Author's note: Erm, mature content warning, I guess? Nothing too explicit, but still.

I kept the first part of the chapter in the present tense and rest of it in the past on purpose - it was easier to write that way, for some reason. IDK, ask the plot bunnies.

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me
"Love Song Requiem" by Trading Yesterday

Pepper gasps quietly when Tony trails his lips along her jawline to the tender spot behind her ear, her eyes flutter closed and her hands hold on to the fistfuls of his shirt.

I had a dream like this once, too, she thinks, but then his hands slip underneath her tank top, and she can't breathe, doesn't know how to think, and the room is spinning around her. His mouth finds hers again and she needs to hold on to him because she feels weak in her knees.

Pepper's fingers work on the buttons of his shirt, pushing it down his shoulders with intense urgency. And the moment it takes Tony to pull his undershirt off is too long, almost unbearable. The longest half a second of a no skin-on-skin contact, and then Pepper is running her hands down his chest, slowly tracing the scars, feeling him tremble under her touch. His breath hitches in his throat, and the sound knocks the air out of her own lungs. There is a bruise on his ribs, from the fight with Rhodey last night perhaps, and a much less noticeable on his cheekbone (why didn't she notice it before?). He's like a map she can't wait to read. His skin is hot and soft and so alive, and it's almost too much, and not enough. She feels selfish because she wants it all, now, at this very instant, and yet she wants it to last forever.

Tony leaves a wet trail on her skin, kissing his way along her cheek and down her neck, his breathing is short and fast and gasping. His hands find the hem of her top and pull it up, and up, and then they're moving, although Pepper doesn't know they are until her shins meet the edge of the bed, and she almost falls, but he keeps her standing somehow, keeping their balance (just barely) as her fingers dig into his shoulders.

"Pepper," he starts, and his voice is low and hoarse, and there's something about the way he says her name that makes her shiver head to toe. She runs her finger down his lips silencing him (lest he says something… something that needn't be said now), searching his face. His eyes are huge and black, and she's falling, and wants to keep on falling for as long as she's alive.

And then she's kissing him again, and his hands are pushing through her hair, and down her neck, and down…. She bites his lower lip, and he growls in the back of his throat, and it's nothing like what she imagined (not that she have because…. because). It's so much more.

He pushes her down gently, and she trusts him not to topple them both to the floor. Not that it matters. Not that she'd care one bit.

Somehow, along the way, they lose the remaining pieces of clothing, and then he's hovering over her, and her stomach is heavy, and her chest is so full of things she can't even begin to understand that Pepper wants so desperately to start running.

She doesn't.

She pushes his hair back from his forehead, and Tony turns his head to kiss her palm, the inside of her wrist, along her inner arm, and she thinks she's going to go insane. Or melt right through the sheets. Her eyes flutter shut and a soft sigh escapes her lips. She needs a moment to regain her composure, and she also needs to not stop feeling his skin on hers, and so she pulls him closer, and closer, and then his hand runs down the side of her body and towards her hip, and Pepper gasps when he fills her. Her fingers close tightly around his hand laced with hers, nails digging into his skin, leaving red half-moon marks. Tony catches her sigh with his mouth, and she can still taste a trace of alcohol under the layers that are justTony.

He pauses for a moment then to look at her face, to take it in, to try and etch it in his memory forever. His hips start moving, they find their rhythm, and everything is simple, and it feels right, and it's so easy to forget the past, and all the reasons Pepper ever had for not letting it happen before. It means nothing now. Not when Tony is touching her the way he does, his hands are suddenly all over her body as if he has a hundred of them. And his lips- Not when her entire world explodes. Moments, or minutes, or infinity later, he goes still as well, his face pressed against her neck, his hot breath tickling her skin.

"Why did it take us so long to get here?" Tony asks in a barely audible whisper, and Pepper can feel him smile as he trails his lips along her skin.

You know why, she thinks but doesn't say anything, choosing to marvel under the weight of his body, waiting for her heartbeat to slow down, for her breathing to stop feeling like there is no oxygen left in the world.

