…

Let's play a game, shall we?

Just a simple game.

I'll flip a coin – heads or tails, and you try to guess which side it'll land on.

Don't worry, there's no catch…unless you want to gamble?

No? Well then, let's begin

What?

I've done this before?

Haha, have I?

I can't remember.

After all, my memories are gone.

''I'm home."

A blond man called out as he entered the small apartment.

''Welcome home.''

He smiled at the greeting as he entered the living room, ''What are you reading this time?''

''The philosopher John Locke, his theories are quite interesting. And relevant to my situation.''

''How so?''

''There's this section on personal identity, and how personal identity is determined by memory. For example, take the situation of a cruel prince reborn in the body of a cobbler. Would he be responsible for his crimes?''

"Depends. Does he remember committing them or not?''

''Exactly. He has to have the consciousness of having committed those crimes to be held responsible. Take another example, an old soldier remembers having received an award when he was young but he doesn't remember being a boy who took an apple from a tree. Is he still the same person?''

''You mean the old soldier and the young boy?''

''That's right."

''He should be, since they come from the same body.''

''But there's a contradiction there, in the case of the prince and the cobbler, memory determines identity. So the old man shouldn't be the boy if he doesn't remember being him.''

"…"

''Haha. Don't try to think too hard. I just found it interesting, the contradiction in this theory.''

''…..I still think they're the same person, he might not remember it but if he was the boy at one time then they're the same person aren't they. And well if he remembers being a young man and at that time remembered being a young boy he's the same person…I think.''

''…Argh anyway it's common sense, they come from the same body, that's it!"

"Then how about me?"

''What?''

"I don't remember being the guy who ruined everyone's lives, including yours, am I still the same person?"

"…Is that what's bothering you?"

The black haired man just smiled. The blond made his way over and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his arm.

"Do you want to be that person?''

"No one wants to be hated. But no one wants to not know who they are either, to be lacking an identity."

"…You know if you want to, I won't stop you," the blond said, ruffling the other man's hair. He stood up and looked down at his companion with a smile.

"Well come and eat, you can't think on an empty stomach anyway…Izaya."

…

Have you heard?

Haha what is it this time?

Orihara Izaya lost his memory!

What?

And he and Heiwajima Shizuo are friends now

Are you serious?

So Shizuo's his bodyguard now?

Seems like it

Does he know what a horrible person he was?

Maybe, maybe not

Do you think Shizuo told him?

I'm more interested if he'll get what he deserves.

What do you mean?

Well it's the perfect opportunity for bad guys to let loose on him, no?

"What?"

"I said, is Izaya with you? I went to your apartment but he wasn't there –"

"You're telling me Izaya's gone?!"

"It seems so. I have Celty searching for him but she hasn't seen a trace of him anywhere –"

"What about his apartment?"

"Still empty. Maybe he went out to buy groceries or something?"

"If he did he would have texted me, shit which means bad guys could have gotten him…"

"Yeah I tried calling him but I couldn't get through. What are you going to do, Shizuo?"

"You tell Celty to keep a lookout, I'll search for him myself."

Shizuo said and hung up, and a male voice spoke, "What's wrong?"

"Tom-san," Shizuo looked up at the man who had just come back with his food. He wondered how to phrase his words.

"…Someone important to me has gone missing. If it's not too much trouble…"

He trailed off, and Tom said, "Is it your brother?"

"No…"

The older man looked at his kouhai, then smiled. "Sure, have the day off."

"Is it really alright?"

"Yeah. This city can be dangerous, I'm sure you know…I hope you find who you're looking for."

"Thank you very much." Shizuo said to his superior, standing up from his seat.

"Then, I'll see you tomorrow, Tom-san."

"Sure, Shizuo."

Tom said as Shizuo departed. He looked out the window at the running blond man, and said as if to himself –

"…I only hope you're worrying about the right person."

…

…

"Argh, so annoying!"

SMASH

CRACK

"Now that's better."

The man said with a smirk as he stepped on the broken phone under his foot, as a voice yelled -

"Whatever you bastards are planning…it's between you and me right? Don't involve Shizuo in this!"

"Heh….so you really have lost your memory huh? I didn't believe it at first ya know but it seems it's true. Huh, Orihara Izaya?"

The man smirked as he held the blade of the knife to Izaya's face, drawing blood.

"Look at you, you've become so pathetic you were abducted so easily, and you're relying on your worst enemy! Ha, if the real you saw this he would hide his sorry ass out of pure humiliation!"

"Oh yah speaking of ass, I've got a little something for you."

A syringe was held in front of two glaring eyes.

"Wondering what's in this thing? Well, it's something that's gonna make you feel good."

