Definitions of fear:

1. An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm

2. A feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety of someone

3. The likelihood of something unwelcome happening

4. A mixed feeling of dread and reverence

"Bastard would like that, wouldn't he." Eijun murmured, finger passing down to the last definition in the dictionary. The finger abruptly stopped and he scowled down at the book. In truth he was angrier at himself than the poor paperback. He was supposed to be analysing a poem, for crying out loud! How did Eijun end up thinking about Miyuki again? He was such an attention-hogging jerk!

Youichi looked up from the math problem he was working on when he heard a thump coming from his roommate's direction. The idiot's head was face down on his desk and mussing his hair while mumbling muffled curses into the wooden surface. Youichi's eyebrows twitched when the curses got louder and his movements more violent. When Sawamura literally started to pull out his hair, Youichi got up. Enough was enough.

"Hey, Sawamura. Quiet down, will ya? Some of us are trying to do their homework."

"I am too! Well, I would if that bastard wasn't distracting me!" Sawamura stabbed the poem with his pen viciously. Youichi's eyebrows decided to stop twitching and instead rise upward until they disappeared into his hair line. He had a sneaking suspicion…

"Bastard? You mean Miyuki?"

"Of course I mean him! Miyuki Kazuya!" Eijun glared at his blank paper as if it had personally offended him. He set his pen on the paper, eyes straying back to the definitions and the poem. He heard distant, annoying laughter and saw thick-framed glasses above an infuriating smirk. Huffing, Eijun threw the pen back down and crossed his arms.

Youichi watched the whole thing with mounting interest (and slight horror). He leaned over Sawamura's side to take a look at the poem the pitcher was working on, barely fighting a grin when he got to the end of it. He cleared his throat and put on his usual expression of annoyance and boredom around Sawamura.

"He isn't even here though. Did he do something earlier?"

"Yes! Well, no. I don't know. Maybe." Eijun cut himself off, realising how ridiculous he sounded. "Kuramochi-senpai, I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm getting sick. And it's all that jerk's fault!"

"Huh? Why didn't you go see the nurse?! I don't want your germs infecting me!" Youichi stepped away from Sawamura's desk for good measure, warily watching him. Sawamura followed his movements with wide eyes, seemingly entirely unperturbed as the crease between the eyebrows deepened.

"Well, I haven't heard of a sickness like this before, so I didn't go."

Typical idiot logic. Youichi sighed.

"What symptoms do you have?"

And damn him if he didn't already kind of expect what came out of Sawamura's mouth next.

Eijun looked up at the question, wanting to avoid Kuramochi's annoyed gaze as he listed the symptoms. Alright, maybe there was a bit of embarrassment in his avoidance too.

"Miyuki's in my head all the time. I feel weird around him, kind of warm and squirmy – I get really warm outside too! And my heartbeat kind of speeds up…maybe I need to improve my stamina…Everything reminds me of him. I can't even do my homework in peace because of that asshole! It doesn't even have anything to do with him!"

By the end of Sawamura's listing his 'symptoms', Youichi could barely keep himself together. His face was hurting with the effort of not cackling at Sawamura's misfortune (because really, whoever fell for Miyuki was a poor sod) or contorting in disgust (Miyuki? Did it really have to be him? Wouldn't Chris-senpai have been better?).

"How about you give him a piece of your mind?" Youichi managed to suggest. He was very proud of himself for sounding stable instead of a hysteric lunatic. Sawamura stared at him as if he had lost his mind, so he added for good measure, "If you don't want to go by yourself, I'm pretty sure everyone crashed his room tonight anyway."

Eijun contemplated Kuramochi's suggestion for a few seconds, then threw his homework a disdainful glance and stood abruptly. "Let's go, Kuramochi-senpai! Come on, hurry, we haven't got all night!"

"Hey, pipe down! And this was my idea, so don't you-!"

Sawamura had already disappeared out the door in a flurry of angry stomping and "Osu, osu, osu!"'s. Youichi pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"What an idiot. And no respect for his seniors. I'll teach him..."

He glanced back down at the poem, the corners of his mouth twitching before breaking out into a loud guffaw. A minute later found him rolling around on the floor, clutching his stomach in laughter with the poem in his hand. When he finally managed to calm down, he sat up and read through it again. Youichi managed not to laugh though a wide grin stretched across his face.

"That idiot needs all the help he can get. He should be grateful they're analysing a love poem, that way he might finally realise what his 'sickness' is."

He stood, placing the piece of paper back on Sawamura's desk and then left the room to go join everyone else at Miyuki's.

