The Street

Part 1

Chapter 1

Bert and Ernie were slowly walking towards Sesame Street. Of course Ernie, who is not one to be the quiet type, struck up a conversation with Bert. It was obvious Bert wanted to talk to Ernie about as much as he wanted to shove his head in a waffle iron and smash his head into a Belgium waffle. Nevertheless, Ernie persisted with making conversation, as was his particular idiom.

"Hey, Bert..." Ernie began

"What do you want?" Bert answered, annoyed

"How is it that we and all the other people on the show try to make people believe that the whole thing is on one particular street? I mean, we have things like Count's castle and all sorts of other damn things and they all sit neatly on one street, Sesame Street. Aren't people going to question this? Realize that it's not possible in and way..."

"You're a Muppet, Ernie, and you're talking about what's possible and impossible? Your version of reality is royally screwed, my friend."

"You see? Reality. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Why can't we just change it up a little? You know, the whole God damn show doesn't have to be on one street. Why can't we say 'Let's go over to Barley Street and talk to those kooky Mexicans that are always talking to us.'?"

"Well, first off, that's a racist comment." Bert retorted

"No it's not. They are from Mexico, thus they're Mexicans. There is nothing racist about that statement." Ernie defended

"Well, the way you presented it made it appear racist."

"Look! You're getting off track, the point is there is absolutely no realism to the show."

By this time, Bert was becoming quite fed up with Ernie's sudden rash of critical thinking. When the hell did Ernie grow a brain? In between sleeping and taking a bath with his rubber ducky?

"There is no realism to the fucking show because, for the simple reason, the show is for children. Do kids care that it is impossible to have all this colorful shit on one lonely street? No, they couldn't care less."

"Why are you getting so defensive about this all of a sudden?" Ernie remarked

"Well, for one thing I don't give a crap about the scientific reasons and impossibilities in effect on Sesame Street for the simple reason that our presence on the show is eventually not gonna' mean dick." Bert exclaimed

"What are you talking about?" Ernie replied

"Alright, here's the deal. Check it: You've seen all these new shows on PBS, right? They're all new and modern and shit while we're sitting pretty much in the same place when the damned show started. Secondly, our characters on Sesame Street used to have a significant part but now we aren't getting as much screen time. Plus, it doesn't make me happy who the most hyped of the damned cast is."

"Who is the most hyped of the cast?" Ernie interrupted

"Elmo." Bert replied

"Elmo?! That homosexual ball of fluff?"

"Yeah, I said the same thing. He's getting more screen time, he has his own little section, Elmo's World, and his fucking merchandise always is snatched up like hotcakes when Christmas comes around."

As they talked they finally arrived at Sesame Street. The street, which, as Ernie said, was actually a number of smaller streets branching out all over the place. The tall brick apartment buildings loomed over the heads of Bert and Ernie.

"Here we are... again..." Ernie sighed

"C'mon, let's go get in character." Bert said and slapped Ernie on the back.

....

"I believe in Public Television. Public Television's made my fortune. I raised my children on PBS. I've been living on Sesame Street for so long. It's my home. Then, those monsters come out of the woodwork... and they want to evict me. They want to throw me out to make room for someone new. They say I no longer have anything to give to the community, that my usefulness has run out. But, Oh mi Dios, it is not right... it is unfair and I know that you have power. I know that you can do something. Please, do what I beg you to do."

Sr. Ricardo stared at the woman across from him as she said her speech. She was pleading for her livelihood. However, she showed disrespect. She came to him not in friendship but asking for favors. Things like this, he did not tolerate.

"And what is it you beg me to do, Maria?" questioned Ricardo

"Please, find a way to allow me to stay on Sesame Street. For my children... for me."

"You may overestimate my power, Maria."

"How much do I pay you?" Maria asked in a last ditch attempt

Ricardo shook his head. She was acting disrespectful before but now, with the inclusion of money; it was like she stabbed him in the chest. Her disrespect was overwhelming.

"You find yourself in trouble... so where do you turn? To me. You know that I have friends in high places. You realize this but, nevertheless, when was the last time you did a favor for me? Why, even something as small as inviting me over for tea and biscuits would show you're respect for me. But, instead, you come into my house and say 'Sr. Ricardo give me justice.' I must turn you down. Sesame Street is going to be modernized and things are going to be added. They must move out unnecessary cogs in the machine. That's just what you are. It's not personal, it's business."

"PLEASE, Sr.! Any amount, name it!"

"And there you go again!" Sr. Ricardo started, enraged, "Your disrespect for me is horrible and ugly. All these years I help you, take you under my wing and you repay me with belligerence! You don't even think to call me Padre!"

Immediately, with the harshness of these words, Maria knew where she had faulted. She had mistreated her father too long. He was the one that helped her move to Sesame Street. She should be grateful but as time went on he became different and she shunned the new father that grew from the old. She cut off contact, until now. She realized her wrongs.

"Please... help me." Maria stuttered, "Padre..."

She went around the desk to where her father was sitting and kissed him on the cheek and wrapped her arms around his neck. This was all Ricardo wanted, love and respect. He patted her hand and began to speak.

"I will help you, Maria. Do not pack your things. Stay in your home. By sundown this will all be behind you."

