So this is my first ever anything related to Yahari. I work so this will be at my leisure, and it's pretty darn short due to the fact that I started typing this at 5am and it's 7 now. Experimenting with Hikigaya's personality is a bit difficult. It's also my first submission, so yippee. Feel free to point out any errors. It's short, will be in parts, and will ultimately be some suffering. Because who wants happy when they read/watch this? Come on.

To work is to lose.

This is a phrase I have repeated many times, in many different variations, all with the same message. By setting a large amount of effort into something, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You can work all your life to finally retire and do what you could have - and should have - done all along; nothing. It is with this that I say the phrase "to work is to lose" with full confidence and belief.

Ah, but on that same path of thought, if working is losing, then why am I working so hard to keep my girlfriend a secret?

Girlfriend. The idea of a solitary creature like me having something along those lines is still enough to make me scoff. Who on Earth would ever consider a relationship with the wolf with no pack? The answer to that question is the owner of the hand currently entangled with mine; Yuigahama. As I stare at her slender, small fingers clasped around mine, I can see her mouth curve up into a smile. Moving my eyes upwards, I can see her looking at me in an admiring fashion, eyes somewhat glassy and half open. All I can do is return the look, cheeks starting to flare up. I can't stand being the recipient of this deep, loving smile. I'm not worthy! Gods, release the spell put on this poor girl's heart!

"Y-Yuigahama; you're staring."
"Eh?!"

The pink-haired girl jumped slightly, focus returning to her vision and her hair bouncing, exposing her forehead for but a moment. Her cheeks flushed a shade darker than her hair, and she took on a pouting visage. A smile crept across my face upon seeing her cheeks puffed out, only for her to grow even more 'agitated'. Hand balled into a light fist, it collided with my shoulder.

"Hikki! Don't be mean! And I told you, call me 'Yui'!"
"Right, right...Yui."

As I spoke her name, as she directed me to at least, her expression quickly went from one of mock anger to clear embarrassment. Her mouth hung open ever so slightly, bottom lip glistening with the smallest amount of saliva. Oi, be careful who you show this face too. You could get into real trouble being this cute! Could it be that Yuigahama's cute level can rival Totsuka's?! No, that's crazy. If Yuigahama were cuter than Totsuka I would have asked her to marry me within five seconds of meeting her. Hiratsuka-sensei, forgive me, I can no longer marry you after I graduate. Maybe Zaimokuza can take you, you both seem to have similar interests!

Yuigahama's placed her head on the shoulder she just struck, her hand squeezing mine a bit tighter. The biting wind atop the school rooftop only grew worse in the winter months, Chiba being the frigid (but beautiful) place that it is. I could feel Yuigahama shaking next to me as she pressed herself more firmly against my body. Normally, I would be complaining under my breath about the temperature, but with Yuigahama here, I can only quietly complain about how warm it is. With a slight sigh, I lift my arm up, causing her head to fall closer than she had intended. I can hear a slight gasp her cheek is met with the left side of my ribcage, and the heat emanating from her face reaches me even through my coat. Before she has a chance to react, I swiftly place my arm around her shoulder, pulling her a bit closer. By closing off all exits, I have guaranteed a COMPLETE VICTORY! I wonder how much XP this will net me?

"H-Hikki?! I-I-Isn't this too public a place for this?"
"Why do you think I eat up here so often? No one would but the crazy or a social outcast would come up here when the weather is this cold."
"A-and what does that make me, then?"
"Ahh, crazy. Definitely crazy. It's the only logical explanation I can come up with for you wanting to date me."
"Dummy Hikki! I want you date you because I lo-"

Before she completes the sentence, she cuts herself off. I don't look to her, but I can picture her expression - deep embarrassment, with a hint of being unsure and worried. She's only said the phrase to me once before, when she initially confessed, months ago.

The night is still clear on my mind. The night of the festival. The night where we stood close to her apartment, and she stopped, turning to me. Something about her eyes, the look she had in them...turned me to stone. As she spoke, she hesitated slightly; and her phone began to ring. I wanted to urge her to answer it, to deter what was about to happen, maybe even avoid it entirely - but the words were stuck in my throat, refusing to exit and held in place with the sweet honey of Yuigahama's words. Finally, she said the words. The three words she almost spoke just now, words I thought I'd never hear from anyone outside of my family. I remember letting out a slight gasp as I looked at her, clad in her yellow yukata, the mix of worry and fear firmly attached to her face, the slight beads of tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. I gave myself a slight smile before I leaned down, quickly pecking her forehead. She shoots up almost immediately, narrowly avoiding smashing into my face, and opens her mouth to speak. However, before she can do so, I cut her off.

