Disclaimer: Mature content. I do not own Bleach nor the cover pic.

Chapter 28: No Regrets

"War is not heroic. War is not exhilarating. War is full of despair. It is dark. It is dreadful. It is a thing of sorrow and gloom. That is why people fear war. That is why people choose to avoid it."
― Tite Kubo

He felt like he was dying.

Grimmjow drove to the hospital recklessly, not caring if he harmed anyone in the process.

She was dying or worse, she was already dead.

Gripping the steering wheel, knuckles deathly white, tears threatened to fell as he continued his way to her.

"Please be alive…" he whispered.

…

"Don't worry Ichigo. I will meet Renji after this meeting and we can confront Grimmjow together, I promise not to be late," Rukia promised as she tugged the scarf tighter around her neck. The air was crisped and cold in the early morning hours.

"I am so nervous meeting a fan for the first time, I didn't think anyone will actually request to see me as there are so many others that are far more interesting than me," Rukia laughed with a slight blush.

Rukia continued her conversation with her boyfriend until she reached her destination, hesitating slightly as she looked up at the tall building.

"I am here Ichigo… I promise I will make it in time for the confrontation. Just-," she gave a tired sigh into the phone. "Just please do not do anything extreme on Grimmjow that you will later regret."

After their goodbyes, she entered the building and made her way to the elevators to take to the top floor. It has been a while since she has been at this location and when the elevator's door dinged open she again realized why she rarely likes to visit.

The hospital was always busy with doctors and nursing running amuck. The patients always looked to be in pain and just the atmosphere is filled with such turmoil. Rukia has never been to the top floor before and glancing around she knew this was the floor where the wealthy stayed. It was absolutely beautiful and that was rather odd being that it was still a hospital.

Taking a quick glance around she noted a woman wearing a white coat was smiling at her as the woman starts to make her way towards her.

"Ms. Kuchiki, it is such a pleasure to have you here! My name is Dr. Retsu, pleased to meet you."

Rukia reached out to grasp the doctor's hand in a friendly handshake, "Thank you so much for having me. I was very astonished when Soul Society received your e-mail requesting to see me out of all the people in this world."

Dr. Retsu gave her a kind but small smile, "Normally we don't allow undocumented visitors to visit this floor due to privacy issues of the guests that are staying. However, we do allow visitors for special cases and this is one of those cases."

The doctor paused for a moment to lead Rukia to a nearby lounge as they both took a seat on the luxurious sofa, facing each other before continuing on with the conversation.

"Our patient who requested to see you particularly used to be lively and full of light. I don't think there was a day prior where she has not given us a smile. Even through her illness, she has always been so strong until recently. I am a bit puzzled on her sudden change in behavior. She will not accept any visitors as of late but when she requested to see you I just knew to follow through as this can be a chance for her depression to not way so heavily on her."

Rukia stomach plummeted as she listened intently to the doctor's words. This patient that she is about to meet is not just any random patient at all but someone that is going through a deep depression. Her nervousness subsided tremendously as she wants to do her utmost best to bring a positive energy to the meeting.

"Dr. Retsu, I am completely honored to meet this patient of yours and I will do my best to ensure she leaves with a smile. There was a moment in my own life just recently that I was an absolute wreck and felt as if I could not go on but someone special to me rescued me when I wasn't looking for it. I may or may not rescue her but at least she can find me as a friend in the future."

The doctor gave her a warm smile that touched her heart, renewing her own vigor. Rukia stood from the sofa and followed the doctor down the hall until they reached outside the patient's door. Dr. Retsu gave a small knock before opening the door to the room.

Rukia followed the doctor into the room with wide eyes, the hospital room looks to be about the same size as her own small apartment. The violets had fallen onto an emerald hair woman, reading a book at a built in window lounge.

Dr. Retsu cleared her throat elegantly to which the woman reading the book stilled for a brief moment and looked up at the doctor from her place. The woman's eye shifted from the doctor's to Rukia. Rukia didn't realize she was gripping her coat with such strength that she relaxed slightly and gave a friendly smile to the woman who is now heading her ways toward them.

"Nel, I have a special surprise for you. This is Ms. Kuchiki," Dr. Retsu waved her hand towards Rukia while stepping to the side.

