A short oneshot after the season 2 finale.

It's a quickie but I'm still looking for some criticism so please don't mind leaving a review.

Feeling Hopeless

The snow covered ground under his feet was cold and damp and the chill feeling crept through his toes like sharp spikes. But it didn't stop him from moving forward. The dark night sky was helping calm his skipping heart. He quietly tiptoed along the barn wall as if he could escape the cold if he was stealthy enough. As he reached the end he could already hear his brother and best friend throwing random insults at each other while occupied with their own little inventions. Raph's stomach knotted up as he bent forward through the entrance like a little shy child. His eyes searched over the place before they settled down on the two. Casey was lying under the old car he was determined to get working and Donnie was sitting by the desk in the other end of the barn.

"Yo, Dorkatello. Could you hand me my wrench. I threw it at you a few minutes ago." Casey said completely casually as if it was normal for them to throw tools at each other's heads.

Donnie looked down around himself for the wrench. "Here!" he grumbled and kicked it in Casey's direction.

"Hey!" the other teen yelled as it hit him in the side but Donnie just sat back at the desk and continued to scribble something down while he checked the test tubes in front of him.

Raphael shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The chill ground was still digging into his skin. "Hey Case, can I talk to you for a bit?" his voice was unusually hoarse and quiet.

"Oh, hey Raph. When'd ya get here?" Casey looked from under the car but quickly shifted back into position and continued working on the old machine. "I'm busy right now. I think I'll get this baby to work soon." He grined. "Is everything okay? You can tell me here if it's important y'know."

"Yeah, no, it's fine." Raph's tense shoulders slumped. "Everything's okay. Forget it." He looked at his brother's direction before turning and heading back to the farmhouse. He felt like his weight doubled as he reached the porch. He breathed in one last cold breath before entering. A wave of warmth washed over him. It warmed up his cold feet and hands but it didn't reach deeper than that. His tired eyes trailed up the stairs at the bathroom door. He already laid his hand on the railing when Mikey turned around on the couch.

"Hey bro. That was fast. Where'd you go? You kinda just left before." Mikey leaned over the couch and kindly smiled at his brother. "I asked you where you were going before but I don't think you heard me."

"I just wanted to talk to Casey about something. But he's busy." Raph mumbled without even glancing at Mikey and started making his way up the stairs.

"About what?" Mikey leaned further over the couch so he could see Raph better.

"Nothing important." He grumbled and quickened his step."

"It's about Leo isn't it." Mikey blurred out even though it was too obvious.

Raph stopped dead in his tracks but he didn't look up. He didn't want Mikey or Donnie to know. He was the big brother now and he didn't want them to worry.

"Come down, Raph. You're in there with him all the time. You're tired and you need some rest. And you know you can always talk to me as well." Mikey almost pleaded. He hated watching his brother like that. He was almost lifeless for the past week.

Raphael was quiet for a few seconds before he turned around without looking at Mikey and started walking back down. A small smile of relief crept onto Mikey's face.

"I'm going for a walk." Raph shot out as he reached the floor, and Mikey's smile disappeared.

"Why don't you just tell me what's bothering you!?" Mikey lifted himself and jumped from the couch just as Raph grabbed the handle and opened the door.

"You're too young to understand."

Mikey walked towards him. "Hey you know that's not tr"-

Raph slammed the door on him and almost ran into the woods to get away. He didn't want Mikey to follow him. He knew he looked like a coward running away but he didn't want him to know how useless and hopeless he felt. It was his job to make his little brothers feel better and safe. But it was so hard for the last few days. Leo hasn't showed even a sign of waking up, and Raph was slowly losing hope that he ever will. But he couldn't let his brothers think the same.

He slowed down when the house was out of sight, and breathed out a lump that was caught in his throat as he walked around aimlessly, unsure of where to go. His feet were freezing again and the sharp cold of the snow cut into his skin like knives. He reached a small creek and sat down next to it. He hugged his legs trying to warm himself. After realizing it was useless and the cold won't leave he simply decided to ignore it. Leaning forward he stared at his smudged reflection in the water. He frowned as he noticed his drowsy tired eyes.

"I can't do this anymore, Leo. I'm not like you. I can't lead my brothers when I'm lost myself." Raphael tilted his head and looked up at the stars that shone through the branches. "You can't leave now. It's not right." Raph's eyes watered. He would give anything to talk to Leo, even if it was a fight. He just needed to see his dark blue eyes open and alive. Raph searched the sky for the familiar blue tone. He felt as if he ever forgets what it's like he might as well forget it forever.

"We need you." Raph breathed out and hid his face between his legs. "I need you…" A tear rolled down his cheek. He felt so lonely for the past few weeks. He couldn't bring himself to tell his little brothers or April how hopeless he was feeling. He didn't want to hurt them. He knew they we're stressed and worried enough on their own. And Casey also wasn't the best of listeners for this kind of things. But he didn't know anyone else he could talk to.

