Oh, by the way, this is pretty "Crackish" as a story, I forgot to tell you last time; I won't bother too much about making this one "serious".

Because I want to see what it will come out. Shit probably.

You people liked the furry scene...Honestly Internet keeps surprising me even after years of use.

Whatever!

Here We have Naruto as "Ninetails"...not the Pokemon, but the Boss Nine-tailed Fox from Okami (Game that I love)

I'll change the blond's "Mannerism" a little if you don't mind, just to warn you.

"You bastard" - demon talking / jutsu

"Let's finish this" - dialogue

" Can it get any worse? " - during flashback/Thoughts

Pairing: Naru/Yakumo/FemShino/ Amaterasu.

Chapter 4: Oh, Tsunade! You poor fool…

Aburame Clan compound – Clan head's side -

Shibi Aburame, Clan Head of the Aburame clan, was at the moment deep in thought as he sat at the kitchen table with his beloved daughter Shinobu with both father and daughter calmly waiting for their tea to reach the perfect temperature of their liking.

"Something is troubling you, daughter." Shibi finally said with a contemplative humming introducing his words.

"Indeed it is, father." Shinobu answered shortly after.

"It is because of that girl with the preposterous name of an ancient Goddess going around professing her being the SECOND (since an Aburame never comes second) girlfriend of your beloved?" he asked.

"Partly, father." Shinobu said while looking intensely at her cup of tea.

"I see. It does remember me of a similar situation when I firstly started dating your mother, I too had a rival for her attention."

"And what happened then, if I can ask."

"He gently stepped back, conscious that me and your mother were fated to be together." Shibi answered.

Flashback – several years ago – Shibi Aburame: age 20 – Streets of Konoha – Night -

"Ehm...I don't think this is a good idea, Shibi." Inoichi Yamanaka said looking around in apprehension.

"I reckon this to be the definitive solution to my issues instead. Now pass me a new lock-pick, Hiashi." young Shibi answered nonplussed as he kept fiddling with the back door of his 'Rival' house.

"H-H-H-Here. St-Still, b-breaking and entering looks a bit e-e-extreme." Hiashi answered as he kept scanning the dark streets of Konoha with his Byakugan.

"You really need to work on that nervous stuttering, Hiashi." Inoichi said shaking his head.

"I-I-I am working on it! I-I just ho-hope if I'll have children one day that th-they won't take it fro-from me." the Hyuga boy answered.

Sigh! "This is why I keep telling you that women are too troublesome, they force you to do stupid things. Now hurry up, it's almost 2 AM, the next round of Uchiha will pass by here soon." Shikaku Nara grumbled with a half sigh/ half yawn as he moved Shibi aside to open the lock himself in a matter of seconds.

"Cho?" Inoichi whispered.

"Road's clear, Inoichi! Go ahead!" Chojuro answered with a thumbs-up.

"Good. Here is the plan: we enter, dress him up in the Princess Celestia onesie pajama, add the teddy bears and Barbie dolls and put his thumb in his mouth once simulated his wetting the bed; then we take pictures and enough writing samples to fake few mean diary entries and return everything to normal before leaving. Understood?" Shibi instructed as the small group stealthy entered the house.

"...Wouldn't be better if we just kill him? He would suffer less." Inoichi asked shaking his head.

"No, he must suffer." Shibi countered with furrowed eyebrows.

"Okay, okay!" the others parroted rolling their eyes.

"This is a Mission of Love. She is worth the effort." Shibi muttered to himself as they finally reached the boy's room.

End of the Flashback – Present day -

"Yes, he backed-down voluntarily, he understood with no prompting that he had no chances. That is why he left Konoha to live as a hermit in the mountains under fake identity." Shibi continued saying once returned from his trip on Memory Lane.

"Huhuhu!" not too far away, the man's wife chuckled amused at the memories while she quietly eavesdropped, especially since the 'Rivalry' had all been inside Shibi's head as she had long had a crush on him.

And the hidden mean streak inside her found the idea of him going that far in the name of his love for her quite endearing (and Hot, very, very Hot).

"Father?" Shinobu asked confused.

"Want me to help you? We can make her understand young Uzumaki is already taken." Shibi offered.

"She is but a very small part of the problem, father..."

"Then what is the biggest part?" the father asked sounding worried.

"I finally understood why I could so easily pass for a boy." Shinobu said patting her plain chest.

Crackle!

At that faint cracks appeared on Shibi's cup as he clenched it a bit too tight.

"What do you mean, daughter?" Shibi asked with his voice turning way too stiff even for Aburame standards.

"I...Have been checking myself in the mirror lately, father. And while my backside appears to be fitting in what is apparently 'endearing' and attractive for boys, as I discovered by spying on Ino-san and Sakura-san gossiping...My chest seems to be awfully underdeveloped."

Crackle! Crackle!

New cracks, definitely deeper than the previous ones, appeared on Shibi's cup at that.

"I am afraid I won't develop like the other girls my age, father. And while my boyfriend has more than once openly expressed his finding myself attractive all the same, should one day intimacy come I have doubts he will be of the same advice once seen my naked body."

CRASH!

At that Shibi's cup exploded with how hard he clenched his hand around it.

"Why would he see your naked body?" the man asked coldly.

"My dear, it will happen someday if they intend to get married." Shinobu's mother said giving the man a new cup while cleaning the wasted tea from the table.

"Married?!" Shibi repeated as the new cup too exploded in his hand while his bugs buzzed in answer to his mounting stress levels.

"Mother?" Shinobu asked.

"My sweet daughter, you are growing-up so fast I can barely keep up with it. Have no fear, you clearly took from my side of the family, the women of our family are late bloomers, but we have all hit the D-Cup once turned twenty. So rest assured, you'll have nice breasts to match our legendary backside from which you will be able to bounce a Ryou all you want." the woman said with a reassuring tone and a small smile.

CRACK!

This time it was part of the table to give-in as Shibi's hands snapped it in two.

"D-Cup, mother?" Shinobu asked with a tone of wonder.

"I will help you prepare your first seal-empowered chest wrapping, like my mother did for me and my grandmother did for her. We are faithful to the extreme, only our beloved can see our true beauty."

