Hello, hello! I haven't been around for a while but I'm ready to start anew. Yes, I am obsessed with Gravity Falls now. Why? Take a look at the show and you'll see!

Anyway, decided to write a little something up which may or may not turn into a series depending on the response.

PLEASE tell me what you guys think! I'm open to any constructive criticism. (Also if ya wanna fan-talk to me, I LOVE to do that, so yeh ^^)

When Stanford Pines had agreed to take his six year-old great niece and nephew back to the Mystery Shack with him for a few weeks (under a small bribe from their parents, of course), he had had no idea just what he was getting into.

As far as he had been concerned, while he had never had any kids of his own, he had watched enough television to get the basic gist of things. Although, something told him that the sparkly, perfect children that dashed across his screen always laughing and playing were not quite the best interpretation, but it was all he had to work off of. Besides, how hard could it possibly be to keep these guys happy? They were a couple of six year-olds, for crying out loud.

But now, as he stood staring all the way down at the two pairs of unblinking eyes gawking silently back up at him, he was starting to second guess himself. I mean, they weren't even moving. They just stood, necks craned way back to get a spectacle of their Great Uncle.

"Uh..."Gosh, had they been staring at the back of his neck like this the whole way here? "Ok, kids...welcome to the Mystery Shack! Just call me your Grunkle Stan."

No response.

"You guys hungry? Think I've got some pie left over in the fridge."

Nothing.

He groaned, rubbing a hand slowly over his face, "C'mon, guys, give me something."

Mabel, who had been scraping the glitter off of the front of the eyesore of a sweater she had, finally piped up, "I like plastic dinosaurs."

Well, it was better than nothing. He picked up their bags and headed up the stairs, "Let's get you guys unpacked." They obediantly followed him to the loft and stared around in awe at the spacious room.

The other kid, who he had been informed was named Dipper (that couldn't possibly be his real name, right?) carefully crawled up onto his bed and watched Stan uncermoniously drop all their stuff onto the floor, "Are we gonna sleep here?" He tipped his head to a side curiously.

"Whaddya think, knucklehead?" Stan waved his hand at the baggage, answering his question.

Mabel stared hopefully, "Can we jump on the beds?"

"Yeah, whatever; if you need me, I'll be downstairs." Gosh, he was too old to be going up and down stairs like this. He left them to do who-knows-what and sat down on his favorite chair to watch some television.

The shop wasn't open today on account of him having to drive those two all the way back here, and he figured opening in the middle of the day would be a waste of time. Might as well just waste the day on mindless nothing.

After a full ten minutes of watching he had honestly forgotten that there were kids in the house, and so found himself jumping slightly when they appeared in the doorway, both beaming.

"Yeesh, kids; give a guy a little warning next time." He studied the cheerful look on their faces with some suspicion, "What?"

"Could we please have some pie?" Mabel asked simply, eyes bright. Her twin nodded with a small smile.

He grunted and stood, shaking his head, "Alright, fine." Walking into the kitchen, he fished out the remainder of the dessert he'd bought from the diner a few days ago and set it onto the table with two forks, "Just don't fight over it, okay?"

Stan leaned his back against the fridge and watched with some concern as they sloppily scarfed it down in record time, making sure that half of it went anywhere but into their own mouths. Once finished, they busily set to work trying to clean up what they had missed.

"Thank you!" Mable chirped, trying to wipe the sticky mess off of her face.

Good grief, was every meal going to look like this? He picked up the tray and threw it into the sink, "Uh, no problem. How's about you guys go wash up and we'll find something 'fun' to do today." Not like he had any idea what that would be, but it seemed to excite them as they practically tripped over one another to dash off to the bathroom.

Stepping into the business section of his house, he picked up a few signs he had been meaning to put up and collected the nails needed while he listened to the sounds of water splashing. He drummed his fingers on the wall for a moment, waiting, until...

"GRUNKLE STAAAN!"

Wow, that girl could really yell. He dropped what he was holding and ran as fast as his legs would permit to the bathroom, "What the heck's the matter?"

Mable lifted her arm and pointed an accusing finger at her brother, "He's using your whipped cream!"

Dipper, perched on the edge of the bath tub, looked guiltily up at his Great Uncle, shaving cream dripping off of his face and onto the floor to mingle with all of the spilled water.

