…..

This was easily the most amusing drunk dream Mamoru had ever had. Not only was the Odango flouncing around his apartment in a very short skirt, she seemed to be rather enjoying herself without the clinginess of reality. Odango, just being adorable. Not hanging on his arm till he thought it'd fall off…

It was kind of the perfect mix.

"So…Mamo-baka…Since it's obvious you're just crazy in love with me, how come you never say it?" she said between mouthfuls, face adorably turned up toward him. It was a question he'd wondered many times since meeting her in the hospital a few months ago. Immediately, all the reasons he'd repeated in his head bubbled up in a mass of confusing, hormone driven logic. She was too young, too cute, too addicting, too impressionable, and frankly too innocent. His intentions were not. He made no secret of that to himself. There was also too much evidence to the contrary to even attempt a bold lie.

"Hmth…" is actually what came out. So maybe the vocals weren't working so well in this dream. He watched, noting how the whole room seemed to shift around her light as she stood and wandered with a spoon hanging from her mouth. The Senshi uniform was ridiculous on that young body, highlighting curves the middle schooler wouldn't know how to use for years.

It was a bit of a let-down that she didn't look older in that white dress. Gawd, but that thing made her so unbelievably attractive! Not that the school uniform wasn't adorable; whoever designed it obviously had been a sailor moon fan, minus the tragic length. It was just he always had a thing for damsels in flowing dresses.

If only Odango could wander around the arcade in the Senshi uniform.

Maybe that white dress could be altered...

He was such a pervert.

"Maybe because you're rotting your brains out with all these silly books. I mean, come on! When are you going to use this…this…pheizo…" she faltered, eyes squinting as the pages filed past her face.

"Physloggy." He supplied with some attempted professionalism.

"Sounds like something dirty," she muttered darkly, "like a slug."

The dark man chuckled, watching her flip through pages with that adorable confusion stamped on her face. Her eyes caught a picture somewhere past half way through, and she gawked, fingers going stiff as the book fell to the floor.

"Who knew college would be so…so hentai…" she muttered, blushing deeply. It only had the young man laughing more to see the mortification paint her face all sorts of colors.

All it did was prove his earlier thought true. Dreams were cruel; like a power shortage in an ice cream store in August. If she couldn't handle a textbook explanation, there was no way she's get a live demonstration. It made him feel ancient all the sudden. Like a turtle maneuvering around pier legs only to find the nesting ground had been changed to a car lot.

"I miss the…other dreams." He muttered, rubbing at his face tiredly. He'd never had to bite the truth so hard.

"Oh? Do you get the ones with the giant blueberry chasing you and Mako-chan's face is a knife? Those bug me out." The blonde peeked out from around the corner wearing a fairy princess crown she'd dug up somewhere.

"Whu?" The idea perturbed him, but only long enough to remember this was a dream. "Usa-ko, you're…weird." The dark mutter came with no small amount of amusement. His nymph was working her way slowly to the bedroom; a part of the dream he could only hope would be as vivid.

"As if! I am perfectly normal, I'll have you know!" she harrumphed, pounding both fists against her waist. He grinned, knowing how fleeting the word normal could be. Her skirt flounced just the tiniest bit at the action and practically had the young man drooling.

"You're dressed lik'a Senshi." He noted, more out of lust than anything else. Say what you like, he was a college guy in Tokyo. Maybe, if he was really smooth, she'd join him right here on the couch…

"And I'm rockin' it! Check these sweet boots!" One leg extended, taut and strong and gorgeous. He had always refrained from looking in the past for fear someone would catch him, but since this was a dream he could do whatever the hell he wanted! So he stared, long and hard. Tracing the gorgeous curve of her calf, the beautiful ankle trapped in red leather, the tone of hard muscle beneath porcelain skin, the flirty blue skirt just barely long enough to call a mini. The lusty sigh burned through the back of his feverish mind.

This. This was exactly why he'd decided never to be civil to her.

"They're alright." The understatement in his voice practically cooed. But the bubbly blond seemed to miss it as she cross her arms and pulled her adorable grin downward.

"Whaaaaat? Look at them: they're practically the whole outfit!"

"They could be." He shrugged, trying to play down the redness burning in his ears. He'd blame it on the alcohol later, but for now the mental image of just that was causing all sorts of problems. For one, he wished he'd at least stripped down or something before falling into bed. His clothes were getting rather uncomfortable.

That, and he was horny.

"Mamo-chan, I think you're a lewd." The comment was given primly as she bounded away, princess tiara and all, into the other room. He just laughed louder, tears streaming from his eyes as he sloshed a hand around trying to catch them.

"Oh gods, I hope I remember this."

"Mama says don't drink in case the mafia wants your kidney." The blond tilted her head to the side, eyes going distant as she turned around in a circle. It was like she was trying to take in everything in one go and could find enough space in her head to pack it. "She never says what they use it for. I think that's pretty weird."

She was tugging on a pigtail, boots soft in the carpet. He still couldn't calm the giggles that were rippling free, though, because her serious face made those words too ridiculous.

If nothing else, at least his subconscious had pegged her. So it wasn't just about sex.

He coughed.

Riiiiight...

"Ne, ne, Usako, come here." he struggled upward, feeling his face heat and his hands slip. The choking laugh was too close to the surface, and he couldn't seem to keep his hands underneath himself. "You're so far away."

"Yeah, I'm checkin the place out. Obviously, we're gunna live here together some day; I want to know where everything is."

"You…live here…" He flopped back dazedly, as if the words couldn't force a reality into his skull.

"Ne, Mamo-chan, what's this?" she queried, wandering out of his room with a photo album. It was odd though, hadn't his family died when he was young? "Hentai!" She screeched, recognizing her bathing suite from last summer. She and the girls rented a spooky mansion and…'private' beach. More like a ghost story and a tiny chunk of sand with nothing on it.

"Hey, I can look!"

"Only if it's at me, got it buster! There better not be pictures of Rei-chan in here!"

"Only if you're in them." He muttered darkly, somewhat offended she'd even think such a thing. His feelings were pure!

"I think that earned you a kiss, sir."

"Sweet." He grinned drunkenly, even as she bounded over and pressed her lips to his forehead. "Oi, oi, what…?"

"Now write that down fifteen times before the alarm rings!" she chirped, handing him the photo album and a marker. "Chiba Mamoru loves Tsukino Usagi." The demonstration had him laughing, even as he struggled to hold the pen steady.

"Do you make rice cakes?"

"Only if I don't get kicked out or blow the place up first!"

"Would you kiss me, Usako?" he purred, loving the weight of her in his lap. The girl blushed prettily, turning her head up and away.

"Maybe."

"if I beg?"

"maybe!" She squealed, eyes glowing with mischief and happiness. He chuckled, drawing closer with every moment.

"Oh! The ice cream!" The girl leapt from his lap, forcing a tired groan from the frustrated college student.

This was just...too true to real life.

Why couldn't it be more like the others when he could simply woo her with an in-depth reading of the pylethagrian theorem?

"Ne, Mamo-baka! Your whole freezer is stuffed with green beans!"