It was getting late and people were starting to get drowsy or even falling asleep where they sat or lay. Kazuya really wished they would leave. He still hadn't figured out why everyone came to his room. It certainly wasn't for his sunny disposition and sweet nature. Nor could it be because he had much entertainment value. Everyone always brought their own games, books or other things to keep themselves busy.

Plus, he was tired. The last few nights had been restless and filled with nightmares. And he was fully aware that there was no hiding the dark circles underneath his eyes or his frequent yawns. Kazuya had actually been looking forward to some decent sleep tonight. He didn't really want a repeat of almost falling asleep in class like earlier today.

"How about you all leave, eh? It's getting late and we've got practice tomorrow morning –" he started, standing up from the floor and clapping his hands together once to get everyone's attention.

"Hey, don't talk to your seniors like that! And don't be such an old fart. Live a little." Isashiki interrupted, not even looking up from his intense game of cards with Yuuki and Chris. How he got them roped into it, Kazuya would never know. Yuuki frowned down at his hand, then shook his head.

"I don't understand the appeal. Miyuki," Yuuki looked up and put down his cards, "play Shogi with me."

Kazuya's resolve to get them all out civilly started to crack. He took a deep breath, running through possible scenarios of what could happen if he actually yelled –

"Oi, Miyuki." Kuramochi didn't even turn to look at him, still focused on the video game he was playing against Sawamura and Masuko. "You look like a zombie. Not been sleeping well?"

It took all of Kazuya's self-control not to snap at the back of his classmate's head and instead roll his eyes and trying to look bored.

"What gave it away?" he drawled, crossing his arms to hide the way his fingers were twitching. Don't strangle any of them. It's not worth the prison sentence. Still, that mental image of blissfully silent corpses was satisfying.

"Ah, nothing in particular." Youichi replied offhandedly, smirking just a bit to himself with a sideway glance at Sawamura. His underclassman's eyes were focused on the screen in front of them, but Youichi could practically see Sawamura's ears straining to listen to their conversation. "How about you go to our room then? We have a free bunk."

At first Kazuya thought he hadn't heard Kuramochi right. Then his eyes narrowed at him, calculating in his head what the likelihood was of there being some kind of plan. Neither Masuko nor Sawamura seemed to be reacting though…maybe Kuramochi really was just trying to be nice?

Leaving Miyuki to stew in his thoughts, Youichi turned his attention back to the game.

"Sawamura, go with Miyuki."

Sawamura showed no sign of having heard him but then his eyes snapped wide open and he turned his head so fast, Youichi nearly winced in sympathy.

"Why? That tanuki-bastard knows the way! Why do I have to go with him?" Sawamura stood by the end of his rant, finger pointing at Miyuki and eyebrows scrunched up, his displeasure clear.

"I have to say, I agree with bakamura for once. I don't need a babysitter." Kazuya threw in, then cursed himself silently when he swayed lightly, feeling a bit light-headed. He grabbed for something to hold on reflex, raising a challenging eyebrow at Kuramochi's doubtful look.

"Yeah, and I'm totally not kicking Sawamura's ass at this game." Youichi replied, smirking when Sawamura whipped his head back around to look at the screen and yelped. As dignified as Miyuki was trying to be, Youichi hadn't missed the way he had nearly fallen asleep in class more than once the past few days, his low energy levels or how right now he was holding onto his bedframe tightly in order not to fall down. "Seriously, just go take the bed. No one's using it."

Kazuya was about to retort when Chris chimed in, as calm and collected as always.

"I agree with Kuramochi, Miyuki. You've been off your game this week and you need to get better." he said without looking up from his cards. He laid them down without changing his expression when Jun exclaimed his shock at having lost against Chris in the background.

"Fine, fine." Kazuya grumbled, admitting defeat now that there was more than one person against him. He turned around almost immediately and walked out the door with a casual "Night" thrown over his shoulder. He knew he had backed down too fast but he also knew when he had lost (and it wasn't that he was tired, not at all).

Kazuya was already at the stairs that led down to the level Kuramochi's room was on when the noise from inside his own room grew louder for a few seconds, punctuated by an indignant squawk and a loud "Ow!". Then the sounds grew dim again, the door shutting with a slam. Kazuya closed his eyes. He wasn't surprised to hear stomping footsteps come toward him before they stopped.

Eijun wanted to get Miyuki to the room as quickly as he could so he could prove to Kuramochi that he was better at this game than him, opening his mouth to tell Miyuki to hurry up. Then he saw how hard the catcher was gripping the railing, swaying lightly in place with his eyes squeezed shut.

