to the other side of the bed. Tears were streaming down my face as I pulled my dress down. I couldn't even find my thongs which I had so carefully picked out the day before.
Shivering (and not because I was cold) I stood up and went to the door. I fixed my face as best I could in the mirror, but seeing my face only made me cry more. I had been raped. I left the room, vowing to never go to another party again. I had made it down the stairs when I bumped into someone. Without really looking up, I mumbled "I'm sorry." I started going again until I heard a voice. "Sue?" I turned my eyes toward the voice. There stood my brother, Axl. I cried again as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Sue, what's wrong?" He asked, his voice comforting me. "I have to get out of here." I replied, pulling myself towards the door. Axl followed me. "Sue… talk to me. Please." He said, his voice showing panic. He knew something was majorly wrong. I sat down next to a tree in the yard, trying not to hyperventilate. "Axl… I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it ever." I said as he sat down next to me. "You look… beautiful Sue." He stumbled over the words. He wasn't just trying to make me feel good, he really meant them. I smiled a little through my tears.
"Thanks Axl." I said, before sobbing harder. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you cry." He wiped at my tears and waited more patiently than I had ever seen him on me to explain what had happened. I knew I had no one I could tell, so the story spilled out. Afterwards I looked at Axl. His face was the deepest shade of red I think I'd ever seen. He stood up and I cried out "Where are you going?" He didn't answer. I didn't have it in me to follow him.
Ten or twenty minutes later Axl came back out. His knuckles were red and bloody and I guessed that he and Travis had fought. Travis stumbled out the door and Axl wrapped his arms around me. "Stupid WHORE!" Travis said as he fell over some. "You and your stupid… friend got me kicked out of the sorority! I can't pledge now!" And Axl yelled "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RAPED SOMEONE THEN, IDIOT!" He kissed my cheek as Travis stumbled onto the road and started walking away. "The sorority will have to report this Sue." He said, and I nodded. I couldn't put into words how I felt; nor could I thank Axl for what he was doing for me.
After the cops came and took me to the hospital, Axl took me home. He had taken my phone and called Carly, because I couldn't talk about it. He didn't explain what had happened because I had asked him not to. My eyes were swollen and I had several bruises on my arms from being held down. I knew that Travis had been found and taken to the police station. I was glad, but it didn't make me feel better. I was still in shock.
Axl parked the car and helped me out. He was being so nice, so loving. And maybe I would have questioned it a different day, because we were never nice or loving. He had been better than I had ever thought he would be. Axl had to tell mom and dad for me, because I refused to talk about it. He begged them to leave me alone and told them that he would stay with me. He pulled a beanbag chair in my room and sat next to my bed. During the night, I started having a dream about it. Travis was coming at me and I was screaming and pushing him away. I was screaming in my sleep because it woke me up and Axl too. He stood over me as I shook, trying to calm me down.
In the softest voice I could manage, I said "Axl, can you lay with me? Please?" I was still shaking as he laid down next to me. Without me having to tell him, he wrapped his arm around my waist. I moved backward into the embrace, feeling more safe and comfortable than I had for a long time (and not just before this night). I woke up in the morning feeling a bit better, especially since Axl was still holding me, even in his sleep. I stretched and yawned, rolling over to look at him. There was my hero, lying next to me. The sun was soft on him, his curly hair falling into his eyes. He looked almost cute. I shrugged away the thought. I moved his arm lightly so I didn't wake him up. I snuck out of the room after grabbing some new clothes and showered. I still felt horrible, but things were looking better in the morning light.
Axl went back to school that day. He and I had exchanged meaningful looks before he left and he told me to call him if I needed him. I appreciated that; it was so much unlike Axl. I smiled at him as he walked out the door. Immediately all the good feelings I had been having that morning disappeared. I felt a panic overwhelm me. I needed Axl. He was the one to keep me safe. He was the one who was supposed to be here with me. I pushed the thoughts away but went right back into my room. In the silence, I began to cry. It wasn't the little tears type, it was the body-shaking sobs. Brick heard them and came in the room. "Sue?" He asked, padding over to me. He touched my shoulder, but I couldn't say anything. I wrapped my arms around him and he let me hug him.
The family couldn't figure out how to help me. I cried and cried. And when I wasn't crying, I was not talking. Axl came home for the weekend. I didn't know he had planned on it, but after a while I had begun acting out the motions. I had gone to school, I had done my schoolwork. I had done everything I was supposed to do but I was doing it devoid of emotion. I had been thrown into the guidance counselor's office more than once, but it didn't do any good.
I was in my room when I heard the door shut. I didn't move from the bed to see who it was. I just laid there, staring up at the ceiling. I heard the door open without a knock and felt a miniscule reminiscent of anger rise in me before I saw it was Axl. My face lit up. I jumped up and wrapped my arms tight around him. He smiled. "Hey Sue." He said, his voice far more reassuring than I had imagined. I felt instantly soothed. I followed him to his room where he deposited his clothes. Together we walked back into the kitchen. I said "Mom isn't it great that Axl's here?" She nodded, looking at me. She was shocked I was talking. I felt something pull in my stomach that felt strangely like guilt. I was hurting the family. It wasn't something I had meant to do; I just didn't feel alive when Axl was gone. He was my protector. I hadn't slept well since he'd left.
Life seemed to go back to normal that weekend. We were back to ourselves, minus the fact that Axl and I didn't fight. He teased me and I teased him back, but we didn't argue. Mom and Dad took Brick to a school function and Axl and I were in the kitchen. I was getting something to drink and he was watching me. "Sue… mom said that you shut down." He said, and my eyes flitted to his face. I nodded. He said "What changed?" I frowned at the question. He continued "you've done a 360 since I arrived home." I blushed, looking down at my feet. He moved closer, tilting my head up gently. "What changed?" He said, his eyes searching my face. I moved closer, wrapping my arms around him. "You're here. You protect me." I said into his collarbone.
He hugged me close and whispered "You're safe." I look up into his eyes and I pressed my lips against his softly. At first I thought he'd push me away. I was his sister, after all. But then he kissed me back. He pulled me against him, kissing me harder. I let my fingers go of their own accord, wrapping around his neck. His lips got harder on mine as the kiss lengthened his body acting on its own. His hands reached down to cup my butt and that's when he pulled away. Both of us panting, looking into each other's eyes. He looked dangerous. He looked amazing. And I frowned as he backed away.
"Sue… we can't." He sure didn't look like he felt that way. His eyes moved down my body and back up again and he tore his eyes away from my body. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Sue, we're brother and sister. It's weird." I nodded, but I didn't clam up. He was still here, he was still right next to me. I said "We can go back to normal." I didn't apologize for the kiss and neither did he. But we didn't talk about it anymore. Sometimes though, I'd catch him looking at me in a way that made my stomach jump or he'd catch me looking at him for a little too long. I knew though that what we were was wrong.
After he left, I felt devoid again. Maybe that was my problem. I needed Axl to feel alive. Who would have thought? I live for the next time I see him. My brother; my protector; my everything.