He rolls them both over, tucking Pepper into his side. Pushes her sweat-drenched hair out of her face and kisses her on the forehead as he holds her so tight she can barely inhale, and she wouldn't want to have it any other way. Why indeed, she wonders feeling drowsy and mellow and more relaxed than she's felt in forever. Her hand falls on his chest, right over the arc reactor, and even with her eyes closed, she can feel it glow, can feel it keeping him alive. Her forehead rests on his collarbone as Tony pulls the sheets over them, and she wills the moment to last until the end of time.

xoox

It was almost dawn when Tony woke up, feeling, ironically, more alive than he had in the longest time. Truth be told, he couldn't even recall the last time his mind was so at peace, leave alone the last time he actually managed to catch more than an hour of sleep. The reason he woke up at all was, perhaps, the lack of warmth by his side he knew should've been there, even in his slumber aware of this particular detail.

He reached blindly for Pepper, groping her side of the bed, and then opened his eyes, blinking sleepily when it became clear that the bed was empty.

"Pepper?" His voice was hoarse and groggy from sleep, and for a moment or two the panic overwhelmed him, making him wonder if maybe everything that happened a few hours ago was nothing but a dream, and the very idea was beyond terrifying.

It woke him up in a heartbeat, his eyes snapping open. He rolled over, nearly toppling off the bed, his heart racing.

And then he sighed with relief, slumping back on the pillows in relief when he spotted Pepper standing by the balcony door. Dressed in his shirt that went just past her hips, with her arms folded over her chest, she was looking outside into the night. Or morning, really.

Tony ran his hand down his face, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, his heartbeat finally getting back to normal. Somewhat.

"Pep?" He called out a bit louder, stifling a yawn. She didn't turn but he knew she heard him. "Everything okay?"

In the dark, he could only see the outline of her profile, a slightly paler spot against the shadows, but in this moment, he could swear the corners of her mouth tugged up ever so slightly.

"It's still snowing," she responded a few moments later, her voice low and soft. "We don't get to see much of this in California."

"We need to get out more," Tony offered without hesitation.

Pepper glanced over at him. "Out of California?"

He shrugged. "For starters."

He scooched over and then, when Pepper approached, caught her by the sleeve of the shirt and tugged her down until she was sitting beside him on the bed. God, she was beautiful. So beautiful it hurt.

"We could go to Aspen. Or to Switzerland. You'd like the Alps." Tony pondered thoughtfully, his thumb tracing slow circles on the back of her hand. "I heard they have all the snow in the world over there. The Italy offer still stands, too, you know. You love Italy."

She scoffed. "Yeah, I have very fond memories of bailing you out of the Italian jail for indecent exposure. The time of my life."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Are you even allowed to return there?"

"We could… figure something out."

She shook her head hopelessly. "I bet we could." A pause. "Tony, whatever happened tonight—whatever it was—"

"Something good." Tony sat up, their eyes on the same level now. His gaze wandered around her features, illuminated mostly by the light coming from the arc reactor. "And it is going to happen again. And again. And… you get the idea."

Pepper arched an eyebrow, trying to keep her face as straight as she could.

"Is that so?"

Tony traced the hem of his shirt from her collarbone and down to the first button. "That's a nice look on you, Miss Potts. You think we could make some changes to our dress code policy?"

"The Board of Directors would have a collective heart attack if you bright it up," she pointed out.

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a 'I would love to be there when you mention it'."

"Should I also mention not actually having to sleep on the couch after all?"

"Oh, so this is what it was all about?"

"Among other things," Tony nodded, his voice nonchalant.

"Now you're just purposely trying to be a jerk."

"Purposely trying? Please! It's an inborn talent. You can't just make something like that up."

Pepper rolled her eyes and started pulling away, but Tony got her by the wrist, his other hand buried in her hair cupping the back of her head. And the next thing she knew was he was kissing her with that marvelous mouth of his, a delicate brush of his lips against her at first that deepened when she made no attempt to resist. Her hand closed around his wrist, and there was something exhilarating about feeling his pulse under her fingers.

He pulled back and planted a small kiss on her cheekbone before resting his forehead against hers, his fingers still tangled in her hair.

"Pep, I know I messed up."

"Yes, you did."

"And the timing is bad." His lips formed into a humorless smile. It was hard to read her face like that, but it felt good – she felt good – and he hated even the idea of putting any distance between them. "But we'll figure it out. We always do."

Kind of. Except when she wanted to kill him, like, a million times, but he knew better than to bring it up.

"I don't want to leave," Tony murmured, his breath brushing her skin. "Do you think we could stay? It's… nice. We have a honeymoon suite all to ourselves. And have you seen that bathtub?"