"Miyuki? Are you…do you need help?" Eijun asked, feeling a small twinge of worry. He silently admitted that maybe Kuramochi had been right about Miyuki needing a babysitter. As good of a catcher he was, that didn't make him invincible toward things like getting sick or exhaustion. Something that he seemed to have in spades, judging by how unstable Miyuki looked right now.

"Of course not." Kazuya dismissed, finally opening his eyes after getting hit by a wave of unexpected dizziness. "Go back and play."

He took a step down the stairs and nearly stumbled, saved only by his fast reflexes of catching hold of the railing – and two strong arms around his middle.

Eijun snorted at Miyuki's words and his following stumble. Holding on to him, he gritted his teeth as he pulled him into a standing position. "Funny, it looks like you do need my help."

He didn't wait for an answer, instead slinging one of Miyuki's arms over his shoulders and gripping him around the waist. The catcher was too close for comfort, pressed against him from his chest right down his thighs, defined muscle under thin cloth hard against his side. Eijun didn't like how it made him feel, all fluttery and a bit shy. Stupid Miyuki. It's all your fault, you infected me with whatever it is I've got.

Kazuya let himself be manhandled. He was too tired to deal with this. Letting his eyes shut again, he felt his body go limp and press against the furnace that was Sawamura. The heat was strangely comforting. He still made his legs work once they started descending the stairs, opening his eyes a tiny bit.

"Jeez, you could at least help me by moving by yourself." Sawamura huffed from beside him. "You're so useless right now, no wonder Chris-senpai and Kuramochi-senpai threw me out to help you."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure they were just sick of your shouting." Kazuya immediately shot back, smirking when he got an annoyed growl in return. Aah, I feel a bit more like myself. Nothing like teasing bakamura to get my energy back up. "Hey, isn't this your door?"

"Uh, yeah." Eijun stopped, blinking at the familiar number stuck to the room. He had been so distracted by Miyuki that he had almost walked past it. He carefully let go of the catcher's waist, ignoring that small sting of regret, but left his arms across his shoulders. "Let me get my key."

It took a bit of fumbling since he had forgotten which pocket he had put it in and then had to fit the key into the lock with clammy hands. He suddenly felt hot, incredibly conscious of Miyuki hanging off of him. The sooner I get rid of this illness, the better. Sweat started to gather on his forehead as Miyuki started leaning against him heavily, his face so close to his neck, Eijun could feel his hot breath.

To his shame, Kazuya almost nodded off while standing there, awkwardly half-supported by Sawamura. The loud click of the door opening made him jerk his head upward and sluggishly move forward once Sawamura's arm around his waist was back in place and urging him to walk. He liked how stable it felt, secure and reliable.

Where the hell did that come from?

Miyuki suddenly extracted himself from Eijun's grip once he had closed the door behind them, stumbling toward one of the lower bunk beds. A strange mix of relief and disappointment went through him at the loss of contact, making him stare daggers at Miyuki the next moment. This is all your fault.

Then Eijun noticed just whose bed Miyuki had fallen into and groaned. He climbed into his bed, shaking him by the shoulder.

"Hey, Miyuki Kazuya! Get up, this isn't the free bed. Go there." Eijun pointed upward, across the room at the bunk above Masuko's. His hand itched to punch the bastard when the only response he got was a slight frown. Miyuki didn't even open his eyes.

"Sawamura, shut up." Kazuya eventually made himself say semi-clearly, trying not to slur. Sawamura, however, still wasn't quiet, ranting on about him being an ass and the whole situation being unfair, this was his bed after all –

Eijun let out an undignified noise, something between a squeal and a squeak (which he would deny to his dying day was a sound he could produce), as he was unceremoniously yanked forward. He landed on the soft mattress, Miyuki's weight pinning him down as he lay halfway on him, halfway on the bed. Eijun squirmed underneath the heavy, but not unwelcome, warmth. He flushed at the thought and started struggling a bit harder. "H-hey, M-Miyuki –"

"What's it going to take to shut you up?" Kazuya actually opened his eyes for that, squinting at Sawamura face in the dark. His glasses were skewed on his face from having literally dropped onto the bed. He couldn't see what Sawamura's expression looked like but sighed when all he heard in response was blessed silence. "Finally."

The reason Eijun hadn't replied to Miyuki's question was because the way he had looked right now struck him speechless and not in a good way. The moonlight filtering through the window put all the light and shadows into contrast on his face, highlighting the tired lines and dark circles under his eyes. Miyuki didn't just look tired out, he looked utterly exhausted. So Eijun let him be, only carefully plucking the glasses off Miyuki's face who was already asleep.

