Chapter 1

'We spend our lives dancing, to melodies others cannot hear. leaping, twisting turning, flying. but the song must end for all who dance'

Everything hurt.

It felt as if her insides were on fire, as if some force had built her a personal bonfire in her belly. But it was a strange kind of fire. Prickling, tingling, but freezing. The wound she'd sustained was fatal. She'd seen enough of them to know it. Without help, she was dead, long before anyone could reach her. She didn't even know where she was, how could those looking for her have any idea?

Fear clawed at her throat, the irrational panic of a body in the throes of dying. Part of her realized that she was going into shock. The world fragmented around her. The fresh scent of newly cut grass, so familiar and yet so alien at the same time. Because on the edges of that springtime freshness was a heavy, cloying scent of iron, of rust.

A body lay across from her, slumped like a marionette with its strings cut. Crimson pooled around him, spreading out like an encroaching tide of death. The bullet wounds he'd sustained had killed him far quicker than the knife wounds he'd inflicted on her. She'd outlived him, but only by a few moments.

She was dying. But it was okay. She'd saved him. She'd saved him and he was going to be okay now. Because Red John was dead, he couldn't hurt him anymore. He couldn't reach out with those cruel grasping fingers and tear down his life anymore. Sure, she would have loved the chance to tell him, but gratitude isn't why she does her job. Ever since she was a little girl she wanted to save people, it's all she's ever dreamed of. It was the reason she became a cop. And with her final act, she has. She's cut the shackles that Red John had carefully layered about Jane, those suffocating painful iron shackles of blame and guilt and despair. She's freed him.

And as far as ways to die go, it wasn't so bad.

But with that said, she was still scared. Dying, no matter how inevitable it was, was something that still held fear for her. She feared what waited after death. She feared the sudden stop, the moment when this world faded away. She was alone. She didn't want to be alone for this. not that anyone really got a choice in the matter.

Her phone rang, shattering the silence of the barn with its strange tinkling tones. Her fingers scrabbled to pick it up, ignoring the blood smears that they caused as she looked down at the screen. It was him. His wonderful face in glorious technicolor.

God help her, but she wanted to hear his voice before she died.

"Jane?"

Her voice is carefully controlled, she didn't dare reveal to him the pain she felt. It would crush him.

His answer is typically quick, "Lisbon, Where are you?"

She gave a tired laugh, "Since when do you ask me that?"

"Everyone is looking for you." There is a hint of frustration in his tone, he absolutely hates it when he doesn't know. And he doesn't know that she came up here on a lead. A stupid lead that wasn't supposed to be dangerous. He doesn't know that she was caught up in a fight with the most dangerous criminal she's ever faced.

She answers softly, "I just went out on a lead. No need to fret."

Tears gathered on her lashes, marking her cheeks as they fell, cutting through the dust and the dirt that the fight had smeared on her face. Her last conversation with Jane. She was going to leave, and she wasn't callous enough to believe it wouldn't hurt him.

He paused, breath catching subtly, "Are you sure everything is alright?"

"I'm sure." She lies, she cannot bear to have him think for a moment that he could have saved her.

"You don't sound alright." His suspicion is warranted, and she cannot help but let out a shaky laugh.

"I just realised a few things, is all." She replies, her voice was slipping from her control. Her fear, her pain, all of it was leaking through and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep it from him.

"And that's made you sad?" his voice is smooth, a carefully cultured sound. It is a balm to her senses, but she can tell he's concerned.

"A little. I'll be fine." Liar.

"Teresa." His voice is slightly scolding, but her world is graying at the edges. She needs to hurry this up, or else he'll end up listening to her die. and she doesn't want that.

"Jane. Look. I have to go soon. So if there was a reason you were calling?"

When he answers her it is calm, but there is a sense of motion behind it, as if he is moving quite rapidly. "You haven't checked in. Cho said you were supposed to be back by now, I wanted to be sure you were okay. You know, because Rigsby was worried."

Another laugh, but this time the sound echoed with pain, and it felt as if she were choking on blood.

"Of course." Her voice is amused.

Silence hung between them, punctuated by the slight exhalations he made into the phone as he moved from one place to another. She made her decision.

"Jane?"

"Yes?" as usual, quick and snappy response.

"I just wanted to say, before I hang up."

"What is it?" now there is fear in his tone.

"I need you to listen, and not interrupt okay?"

He chuckled then, "A challenge, but I can handle it."

She sucks in a deep breath, and yet peculiarly feels as if she can't quite get enough air.

