Dear Diary,
Today, I observed from the back of the couch as the red authority's human companion and its red-headed mate brought in a large pine tree and set it upright in the middle of the floor. The authorities and the humans then proceeded to decorate the tree with strings of lights and a wide variety of colorful objects in what I assume to be some sort of barbaric ritual. I waited until the tree was left unguarded before I dared to approach it. Imagine my horror upon discovering that the tree had been cut from its roots and stuck inside a decorative pot to slowly die. Outraged, I refused to allow this mockery of death to continue and swore to remove every single object hooked onto the tree branches. No sooner had I started than the blue authority appeared and shooed me away from the tree. It appears I will have to resume my mission under the cover of darkness. Wish me luck.
XXX
Dear Diary,
I decided to protest the blue authority's ironfisted rule by vomiting on his bedsheets. Alas, I found him present in his bedroom at the exact time I wished to perform my misdeed. He was seated on the floor, surrounded by boxes, large sheets of crinkly paper, and miles of ribbon. Truly, it was a cat's playground and I was so overcome with excitement that I could not refrain from dashing underneath the paper, hopping inside of the boxes, or chasing the ribbon. My antics were not amusing to the blue authority and, like so many times in the past, I was promptly kicked out the door. I will, therefore, go ahead with my treasonous act at the first possible opportunity.
XXX
Dear Diary,
This entry is being made from inside the refuge of the cupboard beneath the bathroom sink. I am hiding here to avoid the orange authority who is currently searching for me. He told me earlier that he plans to dress me in a red suit and hat so that I may look like an authority he calls "Santa Claus". It will be a cold day in hell before I wear clothes again. I can hear the orange authority approaching. I will now engage in total silence to remain undetected.
XXX
Dear Diary,
I devised a new tactic for liberating the withering tree of its flashing death shroud. Instead of removing the gaudy ornaments at the bottom first, I would climb to the top and work my way down. Unfortunately, during the execution of my plan, I was interrupted by the purple authority as he was conducting his nightly patrol between the laboratory and the kitchen. How foolish I was to overlook this routine behavior of his. My lesson is learned and I will keep it in mind when planning my next attempt to relieve that suffering pine.
XXX
Dear Diary,
Today, whilst in pursuit of a rather quick spider, I happened upon the red authority. He was too busy to notice his eight-legged foe scuttle past which immediately sparked my curiosity. I abandoned my prey to find out what held the red authority's attention so raptly. Much like his comrade a few days prior, the red authority had a sizable collection of boxes and paper set on the floor before him. He was struggling to wrap the paper around one of the bigger boxes. I was feeling generous and went to offer my assistance only to be soundly rebuffed and swatted at. My help is never appreciated around here. Next time, I shall let the spider terrorize the red authority.
XXX
Dear Diary,
It seems that the red authority finally succeeded in wrapping his box as it recently appeared beneath the pine tree, along with several other similarly wrapped boxes. Some I recognize as having come from the blue authority's room. The temptation to rip apart the paper and find out what's inside these precious boxes is almost too great. I am being watched, however, and cannot come close to the things without being barked at by an authority. Once again, my curiosity is left unsatisfied.
XXX
Dear Diary,
I woke this afternoon to discover that the tree is now guarded by a small train that circles around it non-stop. Even though this train is considerably diminished in size when compared to the ones on the surface world, it is still just as frightening. Each time I approach the tracks I am greeted with a shrill whistle that is not at all pleasant to the ears. The authorities are taking drastic measures to secure their ritualistic tree. I wonder if I will be able to overcome them. For the sake of the tree's dignity, I shall try.
XXX
Dear Diary,
The orange authority has become more intolerable of late. He has taken to singing the same collection of chants over and over again at full volume. At times he will pick me up and force me to dance as he sings. I do not understand this strange practice nor do I understand the meaning behind these chants. Who is this Santa Claus authority and why is he coming to town?
XXX
Dear Diary,
Today, I tired one last ditch effort to alleviate the pine tree. To avoid the ever circling train, I took a running leap, aiming for the topmost branch. My weight proved to be too much for the weakened tree and it toppled over as soon as my paws touched it. This caused a great ruckus that brought the authorities rushing over. They were greatly angered by my action and as punishment I was shut inside the orange authority's room. While I suppose I should be grateful that he at least left me food and water, I cannot help but feel that confinement in this small and messy place is a cruel fate to be handed.
XXX
Dear Diary,
The authorities' two human companions returned today. All seven of them gathered around the tree again, only this time they passed around the papered boxes tucked beneath it. There were many joyous shouts as they ripped the boxes open and pulled out the contents. Not a single box was given to me. My impression that the authorities are horrible selfish creatures has now been set in stone. I pray that I never have to experience unfairness like this ever again.