"Raph...?"

Raph turned around in a heartbeat. He sniffed and wiped his face with his hand to hide the damp trails of tears. "What do you want?" he turned back at the creek after seeing who found him.

Mikey stepped closer and knelled down beside him. "I thought you'd get cold." He was wearing a warm hat with ear flaps on his head and a large, old sweater that stretched tightly over his shell and torso. In his arms he held an old jacket that April found in the house and a warm scarf. He offered the clothes to his freezing brother. Raph hesitated before taking the jacket and pulling his hands through the sleeves. Mikey in the meantime wrapped the scarf around his neck.

"Thanks," Raph mumbled as he adjusted the scarf. He was still cold but it stopped the chill breeze.

The air was unusually tense as they both sat in silence and watched the flowing water.

"It's not true you know." Mikey suddenly spoke up.

"Huh?" Raph looked at Mikey who was still staring at the stream.

"I'm not too young to understand. We're literally the same age."

Rapheal chuckled at his brother's response. "I guess so. But you'll always be our little brother." he gently punched his shoulder.

"Hey!" Mikey swayed to the side as he laughed and grinned. Raph returned the smile before turning his gaze back to the creek. The smile escaped his lips as he saw his exhausted reaction one more time. Mikey saw the change in his expression and leaned forward. "Why don't you want to tell me what's bothering you? I want to help. You think I like seeing you so down."

Raph looked back up which he quickly regretted. His brothers light blue eyes drilled into him like they were made of diamonds. It was hard to ignore. "I just…" he couldn't find the words.

"What?" Mikey asked in the most childlike voice that almost broke Raph's heart.

"I don't think I could ever lead our team… I'm not like Leo." He breathed out after a moment and hid his face in the scarf.

"Dude, you don't have to lead. When Leo wakes up he'll get all better and be our leader again, you'll see." Mikey beamed out as if it was that simple.

"If he ever does…" Raph mumbled though the scarf. His heart was aching again. He couldn't ignore the possibility that was growing stronger by the day.

"What do you mean? Of course he will!" Mikey frowned at his brother's thoughts. "How can you even think that when he's still breathing!? He's still with us. And were all taking good care of him."

Raph couldn't listen to his brother's words. They sounded too good to be true. "Master Splinter's gone and Leo's slipping away. It's just the way it is!" He yelled and slightly frightened his little brother. "How can everything be okay after all that's happened? How can Leo be okay after he hasn't opened his eyes or even moved in so long?" He wiped away a tear that managed to escape his eyes. "…It's been a month today…" he breathed out.

"And he's been fighting all this time." Mikey stared into Raph's eyes determined to change his mind. "You think he's been fighting just to give up? He'll wake up. He just needs time. You have to be patient and gentle." Mikey said as he gently rubbed away another tear that dripped down Raph's face. "Healing isn't something you can force unless you want to cause more damage. You always were the most impatient of us all, Raph…" he smiled as he finished. He scoped closer and wrapped himself around Raph's arm to make some warmth. "…stubborn too." He added.

Raph gave him a questionable look as if he didn't know it was true.

"But you're not the only stubborn person I know." Mikey continued. "I'd say Leo's even more stubborn than you. He just has a less 'aggressive' way of showing it," he tried to find the right choice of words.

"He can be a little selfless when we're fighting. But that's just in the heat of the moment when we're in danger. He'd do anything to protect us. That's just the way he is." He shrugged and smiled at the thought of their brother. "But he knows very well we can't be without each other. He'd never leave us. Especially not now." Mikey, a hugger that he was, nuzzled closer to Raph and leaned on his shoulder.

Raph had a hard time processing everything that Mikey told him. It was hard to believe how true everything was. Every now and then he would forget how close they all were to each other and how well they knew each other.

"You know Raphie," Mikey yawned, "it doesn't hurt to smile every once in a while. Being optimistic doesn't always make you ignorant for the bad stuff. It just makes you view the world in a different light. It gives you more hope for the better." He mumbled the last few words into Raph's arm but the other could hear them perfectly clearly.

Raph was very glad Mikey came after him or he'd never had this talk. It made him feel a ton lighter. He almost forgot what Leo was like. It was true. Leo was a fighter and if he needed anything at the moment it was hope, optimistic thoughts and energy from his brothers and friends.

"Thanks Mikey." Raph smiled and wrapped an arm around his sleepy brother. "I don't think anyone could say it better than you. I actually feel a lot better." He squeezed him closer.

A few silent moments passed but they were pleasant this time as the two brothers leaned on each other.

"I'm cold." Mikey finally said with drowsy eyes.

Raphael nodded "mhm…" He shifted onto his feet. "Common, let's head back," he lifted Mikey up to his feet without effort.

The little brother wobbled on his feet a bit but Raph helped him stay still. "Thanks…" he yawned half asleep.

"No problem little brother." Raph whispered as Mikey leaned on him, and they started their way back to the farmhouse.