A/N: Bethyl Smut week right? I'm not even sorry. I don't know what this is. It happened. I'm tired and you're all so very pretty. Or handsome. I don't judge.

Maggie was a liar. Sending her to the store for her bachelorette party favors was not the problem. The problem was Beth didn't realize it was for erotic candy favors. She was expecting an assortment of delicate and artfully decorated confections. That's...not what she got. Unless you consider aggressively large candy genitals in an unnatural shade of pink both delicate and artful. Which she did not.

They were however, tasty. Once the blush that ran up her neck and into her face subsided she braved the sample the girl behind the counter was essentially forcing on her. Because despite what it was, it was also chocolate. And since she has never turned down free chocolate before, she certainly wasn't going to start now. Which would have been fine. Get in, get Maggie's anatomically incorrect (and inappropriately) shaped party favors, and then get out. Simple.

If only.

But her life never seemed to be simple. It should be, mind you. It really should. Beth was a good person. She helped her neighbors, she volunteered, she baked for bake sales, she braked for birds, she liked little kids, she took in strays, she did everything in the 'Nice Girl Handbook' so why couldn't this one thing, just once, turn out the way she needed it to? At least that was her thought process in the split second after she turned around and saw him. Which could have been some sort of movie scenario where boy meets girl and they can't take their eyes off of each other and kismet steps in and bam, happily ever after. No, Beth's kismet wasn't that nice. Wasn't that helpful.

Her kismet thought it would be hilarious to have her turn around to stare into the bluest eyes she had ever seen. And even if she was wrong and they weren't actually the bluest eyes she had ever seen, they were at least the most intense eyes she had ever looked into. That's not the point though, now is it? The point, of course, is that her particular brand of kismet is an asshole. Because turning around and seeing a man that can actually weaken your knees doesn't happen often and Beth is willing to bet even more that it doesn't happen when you have a new product called the "Choco-Cock" stuffed in your mouth with a giant bag of candy body parts on your arm. Kismet, that bitch, had to be out to get her.

0))oOo((0

Daryl was feeling two different things as Merle dragged him into an erotic bakery for something or other for a bachelor party, one being an intense dislike of his brother and two being an extreme appreciation for his brother. He didn't want to be there, oh no. He wanted to be far away from all the edible erogenous zones that stared him in the face but he really wanted to be closer to the long legs wrapped in denim he saw standing at the counter. He was so lost in appreciation of her backside and the long blonde hair hanging down her shoulders he failed to notice she turned around.

Well, fuck.

If she had turned around and all he saw were the big blue eyes and the pretty face and the obvious blush that immediately stained her cheeks he could have been fine with just letting her pass by and putting her in his own personal memory bank. But, no. She had pretty pink lips wrapped around a rather large chocolate dick and that's not an image you can just set aside. That's the kind of thing you only see in porn, only the pretty blonde is wearing a bikini or nothing at all and even though he would be up for participating if she's game, he has a feeling that's not at all what she's there for. Plus, he had one other issue. Merle.

Before he can form a thought, much less a sentence, he hears it.

"Practicing?"

Fucking Merle.

He sees her choke on the chocolate as her eyes get bigger and her face turns pinker at his words. A pretty pink, of course. Then again, she could probably roll around in mud and still put most women to shame. He is pretending his pants aren't slightly tighter and that any images of her in mud aren't actually crossing the line of 'thoughts' to 'fantasy' and even though he sucks at pretending, he swears he's fine. Perfectly fine.

"You know blondie, men don't usually like it when women choke on such a sensitive area."

Jesus fucking Merle!

"Merle, leave her alone," he tells him while still staring at her meeting her eyes again. Fuck, she is pretty. The kind of pretty that makes it hard to look away. The kind of pretty that makes your stomach hurt. The kind of pretty that generally fucks you up. That's a serious kind of pretty and sure, he's heard of it before but it's never happened to him until now.

Fucking fantastic.