"Ms. Kuchiki," Nel stepped forward, surprising the smaller woman with a tight hug. "Thank you for seeing me."

Rukia returned the hug and leant back to look up at Nel with a gentle grin, "Please call me Rukia. The honor is completely mine as I have never been requested to meet anyone before. So please excuse my awkward behavior!"

"I will excuse myself to allow you two some privacy," Dr. Retsu eyes glittered as she looked over at Rukia. "Come and see me before you leave Ms. Kuchiki."

Rukia nodded in confirmation and listened for the door to click before she felt a warm hand grasped her own, tugging her towards the window.

"This is my absolute most favorite spot!" Nel exclaimed as she took a seat again at the place Rukia first noticed her. Nel pats the cushion besides her, motioning Rukia to sit.

Rukia takes a seat and looked out the window admiring the view of the snow covered city, "I am pretty positive this would be my favorite spot as well. This view is absolutely breathtaking, I don't think I will ever be sick of it."

Hearing a small sigh she turned to look at Nel who was looking out the window with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

"It is the only place where I don't feel suffocated. I can just lay here and look up to an open sky, at night the stars appear brighter compared to down there."

Rukia reached out and grab ahold of Nel's hand that was resting on the cushion between them, "I cannot imagine what it is like for you to be here but you are very brave and face more than others." Their gaze met as Rukia gave a gentle squeeze to Nel's hand before letting it go softly.

"You are truly indeed a wonderful person," Nel whispered. The tears she quickly wiped from her face, made Rukia a bit overwhelmed that she was about to cry herself. Her heart ached for the beautiful woman in front of her, how life is unfair for those such as Nel.

Nel shook her head as if she was erasing her thoughts and let out a feminine laugh.

"Tell me more about you Rukia, what is it like to be a super model? All the glitz and glam, especially the hot men!"

Rukia scoffed, her cheeks reddening, "I am nowhere near being a super model. I feel like I just started with this whole modeling thing. It is actually pretty surreal now that I am thinking about it…I don't care about the glitz and glam either, I was never really into that whole life style as I lived a pretty simple life prior. "

She watched Nel leaned her forehead onto the window glass as if she is deep in thought.

"What about the men?"

"Well…" Rukia cleared her throat. "The men are good looking yes but I am actually recently taken."

"Are you in love with him?"

Rukia played with a piece of thread hanging from her scarf, "I really am despite how frustrating and arrogant he is. I am just so head over heels for him. It is scary because everything seems to be happening so fast."

When Nel glanced at her, Rukia noticed that the woman was silently crying with tears streaming down her face. Without a second though, Nel pulled Rukia into a bone crushing hug.

"Nothing is ever too fast Rukia. If you love him, you love him to your fullest and not worry about anything else. You have such a beautiful soul that you deserve this. I am glad it is you."

Rukia was taken aback by Nel's passionate words, that she backed away slightly to make sure Nel was alright.

"How about you Nel? You have such a beautiful soul as well." Anything to change the subject.

Nel let out a sad laugh, "I was but I am dying Rukia. There is no point for him to be with me… I can no longer allow it when I know I will die." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I cannot even give him children which I know he will want one day… Besides, he found someone that I know will give him the love that he deserves. I am happy with her and I hope she loves him first before anything else… gives him what he truly deserves. I have no regrets."

The way Nel was looking at Rukia made her a bit feel like something was amiss with the woman. Maybe it was Nel's illness that has the woman feeling so emotional.

"Nel, you are very brave for letting him go… I can't imagine how hard it must have been but please don't let it destroy your happiness. Please just live your life to the fullest and be true to your word."

Rukia wiped her own tears with her hand. She didn't even know she was crying.

"No regrets?" asked Rukia.

"No regrets."

…

"I know something is bothering you so fucking spill," Ichigo winced as cleaned the wounds on his knuckles from the altercation with Aizen's fucktoy earlier. He glanced over at Uryu who is sitting crossed leg on the sofa in Ichigo's office.

Uryu was lost in thought and it annoyed Ichigo even more as he grimaced from the annoyance and the pain so he threw his dirty gauze at Uryu, hitting him square in the face.