Maria was overwhelmed with joy. She kissed her father's hand and embraced him once more.

"Gracias, Padre."

And with that she exited Ricardo's office. Ricardo watched as his daughter walked out of the room in a joy he had never seen on her face. She really loved the place she lived. Oh, but little did she know Sesame Street was about to be turned upside down. So many things were going to happen and so many changes will take place soon that she may regret wanting to stay. Ricardo, too, was saddened by the future plans for the street. He was reminded of fond memories of it from so long ago.

....

Kermit opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep on his desk. Next to him stood an empty bottle of whiskey. He slowly rose from his seat behind his desk, aching all over his body. The frog had gotten himself a hangover. He got up and went to the bathroom to splash water over his face. He took a shower and afterwards came back out and snatched the paper up from its resting place under the slot in the door where the paperboy had pushed it through. He once again went to his desk and started reading the top stories. As he did so he took out his pouch of tobacco and a piece of paper and rolled himself a cigarette. He took a drag as he read about the future renovations to Sesame Street. Suddenly, a knock came at the door. Frustrated, Kermit slapped the paper back down on the table and got up to answer the door. The door was the type of door with the smoked glass in the middle of it towards the top. It also had lettering on it. 'Kermit the Frog - Private Detective'. The door swung open to reveal a beautiful woman wearing a black veil over her face. She was almost crying and Kermit, being the kindhearted toad, let her in and brought her a seat.

"Are you Kermit the frog?" the woman asked after she was comfortable in the chair

"Yes ma'am. Would you like something to drink?" Kermit asked

"Scotch, on the rocks."

"Very well." Kermit replied and quickly made her drink and handed it to her

"Thank you... Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get down to the meaning of my visit."

"That seems reasonable." Kermit said, in between puffs of his cigarette, "May I ask who you are, ma'am?"

"Oh, of course. I am Miss Olivia Tulane."

Kermit thought for a moment. Where had he heard the name Tulane before? In his business he hears all sorts of names and then hears them again later. It's not uncommon but it is always nerve racking to not remember where he heard the name before.

"Mr. Frog?"

"What? Oh, yes." Kermit snapped out of his trancelike state. Whenever he thinks hard he forgets about all else, "I'm sorry, I was just caught up in thought trying to think of where I've heard the name Tulane before."

Olivia smiled sheepishly and nodded her head in understanding. Her eyes then darted to the newspaper sitting on Kermit's desk.

"You may have read the name in your paper, Mr. Frog. My husband was in the paper this morning. He has much to do with the future changes that are to be implemented on Sesame Street."

"Please, Mrs. Tulane, call me Kermit."

"Very well, but as I said before I wish to get down to business." Olivia insisted

"Alright, what manner of business is it that we will be talking about, Mrs. Tulane?"

"Well, already I have mentioned my husband... I'm afraid that is the manner of my business."

"Did something happen to him?"

"Quite. He hasn't been home for the last few days. I've checked at work and they haven't seen him either. I fear something awful has happened to him."

"Why would you think that?" Kermit questioned

"Oh, Kermit, my husband has quite a few enemies that wouldn't mind seeing him knocked off. He's a very powerful man you see, and a smart man, but he's the kind of man that wants things done right... and lawful."

"Why would that give him enemies, Mrs. Tulane?"

"His ideas for how to make this city and Sesame Street, in particular, better are brilliant and people know this. However, they also know these ideas would be lucrative for some rather illegal activities if implemented correctly. My husband stands firmly against this and so he has been making enemies in extremely dangerous places."

"I see, Mrs. Tulane. I'll see what I can dig up. I'll probably phone you later tonight with any information I can scrounge up."

"Thank you, Kermit. This means a lot to me." Olivia remarked pulling out a large wad of cash from her purse, "Will this be enough?"

Kermit took the wad from her and began to flip through it. She had given him almost a thousand dollars for this little job. Kermit began to get suspicious, but he didn't show it. He just smiled and nodded his head.

"Oh yes, Mrs. Tulane, this is quite enough."

"I'm glad. Please, keep me posted, Kermit, and find out what happened to my husband."

"I will. Don't you worry about a thing."

Kermit then showed her to the door. Before exiting his office she turned to look at him briefly and then began walking down the hall. Kermit could hear her footsteps after she was out of his sight because of the echo in his apartment. He stood in the hallway, absentminded, for a moment and then re-entered his office. He sat back down at his desk and crushed what was left of his cigarette in the ashtray. He then opened one of the drawers of his desk and pulled out a flask and took a swig. Kermit knew that he was one step shy of becoming a full-blown alcoholic, but he didn't care. Alcohol helped him work.

He then picked up the phone and began to dial a number on the keypad. Halfway through dialing it he stopped. He just stopped dialing and stared at the phone. Soon the busy signal started emitting from the receiver. Kermit, in a rage, threw the phone across the room. He sat there some more, head in his hands. He then pulled a picture from the same drawer he had retrieved the flask from. In the picture was Miss Piggy, his love. He stared at the picture a moment before placing it back in the drawer and shutting it harshly. He then strolled over to the coat rack next to the door and put on his trench coat and fedora and walked out of his office.