DISCLAMIER: I do not own any of the characters or there worlds, all characters and worlds belong to their creators and I am just playing around and having a little fun with them.

Chapter 5

BPOV

It had been hours since Carlisle had run out of here after E and we hadn't heard a word from either of them. I was worried that E would go and do something completely stupid, like kill Mike and get himself thrown in jail; again.

Es was trying to distract me, she had called and made me a doctor's appointment with our local GP Doctor David Betty. He had been our doctor for as long as I could remember, it helped to have a doctor as a friend of the clubs. We tended to have a lot of medical emergencies that we couldn't explain if we were to go into the ER.

So instead we would just call David and he would bring his bag and fix whatever he could up at the clubhouse, but if we needed X-rays or anything that involved tests he had found a way around the system.

But Es wanted to get my ribs checked out, they weren't broken, that I defiantly knew. After having broken ribs before I knew that this time that they were only bruised. I could still breathe and laugh and move without agonising pain. But Es didn't want to take any chances so I let her fuss and organise around me.

By 5 o'clock we were in the car and heading into town to see the doctor, Es was prattling on about once I had been checked out by the doctor and given the all clear that I could go and see my dad. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it was here idea to keep me hidden until all my bruising and swelling was gone. That meant at least another week until I would be able to cover it with make-up enough to see him.

"What do you mean see Charlie? Look at my face Es!" I gestured wildly to my face, my hands flying all over the place.

"Well I figured that now that Edward new that your back that it wouldn't be long until Charlie heard, and I think that it would sound better if he heard it from you and not one of the boys at the bar or the garage."

Damn it she had a really good point! I hated that.

"Ok, that's a good point. Then I need to get some foundation to cover up this bruising, I don't want my daddy to see this." I poked at my face in the mirror on the sun visor in front of me.

"Don't worry Baby girl, when I'm done with you there won't be a trace of that bruising on your face left." She reached and squeezed my knee before bring her hand back to the wheel, she kept her eyes on the road but that simple touch made me feel so much better.

"Well well if it isn't little miss Bella Swan, all grown up." Doctor David led us into his exam room and told us to have a seat. "Now Bella, Esme has told me the basics of what went on, so today I just want to check out your ribs and make sure that they are not broken and there is no lose bone floating around that could cause a puncture. Before we do that do you have any question for me, or anything that you're concerned about?" he looked between Es and I with a smile, for as long as I had known this man, he was always in a good mood. Edward always said that it creeped him out that the man was never in a bad mood, it creeped me out too.

"Nope, I'm good, other than the obvious." I waved a hand at me face and ribs and looked at Es to see if she had anything to add. She shook her head in the negative.

"Ok well let's start the exam and make sure that you're in top shape."

After a lot of poking and prodding Doctor David finally decided what I already knew, they weren't broken and there was no floating bones that Doctor David could feel. We took some X-rays just to be on the safe side, he was going to call tomorrow with the results.

"I'll give you a prescription for the pain, but the swelling and bruising should go down in a week or so." He told us and held out the prescription to me.

"Thank you David, I feel so much better now." Es shook hands with Doctor David and we headed out to the car.

"I told you that they weren't broken." I mutter to Es as I opened my door, but I did appreciate the pain killers.

"Well I'm the boss so you do as I say." Es smiled at me and slipped into her seat.

We headed over to the drug store to pick up my prescription and some foundation and a few other things that I didn't even realise I needed. Make-up and bathroom essentials that I had had to leave behind in New Mexico that I was finally able to replace.

"Do you think that Carlisle has found E yet?" it had been so quiet in the car on the way home from the drug store that it just kind of slipped out.

"I'm sure that he's fine. Carlisle won't let him do anything stupid." Es reassured me as we pulled into her drive way, their bikes were both still gone.

"Put that stuff up stairs and you can help me get dinner ready." Es was unlocking the front door when headlights lit up the front of the house, it wasn't bikes but a car. It parked up next to Esme's car, I looked to Es, but she seemed just as confused as I did. Either because she didn't know who it was or because she did and couldn't figure out why they were here.

Apparently it was the later.

"Shit" Es muttered under her breath.