The man punctuated with a lecherous grin, as the knife moved from Izaya's face to his shirt.

Izaya's eyes widened, as around him several other male voices called out –

"Hey don't take him all for yourself! Let us have a taste of the informant too!"

"That's right! Haha, the little shit won't be satisfied with just one cock anyway!"

"Haha! Well – ow!"

The guy yelped as Izaya had kicked out at him, thrashing about in his restraints.

"Let me go you bastards! Don't touch me!"

"Oi hold him down, idiots!"

They moved to obey and Izaya soon found himself trapped by several hands, pinned down onto the floor with the men leering down at him.

"Such a pretty face."

"Wasted on this little bastard really."

"Wish he had his memories though, it'd have been more satisfying."

"Though we might not be able to catch this little bugger if he had his memory."

One guy said, placing a hand on Izaya's crotch with a perverted grin, causing russet eyes to widen in fear.

"W-What," the black haired man choked as his zipper was pulled down.

"W-What are you doing?!"

"Well we can't fuck you with your clothes on right?"

"No...get off! GET OFF!"

His hands were trembling as the dark reality of the situation hit him and he pushed against the muscles of the man's hard chest, the laughs sounding like a nightmare to his ears.

"Shizuo...Shizuo!"

They laughed harder at his cries for the man who had taken him under his care and treated him kindly, and tears formed in his eyes as his pants slid down his legs.

"Oi, I had dibs on him first, get lost!"

"S-Sorry Boss...!"

The man backed away, just as a cry pierced the air as the needle of the syringe had pierced into Izaya's skin.

"Now," the man with the empty syringe smirked as he threw it to the side, as Izaya glared at him from his vulnerable position on the ground.

He slashed through the rest of Izaya's shirt, tossing the fabric away and descending upon the frightened black haired man, smirking wickedly.

"It's time for you to get a taste of another's game."

…

In the abandoned warehouse, a man was lying almost completely devoid of clothing on the dirty ground, sobbing as he tried to futilely kick at his assaulter, his hands bound behind his back.

"Stop it…!"

He whimpered weakly as even his kicks lost strength as fingers had been replaced by lewd toys which forced him open until he was begging, all his initial defiance gone.

"Ahhhh...hurts! It hurts! Stop, please!"

But they only laughed at him cruelly and shoved the latest toy further into his entrance and he screamed past the wet fingers in his mouth.

When the dots faded away, they revealed a more unpleasant sight and his eyes widened.

"No…please, no!"

He realized the toy had been removed only to be replaced by something he dreaded even more.

But the man who had taken his erection out only laughed as if enjoying his fear and pain, grabbing his slender legs and shoving them wide open, entirely exposing the former information broker.

"Don't scream too loud, Orihara. Hey I was kind enough to give you a drug so you'd be more receptive you know? Yet you're rebelling against me like this…"

"Think the drug isn't working though, did that damn doctor give the wrong drug?"

"Yeah he didn't look like they usually do."

"No…!" Izaya sobbed, trying to get away, his wrists trembling in the strong grip.

Choking as he felt the man's hot hardness against his entrance, he squeezed his eyes shut, tears slipping out as his body trembled.

"Don't do this…or I swear when I get back my memories I'll make your life hell!"

"Hah, like that'd happen –"

"H-Hey…"

"The fuck do you want?! Can't you see I'm busy here –"

He was cut off when his own heart almost stopped at the sight which met his eyes.

"H-Hei-w-wa –!"

And then his heart did inevitably stop some time later, from massive loss of blood and ruptured internal organs.

…

Izaya, who had closed his eyes, opened them when there was a familiar touch on his shoulder.

"Izaya?"

"Shizuo…?"

Shizuo was looking at him with an immensely relieved expression, yet Izaya remembered the look of pure fury which had taken over him moments before.

"Don't…"

"I-I'm not going to do anything, I'm not like those bastards –"

"Don't see me!" Izaya scrambled away from Shizuo, closing his legs as he huddled in the middle of scattered sex toys and white liquid.

"…."

Shizuo backed away slowly, then closed his eyes.

"…Tell me when I can see you."

A few minutes passed in silence, before Izaya spoke.

"Shizuo…"

"What is it?"

Shizuo said with his eyes still closed, and Izaya continued.

"I…want to go home."

Shizuo opened his eyes.

"Then, let's go home."

"And…." Izaya turned his face away, his expression cast in darkness.

"If this is the result, I never want to go back to the person I was back then."

"I see."

"Are you alright with that?"

"Huh?"

"I've imposed on you enough, haven't I? Do you…get what I'm saying?"

"…That you don't want to remember?"

"I'm saying I want to stay with you. Can you accept that?"