Finally out of the trance, Uryu gave him a glare that caused him to grin. Getting his best friend riled up always makes his day,

"That is highly unsanitary for you to do that Kurosaki, and absolutely childish as well." Uryu flicked the gauze off of his lap and onto the floor, dusting off his pristine slacks with invisible residue.

"Now that you are back here on earth, what the fuck is your problem?"

Ichigo watched Uryu slouch back onto the couch. Fuck. Uryu never slouches.

"Seriously, what is the problem Uryu?"

Uryu waved him off with his hand in the air, "The matter is done so needn't worth mentioning."

"Is this about Matsumoto?"

He watched Uryu gave a slight hesitation which hits the nail on the head. Uryu is always easy to read once one hangs around him for almost all one's life.

"No-"

"Cut the bullshit," Ichigo interrupted. "Just tell me what happened with her? I thought you fucking her over your desk by now."

"Must you be so crass?"

"I apologize," Ichigo bowed his head apologetically. "One would assume you would be have sexual relations with her over your fucking desk." He let out a loud laugh.

Uryu got up to leave and Ichigo sobered immediately.

"Wait, I am sorry. I had a shitty day and I was trying to lighten the mood. Done poking fun, so sit your ass down and tell me what is happening between you two. I don't give advice as well as you but at least I can try to do for my best friend."

That got Uryu to sit. Ichigo waited patiently for his friend to proceed.

"You must not like this once I tell you and I rather you now jump to conclusions as I stated this has been resolved. I will have this taken care of."

Again, he didn't say a word and waited patiently but whatever it is, one of them must have fucked up real bad as he has never seen Uryu so distraught before.

"As it turns out, Ms. Matsumoto is rather close with Ichimaru."

Ichigo nearly forgotten the pain on his hand as he punched the sofa to sit up straight, "Wait what?!"

Uryu sighed, "I believe she is or was working for Aizen through Ichimaru."

"As a fucking SPY?" Ichigo can't believe that his best makeup artist for years was a spy for Seireitei Vogue. That is not possible.

Uryu let his head fall onto the top of the sofa without saying another word.

"You said this was taken care of… how? You let her go?" Ichigo ran his hand through his hair in agitation.

His Vice President shrugged, "What other circumstances can they be Kurosaki? I will let her go when I have the heart to speak to her again."

"Uryu, you two love each other."

"She doesn't love-"

"Fucking stop," Ichigo interrupted with his hand held high. "You two meet for your date every day for how many weeks now. Don't tell me she was interrogating you for information on our company while on those dates."

"Well, we have never talked about our company when we were together," Uryu sat up with pursed lips. "I don't recall a time where we have but this thing about her loving me-"

"You know she came to me asking me a million fucking questions on what to get you for the holidays? Which you should thank me later for by the way."

"I- I have not-"

Ichigo smirked, "Whatever she has done in the past, it doesn't seem like it's a big deal as Aizen has always come second to us every fucking time but what matters is that it seems Matsumoto really loves you Uryu."

"It doesn't matter as what she has done is unforgivable."

"But have you really talked to her to see if she has even done any of those things? Was it confirmed that she is an actual spy?"

"It does not matter Kurosaki as being that close of a friend to the enemy makes you the enemy."

"She is not and has not been the fucking enemy," Ichigo tried to reason. "Knowing you, you didn't even let her explain her side and just walked out instead to avoid knowing what is real and what isn't."

"I am not having this conversation any further," Uryu said calmly as he stood onto his feet, ready to leave.

"We are not done Uryu, what is so wrong with just talking to her especially since you love her?"

"I will see myself out and take the remaining day off as this has been an eventful day for all of us."

"Uryu just talk with her," He went onto his feet as well as he knew Uryu was not okay. This is something different. He has never seen Uryu so unbalanced, not since his mother has passed.

"Uryu-"

"I WILL NOT TALK TO HER AS I WILL FEEL I WILL BETRAY YOU!" Uryu shouted taking Ichigo by surprise. "How can I be with someone that tried to destroy what you worked so hard on Kurosaki? I- I cannot give into my heart as it will be betraying."

Ichigo breathed heavily as he guarded his best friend before him, "Uryu, you need to stop trying to protect me." That caught Uryu off guard. Good.

"You have been by my side since day one and even more since my mom had passed away. IT IS okay to put yourself first for once."