"Es!" the car door was slammed shut by the woman's hip as her hands were full of boxes, her white blond hair was in being blown in her face by the cool breeze that was coming from the north, it wasn't until she stepped into the light from the porch that I realised who it was, Lettie. "Thank god I court you, I've had all your Tupperware at my place since the night of the fundraiser, I must have packed it up with my things when….Bella?" she was fumbling around with the boxes as she spoke and it wasn't until she had set the box down on the porch and looked up that she seen me.

"Hey" was all I could come up with.

"What? When? What? Oh my goodness! What happened to your face?" wow was that getting old. "Es? What's going on?" I thought that she was about to start crying, the emotion in her voice was thick as she reached a hand out to caress my swollen cheek.

"Come inside Lettie, and we will tell you everything." Es lead the way inside, I quickly headed up the stairs to my room, hopping that Es would fill Lettie in with most everything before I could back down stairs. I was really over re-telling my story, I was never going to be able to move forward if I had to constantly be re-living it.

By the time I had put away all of my purchases and changed into a pair of Edwards old sweats it had been a good 15minutes and I had no other reason not to head back down stairs.

Es had set Lettie up with a cold beer and I could tell by the atmosphere in the room that Es had done just as I had hopped and filled Lettie in on why I was here and what had happened to get me to finally come home. When I sat down Es handed me my own beer and I gestured with her head at Lettie before she left the room to busy herself elsewhere.

"So, um I guess Es filled you in?" I played with the label on the bottle.

"Yes she did, and I can't decide if I'm heartbroken that my old man's daughter had to go through all this pain and be treated so badly," she held my gaze but with a shake of her head looked back at her own bottle that she had been pealing the label off of, "or if I'm pissed that she didn't trust me enough to come to me for help, or even tell me that she was leaving in the first place."

I was going to face this all over town for the next few months as people found out that I was back. I left without a word to anyone, once things had all come to a head and I was discharged from the hospital I just couldn't stick around and have everyone blame me for what had happened. I had call Charlie from a pay phone about four hours the other side of PA to let him know that I was ok and hadn't been kid napped but I was leaving and didn't know when, if ever, I was going to be back. I was only just starting to realise the impact of my fleeing had had on those that loved me and that I loved.

"I'm sorry on both counts Lettie, I never meant to hurt you or Daddy. But I had to leave, after… well you know. I couldn't stand to face anyone, I knew what everyone was thinking and I had to leave. I'm also sorry that I didn't come to you when I knew I was coming back to Forks, but I asked Es not to tell anyone that I was home, at least not until my face was better. I didn't want daddy to see me like this."

Lettie looked up at me and for a long time she said nothing. Her eyes roamed over my face and it looked as though she was in deep thought. Finally with a sigh she leant forward and pulled me into her arms, she was careful and didn't squeeze me to hard, which I was very grateful for. Pulling back she looked me in the eyes and said, "Don't you dare leave us again."

I wasn't planning on it.

An hour and a few beers later I had court Lettie up to the present of my life, she had filled me in on her life and her life with Charlie. Not much had changed, they had painted the house and she had gotten a new car after hers had broken down in Canada on what was meant to be a day trip, and Charlie had lost it and taken it to the junk yard and gone out and brought her a new little hatch back as soon as he had dropped her off at the house.

Charlie it seemed would never change, that was something that I was very grateful for. He was so dependable, my Daddy would always be there for me. He would drop anything to help his brothers, or his family, which consisted on Lettie and myself.

Es was telling me about Lettie's idea of installing a tanning bed at the salon, it was always so cloudy and rainy here that she thought that woman would pay good money to have a sun kisses glow. I had to agree with her. Thought even living in the desert I still was a pale as ever, I didn't tan.

It was after 11pm when we heard the grumble of two bikes coming up the drive way, my stomach was suddenly alive with butterflies, no not butterfly's, seagulls, really big seagulls that were fighting over my fries at the beach.

"It's late, I better get home and see what mess Charlie has made of my nice clean house." Lettie announced and stood to collect some of the empty beer bottles to take to the trash can, Es followed and grabbed up the remaining bottles. I was left standing in the lounge room alone because I was too scared to follow Es and Lettie out to the trash can and I was too scared to move in case I ran straight into Edward. Though I knew that just standing here wasn't g going to magically make me disappear, so I scrambled to the kitchen where I busied myself by washing the few dishes that were in the sink.