"Kid, I told ya to clean up, not mess with my stuff!" He snatched up a wad of toilet paper and attempted to wipe the foam off of the brunette's chin and mouth without being as rough as he felt like he wanted to be.

A few quiet 'sorry's' were mumbled as Dipper did his best to sit still and not be knocked over by the force, shooting Mable a look whenever he could get the chance.

As soon as Stan had finished, the older man stood and walked out of the bathroom with a sigh that could have been much quieter, "Alright, kiddos, let's head out." He heard the two scamper after him as he once again lifted his supplies and stepped out the door.

"Where are we going?" Mable ran a bit ahead of him, her plastic pink shoes popping out as they shone in the sunlight.

"Welp, we're gonna, uh..." He rolled his eyes up, contemplating how he could make a walk through the woods sound fun to them, "Uh...Ex-explore the forest, yeah, 'cause I'm pretty sure that there might be buried treasure or something in there somewhere."

This got Dipper's attention, "Really?"

"Geez, I don't know. Just...follow me and see if you guys spot something." He pushed one of the signs that had been in his arms against a tree of his choice and began to nail it into place. He moved from tree to tree, barely keeping an eye on the twins. As long as he spotted them occasionally in his peripheral vision, he figured they were fine.

"Hey, Grunkle Stan?"

He looked down in some surprise at Dipper. The kid hadn't really addressed him yet, or talked much...at all. Was he shy, or did he just hate being here? He couldn't really tell, but he hoped it was the first one, "Uh-huh?"

The boy pulled gently at his pant leg, "Why're you wearing all this in the summer? Aren't you hot?"

Stan grunted. His great nephew wasn't the only one who had expressed their concern on this topic, "Because I'm weird." There; simple answer. He pounded another advertisement into the wood and moved on.

"Oh."

Mabel, who had found a slight grassy incline, rolled past them, arms thrown in the air as she squealed her delight, "Dipper!" She stood when she reached the bottom and rushed back up, "You gotta come try it!"

Her brother merely watched with interest as she repeated the process, but didn't move to join her. Instead, he turned back to his old relative, seeming more comfortable speaking to him rather suddenly, "Can I help?"

"Um..." No, does this look like a job for two people to you? That's what I thought, "Sure, just...look for a good tree to hang a sign on, I guess." Stan refocused on his job as Dipper darted away, wondering why any kid ever born would want to help with such a dull task.

A few minutes later the kid returned, looking pleased with himself, "I found the perfect tree."

"Mm-hm?" He put the remaining nails between his teeth, not bothering to glance over.

"It's made of metal."

Wait, what? He almost laughed, but took the nails out of his mouth first, "Heh, I hate to tell ya this, sport, but trees aren't made of metal."

"But this one was!"

He rolled his eyes and turned his back away.

"It makes a weird noise when you hit it an' I saw something sticking out of it, an'-"

"Kid, are you gonna keep talking about this tree until I come check it out?" He raised an eyebrow at his nephew and regarded the very serious and determined expression that was being given to him. He took a breath, "Where is it?"

Dipper pointed and walked in that direction, watching with a small smile as he was followed until he stepped up to the pine tree in question, "Right here, see?" He knocked his small fist against the bark, causing a resounding metallic boom.

Well, that was certainly odd. Stanford pushed him away and did the same, listening to the strange noise, "...What did you see sticking out of it?" The child reached up as far as his arm would go and scraped at a slight paneled rise in the wood.

With a quick tug, Stan pried it open, revealing a compartment inside of the fake tree holding a box covered in switches and buttons. Ok, this was starting to look familiar. He played with the switches on the top, flicking each one of them the opposite way.

Both startled when a sharp hiss sounded behind them; a section of the ground had literally opened up nearby.

"...What is that?" Dipper gestured to both the box and the opening as they approached it.

Stan didn't even answer. He couldn't. His eyes had lain upon the hole's contents and his breath momentarily hitched.

Inside the dusty form of a book sat, looking as though it had remained forgotten for quite some time. Spider webs dangled and crossed all around it, proving to be a weak barrier as he reached down through them and gingerly lifted the new treasure. With a deep breath, he blew off most of the grime, revealing a crimson cover with a golden six-fingered hand ominously placed right at the center, a large number three popping out in the middle.