"…I never liked the person you were anyway, I much prefer this side of you. I always thought…what would happen if you regained your memories? I didn't want to think about it."

"Yet at the same time…I knew it was selfish of me. To keep you away from your past. So, if you're sure…I wouldn't mind that at all."

"Even if I say I like you?"

Izaya said with a heavy tone of voice, but Shizuo only blinked then smiled.

"That isn't a problem either. In fact, it's relieving to hear."

"What?"

Izaya stared, and Shizuo said, "To be honest…I think I like you too."

He met Izaya's eyes as he said this, then leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"…You mean this 'like' right?"

Shizuo said almost innocently, and Izaya could only stare for a while, for after what he had been forced to go through, the evidence of the violation of his body laid in the dirty place around them, the kiss placed on his bruised lips was so gentle and surreal it almost seemed like a fleeting dream.

"…Yeah."

Izaya said with a smile that lit up his whole face, as he hugged Shizuo and spoke to his heart –

"I mean this 'like'."

Then he withdrew as if burnt, and Shizuo asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…it's just, I'm dirty, so you shouldn't –"

Izaya was cut off when Shizuo lunged forward and pulled him against him, murmuring by his ear.

"Don't say that, it's not your fault. I've killed them, so they won't lay their disgusting hands on you again. I'll protect you…"

He trailed off, then lowered his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Eh?"

"I- Was I too late?"

"No...you were just in time. They used toys, but I didn't actually..."

"That...was the first guy? They didn't...?"

"...Yeah. H-He was about to d-do it...then you came."

Shizuo was silent, before he buried his face in Izaya's shoulder.

"I'm sorry…" Shizuo's frame shook.

"This is all my fault. I…"

"I don't understand, Shizuo."

Shizuo said nothing, but looked pained. He hid his face in Izaya's shoulder, until Izaya said –

"It's not your fault, Shizu-chan."

"?!"

"Isn't that what you said I used to call you?" Izaya said with a smile as he ran his fingers through Shizuo's hair, as the blond looked at him in shock.

"You always have this strange look on your face when I call you Shizuo, even though it's been months since I lost my memory. But just now, you looked like you were in pain, so I thought it was the name…"

Izaya trailed off, looking away from Shizuo's intense gaze.

"…Shizu-chan is cute, so I wouldn't mind calling you that, if it'll take away that expression on your face."

"…How was I ever so wrong about you? Damn, I feel like the worst guy alive…"

Shizuo said but he was smiling again, as he held Izaya close to him.

"You can call me whatever you want, flea."

And Izaya smiled back and placed his hand over Shizuo's, clasping it tightly as if it was something he had wanted to do all along –

"Alright then…Shizu-chan."

…

Even if I don't remember, you do, don't you?

You said I did this before, didn't you?

Ah yes, that.

Would a person do something he usually wouldn't do?

Like, kill someone…or manipulate them?

For a monetary reward worth his moral conscience?

I've said this before.

If you say he wouldn't, it's just like saying the coin would land on heads before it even landed.

You can't really understand human hearts until you open them up and look

Well, I only hope that guy's heart is human

Several hours later

…

"…Heiwajima."

"Hey."

"I-I swear I didn't know! I didn't know he would do that, and I never laid a hand on him except to restrain him, so please – !"

"Yeah I know. I'm not here to beat you up. I already did that."

"Then what are you here for…?"

"To hand you the money."

"M-Money?"

The guy in the hospital bed stared, and the blond man nodded, taking out a wad of bills and dropping them down on the bed.

"Our deal. To have you and the other guys kidnap Izaya so I could rescue him and so he would rely on me. I promised you money so here it is."

"A-Ah…"

"With this, our deal is over and done with. You can use it to pay for your hospital bills."

Shizuo said and walked away, before pausing as if remembering –

"Though, if you or the other members pull something like that again, I will kill all of you."

The man stared as a shiver ran down his spine, but the blond man only continued speaking.

"And, don't contact me ever again. I'm done with acting."

He said and left the room, his parting words so soft they were almost inaudible –

"…Because I want to stay with him for real."

…

…

…

Don't worry. This was supposed to be a oneshot so I'm not starting another long story lol. It's less than 10k words but still pretty long for a oneshot. I don't know about you guys, but reading the whole thing was taxing for me like what did I just read at the end. Like it's disconnected and connected at the same time.

I wrote this on my new laptop, to get away from my other stories for a while. I thought I'd write something more cliche just to see how it would turn out (and 'cause I wanted to do an Izaya without his memories idea). Now I know I'm just not suited to write amnesiac Izaya stories lol. This is what happens when I don't write for a while then write out a new idea...

Anyway I'll have the next part up soon. This story should have about three or four parts.