She had the power to reverse all of this and make it like it never happened. They had had a moment in the bank vault, right? She had been so happy that he wasn't dead; she knew it was reflected all over her face, and she thought she saw some of the same emotion in his features as well. The thought made her nervous.

She stayed for dinner, celebrating the joys of life with the people she. . .thought she could love. But, no, she wouldn't ruin what they had just to taunt herself with the idea of what could be but probably never would. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with him in that way. She could do it. She could make love to him and then turn back the clock so that no one but her would ever know what happened.

She tried not to think about it as they all sat around the table and had a wonderful dinner together. They drank champagne, talked, and laughed, not noticing how late their dinner was running. That is until Alexis yawned.

"Sweetheart, you'd better get to bed," Castle said gently. "You've had a rough day and you've got school tomorrow."

Alexis stood up, carrying her plate to the kitchen, and said, "Yeah, I know. I just don't know that I'll be able to sleep is all."

"I hear ya, kiddo," Martha chimed in from her spot at the table. She, too, stood up and carried her dishes to the kitchen. Beckett followed suit.

Eventually, after the dishes were all rinsed and placed in the dishwasher, Alexis and Martha both retired upstairs.

Castle and Beckett remained in the kitchen, sipping the last of their champagne. Beckett couldn't tear her eyes from Castle's; she thought she would never see him again.

"What?" he asked, grinning at her.

She looked at her feet before looking back at him with a serious expression. "I thought I lost you," she whispered.

"Kate," he said softly, but before he could say anything else, her body took her over. She grabbed his ears and pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss. He tensed up for a moment before listing into her kiss, placing his hands on her waist.

Beckett's world spun as she kissed him hard and fast, the only thing causing her to break apart from him was the desperate need for oxygen. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, even though she knew she would erase this moment between them. Beckett was pulled from her thoughts as Castle tipped her chin up so she would look at him. The intensity of his eyes caused her breath to catch.

Their next kiss was slow and heated, her lips opening for his tongue, his hands sliding around to slide up and down her back as he pulled her into him.

She couldn't help the small moan that escaped her; she was losing herself in his embrace, forgetting everything that wasn't the feel of him around her. The fact that it was her walking him backwards toward the bedroom was only mildly shocking. However, he wasn't interested in fumbling around and trying not to trip over one another, so he reached down and swooped her up into his arms.

Oh, Castle, she thought to herself. I don't know if I'm ready and I don't want to hurt you. However, she allowed him to carry her and gently place her on the bed before he started kissing her again.

He was so gentle, so reverent. The way he handled her made her heart break into a million pieces. He loved her and she knew it, but she was too scared that she would ruin everything they had. But she could let tonight happen. She could mourn what couldn't be tonight, then go home tomorrow and turn back the clock so that only she would have the memory of the possibility of them.

She had hoped that, when they made love, it would be sloppy and awkward, but it was sweet and slow, passionate and frightening. A single tear slid down her cheek as she lost all control around him. He followed shortly after, whispering her name next to her ear. It was all so emotional and so explosive; it was too much to handle.

Despite the overwhelming feelings that were coursing through her, she couldn't bring herself to leave his bed. Castle had her wrapped up tight in his embrace and she was breathing in his scent, reveling in the feel of his arms around her. Her heart broke as the time of her needed escape drew closer. She would wait until he was deeply asleep and then leave.

Then the time came. Castle was breathing deeply next to her with his arms still wrapped around her; she desperately didn't want to move away from him. Finally, she turned toward him to see that he was sleeping so peacefully and he looked happy, even in his sleep. She couldn't bear to see his hurt expression the next day if she didn't do what needed to be done. So she left. She got up and gathered her clothes without waking him, got dressed, and left his apartment.

She cried on the walk to her car, on the drive home, and all the way up to her apartment. She really should have showered, but the thought of washing his scent off of her was inconceivable, so she just went to bed.

She slept fitfully, tossing and turning, dreaming about what the future might look like for them. No matter what scenario played out in her dreams, they both ended up hurt and alone. And so, when her alarm clock went off at 5 a.m., she dragged herself out of bed and fumbled her way into the bathroom. Before starting her special process, she splashed some water on her face, trying to clear her head. Once that was done, she gave herself a good, long look in the mirror.

Would it really be so bad, being with Castle? Maybe we could make it work. She sighed, rethinking the whole situation. But what if it didn't? Then it would be too hard to work together and I would've lost my partner and my best friend. Not to mention Martha and Alexis. No. It's too complicated and the stakes are too high. I have to take us back.

Once again facing herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and said, "October 30th, 2011, 8: 37 p.m." She opened her eyes before time moved and caught a glimpse of herself for real. She looked defeated, like she had been beaten down too many times.

Then she felt like a giant vacuum was sucking her through a straw. Then suddenly, she was back at Castle's apartment eating dinner with his family. Her face fell, but she collected herself quickly, plastering a smile to her face.

"Beckett?" Castle asked. Apparently she hadn't collected herself fast enough. "Are you okay?"

She glanced at the red-heads and noticed they were all staring at her. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she tried. "I was just thinking about the last time I saved your ass."

They all laughed and began a new string of storytelling, none of them noticing that Beckett was breaking apart on the inside.