I Do Not Own Naruto

Giving Up

She gave up, she just surrendered. There was no reason behind her reasoning of giving up, just this unending dispair which had only been made worse in the weeks following the wedding. Naruto had of course married Hinata, and what a beautiful ceremony it had been. Everyone had been there, everyone had smiled, laughed and enjoyed themselves in the celebration of Naruto and Hinata starting their lives. Even she could not deny the joy she had felt for her friends and for their happiness. But at the same time she had been alone, utterly alone as she stood there smiling and clapping for her friends.

She had been the only one attending the wedding without a date (aside from Kakashi but that was a different matter entirely), and it wasn't really intentional on her part. It had more to do with she had no interest in dating, and it was painfully clear now she'd forever be single. Yes, it had taken a wedding, the happiest moment of anyone's life to realize she'd never be loved. Single forever! She might as well have a sign flashing above her head for the village to see.

The reason she had noticed it at the wedding was because everyone, and she did mean everyone was paired up. And there she had been, alone, with Kakashi-sensi who was rather like a perverted uncle in her mind while she looked around the sea of faces for that one face. The one face she always looked for, and knew he wasn't there. So she surrendered now, it wasn't too late for her to pick up what was left of her life or her dignity, it wasn't too late to be happy, and it wasn't too late to accomplish her simple dreams. True these dreams would be shattered because they weren't with the one she loved but at least she could have something rather than nothing.

And now that she had returned home, to her empty apartment she broke. The date she had just endured had drained her emotionally, and it had made her realize something she had rather forget. She was hopelessly, irrevocably, pathetically, stupidly in love with him and he would never return those feelings for her. She didn't matter, it didn't matter what she did for him or what she would do for him. She would never matter and tonight had proven it to her.

Stumbling through her apartment she choked back the sobs until she made it to where she kept them. Opening her closet she looked at the little box where she had tucked them away, where she had always put them when she received them and glared mercilessly at them. She hated them, she hated that they mattered so much to her because they were from him! Tears slipped from her eyes then as she slumped to the floor and sobbed.

Over the last few years, since the war really, she had written him endlessly. She had written about everything, nothing, she had written him like he were her best friend, like he had never left. She had ranted about bad days, mercilessly pestered him with questions, and told him about everything going on in the village and in her life. It wasn't as if it were intentional, she had just found him, she had just gotten him back and she had been ecstatic. Her letters could be anywhere from ten to twenty pages, easy, when she had started writing him. His were always two, occasionally three but rarely less than two. And in the last year she had figured out why his letters were never more than two pages, he only answered her questions. So she had taken the hint and written him less, she still wrote him; she had about ten unsent letters in her dresser drawer, but she didn't send him letters weekly anymore. She had begun writing him once a month and since she didn't think he wanted to talk to her she kept her letters short; about two pages now and her font had stayed the same size.

And now, as she sat sobbing on her bedroom floor she wished she had never written him that first letter. She hugged herself, rocked herself, and tried to lessen the ache in her heart knowing it was impossible. Giving up on him was killing her, she knew it even as she sobbed and let her tears fall on his letters. He didn't care, oh how she wished he did but he didn't and so now she was here crying, trying to bring herself up the courage to throw those damn letters away. But she didn't have it, it was the last piece of him she had and she didn't want to lose it.

Crying she got up, slipped out of the dress she had worn on the date pulled on an old sleep shirt, fell onto her bed and closed her eyes.

The tears wouldn't stop. She wished they would, but come tomorrow it would be like they had never been and she didn't know if that was alright or not. But it was how she wanted it to be.

He sat outside her window, she didn't know he was there; no one knew he was here; and just stared at what he had seen. She had just fallen on the floor, held a box and cried as if it had been the end of her world. He hadn't understood it. The only reason he was even in the village at this moment was because he had been concerned about Sakura. Her letters had shortened, drastically and quickly within the last year, he had hadn't thought too much about it because she was no doubt a busy woman. But the dobe's letters had revealed something different entirely, and he hadn't thought too much about it at first. Then her letters had slowed in coming, he had always looked forward to receiving her letters a few times a week, and now they came once a month. This had sparked his concern.

The dobe announced in his last letter that Sakura was dating, and it was going stupendously. This had ignited rage with in him and he had come hurrying back to the village because he had to know. He had to know if Sakura was really dating or if the dobe was just lying to laugh about this later. Sasuke wouldn't put it past him. But no, the dobe hadn't lied.

He had watched as Sakura readied herself for her date, she had done up her pretty pink hair, painted her lips and hid the seal she had earned from the war, she had shimmied into a beautiful green dress which brought out her eyes, and she had walked out that door without looking back. He had watched as she laughed, and chatted, and had a good time that night. He had almost committed murder when her date kissed her, just a light peck on the lips. She had blushed, said she'd talk to him later before she had walked into her apartment leaving the man stunned outside her door; for that he felt smug satisfaction.

But then he had watched as she burst into tears, just sat there hugging a box and crying. He hadn't understood that at all. Weren't women supposed to be…bubbly after dates? Sasuke didn't understand this at all, was this the reason for her drastic change in behavior. He still had all her letters, he even reread them when he was homesick. At least he had been rereading the old ones because as of late her letters were not all that wonderful to read. They were rather dull and routine, he missed the old letters. And when it came down to it, he missed her.

Silently he slipped into her apartment to walk over to the closet. She grumbled something as she turned on her bed, he stiffened as he watched her move then went back to the box she had hugged. What was so important about this box? He wondered as he carefully opened it.

Inside, his heart stopped, there were all his letters. Every single one, he glanced over at the bed where the pinkette was sleeping. Why had she cried? He wondered as he walked over, she was still crying, he didn't like it. Silently he looked around the room, it was hers' and it was homely, he looked back down at her sleeping form. Why was she crying?

"Sasuke," she whispered, he froze.

"He hates me," she grumbled as she rolled away from him. That had rage roaring in him then. He did not hate her! How could she think such a thing!? He'd just have to ask her about it, tomorrow. He'd decided he'd have to stick around the village for a bit because he was going to find out where Sakura got this ridiculous notion of him hating her from. And then he was going to skewer the asshole who had put it in her head. Gently he pushed a pink strand of hair out of her face and looked her over again.

Tears still slipped down her cheeks as she slept.

What could make her so sad?

Sorry about the last few days but I've been sick, going to work, downing cold medicine and sleeping. Also when I'm sick I only really feel like drawing, and I have been drawing a lot because I'm sick so...

Oh well, I'm going to try to finish everything I have promised in the next few weeks but it'll be tough. Still I'm working on it diligently because people are counting on me.

Again sorry about the last few days folks but I feel like SHIT! I want to curl up under the covers and die I feel so shitty. I hate being sick!

That's all for now folks!

Enjoy Only Tears! =)