"Sleep well, senpai." Eijun whispered, unaware of how gentle he sounded though he did flush when the catcher curled into his side unconsciously. He closed his eyes, resigning himself to staying and trying to sleep despite Miyuki breathing into his neck and his arm thrown across Eijun's chest. It was surprising how difficult that was, given the late hour and how tired he usually was after a full day of training like today. But right now, he was just too conscious of the close proximity between the catcher and him. It was even worse than before on the stairs. Still, Eijun didn't want to wake him so he just lay there, eyes open and fixed on the bottom of the bunk above him. Eventually, the warmth surrounding him and the rhythm of Miyuki's gentle breathing lulled him into sleep.

Eijun woke instantly when he heard a loud whimpering from beside him. He blinked, disoriented for a moment – where was he? Why was there someone else beside him? – before he remembered having accompanied Miyuki to their room. He sat up, rubbing his eyes as he looked beside him.

Miyuki was curled into a tight ball, back toward him and making noises that sounded suspiciously like crying, frightened sobs and little gasps. Eijun was so shocked he didn't know what to do at first, but then Miyuki let out a particularly loud whimper that he leaned over him, shaking his shoulder. "Hey, wake up! Miyuki! Miyuki Kazuya! Senpai!"

Kazuya woke with a loud gasp and tears streaming down his face. The violent shaking of his shoulder stopped but the warmth of a steady hand stayed. His eyes darted around blindly, blurriness adding to the dark. Where was he?

Miyuki bolted upward abruptly, bonking Eijun in the head. They both reeled back with exclamations of pain, rubbing their foreheads. Eijun glared at the other boy. "What the heck was that for?"

Kazuya lowered his hand, only absentmindedly registering Sawamura's irritated tone or the pain on his forehead. He rubbed at his eyes and face, drying them as he twisted away from Sawamura. He cleared his throat.

"S-sorry. Go back to sleep." Kazuya hated how weak his voice sounded, how much he was trembling. It had been that dream again. He always got it around this time of the year, but this was the first time that someone else was around to witness it. He nearly jumped when he felt Sawamura's hand on his shoulder.

"Miyuki, did you have a nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?" Eijun asked, surprised enough by his apology that he forgot about the probably blooming bruise on his forehead. Besides, Miyuki looked like he needed someone right now. He stiffened under his touch but it didn't make the way his body's tremors any less obvious. When Eijun didn't get a reply, he continued hastily, blabbering, "My mum would always tell me to talk about it, it really helps! It makes it less –"

"Sawamura." Kazuya interrupted the steady flow of words coming out of his mouth. "I don't want to talk about it. Can we just go back to sleep? Please?"

Eijun immediately stopped talking at Miyuki's interruption. He sounded uncharacteristically vulnerable and so unlike the catcher he knew. So when Miyuki turned around, he could only nod and stutter out a "Y-yes."

Kazuya lay back down, letting out a breath of relief. He could feel Sawamura doing the same, rustling noises coming from beside him as he shifted to get comfortable on a bed that was decidedly too small for two growing teenage boys. Eventually, he settled, not touching Kazuya. He felt a small twinge of disappointment at that. Sawamura's heat was comforting, even if he was an idiot.

Eijun almost flinched when he felt something cold touch his hand, but even so he twitched in surprise. He looked down automatically, seeing that it was Miyuki's hand slowly curling around his. Eijun looked up, heart having sped up at the realisation and saw Miyuki watching him with wide, frightened eyes and an undercurrent of wariness. He didn't do anything for a long moment and then slowly squeezed Miyuki's hand in silent reply. The wariness drained out of his expression, but still leaving the fear.

"I'm scared." Kazuya whispered by way of explanation at the sight of glowing amber eyes staring at him in question. They blinked. I know.

"Why?"

"I…I get nightmares. My mother, she –" Kazuya cut himself off, swallowing heavily as he could feel tears gathering in his eyes. He blinked them away at the small squeeze around his hand. "She died. A long time ago."

Sawamura listened quietly to his whole explanation, perhaps sensing that he needed someone to talk to, someone to listen, for once.

"We were all in the car, my father, my mother and I. I don't remember where we were going anymore, only that it was night. Probably home. I know I was asleep one moment and wide awake the next. There was screeching, screaming, the sound of breaking glass. I don't remember being in pain, but I was injured." Kazuya lifted his arm halfway to indicate a long, faded scar on his arm and then dropped it again. "Nothing much, luckily. My dad was a bit more serious, he had some broken bones and had to stay in hospital a while. My mum…"

Eijun heard Miyuki suck in a breath in the darkness, shuddering, and squeezed his hand again. "You don't have to finish."

Miyuki continued as if he hadn't heard him. "She died instantly. The only good thing about it, I suppose. It happened around this time of the year. I get nightmares every time."