"Thank you, mother." Shinobu said with a tiny smile herself.

"Has he seen your eyes already?" she asked making Shibi let-out an unhealthy chocking gasp.

"Yes mother...he says they are pretty." Shinobu answered with a faint pink hue dusting her cheeks.

Aburame eyes were peculiar, on the outside they looked normal, but should one watch really close they would see the truth: the whole eye, white part comprised, was in fact compounded like bug eyes are: millions upon millions of microscopic facets that made easier for the Aburame Clan members to control their swarm, and so Shinobu's almond eyes too were.

"You have particularly developed eyes, daughter. How could he see then that they were in fact compound eyes?" the woman asked with a knowing tone.

"We have been practicing our kissing skills, mother...He is quite the adept and is eager to take it slow so to appease my perfectionist side. And practice do make perfect, or so they said so we...Practice as much as we can." the young girl admitted.

"Aww! I am so happy for you, my dear!"

"Kissing...Without tongue I presume." Shibi said faintly.

"..."

"..."

"...Daughter?" Shibi asked, or more-likely begged, again.

"...We do kissing with tongue and groping, father. That is why my concerns started weighting on me no matter how many times he says to find me beautiful the way I am already." Shinobu said with a low voice.

"He has A LOT to offer, and I was afraid I could not return the favour plenty with my backside only, no matter how apparently he already finds it appealing."

"GAH!" THUD!

"Please ignore your father, Shinobu. Men unfortunately do cling to their more childish side in a very painful way, I am sure he will come around your being old enough to start notice boys very soon. Now go, you still have your studies and training regimen to finish."

"Yes, mother." Shinobu answered nodding obediently, and once given their parents a bow, she moved towards the door leading outside.

"A last thing."

"Yes, mother?"

"I hope he does give back just as much as you give him. Yesterday you had a very telling white smudge on your lips, you were lucky your father didn't see you lick it away." the woman said with her smile turning more predatory as she watched her daughter freeze abruptly.

"...He does, mother...He does. The gods gave him that long tongue for a very devious reason, and he understood what it was perfectly." Shivering violently at the memories, Shinobu hurried outside before her face could get too red to be comfortable.

"Just remember to wait a couple more years before going beyond that, I happen to be too young to be a grandmother, but feel free to probe around and taste all you want." the woman yelled amused, making Shinobu almost trip in her haste to leave as fast as she could without giving a spectacle.

"Youngsters these days...No control whatsoever." the poor woman said sighing as she closed the furry handcuffs around Shibi's wrists to carry him on her shoulder.

"Now, to deal with you. The riding crop waits for nobody." she then said carrying the unconscious Shibi to their bedroom.

He will wake up soon, and after what she heard, she was in the mood.

Meanwhile – with Naruto – Kurama Clan Household -

"So you grandfather says: 'Heroes? Last time I fought one he tasted amazing! But my hips are not the ones of that time anymore, so cut the chase and jump in my mouth!'...All this while talking to a tree because without his glasses he mistook it for the guy!" Naruto, reincarnation of the Demon Lord Ninetails, said laughing uproariously.

"Ooooh, for the love of Naraka's blood lakes! Please tell me you are the only one that knows this!" A monstrous entity with giant horns, long fangs and long brown hair moaned in disbelief while face-palming with both hands.

"Eeeh!" at that the blond boy looked away while passing a hand on the back of his neck in discomfort.

"...Everybody knows that story already, isn't it?" Ido asked with a sobbing tone.

"I am sorry, Ido-kun..." Naruto confirmed looking unease.

"Ehm..." from the sidelines, Kuranai cleared her throat uncertain.

"Yes?" Naruto asked.

"How do you know those things?" she asked.

"It's a secret between me and Kyubi." he answered waving her off with one hand like an annoying fly.

"I see." Kurenai answered.

In truth she didn't get what was happening in the slightest, she had been called in great hurry to the Kurama Clan's house where the very few remaining members that had not been killed by Ido's first coming had decided to kill her former student Yakumo (Ido's vessel) in revenge for their fallen clansmen and the almost-destruction of their Clan.

It all went to hell in a matter of seconds of course when the girl's uncle unleashed Ido by accident while strangling the girl, having decided to enjoy the sick pleasure of feeling her life fade from right under his hands; at a step from dying the seals holding Ido back came undone giving the entity full power over Yakumo and her Bloodline Ability.

That went especially bad because the girl's uncle then started slaughtering his helpers himself while under the creature's illusions before snapping his own neck, that was when Kurenai arrived, just in time to see the man behead his last helper before moving his head in a horrifying 360 that killed him instantly.

Kurenai tried reasoning with Ido, but apparently Yakumo was still not happy about the woman sealing away her powers, denying her her dreams of being a kunoichi and her destroying every chance to fulfill her ambitions to become a Genjutsu Mistress like Kurenai (her former heroine) was, so maybe in hindsight Kurenai could understand the animosity towards her person.

The battle didn't go to Kurenai's favour either as she had soon found herself bound in one of Yakumo's paintings-based Illusions and was slowly being erased alive, a very unpleasant feeling she could testify, when the Village Jinchuuriki calmly walked in, right in the middle of the deranged 'Dimension' of badly-mixed-and-melting paint Ido had transformed the house living room into, all this with an expression of deep fondness like somebody reminiscing of happier times of ages ago plastered on the blond's face.

And now both were talking like friends while sitting at the same table and completely ignoring the trapped Jounin right next to them.

"Things have changed a lot through the years, isn't it?" Naruto asked sighing.

"What can I say, Ninetails-sama, Hell itself has been a mess ever since Yami went destroyed, now everybody pretty much does whatever they want and everybody tries to not have things implode, but without a proper chain of command this is not easy." Ido answered shaking his head in sadness.

"So that is why many of you escaped?" Naruto asked.

"Ido is not a demon, he is the manifestation of Yakumo's Id side, her inner darkness." Kurenai tried saying.

"He is an 'Id Demon'. They latch to the Id side of human brains to feed on their inner darkness as you call it, like a leech...Only feeding on dark emotions instead of blood." the blond boy answered.

