Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the gorgeous mind behind Harry Potter I merely bow at her feet.

AN: This fic was inspired by a post I saw on tumblr by condesces about Remus doing his first patronus. It is set in the marauders seventh year.

Having talented friends could be hard sometimes. That's not to say that Remus wasn't talented. Oh no, he was one of the best in his year. But when stood next to the likes of James Potter and Sirius Black, Remus felt a bit pale in comparison.

It seemed that all James had to do to learn a spell was look at his wand, from there everything just sort of worked. Then there was Sirius. That boy could perform more magic in five minutes than Remus could in a week. To add insult to injury, neither of his friends had to work very hard to achieve these great feats of magic.

Sure, it took them awhile to perform the animagus transformation, but that was mostly due to the facts that A) they had no teacher, B) the were trying to drag Peter through the process as well, and C) They were thirteen when they started. Remus was certain that if Sirius and James had tried to go about the transformation the proper way (legally that is) they would have been finished within a week, maybe two at a stretch.

Then there was Remus, who, even with proper instruction, had to study for hours and hours to achieve what he did. Remus loved to learn. That was good, because it was a hard road. Most evenings, when he wasn't being dragged to the four corners of the earth by his friends or indisposed by his furry little problem, Remus could be found in the library with his nose deep in a book, his face often smudged with a bit of ink.

Remus was generally fine with playing second fiddle to James and Sirius' genius duet, but there was one occasion when he was determined to show them both up and be the first to succeed for a change. That was when their Defense Against the Dark Arts the class had started studying something that Remus found both fascinating and useful: the Patronus charm.

"When properly executed, a patronus will manifest itself in a form which represents its owner's true essence, or that which is hidden deep within themselves. This form will take the shape of an animal, usually of the non-magical variety, which can then protect its caster."

Remus listened raptly to each word Professor Sempstrott said as he stood in front of the class. Despite Sirius and James' obvious attempts to distract him (spitballs, Sirius, really?) Remus took careful notes on the subject.

"It is unlikely that any of you will be able to produce a corporal patrons in the short amount of time that we study it, but nonetheless, I think we should all give it a go." Professor Sempstrott beamed around the room, meeting some curious gazes, a few excited ones, and a few that really just didn't give a toss either way. "If any of you are able to produce a corporal patronus by the end of this month, I shall give you both extra credit and twenty house points." That statement caused a few more interested looks from the crowd.

With this new incentive in mind, the class set to work. Desks were pushed out of the way and the room was filled with cries of "Expecto Patronum!" That was pretty much all that happened. The room was filled with people broadly flourishing their hands and yelling, without any kind of result.

When the bell rang to end class, no one had made a single ounce of progress.

"Bloody impossible if you ask me." Sirius groused as the four marauders exited the classroom.

James nodded, "You'd think something would have happened in an hour. Even apparition lessons were more exciting than that. Then we at least had a few splinchings the first day."

"I'm not even sure what sort of 'happy memory' we are meant to think of." Peter added, "I tried loads of happy things and none of them seemed to be any good."

"C'mon, Worm, you should have just thought of a nice big block of cheese." James said, grinning widely, "rats love that sort of thing right?"

"What are you going to think of, a nice salt lick?" Peter retorted sharply.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, "Ha! Prongs that has to hurt. The Wormtail burn may be the rarest, but when it happens it cuts the deepest." Peter smiled at the comment, clearly very pleased with himself.

James, on the other hand, clutched at his heart and moaned, "Wormtail has slain me, I'll never recover from his quick bout of wit."

Remus suddenly interrupted his friends' playful banter, "I'm going to do it."

"Do what?" Chorused at him from three sides.

"The Patronus charm. I'm going to do it."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, "Why? You don't need extra credit and we've already lost the house cup by a mile."

"Because I want to." Remus replied, hitching his bag up on his shoulder. "I'm going to the library."

"What about going to dinner?" James asked, gesturing to the Great Hall which they were moments from entering.

"I'm not hungry. See you later." With that, Remus spun around to start fighting his way through the throng of people headed to dinner.

His friends started after him in confusion.

"Is this going to be one of those weird Moony things that doesn't make sense?" Peter asked to no one in particular.