"Holy Moses..." He whispered, eyes struggling to believe what he was seeing. Carefully, it was opened. The name of the author had been smudged away, but it barely mattered to him as he flipped from page to page, blinking rapidly in an attempt to comprehend this all, "Of all places, you hid it here...?"

"Grunkle Stan?"

He looked over to see the twins standing now side by side watching him with wide and curious eyes, "Oh, uh..." Pulling open the front of his vest, he shoved the book inside, "Yeah?"

Mabel grinned, "Is this the buried treasure you were talking about?"

"Uh, I guess it is." He waved his hands, "Good job; you guys 'found' the treasure! ...Now let's go home."

Dipper pouted, crossing his arms over his chest, "But we just got outside. Can't we play a little bit longer?"

That wasn't a terrible idea considering he needed some time to himself to think right now, so..., "Alright, but stay close to the shack! And if ya see a bear; play dead." After he'd gotten serious nods from them, he turned and walked at a pace close to running, trying to get home as fast as possible.

Once inside, he went directly to his room and retrieved the book from his suit, searching through it until he found a complicated diagram on a two page spread. In perfect condition, thank all that was holy. He ran his hand through his hair as a smile twisted his face. Oh, this was great. Perfection. Bringing those kids here had obviously been the right choice. I mean, who knows? They could end up finding something else just as valuable...like a duplicate of this journal only with the number two on the cover instead.

That would be great, but he couldn't get his hopes up. This find had already set him miles ahead of where he'd been.

The ecstatic man made his way back out of his room to find Dipper walking through the front door, twigs sticking out of his hair and small patches of dirt scuffing his chin and elbows. His eyes were a little wider than he'd seen them yet, so he decided that this would be a good time to be a little bit concerned. He was in a better mood than usual, after all.

"Hey, kid, you alright?" A beat passed and Stan noticed something else with a frown, "And where's your sister, anyway?"

His nephew's brows scrunched up thoughtfully, "A bunch of other kids walked up to us and took her away."

...

What?!

He tried to keep his breathing steady as previous excitement melted into cautious terror, "You let her go with them?!" That probably wasn't the most important thing to ask here, so he immediately followed his question with another, "What did they look like? Quick!"

"Uh...they were all wearing red hats that pointed up." Dipper described carefully, "And they had white hair."

Again, what. As much as he hated it, he knew exactly who was being talked about here and he didn't like it one bit. Stan pointed, "You. Stay." Then he darted out of the shack, into his golf cart, and with one turn of a key he was off into the woods.

Gosh-darnit, why did his moments of victory have to end like this? Couldn't he have at least enjoyed the feeling for like, twenty minutes? No, he had to focus on the mission at hand; getting his great niece back from those who had taken her.

And the 'those' in question...were Gnomes. Not midgets dressed up like gnomes; no, this was the real deal. Through pure memory Stan was able to navigate his way through the thick forest until he came to a slight drop. He braced himself as the cart staggered down and tried to ignore the fluttering sensation in his stomach; past that he could clearly see a couple of the little overall-wearing schiesters, crowded around something.

It didn't take a genius to guess what.

"Hey, hey! Let go of my niece!"

The gnomes, in unison, spun around in bewilderment and watched the angry man storm towards them, "Woah, woah, woah!" Possibly the only one of them possessing brown hair stepped forward, hands on its hips, "This is all just a big misunderstanding! We're not hurting her; nope, not at all."

Stan grit his teeth and leaned down, "Then what in the heck are ya doing?"

"Oh, well, that's easy to explain!" It waved a hand at Mabel, who was watching all of this in complete terrified fascination, "Y'see, we lost our old queen due to reasons that we're not even gonna mention, haha, so we need a new one! We're just gonna raise her as our own until she's old enough to marry all one thousand of us and be our new queen for all of eternity! Isn't that right, honey?"

"I wanna go home!" The girl yelled, staring at her great Uncle worriedly.

The gnome smiled wider, "So, see? No biggie! I'm Jeff, by the way; nice to meet you."

"No biggie?" Scowling at the little beasts that dared even try to do this to the girl that had only just been placed under his protection yesterday, Stan stomped his foot hard in an attempt to scare them, "No, you are all going to give me her back, or someone's gonna have to deal with a world of pain!"