"And I like it here." Ido added.

"And he likes it here." the young boy finished saying smirking.

"And by the way, those people were really nasty, you have no idea how many advances Yakumo's uncle tried making, she is very gifted so having her bear children with 'Pure Blood' could have created a new very strong generation of ninja for the Kurama Clan." Ido said with a scrunched nose.

"Eh! And they call us demons, at least we do not stick our dicks in blood relatives...That would be awkward." Naruto confirmed.

"Very...Listen...Poor Yakumo is really gifted, very gentle too and is a nice piece of work, this is all me, but her real self is very nice to look at. Pretty even, by human standards."

"What are you trying to do, Ido, son of Idomaru?" Naruto asked with narrowed eyes.

"You are still the Great Lord Ninetails, reincarnation or not your powers are still great and everyday they grow more to return to all their former glory."

"Get to the point and take your head out of my ass." the blond hissed.

"Can't blame a lesser demon for trying some brown-nosing to survive. Yakumo is a poor thing and should she die I will be forced to return to Hell if I don't find another suitable Id to leech on...She needs a strong mate otherwise her gift will go to waste, she is just too weak and needs somebody strong protecting her...I need somebody strong to hide behind if the worse happen." Ido said unsure while rubbing his hands nervously.

"I happen to be in a relationship already." Naruto said while sipping his tea and nailing Ido with a cold glare.

"My girl here is too nice to be a bother, I am sure she won't bother your woman, Ninetails-sama, I mean, you look at her and feel the need of protecting her from the world! I too fell for it even if I am demon! Give her a chance, I just eradicated her last family in my bout of self-defense...She is all alone." Ido said.

"People would have trouble with her going around." Naruto answered.

"Technically the Kikaichou bugs of the Aburame Clan are immune and cannot fall victim of her illusions, she would just need to live with them….Please, she is the only vessel I can latch on! I am too weak to attack another shinobi and Civilians here have not the grief and suppressed dark feelings I need!"

"...My girlfriend IS an Aburame, the Clan Heiress to be exact."

"Ah! That makes things more difficult..." Ido said in surprise.

"Indeed. For now drop the illusion and free little Yakumo, we will deal with the rest a step at a time." Naruto said rubbing his eyes in annoyance.

"And what about..."

"The human will stay put. RIGHT?!" the blond answered while glaring at Kurenai.

"If I say yes, you will let me go and stop erasing me?" Kurenai asked.

"Yes."

"Then okay, I will give her the benefit of the doubt, IF Ido stays put and I see no more wide-spread Genjutsu happen until we speak to the Hokage."

"Fair enough, just do not trick me." Ido answered dropping the illusion and making his feature turn into those of a pretty girl with pale skin and long brown hair.

"W-W-Where am I?" Yakumo asked.

"It's a long story, Yakumo-chan, very long." Naruto said sighing.

"Who are you? What is happening? Why Kurenai is here? AND WHY I AM SURROUNDED IN CORPSES!?" Yakumo asked with a shrilly scream of horror.

"I fixed the demon, now you fix the human. Part of this mess is your fault as well, so it's your duty to clean-up and tie the loose ends, I am out." Naruto answered stretching and moving towards the door.

"But! But! But!" Kurenai spluttered in shock at being saddled with the whole situation, and deep inside feeling a bit offended by the vitriol Yakumo said her name with.

"I was just passing by, you are the one that will get paid for fixing this, so do your job." the blond answered opening the door.

"WAIT! AT LEAST HELP ME WIT-"

"Ta-ta!" the reincarnated demon cut her off slamming the door behind himself.

Slam!

"DAMMIT!"

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" Yakumo yelled again.

"Nnngh!" grumbling in annoyance, the Genjutsu specialist pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath to steel her nerves.

At the same time – with Naruto -

The blond was calmly walking through the streets of the Village when a boy with four arms stopped him.

"Ehm! Good evening!" the boy said.

"Good evening, what can I do for you?" the blond replied.

"We are here to kidnap the Uchiha heir, where can we find him?"

"A kidnapping?...Wait a second." Naruto said looking behind the boy to see other two boys (one of which had two heads) a bit farther away that were looking in apprehension at them.

"Circus in town?...Whatever, not my problem." the blond thought curious as he created a clone.

"Go see if broody can come here for a moment." the original ordered.

"Alright!" the bunshin answered sprinting away.

The small group then stood a little in uncomfortable silence until the former Demon Lord decided to break the tension by clearing his throat.

"So, first time kidnapping somebody?" he asked.

"Eeeh! We are more used to do escort detail and body-guard duty, but we were personally chosen by our boss and we had to accept, one cannot say no to the Boss they work for." the Oto shinobi said shrugging helpless.

"In hindsight." Naruto conceded.

"Do you know any restaurants near here? If we take long I would like to have lunch first." the more chubby of the three asked raising his hand.

"Possibly Vegan." one of the heads of the two-headed boy added.

"Oh, come on! I can't believe you are still going about that bullshit! I want a steak!" the other head said furious.

"CORPSE EATER!" the first head replied scandalized.

"...Are they always like that?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You have no idea. Hey! Have you seen a red-haired girl? She was with us...Tall like this, nice tits, amazing ass...Swears like a Sailor." the four-armed boy answered.

"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, BITCH!" a new voice was heard as a red-haired girl marched towards them.

"Clean that mouth, fucker! If you keep spewing shit people will mistake it for your fat ass!" Anko was heard yelling back while Asuma struggled to stop her from pouncing.

"Here is Tayuya," the chubby boy said sighing.

"Nice potty mouth." Naruto said snorting.

"MIND YOUR BUSINESS, SON OF A BIT-GUAH!" the girl, Tayuya was about to lash-out when the Demon Lord's hand darted inside her mouth to pull out her tongue.

"My beloved mother is not for your to insult, my dear. Now calm down or you'll have to learn how to swear using sign language." the blond, showing a perfect gentle smile, said pulling up her tongue and forcing the girl to stand on her toes.

"GUEH, PLUH! FAGAHA!" Tayuya spluttered in answer.

"Please let her go," the two-headed boy asked grumbling annoyed.