"You are the singularly most irritating man I have ever met. You hound me constantly. Drive me absolutely up the wall." She can feel his hurt through the phone, "But even though there have been days when I have wanted nothing more than to strangle you. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without you. if I had never met you. I don't ever want to think about it."

She couldn't feel her toes. There was an awful prickling sensation at the tops of her thighs, but anything below them felt numb. She felt awfully cold, the strange lethargic kind of cold that seemed intent on sapping her remaining strength.

"Lisbon?!" there is shock in his voice, and the tiniest hint of fear. But she doesn't have time to console him, or to deal with his questions.

"Not finished yet. I…I love you Patrick. I need you to know that." Her voice is no longer calm and controlled, she is scared, and inevitably sad.

"Teresa?" his voice is thick, and it cracks, just a little.

She pushes on, knowing that she's running out of time.

"It's gonna be okay Jane. Things will work out. I know they will. It's gonna be okay. But I wanted you to know that. Promise me you will remember what I said?"

Its fear from him now, desperate tangible fear, and part of her hates that she couldn't keep it together long enough to fool him.

"I."

"Patrick, Please!" her voice is almost desperate, and she hears a car door slam through the phone before he answers her.

"I promise." His voice is thick, and she feels her thundering heart clench.

She sighs softly into the phone, "then I have only one more request before I hang up. More an order than a request." Her voice is softer now, a little more breathy then she means it to be.

"you do love your orders." She loves him for that. He's trying to tease her, to reassure her in his own small way. but his fear is so tangible, so real, that the tone falls a little flatter than he means it to.

"Be happy."

"what?!" his voice is shocked, rising up a pitch.

She smiles tiredly, "When this is done. be happy."

"Teresa. Tell me what's going on. Are you alright?" his voice is desperate.

She gives a half-hearted chuckle. She decides to give him a little bit of the truth.

"I'm…I'm in a bit of trouble. But it's alright. I've got to go now Jane."

"Teresa!" his tone is desperate, and something keeps her from hanging up. "I love you too. I love you okay? Just hold on. Whatever is happening, hold on." His voice has lost all hints of control, there is raw desperation.

The phone clatters from her hand, numb fingers no longer strong enough to hold onto it. She wants to hang it up. But she cannot make her arms move, she cannot summon the will to pick up the phone again. She lets her gaze drift naturally upward, looking up at the small slice of sky she can see through the cracks in the barn roof. The sunlight falls across her, turning the seeping, creeping red into sparkling rubies. A surprisingly beautiful thing in the midst of this madness.

It's getting more and more difficult to breathe. It takes more and more effort to draw in breath. The painful bite of his blade, the way it had slid through her with far too much ease, the cloying choking fear, it begins to fade. Not because she isn't afraid, or those things aren't important. But because there's not much energy left in her. She'd much rather focus on something pleasant before she died. The cold has spread, enveloping her in a dreadful chill. She'd be shivering, if her body had even that much energy to spare.

She draws in another shuddering breath, it doesn't seem like enough air to fill her lungs. There is panic as her body seizes, grasping frantically to life. She stares up at that too blue sky, tasted the scent of hay in the air as the world began to grey around her.

It was a strange thing, slipping into the darkness as she did. It happened slowly, like a rising wave of nothingness. A darkness that promised respite from the fiery pain in which she suffered.

But for a moment, a moment before the wave engulfed her and the darkness claimed her as its own, she could have sworn she heard sirens. She could have sworn she heard the sounds of a helicopter chopping at the air. But most of all, she could have sworn she heard his blessedly fantastic voice calling her name.

All things considered?

There are plenty worse ways to go.

Authors note: Hi guys :D

I was intending to have this up a week ago, but I've had one of the worst weeks i've had in a very long while.

I managed to tear a ligament in my leg, have a possible fracture in my ankle, which means i have to wear this clumpy heavy boot to protect my leg. Which is just perfect because i'm going to start my Masters course very soon, and i get to go to class with this for the very first day. and to top it all off, my net went down. yay!

but everything's back up and running now, even if it is with a ridiculously uncomfortable boot, which the only upside of which is i can legitimately make Robot Mech noises and no one can yell at me ;)

So here it is, I'm not quite finished with this yet, but i'm not giving any clues about the next chapter. You'll just have to tune in and find out ;)

Anyway, please let me know what you think, I could really use some reviews to boost my morale ;)

*Offers cookies*

Ta ta for now,

~MadamRed