"Probably."

oOo

For the next few weeks, Remus was rarely found to be doing anything other than studying, doing homework, or practicing his patronus. Sirius was getting particularly annoyed by Remus' constant mumblings of Expecto Patronum before falling asleep every night. Peter was dumbfounded when Remus put aside an essay that was due in only two days to continue his practicing. And when Remus started mumbling the spell under his breath in the Shrieking Shack as the four of them waited for the moon to rise, James just had to put his foot down.

"Moony, is now really the time for that?" James snapped, perhaps harsher than he had intended, as he watched Remus pace the small rundown living room muttering the incantation to himself. James was sat on the moth-eaten sofa with Peter and Sirius was sprawled on the floor (why was anyone's guess). All three of them were being forced to endure Remus' pacing.

"What?" Remus' head turned quickly to face James, he was usually pretty twitchy before the moon rose, any unexpected sound could cause a reaction.

James sighed, "Aren't you supposed to be calming down, not getting worked up about your spell again."

"Was I…" Remus trailed off, blinking off into the distance, "Sorry, I wasn't really thinking much."

"Not surprising that your unthinking mind would jump to that." Sirius said as he picked at a loose thread on the couch, "It's all you seem to do these days."

"Why do you even care so much?" Peter asked, "It's not as though there are dementors running rampant around Hogwarts."

Remus stopped his pacing for a moment. "I don't know. At first it was just interesting, but now I have to prove to myself that I can do it. It's like you lot with the animagus stuff-"

"Not really. We had an actual reason." Sirius muttered, but Remus ignored the interruption.

"I've set my mind to it and now I won't settle for less. I just can't seem to find a memory that's good enough." Remus flinched as a tremor coursed through his body, reminding him that a transformation would be occurring very soon and this was not the best time for a heart to heart.

Unfortunately for Remus, James noticed the flinch and his mother hen instincts flared up. "As great a reason as that might be, now is not the time to be thinking about it. Really, Remus, the patronus can wait until after the moon has set and you feel better. Now sit down before I tie you to a chair."

"It won't matter, in a few minutes I'll be able to break out of any ropes you try."

"Remember when Remus was too timid to joke about the wolf? I miss those days."

oOo

Surprisingly enough, the patronus charm was indeed kind enough to wait for Remus to be discharged from the hospital wing after the full moon. Of course, Remus was not kind enough to wait, but since James had stolen his wand, he had little other choice.

It was not until several days after the full moon, while all four boys were studying in their dormitory that Remus finally had his breakthrough.

Peter was the only one actually studying for an actual class they were taking. James and Sirius were huddled on James' bed debating how good of a chance the Holyhead Harpies had of beating the Wimbourne Wasps in their Quidditch game that night. Remus was, as always, lying on his bed pondering the page on patronuses in their Defense Against the dark Arts textbook for the millionth time.

"I really think the Harpies have a chance this time." James was saying, his voice filled with earnest enthusiasm.

"Not bloody likely with Bagman on the Wasps. Did you hear about that hit he made on the Falcon's Chaser last week? Brutal. What are a bunch of girls going to do against that?"

"What's with the misogyny? Girls or not, the Harpies can play. They'll be able to swerve Bagman's balls any day."

"Say that back to yourself, Prongs, then try it out loud again."

"… Padfoot! You know that isn't what I meant!"

Remus' eyes had strayed from his page again and he was smiling indulgently at his friends as they began to mockingly hit each other. The two were moments away from tumbling onto the floor when it hit hm.

"I've got it!"

At Remus' outburst Sirius and James really did tumble onto the floor accompanied by James' duvet which promptly wrapped itself around the boys. A moment was spent trying to untangle themselves before Sirius was able to poke his head out and ask, "Got what?"

"A memory." Remus face was alight with hope and excitement as he grabbed his wand off his bedside table and moved to the foot of his bed.

Peter, more than glad to have a study break, shoved his book aside and looked over at Remus. James and Sirius, successfully untangled, pushed themselves back onto James' bed in order to see better.

Remus took a deep breath, his grin still plastered onto his face, and closed his eyes. "Expecto Patronum." The words fell out of his mouth in barely more than a whisper. Accompanying them was a great whoosh of magic like nothing Remus had felt before. He had been able to produce a vaporous patronus for awhile now, but this was different. This magic felt strong and safe. It was perhaps the best feeling he had ever had. He felt certain of himself in that moment and he knew what he'd find when he opened his eyes.