"We don't have all day." the other head added.

"Tch!"

"Guh! You son of a bit-SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!" As Tayuya tried again she found herself held under Naruto's right arm while his left hand spanked her mercilessly.

"Now, young lady, you will talk like a proper human being instead of a walking toilet or you will get more." he then said returning her to her feet.

"..."

"..."

"So?"

Sniff! Sniff!

"Are you crying?" the four-armed boy asked surprised.

Sniff! "I-I Hic! I am not!" Tayuya, already with red eyes, answered angrily.

"Yes you are," Naruto said with a more honest gentle expression.

"I-Hic! I am-Hic! Not!" she answered stubbornly with big tears still falling from her eyes.

"You were being naughty."

"I wasn't!" she answered with a childish whine.

Sniffle! Sniffle! Sob!

"...Come here, come on." the blond said opening his arms wide.

"Uuuuuhg!" the red-head replied biting her lips and stubbornly looking away while still hiccuping a little.

"Come on, little Tayuya-chan."

"I-I am not a hic! A toddler." she said hugging Naruto and burying her face on his shoulder.

"You are not, you are not. You are a big, bad Kunoichi from another Village. Everybody fears you." the blond replied with a soothing tone while caressing her back.

"D-D-Damn right I Hic! Am." Tayuya confirmed with closed eyes as she nuzzled her face a tiny bit more deeply in his neck.

"Am I interrupting something?" Sasuke asked smirking as he, Sakura and Naruto's clone joined the scene.

"It also looks like something touching." the pink-haired girl added cooing.

"Just a little moment between me and Tayuya-chan." Naruto answered patting the girl's head making her purr happily in answer.

"What did you want to ask me, by the way?" the Uchiha boy asked.

"Ah! Yes! These gentlemen are here to kidnap you and wanted to know if today was okay for you." Naruto answered smirking.

"...They ASKED if I they could kidnap me today?" Sasuke, looking extremely surprised, asked back.

"We weren't supposed to ask?" the fat boy said worried.

"Did we screw up?" the four-armed boy added with his head dropping down in depression.

"It's their first time doing this, Sasuke. Be gentle." Naruto said with a meaningful look.

"Sorry, sorry! It's just that they usually warn me a week before they come to kidnap me...can we do this tomorrow? I have an appointment already." Sasuke, catching-on rapidly, answered looking sorry.

"Tomorrow?...Tomorrow...Tomorrow...I think it is feasible, 8 PM is good for you?" the two-headed boy asked unsure.

"Perfect, thank you." the Uchiha boy answered grateful.

"Very well, Tayuya? let's go, we are going back to our hidden camp." the Oto shinobi with four arms said grabbing the girl's arm.

"Okay." she answered sounding almost sad.

"Yes?" Naruto asked.

"If...If you happen to pass by Oto...This is my address...Even if you just want to write me. YOU DON'T HAVE TO...But...if you want...Just...Just to stay in touch...or something." the girl muttered looking down while twirling a strand of her hair with a finger once rapidly scribbled her name and address on a piece of paper.

"Oh, I will! Thank you, Tayuya!" he answered smirking.

"Uh-hu." she muttered as she and her colleagues calmly walked away.

"..."

"..."

"...Basically morons," Sasuke said as soon as the four disappeared around the corner.

"Three morons and a hidden sub that just discovered being so." Sakura said.

"How can you tell?" Naruto asked curious.

"Boys...I can recognize the sound of spanking when I hear it, Naruto, it is not so hard for me to imagine what happened." Sakura answered huffing annoyed.

"Whatever. We should go tell the Hokage that Orochimaru is trying again to put his hands on you." Naruto answered shrugging uninterested.

"Ugh! Please word it differently, Dobe, you make it sound dirtier than what it is." Sasuke begged.

"I think that Sannin likes you." Sakura added smirking.

"COME OOON!" the Uchiha heir yelled with a groan.

"It must be his wonderful eyes!" Naruto said cooing and battling his eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion.

"Aw, screw you, guys!" Sasuke answered whining and face-palming.

"So! let's tell the Hokage what happened, I hope he has some plan to deal with this that won't be too much of a bother." Naruto said yawning bored.

Two days later – Tanzaku Gai – Pub -

"...And so me and the Third Hokage opted to send me here to look for you so to talk you into becoming the next Village Leader, and this is how we ended-up here." Jiraiya said emptying his dish of sake.

"I knew I should have took care of Minato's training myself." Tsunade Senju, third member of the 'Sannin' formation and renowned genius Medic, said grumbling annoyed.

"Hey!"

"At least I would have been able of teaching him that certain fail-saves are not worthy being added to last resort plans." she said huffing.

"I have you know that bar some personality issues, merging of memories and strange unnatural powers, dear Naruto is a kid like every other. The Hokage even alerted the Jounin that if Naruto starts showing signs of esoteric knowledge, it is probably just what the Kyuubi knew slipping through for an instant, a minute and he returns to normal." Jiraiya replied.

"And the fact that he has been turned into a Biju-Human hybrid is apparently normal to you." Tsunade added dryly.

"Sometimes 'Normal' is just a matter of semantics." her friend answered.

"What about the other two brats you took along?" she asked as the two looked at the table in the far corner not too far away from them where Naruto and Sakura were teaching Sasuke the basics of Poker, soon forcing the Clan Heir to sign I.O.U after I.O.U with clenched teeth as soon as they started playing for real.

"You suck at gambling," the blond was heard saying.

"Shut up! I'll win everything back next round!" Sasuke growled in answer.

"You better start soon, or I WILL cash on all the dates, romantic dinners and shopping sprees you will pay for!" Sakura answered smirking.

"Grrrrr!"

"...The girl simply tagged along, The broody one has Orochimaru hunting him down just like Naruto has this strange Akatsuki Organization hunting him down for having/being a Biju." Jiraiya answered shrugging.

"So Sarutobi-sensei thought that two Sannin would have been able to defend both, I see." Tsunade answered sighing.

"What I don't understand is...The Sharingan can be implanted and the Snake Bastard can switch bodies easily enough...Why fixating on the boy if he can take every strong body he likes and simply keep implanting those eyes at every change?"