"Okay baby brother, okay. You go on girlie, keep practicing, it's a good skill to have," Merle tells her as she refuses to look directly at anyone, the chocolate in her hand now hanging by her side as she mumbles an "Excuse me" and makes a run for the door. He wants to run after her and get her number or kiss her or bend her over the hood of the first available car. That's what he wants to do. What he does is watch her leave and curse himself for not moving because god only knows if he'll ever see her again. His brother is looking at him with a smirk on his face like he just read his mind and he knows he is never going to live this down.

Fucking Merle.

0))oOo((0

(2:14pm) You could have told me the *type* of candy store I was going to, Mags.

(2:15pm) This way was more fun though.

(2:16pm) Fun for who?

(2:18pm) Everyone but you?

(2:20pm) You're a peach, Mags.

(2:20pm) Did you change your contact info in my phone to say 'Future Mrs. Rhee'?

(2:23pm) Of course.

(2:24pm) I don't know why I asked, I should know better by now.

(2:24pm) Btw, I ran into the hottest guy I've ever seen with a chocolate dick in my mouth.

(2:26pm) So, you know, thanks for sending me. My shame is complete.

(2:27pm) Damn, wish I could have seen that.

(2:28pm) If you get me drunk enough, I might reenact it out for you later.

(2:28pm) Nothing would make me happier, Bethie.

(2:29pm) It'll be my wedding present to you.

(2:30pm) Are you saying you haven't gotten me a gift yet?

0))oOo((0

If you ask Daryl in 20 or so years what the best and worst things that ever happened to him were he would probably tell you one thing. One name. One woman. She ruined him.

He had never been so happy to be destroyed.

He was never supposed to see her again.

But there she was.

Why she was in the type of bar Merle dragged him to on a Saturday night he didn't know. But she and a group of her pretty friends were in the middle of an obvious party and he couldn't stop looking at her. It was like the candy store only worse because those legs he had stared at were sticking out of a close to too short dress and attached to an extremely sexy pair of high heels and the thought of those legs never being wrapped around his head seemed like a tragedy he wasn't prepared to deal with.

He knew when she saw him. He could say it was some sort of cliche moment where time stopped and they felt they were the only ones who existed in the world. He could say it was love at first sight or that they were destined. And maybe all of that was true. But right then? Right at that moment?

He just really wanted to fuck that girl.

The kind where your arms are sore for days and she ends up with a bruised back and hips. The kind where you rip her panties off because anything else just takes too long. Where you take those panties home because you stuffed them in your pocket and if you never see the girl again you will always have a reminder of what is probably the best fuck of your life. Because that's what she would be. It was knowledge he just knew. The sky is blue, grass is green, the prettiest girl he's ever seen would fuck him senseless and leave him ruined for all others.

He was fine with that, he really was. He looked forward to it, in fact.

Remembering how they ended up in the bathroom wrapped around one another is a story for another time. It's not important. What is important is that one minute she was at the bar looking at him with flushed cheeks and bright eyes and he was staring at her mouth and the next thing he knew she had her lips biting down his neck while he had his hands under the edge of her dress rubbing small circles on the back of her thighs. Her smooth, flawless thighs. Thighs he really wants to put his mouth on. Her breath is hitching each time he gets a little bit higher and he is trying not to moan loudly when she nips him on the collarbone when he gets the bright idea to set her on the sink so he can get his hands access to where they really want to be. Which, of course, is inside of her.

He's got his hands trailing higher and higher while she's biting his bottom lip and sucking gently on it and making the sweetest little noises into his mouth when he reaches the edge of a sinfully small lacy pair of panties that he considers not ripping but at the first sound of a thread ripping her eyes pop open and as she's staring at him with wide eyes she's biting her lower lip and even if he had an ounce of control left, that action just stomped it all out of him.