Jeff seemed very amused, "You actually think you can stop us? You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with th- OW! "

But he had finally lost his temper, and with one solid kick, the man had knocked the gnome right out of his path and watched as it slid across the ground, "Anyone else want some?!"

Apparently they did; dropping whatever they had been doing, every gnome that had been in the clearing suddenly rushed him, sharp teeth bared and fingers arched like claws.

This was not how he had wanted to spend his Saturday, but here went nothing. In a flash Stan had pulled on a pair of shiny brass knuckles and proceeded to do his best to defend himself as the small army came at him from all sides.

For being so little, they sure packed a punch. He tried to ignore the stinging pain of their teeth digging into his legs and shoulders as he swung his arms, affectively smashing in every face unfortunate enough to meet his fists. In the corner of his eye he spotted Mabel, who had run to the golf cart. At first he was relieved, believing her to have run to temporary safety, but then he saw her drag out a shovel that had been inside...

...And start to help him fight the gnomes. She was having difficulty holding up the makeshift weapon, but this was definitely not something he'd been expecting at all. It would have made him smile or even brought a proud tear to his eye if they had not been in the middle of such a crisis.

"Aim for the head, sweetie!" He called and saw that she actually took his advice to heart, nailing every pointy-headed jerk she came across as close to the temple as she could. It was so nice to see a kid exhibiting his gusto. It almost pushed more strength into him as he rained blows upon every creature nearby, furious with them for even causing all this mess, but secretly happy that he got to whip out his boxing skills. This certainly wasn't the first time they had saved him, though. He let out a short yelp when a pair of fangs dug into his calf, but he used his other leg to smash it in the stomach, and it stumbled away, spewing what looked like...rainbows?

The gnomes were beginning to drop like flies now, and the odds of their victory were increasing, much to his satisfaction. After clearing the area around him, he helped Mabel bash away all those who had decided to go for the little girl instead, "Never mess with my family again!" And with that, he delivered a final punch to a gnome who had decided it was a good idea to try to land on their heads.

It toppled away, groaning pathetically.

"Take that!" Mabel waved her shovel proudly, watching as those around her scattered in fear at the sight of it, "We did it!"

"Yeah, we did." Stan grinned, picking her up and carrying her back to the cart, "Now let's go home, ok?"

"M'kay."

"And try to avoid following strangers next time." He set her down on the seat next to his and backed the vehicle up, spinning it around so that he could return home. The breath that he felt like he'd been holding for half an hour was finally released and he loosened up his shoulders, relaxing.

Mabel tapped her feet together and glanced up at him, "Grunkle Stan? What were those things?"

"Uh..." A worried expression took over and his eyes darted about thoughtfully.

'Oh, what the hay. It's not like she's gonna remember forever; she's just a little kid.'

"Those were gnomes...Yep."

"Oh."

Silence spanned between the two until they pulled up to the shack. Dipper was sitting in the front yard, poking an ant hill with a stick curiously. Stan groaned, "Dipper, I told ya to stay inside!" Not like it mattered now; it was obvious that they were both safe and that made his heart swell with a mix of exhaustion and happiness.

The boy stood and walked towards them, "Sorry!"

He had the oddest feeling that he'd be hearing a lot of those apologies within the next few months, "Ok, let's get you two to bed. It's getting late."

"Ok, but..." Mabel walked back inside with him, "Could we please watch tv for a little bit? Just, just a tiny bit?"

The pleading look on her face and the fact that he thought she deserved some reward for what she'd done today won out, "I don't see why not."

Later that night Stan sat on his favorite chair in front of the television displaying a colorful, but mostly ignored, cartoon; the twin were curled up on either side of him, fast asleep, heads placed on his lap.

But for the life of him he could not grow tired. His mind was on...other things.

So, as slowly as possible, he stood and edged them close to one another. They looked comfortable enough, so he turned and walked out of the room and back into the main part of the store.

In a swift moment he stepped up to the snack machine on the far side of the room, punched in a few buttons, and stood back as the entire front of the mechanism opened, revealing a stairway behind it. He stepped in, took a second to check behind himself, and then closed it behind himself.

What was inside was his secret.

He was Stanford Pines; runner of a local tourist attraction and known to the town as 'Mr. Mystery' for good reason.