"Yes, it is strange..."

"..."

"Wait...Jiraiya, isn't the boy Itachi's little brother?" the Slug Queen tried saying unsure.

"...Ooooh!" the Spy Master finally echoed in realization after a long pause.

"He is still on about it?"

"It's a deeply-rooted issue, you can't pretend him to move on any time soon."

"Yeah, but...It's messed-up, and childish."

"You know Orochimaru has a hard time letting go of grudges."

"Still...So? What about the reason I am here?" Jiraiya finally asked as soon the sake bottle went emptied.

Sigh! "You know I hate the title of Hokage, and in a small part the Village as a whole..." she replied exhaling tiredly.

"But I have not what it takes to be Hokage, Asuma as well is not ready yet, Gai has refused categorically by admitting his being not Hokage material and Kakashi almost physically attacked me when I told him he was between the candidates. It's either you or Danzo, and you cannot honestly tell me that the war maniac would be the perfect leader of Konoha!...No matter how annoying he is lately with his going on and on about how 'Cool and Dashing' he would look wearing the Hokage hat."

"Do not remind me, his crying fit when sensei became third Hokage has been cringe worthy as hell to look at, especially when he stole the hat and refused to let it go." Tsunade admitted with a scrunched nose.

"Yep! At least consider it." Jiraiya pleaded.

"You too refused, you are telling me to choose when I already have my hands tied."

"I...I cannot look at that desk and do not think about Minato, sitting there...Sitting there would be too much pain for me."

"I understand." she answered patting his back with a comforting smile.

"So?"

"So I will give you an answer as soon as we finish breaking the bones of those bastards behind us." Tsunade said smiling gently as her hand grabbed the pub's counter they were sitting at to uproot it from the floor in a fluid flurry of motion.

"Okay!" Jiraiya said cheerfully as he leaned back to duck under the wild swing so that the entire counter could violently slam on the chest of the two robed figures behind them and launch them outside the pub.

"...Glad to see you got my memo about Akatsuki." the Spy Master said cracking his neck in eagerness.

"And I am glad they are wearing such recognizable cloaks." Tsunade replied cracking her knuckles just as the three Genin joined them.

"My kidnappers, or Sasuke's?" Naruto asked.

"Yours, Orochimaru is up there watching." Jiraiya answered jamming his thumb towards the top of a near house where Orochimaru and Kabuto were standing in wait.

"Very well, how do we divide the fight?" the former Demon Lord asked smirking eager.

"This is no battle for Genin, find a good hiding spot and-"

"Hohohoho! No, young lady. A Demon Lord's pride doesn't work like that." the blond boy answered cutting Tsunade off by grabbing her arm in an iron grip and drawing two tick lines in front of both herself and him in the air using red ink.

To her surprise time slowed-down to a crawl while both Akatsuki members showed themselves being Itachi Uchiha and the infamous Kisame Hoshigake making the two almost look like floating in the air with how slow their charge became.

Passed what to her seemed being few seconds, Time returned to flow normally with her and the three Gennin at a safe distance from the two Missing-nins just in time to see Orochimaru too join the fight.

"What the..."

"That was the Veil of Mist, a trick I copied from an old friend of mine...You see, I cannot run away from those two for a very simple reason..." she heard the son of Minato say with very non-human looking eyes as his body swelled dramatically and got covered in pale fur until he turned gigantic in sizes.

"If I turn my back to two mortals it will mean becoming the laughing stock of Naraka, and I, Ninetails, refuse to give mortals such satisfaction!" the now fully transformed Ninetails said roaring as a sword with several protruding spikes at the sides appeared above him to be held by one of his tails in a cracking of lightning.

"Ninestrikes?...Oh, you meddling goddess! Why you keep doing your worst to make me angry!?" Ninetails thought furious as he knew Amaterasu was watching and having her fun at his expenses.

"You go play with your friend, I will keep those two gentlemen occupied until you have done."

"They are here to capture you, they have been probably chosen especially for their abilities," Jiraiya hissed as Orochimaru summoned the Giant snake Manda at his side.

"Then I suggest you to hurry up and join me." the Demon Lord answered as he lunged forward to try and swallow both Akatsuki members in a single bite only for the two to dodge.

"Take the fight out! We can't destroy this place!" Sakura, she and Sasuke riding Ninetails' head, yelled with wide eyes.

"Why are you even sitting on my head?!"

"Sorry but this is the safest place for me to be at the moment," Sasuke answered nonplussed.

"Little brother," Itachi said as a manner of greetings.

"Psycho mass murderer. Have you raped any other brain besides mine lately?" the young boy asked.

"I had my reasons, Sasuke." the other replied.

"Oh, please! Do tell me."

"You wouldn't understand."

"BUT I can be expected to drown in obsessive tendencies about Revenge and forget everything else instead? Aren't you being a bit presumptuous?" Sasuke said snorting.

"Estranged family?" Naruto whispered to Kisame.

"You have no idea, nice sword." the other answered.

"Thanks, a bit flashy but it gets the job done."

"Like my Samehada, I understand what you mean."

"...I feel like we are missing the point." Sakura muttered unsure.

"This is besides the point, little brother."

"OH, YES! THE GREAT ITACHI CANNOT EXPLAIN HIMSELF! IT IS SOOO BENEATH HIM!" Sasuke yelled dramatically.

"SPARE ME THE DRAMA! I HAD A TIGHT SCHEDULE, IT WAS EITHER THE TSUKUYOMI OR ME BEATING YOU BLUE!"

"BOO-OOOH! THE SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-ULTRA-PRODIGY MISCALCULATED THE TIME NEEDED TO SLAUGHTER HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS, IT IS SO TRAGIC!"

"HEY!"

"JUST ADMIT IT, THEY MADE FUN OF THOSE LINES ON YOU FACE AND YOU SNAPPED LIKE A DRAMA QUEEN!"

"These are expression markings and-"

"Expressions? What expressions? A brick wall is more expressive than you, Itachi." Sasuke answered scoffing.

"I won't stand for somebody whose hair look like a geese backside to say that to me!" Itachi countered.