He's pulling them off and sticking them in his pocket when she bites his earlobe and he makes a low groan into her neck where he nips her pulse point and he can feel her whole break out into goosebumps as she sucks in a breath and goes back in for his mouth with her slightly swollen lips and for a moment he loses track of her hands but since they are doing nothing but good things, he's not worried about it. He's not worried about people in the bar or being caught or the fact that they're going to definitely fuck on a sink in a public space or that the smell of her hair is going to haunt him. He's not worried about anything. He is so caught up in feeling how wet she is for him when he slides one then two fingers into her and the sounds she's making that it takes him a second to comprehend that she's got her hands in his shirt and is running her fingers up and down his sides and if they're both getting louder and louder well, that's a burden he's okay with.

He's still got one hand thrusting in and out of her while rubbing her clit when he pulls the straps of her dress down along with her bra and thanking a god he's not sure he believes in he takes one of her perfectly pink nipples into his mouth as she grabs the back of his hair and pulls just a little harder to keep him in place. Before he knows what's happened she's got her hands on his belt that is now undone and is reaching one of her little hands down his pants to grab him and is both softly and firmly rubbing her hands against him and if she keeps it up all they're going to have is a mess and no need for that condom he is suddenly glad Merle makes him carry.

He still really wants her thighs wrapped around his head so he moves to his knees and grabs the sides of her thighs to move her closer to the edge of the sink as she puts both of her hands in his hair and he can feel her tighten her grip at the first lick. He may not be the most eloquent person but he knows for certain that she tastes the way the first perfect day of spring felt and even if he has to trap her in the bathroom with him, he is going home with her number. Or she can take him home with her. He's really not picky.

She's moaning louder with each pass of his tongue and when he sucks and bites softly on her clit he can tell she's thrown her head back and she is close because her legs are trembling and he can feel her fluttering around the two fingers he couldn't help but slide back into her. There is some sort of perfection of watching her come. She's got her hands gripped so tight in his hair that it's going painfully numb and she's squeezing his face with her legs and he can't even see her face but he knows if he could, he would finish just watching her. Which sounds like a challenge he hopes she's up for at a later date.

Once she's calmed down he can feel her grabbing at him to meet his mouth and as he's biting her lower lip as well as teasing her mouth with his tongue she's trying to pulls his pants down...or off, he's not sure and he's not sure if she's sure either. It seems to take forever to loosen his pants and get the condom on but when he slips into her for the first time he's pretty sure time has lost all meaning. The act of sliding into a hot and wet woman is always a fantastic thing. Sliding into this woman? He's certain even heaven would come up short in comparison.

He's breathing into her neck as he's thrusting in and out and he can hear her breathing become harder and faster as she's holding onto the backs of his arms and she's moaning to go faster and harder into his ear and the feeling of her pants on his skin push him higher and higher and he knows he's going to be done long before he wants to be. He's putting one hand between them to rub light circles on her clit while pounding into her as his other hand is wrapped around her back holding her in place because breaking the mirror is not something he wants to have to explain. Well, that and he just wants to hold on to her. And if he can't have her long term he's going to keep his hands on her for as long as she'll allow it.

Once he feels her body tighten around him and start to flutter as she grips him harder and bites into his neck to keep from getting too loud it sends him over the edge and he comes with a grunt and neither one of them can seem to keep their breathing under control as he puts off sliding out of her and ending something he doesn't want to end. They're both silent as they try and straighten out their clothes when he hears her.

"I don't do stuff like this. I'm supposed to be a good girl."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I don't usually fuck girls in a bathroom but here we are."

"Here we are," she says while nodding at him. Her lips are bright red and swollen, her dress is wrinkled, her hair is crooked, and her makeup is smudged under her eyes. He doesn't think she's capable of looking better than she does right then. He's staring at her and she's staring at him and when neither one of them go for the door she turns to him and asks, "How do you feel about coming back to my place?"

"Feel pretty good about it actually."

"That's good, according to your brother I need to practice something and this time I prefer one that doesn't melt."

This time he's certain time stopped.