I could hear the low hum of voices as they made their way through the house, I was so focused on washing the pan in my hand that I screamed like a banshee when a hand touched my shoulder, it was just Es. She retacked her hand like I had burned her and jumped about a foot in the air.

"Fuck! Girl what are you screaming like that for? Want to give an old woman a heart attack?" she place her hand over her chest as though that would calm her racing heart, I would know as I was imitating her position.

"You're the one who snuck up on me, I'm the one who almost had a heart attack." I defended.

"Well if you weren't in here hiding practically in the sink with those dishes you would have heard me call out to you. Now, you get your little butt in there and talk to him. Carlisle has finally gotten him to calm down enough to agree to here you out. Make him understand why you did what you did." She pulled the hand towel out of my hands and pushed me toward the lounge room where Edward was sprawled in an armchair.

I watched him for a moment from the doorway, he had his thumb and forefinger pressed into his eyes while the other hung loosely off the side of the chair, his long legs were lazily sprawled in front of him. It felt like yesterday that I would come home from work to find him in a similar position, only he would have a beer in one hand and a car show would be on the TV that he had seen a thousand time.

"Don't just stand there B, it's creepy." He didn't even open his eyes to have to know that I was here. I stepped into the room and I to keep my hands busy I started to straighten things up. There were a few magazines that were on the coffee table that I piled together and I fluffed up the throw pillows, that was all that I could find and so I finally just sat down on the love seat and looked at my hands.

"Sorry." I mumbled, though I wasn't completely sure as to what I was apologising for. Running away or for not being able to sit and have a conversation with the person I had known the longest in my life.

"You left me." It wasn't a question, he was simply stating a fact.

"I did." I wasn't going to sit here and deny the truth, he deserved honestly.

"Why? Why after everything that we had been through, after promising…. How could you?" I looked up at him, and I immediately wished I hadn't. His eyes were red rimmed with unshed tiers. He wouldn't let them fall, in all the years I had known this man, I had only ever seen him cry once.

"I knew that you blamed me, for what happened, that everyone blamed me. Even the nurses at the hospital told me that it was fault. How could I face you, or my family knowing that I….. That I had….. That I couldn't even…" I had never said it out loud before and the words seemed to be getting stuck in my throat.

"I never blamed you." Edward was standing now, he didn't move toward me, or move to sit back down. He just stood there and watched me, looked at me as though he was reading every thought I had ever had. "How could you think that I would blame you for what happened? If I had been there like I should have been, you never would have had to leave the house on your own and you never would have been in that car…."

I couldn't look at him, his voice cracked as he finally feel back into the armchair, he ran his hand through his hair and continued to speak. "I pushed you, I pushed you to finish school and start work. I pushed you into buying a house. I pushed you until you had nowhere to turn." His voice was just above a whisper but I heard every word, he blamed himself. What a pair we made, each blaming ourselves.

"You didn't force the bourbon down my throat and you didn't force me into that car. I did those things because I was 21 and scared and life was getting very real and very hard for me. I wasn't ready for any of that stuff, I wasn't ready to be a mother." I the sobs that racked my body were enough to cause the bruising on my ribs to flare up and the pain only made me cry harder. "I wasn't ready but I never meant to kill our baby Edward!" finally I couldn't take it any longer and I ran from the lounge room and up the stairs to the safety of my bed room.

It was the first time that I had ever admitted what I had done. Out loud and to myself.

It had been a very long few months, I was almost finished my Beauty course, I was six months pregnant, had house payments that were piling up and a boyfriend that I hadn't seen in almost a week and a half. At 21 I thought that life would be much simpler.

But I felt like my life had be fast tracked and all of a sudden I was a grown up with a mortgage and a baby on the way. How was I going to be a mother, my own mother was a drug addict and left me, what did that say about me?

Walking through the door on Friday night, still no word from Edward, I filed though the bills that I had pulled out of the mail box. There was about a grand total of over $1000, where were we going to get that kind of money?