"Then come up here and punish me! Come on!"

"I do not need to come up there, I can force your Teammate to bring you to me easily enough." the older Uchiha brother said satisfied as his eyes turned into their Sharingan state and then 'evolved' into the superior form.

"Here comes the 'Haxigan'." Naruto said.

"Sharingan." Itachi corrected bitterly.

"Haxigan, Gary-Stu-Ingan, Sharingan...The same." the Ninetails replied shrugging.

"You'll see." the Uchiha Missing-nin said as the same eye pattern appeared on Naruto's eyes making him slowly move down to be eye-level with the Akatsuki member.

"But I wanted to fight the giant sword!" Kisame said whining.

"Next time...See brother? You came to me, now-"

K-Ptuh!

The ball of spit could have easily filled an Olympic pool and it slammed on Itachi's whole body with the strength of a speeding truck, covering him from head to toe in a sticky mess of saliva with the consistency of slime and the rancid smell of digested lunch.

"Bwahahahahaha! You thought you were dealing with a Biju? Too bad! instead it was me, NINETAILS!" the Demon Lord said in cruel amusement as he pointed at himself with his massive thumb while his eyes returned to normal.

(Kono Ninetails da!)

"...You know? I think I will upgrade you to 'Best Friend' after this." Sasuke admitted impressed.

"Pffft-huhuhu...Y-Y-You need a hand?" Kisame, whose face was more red than blue now, asked with a weak voice as he barely held back his laughs.

"Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!" once cleaned his face from the muck covering him, Itachi gave short screams of disgust as he tried to remove as much spit from his person as he could without slipping.

With the Sannin Trio -

"...You okay, bastard?" Jiraiya asked worried as he saw Orochimaru develop a serene expression on his face.

"Yes, you old pervert. I just finally saw my life-long ambition being fulfilled. Watch somebody spit on the face of that pretentious brat." Orochimaru answered sighing in satisfaction.

"So I can finally throw away the vat of spit back home?" Kabuto asked with a way too hopeful expression.

"Vat of spit?" Tsunade asked with a green face.

"Ever since the 'Incident' between Itachi and Orochimaru-sama years ago, my Master has kept spitting in a special vat to collect it in the hope to repay Itachi for his transgression."

"FOR FUCK SAKE, MAN! The guy was three years old! You DO still old a grudge for his spitting on your new sandals then? For real?!" Jiraiya said in disbelief.

"They were new! But now it's no longer my concern, I planned to take Sasuke's body for the Sharingan and THEN use him as a bait to capture Itachi and drown him in my vat of grief-marinated spit and let him feel the combined weight of my grudge against him! But that brat actually managed to give me the spectacle I was hoping for, so now I can finally put that issue to rest." Orochimaru answered.

"...So you will let me be?" Sasuke asked hopeful.

"I will still take your eyes, but you can keep your body as I will just transplant them. Contrary to popular belief you can transplant them and properly train them if you know what you are doing as a Medic...So be a dear and gouge out your eyes and give them to me like a good boy." the Snake Sannin answered.

"But then I will be blind!" Sasuke answered horrified.

"We all have to make sacrifices at some point." Orochimaru answered shrugging.

"You psychotic bastard!"

"So it's a no?"

"IT'S A FUCK NO!"

"Tche! Youngsters these days, they do not respect their elders anymore."

"ENOUGH!" Itachi said as a giant construct of Chakra covered him taking the shape of a cloak-covered warrior.

"Now you can summon avatars of chakra...Any other ability you want to pull out of your ass?" Ninetails asked shaking his head.

"Get ready, Kisame."

"Yep! Time to work!" the man's companion answered removing half the bandages covering his sword while smirking savagely.

"Bring it!" the Demon Lord said in glee and headbutting the chakra construct making both that and Itachi skim backwards.

"I am gonna cut your tails shorter, brat!" Kisame yelled as he jumped high from the side with his samehada held to the side.

CLAAAAAAAAAAANG!

In answer the massive blade ninestrikes came down with merciless anger slamming the blue-skinned Akatsuki in a crater as he had barely the time to raise his sword to guard himself.

"Fuuuuuu! You weight a ton, boy!" Kisame said excited as his knees buckled a little under the weight of the blade above his head.

"I am Big Boned." the giant Fox answered as Itachi was once again up to his face.

"Tsukuyomi!" the Uchiha yelled.

"..."

"..."

"...GYAH! You disgusting freak!" Itachi growled in disgust once the two returned in themselves.

"Hey! Not a fan of furry porn?"

"Brrrr! Your mind is a cesspool."

"You wanted to peek into my mind, you got my memories of last night."

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked curious.

"Personal matters, and I would like to see you take part too to the fight."

"Okay!" Sasuke said as the Cursed Seal his Teammate 'modified' for him activated turning his skin grey and his eyes black.

"...Is that lipstick?" Sakura asked smirking.

"No comment!" the other growled in answer.

"But its does suit you!"

"Thank you, but I still don't want to talk about it."

"OROCHIMARU!" Itachi roared.

"HEY! I just gave him a Cursed Seal, if it gives him lipstick it is not my fault! It means he is a Drag-Queen deep inside!"

"I AM NOT!" Sasuke shrieked in answer as hand-like wings sprouted from his back.

"..."

"...That too is not my fault."

"Can we please fight? I am starting to get tired here!" Kisame yelled annoyed while still trying to not be squished by Ninetails' sword.

"Whatever! CHIDORI!" Sasuke yelled as in a burst of speed he pounced on Itachi with his right hand covered in black lightning.

...Pfffff!

"...That was very anticlimactic." the young Genin said as his jutsu sizzled against the towering Susanoo jutsu around Itachi without piercing it.

"Susanoo is the ultimate defensive jutsu of the Sharingan, Sasuke. Almost nothing can break through it, especially if elemental based. You still have a long way to go." Itachi answered flicking his little brother on the forehead making him growl annoyed.

"Hax! I call Hax!" the young boy answered.

"We'll have this discussion again the day you will unlock this version of the Sharingan, then you'll tell me..."

"...No! Don't you dare!"