James, Sirius, and Peter's gasps of astonishment merely confirmed the knowledge he already had.

"Remus, bloody hell."

Remus' smile, impossibly, grew larger and his eyes snapped open to see his accomplishment. At first, he could only blink at the bright blue light that shinned from the animal stalking the middle of the dormitory. But the moment his eyes adjusted Remus' smile was wiped away completely.

Sirius didn't notice, "Remus, this is incredible." He was just standing up to get closer when the light flicked off like a switch and the patronus was gone.

Three heads whipped over to look at Remus, "Did something go wrong?" Peter squeaked, his head flying between the spot where the patronus had been and Remus' devastated face.

"Yes." Remus said. Without and further explanation he flopped backwards on his bed and rolled over to press his face into his pillow.

The other three boys stared at each other in disbelief.

"What went wrong?" Peter asked, pushing aside his schoolbooks to move over to sit on Remus' bed, James and Sirius hot on his tail, "You had it perfectly. You produced a patronus!"

"It doesn't matter. It was horrid. I don't know why I expected any differently."

Another confused look was shared by the other three marauders.

"Remus," James said placing a tentative hand on Remus' back, "What are you talking about? That was fantastic! Loads of wizards can never perform the Patronus charm, and here you are, a seventeen year old with a corporeal one and everything."

"That's pretty brilliant if you ask me." Sirius said, "Did you see how big it was? That was amazing."

"Yeah. I saw it." Remus muttered bitterly, "I saw every ounce of that thing."

James and Sirius looked at each other, both at a loss for what to say. Peter chimed in with the hope of cheering Remus up, "You should show Professor Sempstrott, he'll be thrilled."

"No!" Remus shot up, quite awkwardly as he was on his stomach at the time. James' hand was shoved away and Remus twisted around to look at all three of them at once. "This doesn't leave the room all right? I just failed okay? I can't do a corporeal patronus."

"What are you talking about? Yes you can! I saw it and it was amazing." Sirius said with a rather agitated enthusiasm.

Remus glared at him, "And did you see what form it took?"

Sirius' face immediately fell as he realized what Remus meant. "Remus it was a wolf."

"Yes, a werewolf."

"No it wasn't!" Sirius said adamantly. "I saw it, and by now, I think I'd recognize a werewolf. Prongs, Wormtail, back me up."

"He's right Remus, it was just a wolf."

James nodded, "Just a run of the mill wolf. Do it again, I'll show you."

"No."

"Remus it really isn't-"

"No." Remus said again, even more adamantly. There was not even a hint of room to argue when Remus pulled out that tone. "I'm not doing it again. Ever."

"But, Remus, that was incredible magic. You can't just forget about it!"

"You worked so hard on it!"

"Be proud of your accomplishment."

"Get off my bed." Remus said quietly.

All three of them stared imploringly, "But, Remus-"

"Now please."

Slowly, and with a lot of frustrated, upset glances, the three scooted off Remus' bed and returned to their own. Before Sirius left, however, he looked right into Remus' eyes. "That doesn't define you. It's a wolf for completely different reasons and you should be proud of it."

Remus stared back at Sirius until the other boy finally retreated to his own bed. Remus flicked his wand again and his bed curtains flew shut. The room was left in an odd silence once the curtains closed. The studying and debating did not continue. Instead each marauder stayed quiet. Each one pondering the problem that was Remus Lupin.

Remus stared up at his bed hangings, disgusted with himself. Even this, a pure beautiful thing like a patronus, was marred by his ugly affliction. Remus didn't bother to stop the tear that fell as he stared into nothingness. His life could not be less fair.

Remus was almost true to his word. In his lifetime he only ever produced one other corporeal patronus. In a fit of passion and protection Remus forgot to curb his enthusiasm as he shouted out the incantation that day on the train. For a moment Remus forgot about the wolf and thought only of protecting Harry the best way he could. And Remus could protect him well, for Remus was very talented.

AN: So, I have no idea what happened to this. I read a Tumblr post about Remus producing his first patronus and being angry about it and I wanted to write about it. So I set off thinking it would be like 500 words, tops. 2600 words later this happened. I swear, whenever I try and write anything marauder related they just take over and do whatever they please. Regardless, I hope you liked it, I'm afraid I may have strayed a few times here. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.