I don't know why we had to buy a house, why couldn't we rent for a few years first? It was so important for Edward to act like such a big man all the time, no one in the club new that we were one more late payment away from losing the house. I was only working part time for Es at the salon and it just wasn't enough to keep up with all the bills that kept on rolling in.

Edward was away again on another run, I under stood that this was how he made his money, but it seemed like it was so few and far between run payments these days. He was always gone but I wasn't seeing the money from it.

I couldn't even talk to him about it because he was never around, he was always at the club house these days, and I knew that he was cheating on me. I had asked Emmett flat out and that boy had never been able to lie to me.

Fuck it! I had have it! Why am I the one who is always stressing over bills and the house and the baby? I didn't ask for any of this! I didn't asked to be knocked up!

Without even thinking about it I walked to Edwards's liquor cabinet and pulled out the first bottle my hands touched. Bourbon, perfect. I unscrewed the cap and took a big swallow, AHHHH the amber liquid burned and felt like heaven at the same time.

Anger was running through my veins and without thinking it through I grabbed my keys and purse and headed back out the door, bottle of bourbon and all.

I was going to catch that son of a bitch in the act, then we would see who would be working their ass off to pay all the bills and keep shit from falling apart.

My eyesight was a little blurry but I blamed that on the red hot anger that was coursing through me, it didn't take long to get to the clubhouse when you ignored all the posted speed limits.

I drove through the gates and could see Edwards bike parked up with the rest of the boys, I knew he was fucking here. Lying son of bitch. I didn't bother to turn my car off, I simply through it into park and jumped out. I was surprised at how well and how fast I was moving considering my belly lead the way in front of me.

"Bella?" Charlie called out to me as I tour through the club house and headed straight back to the dorms, I heard others call out to me to stop and come back but that wasn't happening. He had fucked up for the last time, I was so done with this shit.

I flung open his door so hard that it bounced back off the wall and left a nice hole the same shape as the handle. On the bed a shocked and fluster blond slut tried to cover herself with the blanket. But my eyes remained trained on Edward, shock coloured his expression.

Faster than I had ever seen him move he found a pair of pants on the floor and tried to walk over to me, as soon as he was in rang I reached back and brought closed fist across his face. His head snapped to the side and you could already see the bruise forming, my hand was already throbbing but it was totally worth it. "We're done." I seethed, I shot a look at the whore who was trying to pull on her scraps of clothing and then looked back at Edward who was rubbing his eye cheek, "Fuck you." And with that I turned and left, I heard him yelling after me but I didn't stop to listen.

As I walked back out into the bar area I grabbed myself a shot of patron and kept on going. I had planned to head home and pack my bags. But as soon as I had pulled out of the drive way an agonising pain hit me and then everything went black. The last thing that I remember was the sound of glass shattering and metal crunching.

Opening my eyes I felt like there was a 50kg weight sitting on my chest. I groaned and tried to sit up but found that I could hardly move at all. What the happened?

Then it hit me, the pain I had felt in my stomach, the blinding lights and the sound of a loud car horn blasting. My hands flew to my stomach, something was wrong, my belly was no longer protruding but just slightly swollen and was bandaged up. Oh no.

"Bella?" Charlie stood in the door way, when I looked up at him relief washed over his face, "I thought I'd lost you." He came over and gently hugged me. "I'll call the doctor, they will want to run some test right away." And he was gone again, to get a doctor.

After checking my vitals and giving me the all clear the Doctor David gave me a small sad smile and sat down in the hard plastic chair beside my hospital bed. "Bella, I'm so sorry to have to be the one to have to tell you this. But I'm afraid that we could save your baby, he didn't make it darling. I'm sorry." He held my hand and squeezed it.

I didn't understand, how could they not save him? Babies survived all the time when they were born early. Why didn't my baby? Oh God I had been drinking! I had been stressing out and working myself to the bone, I had killed my baby!

My family all came to see me, the boys brought flowers and warm wishes for me to get well soon. The girls all gave me hugs and kisses. Not one of them looked me in the eye. I was a murder after all, none of them new what to say to me really. What could they say after all?