"I dare. Tsukoyomi!" Itachi answered making Sasuke faint instantly and return to normal.

"Can I?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, please." both Akatsuki answered letting the girl recover the fainted Uchiha to take him away.

"What are you showing him?" Ninetails asked.

"The same thing I saw you doing, I think my eyes will be forever spoiled from what I saw."

"VIRGIIIIIIN!" Both Kisame and the giant fox yelled at the same time.

"I am not Virgin! And you get out from under there!"

"OKAY!" Kisame said finally jumping away from the giant sword to return to Itachi's side.

Meanwhile -

"OOOORRAAAAAAH!"

"KYAAAAAAAH!" Manda the Snake Summon Boss shrieked in a high pitch as Tsunade grabbed the tip of his tail and started twirling him around at ludicrous speed.

"Keep it together, damn you!" Orochimaru growled furious as Jiraiya's Rasengan drilled a giant hole on his chest forcing him to spit out a new body.

"Hey! that's unfair!" the Toad Sage yelled offended.

"So is using a seal-less jutsu!...Is that Minato's creation though? How is it done?" the Snake Master replied.

"Oh, that's easy! You just have to-HEY!"

"Can't blame me for trying! Kabuto!"

"I am kinda occupied, Orochimaru-sama! Gah!" the glasses-wearing young man answered as he once barely avoided Tsunade's summon Katsuyu's acid spit.

"Gamabunta!"

"Here I am!"

"Manda!" Orochimaru countered.

"INCOMING!" the snake summon answered crash-landing next to him once thrown away.

"Katsuyu!"

"I am here, Tsunade-dono!" the giant slug said joining here.

"So...Here we are, Rock, Paper, Scissor Summons-style." Jiraiya said with narrowed eyes.

"You didn't stop me back there, what makes you think now it will be-"

"CHERRY BOMB!" they heard Ninetails scream as dozen bombs the size of a small house rained around them.

"...Oh." the Sannin Trio plus summons muttered with wide eyes as even more bombs appeared.

Back in Konoha – Hokage Tower -

"So bored..." Hiruzen said whining.

KRATAKABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Waaaaaaah! I want a cool fight to the death too! I am tired of just signing papers!" the old man said crying childishly as the shock-wave managed to launch him and the desk outside his office and even uproot the roof of the houses closer to the Village entrance.

Back to the fight -

"...Is everybody alive?" Tsunade asked coughing loudly as she dug her way out from under the groaning and singed giant body of Katsuyu.

"I am okay!" Jiraiya said with a broken voice before falling down face-first in a dead faint.

"Oooh! I will feel it tomorrow." Gamabunta said groaning before dispelling along Katsuyu and Manda, the latter needing a second snake to drag him along because too unconscious to dispel alone.

"Where is Orochimaru?" Tsunade asked looking around.

Not too far away -

"Hold on, Orochimaru-sama! We are almost there!" the still-smoking Kabuto said holding the well-cooked Snake Sannin on his back.

"You used my body as a shield, bastard." the man replied in tired anger.

"I am sorry, master, it was mere instincts."

"Then you are instinctively a bastard."

"I am sorry, master."

"Shove it, Kabuto."

"Yes, Master." the young man answered sighing.

Back to Tsunade -

"That was one hell of a bang." the woman admitted dragging her friend behind her.

"Need some help?" She asked.

"Nah! I am holding up well enough. GALESTORM!" the Ninetails answered summoning a strong gust of wind that launched Kisame up in the air with his own version of the Goofy Scream.

"Stay still!" Itachi ordered summoning once again the towering Susanoo avatar around himself to punch the giant Demon.

"Augh! Inferno!" the other replied summoning an explosion of fire in front of the Akatsuki member.

"You want a battle of flames?" Itachi replied coldly.

"No, I want you dead, mortal! Power Slash!" the Demon Lord answered surprising the Uchiha by cutting a deep gash in the Susanoo armour.

"The feeling his mutual, now burn. Amaterasu!"

"Somebody called me?" the young girl with long white hair and red markings answered appearing between the two and getting covered in black flames immediately after.

"...Is this the way to welcome a goddess?" the girl replied huffing as she gently patted her body until the black flames died-down without damaging her.

"Guh?!" Itachi muttered with wide eyes while Kisame FINALLY came down from his flight to land head-first behind him.

"What?" Amaterasu asked confused.

"You are appearing before a mortal, they are no longer used to you others coming down in person. Why are you here?" Ninetails asked grumbling.

"You mean to tell me you are Amaterasu?" Itachi asked.

In answer the girl turned into a giant white wolf with red markings and the Sun itself shining behind its head. The very air was filled in her godhood and flowers kept blooming all around her as the sky cleared of the few clouds in it. It was not a matter of 'showing' she was the real deal, the others simply KNEW they were in front of the mother of all Gods herself just by meeting her eyes.

"Show off." Naruto said huffing as he returned to being human.

"I won't take that jab from you, my dear fox." Amaterasu answered smiling amused.

"Tche!" the blond boy hissed in contempt.

"Holy shit." Tsunade said in surprise.

"Likewise." Itachi added.

"...Ehm...I am not a believer...Am I in trouble?" Kisame asked while rising his hand.

"Depends, you still want to hunt down my little love-boy?" she asked back.

"I am not your love-boy!"

"You plowed the divine ass of Amaterasu, now you take responsibilities."

"Fine!" he answered grumbling.

"You and her?" Tsunade asked.

"It happened." the reincarnated Demon Lord answered shrugging.

"'It happened' implies it was a one time deal, we do it thrice a week, it means the thing is serious," Amaterasu said huffing.

"She is right." Sakura said.

"Isn't it blasphemy? Having Sex with a God I mean," Kisame whispered.

"Not if she likes it." The blond answered smirking.

"Dragging Gods in this is unfair." Itachi tried saying.

"I won't always intervene, have no fear." The Goddess answered laughing as she returned into being a short girl with long white hair.

"Just go, you two. You can't win." The Toad Sage, Now finally awake, said with a meaningful look.

"You were lucky, next time it won't be so…" Itachi answered grabbing his companion's shoulder.