Kazuya shut his eyes again, images of flames and the panicked face of his mother as she yelled at him to get out. Then the sound of another terror filled scream and an explosion. His eyes snapped open, his hand unconsciously gripping Sawamura's hard enough to make him wince. He immediately let go, already regretting the action because his hand felt cold again. "Sorry."

"Stop apologising." Eijun griped, disappointed and a bit hurt that Miyuki had let go so suddenly. "You've nothing to be sorry for."

They stared at each other in the dark, unable to see more than silhouettes or glowing eyes, but close to enough to feel the other there. Eijun was the first to break eye contact, clearing his throat. "Let's go back to sleep, yeah?"

He turned his back toward Miyuki, uncomfortable with facing him anymore, but looked back when he felt a light, hesitant tap on his shoulder.

"Can I…?" Kazuya didn't manage to finish the question, embarrassed and grateful it was too dark to see. Instead, he grabbed Sawamura's arm and pulled lightly until he was lying on his back again.

Eijun stayed stock still as Miyuki carefully, skittishly laid himself across him like when they had first fallen asleep, reaching for his hand. He resembled a wild animal right now, one wrong move and he would be scared off. Normally, that would be what Eijun wanted, but seeing Miyuki like this was shocking and new. He was sure this wasn't easy for him and he didn't want to be the kind of jerk who would reject something like this. Yes, under normal circumstances he wouldn't have cared, but this wasn't normal and Eijun felt an unexpected warmth at being trusted with seeing this side of Miyuki. He once again noticed how his breathing sped up just a bit at being so close to him, how his heart beat faster. Then Miyuki's head settled on his shoulder again and Eijun tilted his head down slightly to see him looking right at him. Without the glasses in the way, he could see Miyuki's eyes clearly, for once, at least as much as was possible in the dark. They looked clear and full of raw emotion at the same time. They bared his soul before Eijun and all he could think was, Beautiful. He blinked. Oh.

Miyuki didn't know what he meant to do when he looked at Sawamura, but when their eyes met it was like he couldn't break contact, no matter what he tried (never mind that he wasn't trying). He was surprised to see only calm inside that warm amber, that and immeasurable trust, instead of the whirlpool of emotions that was Sawamura on a normal day. Then again, this wasn't normal. But I want it to be.

On a normal day, Kazuya would have beat that thought out of existence or studiously ignored it until he couldn't any longer. On a normal day, he would have noticed how Sawamura's eyes cleared with understanding and then panic, but all of this slipped past Kazuya because he was already on the verge of sleep, eyes sliding shut.

"You smell nice." Eijun thought he could hear Miyuki mumble against his collar bone before his breathing evened out again to signal sleep. Eijun breathed out quietly, a bit shakily and draped the arm Miyuki was partially lying on around the older boy's waist. Miyuki unconsciously shifted closer, making Eijun smile involuntarily and tighten his grip on his hand just a little.

Eijun was asleep in minutes.

"Shh, quiet! Don't wake them yet, I need a photo!"

Eijun woke first, blinking at the interplay of shadowed silhouettes and daylight above him. Then his eyes widened and he snapped into an upright position as he recognised a deviously grinning Kuramochi and some of the third years behind him. All of them had their phones out and aimed at Eijun's bed. He glanced down, seeing a sleeping, oblivious Miyuki curling closer to the spot on the bed Eijun had lain just before. A loud, recorded clicking noise sounded from the third years and he looked back up. Then he leapt up out of bed, furious as he realised what was going on.

"Give me those phones! Delete it! Delete it!"

Kuramochi laughed his hyena-like laugh as he danced out of reach of a very angry Sawamura. "No way, this is what you get for disrespecting your seniors!"

"Cute." Chris blinked down at the photo on his phone, corners of his mouth curling up slightly. Sawamura howled.

"Not you too, Chris-senpai!"

"Hey, what's with the noise?"

All activity inside the room ceased when Miyuki's voice, still sleepy but sharp as usual, rang out from the bed. They all turned to look at him and Eijun swallowed.

No one should be allowed to look that good right after they wake up.

Noticing Sawamura's reaction, Youichi grinned and then put his phone away safely inside his pocket. "We have morning practice, remember? If you want breakfast, we'd better go now."

That got them all moving, some slower than others, but eventually they all left and the room fell into silence. Only a few minutes after the room had emptied, Eijun's phone on his nightstand vibrated and the display lit up with a new message.

Sender: Kuramochi

Receiver: Me

You can thank me later.

Attached file:

A picture of Sawamura and Miyuki, lying together on a bed and sleeping, limbs entangled.