Uryu tried to interrupt him but Ichigo shot him a glare.

"You are the only brother that I have and I am thankful for all that you do but just this once, just put yourself first. You are fucking happy when you talk about Matsumoto, your eyes get all glittery and shit. Don't think for a second that you will betray me, if anything you will have regrets for not hearing her out or not knowing how she truly feels. I will always support and back you like how you back me through all the stupid decisions I have made over the years."

Uryu grinned and nodded in agreement, "When did you get all mature? Have I finally instilled my maturity on you?"

Ichigo scoffed as he ran his hand through his hair, "The fuck you talking about? I always have been mature."

"Then why are your knuckles bleeding?"

"Shut the fuck up Uryu."

…

Grimmjow slammed his fist onto the elevator button waiting for the door to close. His emotions were everywhere. His heart felt as if it will beat out of his chest. The tears will not stop falling as he feared Nel will be gone before he had even ask her to marry him. His hand went into his pants pocket to grip tightly around the engagement ring.

It felt like ages until the elevator door finally opened. Racing out as soon as he can fit through the doors, he raced down the hall in front of Nel's room, which the door was slightly ajar.

Dr. Retsu was speaking with another nurse before she looked to the side and caught his eye. A grim look upon the doctor's face shattered him completely. His body shook as he screamed loudly, punching a hole through the wall before falling to the ground in an utter mess.

Before he knew it, Dr. Retsu was in front of him with a stern expression on her face that he can vaguely see through the tears.

"Grimmjow you need to calm down-"

"She fucking died because of me!" He roared as he tried to get away from the doctor's grasp. He didn't need to be consoled. No, what he needed was to get away and find her. To tell her he was sorry and eventually will join her.

"She's not dead."

Grimmjow went into shock as he started at Nel's doctor.

"The fuck you say?"

"Grimmjow…" Dr. Retsu place a hand on his shoulders as if he was a caged animal. "She survived the attempt but barely. She is in the ICU at the moment."

"Can- can I see her? Please doc, it has been so fucking long since I have seen her…" Newly fresh tears had fallen as he finally broke down and cried. It has been so long since he has felt this broken. He has felt like a large piece of him is lost. Everything that he has been doing has been for her. All the lies and deceit has been for her. So she can have everything that she deserved.

He was more than thankful that the doctor hasn't tried to console him but instead let him cry shamelessly. His entire world was a rollercoaster and now he was fucking done with it. Fuck Aizen and his uncle, his main focus will be on her and her alone.

After some time and his cries has subsided, he finally looked up at the Dr. Retsu that was kneeling before him.

"There- there is something I thought you should know before you are allowed to see her…"

Grimmjow straightened at the thought of just seeing his girlfriend, "I can see her? Does she want to see me? Is she in serious condition?" So many questions ran through his mind but the thought process to his speech was slow from the crashing of his adrenaline. She is alive and that is all that mattered at the moment, that he gets to see her soon.

"I- I found these hidden underneath a pile of trash in her trash bin. I wouldn't have found these if I didn't do a thorough investigation in the hospital's protocol. I am unsure but I feel this could be the source of her depression as of late."

She held out an envelope in her hand and Grimmjow took it from her hesitantly. He dread what was in the envelope and he feels it could be a break up letter from her or worse, her final goodbye to him.

"Please, I know this is none of my business but as her doctor and now close friend… please just let her go if this is true so she can live at peace. Every time you come by, I know she is breaking down inside each and every time she hears you outside of her door. Unfortunately you cannot see her at the moment as she is in serious condition but when the time comes where she is allowed visitors, I will let you know."

He didn't even look at her when the doctor raised to her feet.

"Please leave peacefully, this is a hospital after all."

The sound of her footsteps faded then a door closing was heard. Taking a deep breath whilst closing his eyes he slowly opened the envelope.

Pictures have fallen onto the ground before him as he started to shake with such vigor. Anger welt within him and blossom into a full on hatred. Pictures of Rukia and himself looked back at him. Out of rage he yelled as he torn every picture up.

Closing his eyes he vowed that he will make Aizen and everyone associated to him pay for what they have done to his beloved.

To be continued...

Who still with me? - xoxo jae

p.s. Almost done.