"HEY! WAIT! I CAN STILL FIGHT! LET ME G-" the blue-skinned man tried saying as both disappeared in a forced shunshin.

"…"

"…"

"…What?" the renowned Super Pervert asked confused by the others looking at him.

"Does Itachi, by chance, work for you?" the Slug Queen asked with crossed arms.

"…It was really that evident?" the old man answered with a shy tone and blush.

"A tiny bit, luckily his partner was not exactly the world's sharpest blade and probably didn't catch it." The woman replied groaning.

"And you…"

Sigh! "Let me guess, you people want some answers." The reincarnated demon Lord said sighing.

"YES PLEASE!" the two sages plus Pink haired girl answered as one.

"It goes without saying that this Will be THE Secret, talk and you'll be in trouble." The Sun Goddess answered with narrowed eyes.

"Of course!"

"Just help me wake-up 'Family Issues' here then se will talk and explain." Naruto said with a defeated tone.

One hour later – in a new bar –

The whole group sat at the most isolated table they could find and using both slugs and toads to be sure nobody could eavesdrop, when the blond boy finally decided the coast was clear enough for him to talk freely.

"So, what do you want to know?" the former demon lord asked yawning.

"Start with a rapid run-down, then we'll see where to go from there." The Toad Sage answered.

"Very well, in short: Yami was the so-called Supreme Master of all things Evil (and my previous Boss) every day covering the world with his darkness more, bringing misery in the hearts of mortals and stuff like that until one day, feeling the itch, he got frisky with a Dryad. The plant demon got knocked-up and the Drama-queen Darkness incarnate made a running without recognizing the half-plant brat as his own. Years passed and centuries after Amaterasu kills Yami the Dryad FINALLY gives birth dying as soon as she delivers the baby; by now too weak to do ANYTHING the small mistake of nature can only feed on the spilled blood of thousands of people dying during a centuries-long war happening not too far away from where he was born.

Bloated with blood like the greedy bastard it was, just like daddy dearest himself was, the son of Yami, named Fukou (Misery), grows into a giant evil tree and tries to devour every life form on the damn planet; then comes this moon tribe woman that attracted by the tree's power eats its only fruit (AKA poor Fukou-chan's testicles) and for some arbitrary reason she obtains his powers, mad with power she then goes all Blah-Blah-Blah-Plans to conquer the world-blah-blah until she gets pregnant and gives birth.

Some time later still she fuses with the poor bastard Fukou's (eunuch) tree form to become a full-fledged demon and once took over the resulting monstrosity she gets sealed inside one of her sons that then splits the so-called Juubi into nine parts called Biju...One of which is the new body yours truly will then use to be reincarnated thanks to Amaterasu here and her vile plan to turn me into a good guy." Naruto explained.

"Did I said everything right?"

"Yes, but my plan was not vile, I was just giving to a stubborn fox a second chance because I saw your potential to be good." Amaterasu answered huffing haughtily.

"Exactly: it was a vile and cruel plan."

"Bleeeh!" the Sun Goddess answered while sticking out her tongue.

"…Oooh! I am too sober for this…" Tsunade said groaning.

"Pansies."

"And before all this you were…?" Jiraiya asked confused.

"One of the Generals of The Lord of Darkness Yami, at the time I used to have issues with the Gods so I easily accepted to become a General in exchange of godly powers and the possibility to get Revenge." The blond boy answered.

"…Oh."

"Sounds familiar, Sasuke?" He asked smirking.

"A bit." The other answered sheepish.

"Let's continue, I need more details." Tsunade said rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"As you wish, but it won't get any better."

"Hurrah…" was the chorused and tone-dead answer of the group.

Several days later – Hokage office –

"Hohoho! Glad to see you accepted! What took you so long?" the old man Hiruzen asked happily.

"Had to digest some details about this job and other things." Tsunade answered with bloodshot eyes.

"And wait for them to no longer be completely wasted, not that my teammates were any better." Naruto added laughing.

"Try to see things from our point of view," Sasuke said groaning.

"Nope! Not interested!" the other answered.

"So you scarred your teammates and everybody else into drinking to forget the trauma?" Hiruzen asked with a proud smile.

"Yup!"

"Good boy!" the old man said laughing.

"They are too much alike." the two Sannin muttered sighing.

"Very well! Now that Tsunade clearly accepted the job, it means I can finally retire and spend my days training and hunting like I used to do when I was young." Hiruzen said happily while cracking his back.

"Hunting animals?" Sakura asked.

"…Yeah, those too…sometimes." The old man answered lamely.

A new round of groans came in answer for that.

"Oh! By the way! Your girlfriend accepted sharing her home with your new friend Yakumo."

"Uh?" the former demon lord muttered with bulged-out eyes.

"Good job, lover boy! You are as much a Casanova as I used to be when I was your age to have two girls living together like that!" Hiruzen added giving him a thumbs up.

"Who? What? How?!" the young man asked in horror.

"Don't ask me! It was all Kurenai's doing."

"…" seeing his eyes turning hellish red, Hiruzen and the others dove for cover just in time to dodge his explosive reaction, one FAR from being amusing to watch closely.

Right outside the Tower –

"KURENAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!" the clearly not human roar that shook the tower and washed over the whole Village caused everybody hearing it to tremble in fear and wonder what could have happened to have the normally cheerful and friendly blond boy scream like a monster out for blood.

Said woman though knew the reason behind that immeasurable rage, and as she bolted the doors and windows of her home before hiding under her bed, she once again berated herself for her petty answer to the blond's decision to not help her.

"Sometimes revenge is not worth it…" she muttered shivering as a new bestial scream made her house tremble heavily.

I don't think I will add Yakumo to the pairing, but I find the idea of a love rival to be quite nice to spice things up a little! XD

Sure…Should I get enough requests the thing may become official…

You know me, if I can dodge the blame and say I was just gently conceding to my beloved readers their wish I will always feel better about this kind of stuff. XD

Jokes aside, I am happy to see you still like my fics, it fills my heart with a Great sense of Pride and Accomplishment! XD

Keep following me and I will see you around the Net!

Byeeeeeee! ^ ^

Tr230.