"I love you too, Yuigahama."

"Dummy Hikki! Mean, unforgivable, stupid stupid stupAAAAAGH!"

Her fist once again pounds into my shoulder, her eyes clenched tight. In between the rain of her fists, I can see she's flustered beyond all belief. All I can do is let the smile etched on my face grow a bit larger. Perhaps not being alone isn't all that bad.

Although, a thought came into my mind which swiftly wiped the grin from my face.

Yukinioshita.

"Yui. Does, uh...Yukinoshita know about this? Us...being together, that is."

Her movement stopped almost immediately, her face bolting up to meet mine at an almost eerie speed. Gone was the look of girlish faux frustration. The look she donned was similar to that of Ebina's, even Haruno's - completely flat, knowing and understanding, yet somewhat condescending at the same time. She smiled as she spoke, eyes unusually sharp for the girl I used to consider a bit air-headed.

"Why do you ask? Does it matter if she knows or not?"

W-what's with that answer?! Is your name actually Reina?! I'll eat the ohagi! [1]

"She's your friend, isn't she? And my...clubmate. Shouldn't she know about this?"
"I don't see why she needs to be involved in any of this, Hikki."

Her response was quick. The words she spoke were so rapid they practically cut me off at the tail end of my sentence. Her look was no longer admiring, soft. If looks could kill, I'd be a pile of ash. She wasn't outwardly malicious, said eyes keeping the same shape, but I've been alone long enough to know to read between the lines. This was the look of 'If you keep talking, I'll kill you'. The warm air I felt suddenly turned a brutal, howling cold, and I swallowed.

"Y-Yui. You aren't seriously saying that we keep this hidden from her? It's been long enough, hasn't it?"
"What Yukinon doesn't know won't hurt her, Hikki. Why can't it just be the two of us?"
"Have you really not told anyone?"
"Have you told Komachi?"

What is this? Why is she answering so bluntly? She's colder than the wind blazing across my face. She makes Yukino herself look like Meguri, in terms of warmth. And what's with these guaranteed critical hit responses?!

"I...haven't, no."

"Why are you asking me to tell Yukinon if you haven't even told your own sister? Do you hold Yukinon on that high of a pedestal, Hikki? Is she that important to you?"

"What are you talking about? You're not making any sense. I think that-"

"Do you love Yukinon?"

The question caught me off guard. I let out an audible choking noise as the sentence I was going to speak tumbled out of my mouth rather than carefully stepping out.

"Why would I be interested in Yukinoshita?! What're these accusations for?!"
"Why do you want to bring Yukinon into this so much?!"
"Why are YOU so opposed to it?"
"Because Hikki is mine!"

Yuigahama's exclamation was loud. The wind carried the faint echo of her panicked declaration to faraway places, and I looked at her with a deeply concerned expression. She was angry. Some part of her was angry. I could tell that straight away, I've seen anger of all types directed towards me. But there was something else in there, mixed in with that anger. The faintest hint of despair. Inferiority. The same look I've seen on myself back before I learned to embrace my adversity.

"Yuigahama...are you...jealous of Yukinoshita?"

"Lunch is over, Hikki. We should go back to class."

Completely ignoring my question, the animosity in her face quickly faded, replaced with the carefree, bubbly Yuigahama I know. She gave me a smile that at one point I would've considered cute, and left. I sat there on the roof, the wind berating me, and shivered. It wasn't from the cold - it was from I had just witnessed.

Who was this green monster wearing a suit of white and pink? Was Yui better than Isshiki at hiding her true feelings, to the point where it fooled even me?

With this thought in mind, I swallowed once more. My tongue was dry, heavy. The ultimate question for the day entered my mind.

If the Yuigahama I've known all along was merely an act, then who am I really 'dating'?

Somewhere in the distance I could hear a dog barking and a baby crying, their sounds also riding the icy oceanic winds. However, neither of these were the answer I was looking for. Not even a hint.

References;

[1]; A direct reference to Higurashi, particularly the first arc known as Onikakushi.