The police came by to take my statement, I wasn't charge with anything, though I was ready for them to take me away. Doctor David had tampered with my file, there was no alcohol reading taken at the scene because there was so much bleeding and they were trying to save the baby.

Guilt began to press down on me more and more as every hour passed. Es brought me clean underwear and homemade soup. I couldnt look at her, how could she be so nice to me after what I had done? "After a shower and a good meal you will feel better baby girl." She told me as she helped me to the shower to get cleaned up.

In the bathroom I took one look at myself in the mirror and began to empty my stomach, I was pathetic.

It was two days later that Edward finally showed up, I hadn't even expected him to come at all if I was being honest. He had every right to hate me and avoid me. But he walked into the room, took one look at me and burst into tears. He clasped over me, holding onto me like he was drowning and i was his life preserver. "I thought I had lost you!" he waled, "Please forgive me, I'm so sorry." He kissed all over my face and held onto it, pleading with me to forgive him. I nodded and let him hold me, though I knew it wouldn't be long until he figured out that I hadn't been able to save his child and that it was my fault that he wasn't a father.

Two weeks later and I was being discharged from the hospital into Esme's care. I was sitting in the wheelchair ready to be wheeled to the car when I overheard them. To nurses sat at a desk talking, it was obvious that they thought I couldn't hear them as they were clearly talking about me, pointing at me even.

"She had been drinking and driving, that's what had coursed the accident. I don't know how she could live with herself, you know Edward blames her. I heard him talking to that other biker guy, the really big one." The fist nurse said and shot me a dirty look.

"God how could anyone be so selfish? I tell you, if I was lucky enough to have that man and have his baby, there wouldn't be a thing in the world I wouldn't do to protect it." The second added.

They were right, Edward would blame me. It was my fault and Edward didn't me around as a reminder of what he had lost. As soon as I got the chance I was going to leave Forks behind and start again, and give Edward the chance to do the same. It was the least I could do after all the pain I had coursed this family.

The next morning after a restless night of tossing and turning I finally built up the courage to head down stairs. I never made it that far however, opening my bedroom door a sleeping Edward fell backwards onto my odd sock clad feet.

With a grown he sat back up squinting at me while rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry" I muttered as I stepped around him to help him up, pulling him to his feet I found myself eye to eye with this boy once again.

"Are you going to say anything to me other than 'Sorry' ever again?" he asked brushing away invisible dirt.

"Did you sleep out here all night?" I waved my hand at the floor in front of my door.

"I couldn't sleep with you across the hall from me and we never got to finish talking last night." He was watching me, in the way he always did when he knew that something was wrong but I wasn't going to tell him.

"I need coffee." I turned on my heel and headed down to the kitchen, Edward right behind me the whole way.

"I'm sorry, too, I never said it before, I never got the chance I guess. But I am sorry, I know that it was my fault." I stopped in the entry way of the kitchen, one hand on the door frame the other clutching my chest.

I never once in all this time stopped to think that maybe he was blaming himself, that he thought everything that happened was all on him.

"What?" I turned slowly to look at him, I couldn't move any faster for fear that he wouldn't be there.

"It wasn't your fault B, I wasn't there, I pushed you away when I should have been holding you up. I listened to the guys at the bar talk about how it just got worse, how the bills would never stop and kids only cost you more the older they got. I didn't even stop to think that by staying away, working and sleeping at the dorms…. I ran away a long time before you ever did."

And it was there standing in the hallway of his parents' house that after six years that I would finally realise that it wasn't all my fault, that between the two of us we had both run away and both spent years dealing with something that if we had only lent on each other we could have been together, we would have gotten through this, we were both at fault, we were both to blame.

Ok so there we go my lovelies, once again im so so so sorry for taking so long to get this out. But my job is very demanding and I haven't had time to think these days.

But let me know what you think xxx

Bella's Time line

Age 12; her mum left

Age 14; Charlie goes to prison and she moves in with the Cullen's.

Age 16; Charlie comes home and Bella moves home.

Age 17; Edward prospects for the club.

Age 18; Bella graduates high school.

Age 19; Starts community collage, Edward patches in.

Age 20; buys house with Edward.

Age 21; Runs away.

Age 27; comes home.