Pepper ran her finger down his cheek. "Haven't we covered that already?"

He was about to pretest when her phone started ringing, startling them both.

Pepper was the first to recover, although not without a low groan because come on! She reach for it.

"Now? Really?" Tony attempted to grab it before she did.

"It could be work," she pointed out.

"When isn't it?"

"Well, I'm sorry for trying to save whatever's left of your company, Tony."

He hemmed, still not convinced. The failed attempt to interject her phone call didn't stop him from looping his arm around her waist and pulling her close, burying his face in her hair.

"Who would call you at 5 in the morning, by the way?"

"Agent Coulson," Pepper said into the phone as a matter of greeting.

"I'll kill him," Tony mumbled into her neck, almost certainly meaning it as she focused her attention on the call.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do know where Mr. Stark is," she continued meanwhile, craning her neck to look over at him. "No, I'm sorry, I did not know that." She paused, listening, and Tony strained to hear the other side of the conversation (without much success). Pepper turned then as much as she could without slipping out of his grasp. "He did what?" Her eyebrows shot all the way up to her hairline.

"What?" He whispered.

"And that too, huh?" She was eying him with equal parts of disbelief and Why am I not surprised?

"He is right here," Tony mouthed.

"No, it does sound like him," Pepper admitted to Coulson. "Unfortunately."

"What?" He tried leaning closer, but she swatted him off.

"Look, we're in a bit of a situation here-" she continued.

"Oh, is that what they call it these days?" Tony snickered.

"—but I promise to personally bring him back as soon as I can." A pause. "It's no problem it all. Thank you for your call, Agent Coulson."

"Thank you for your call," Tony mimicked as soon as she hung up. "Does he call you a lot?"

"Would you like to update me on what's going on with you and SHIELD?" Pepper asked instead, disregarding his petulant pout.

He winced a little. "It's kind of a long story."

He took the phone from her hand and stuffed it between the pillows – as far away from Pepper's reach as possible, should someone try to contact her again. They had wasted enough time already to deal with any more interruptions.

"I'm all ears," Pepper prompted him.

"Thank God you're not." He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Come to think of it, it's kind of a disturbing image, and I'm really glad we're speaking hypothetically, and-"

She smacked him halfheartedly on the shoulder. "I'm serious."

Tony's hand rested atop of hers lying on his chest. He planted a small kiss on her temple, breathing in the scent of her hair, her skin, trying oh so hard not to think about tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. Trying not to hear his clock ticking, his time running out faster than he ever thought it could.

Only a few months ago, none of this mattered. A few months ago, he'd go down in a blaze of glory without looking back. He'd do something big and stupid and most definitely legendary, and step into the abyss with a smile and a mile-long list of regrets he'd choose to ignore because there were too many of them to ponder. He'd lived like that his whole life and it was fine, and it was okay. It felt right somehow. He'd made his peace with the whole thing, and what could be worse than dying of an old age anyway?

But now… now he was scared. More scared than he'd ever been. More scared than when he thought he'd die in that godforsaken cave in Afghanistan, buried under the rocks. Hell, it almost felt like a trip to Disneyland right now.

Funny how there actually were perks to living a life in which he had nothing to lose.

"Tony—"

"You know, I was thinking…"

"Oh, no. It's usually not a good sign."

He let out a short laugh. "And you're calling me an ass?"

"When did I ever call you an ass?"

"Maybe not to my face."

Pepper smiled. "Touché." She trailed her hand down his chest, running her fingers along the edge of the reactor, and then paused, her brows drawing together, her forehead creased. She froze, and Tony knew instantly – way before his mind even registered the changes in her – that something was terribly, awfully wrong.

He looked down to see the intricate pattern of black veins spreading from the arc reactor like some kind of elaborate spider web. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! How many hours had it been? About seven? Eight maybe. He'd totally forgot about it, about the goddamned cartridges.

What did Rhodey call it? A high-tech crossword puzzle. It sounded oddly appropriate. Under any other circumstances, he'd probably like to have a good laugh about it.

"What is this?" Her voice was small and confused and a tad too worried for his taste.

Tony grimaced. "You know, funny story…"

xoox

She'd yelled at him. She had actually yelled at him. Louder than Tony ever imagined she was capable of.

Sure, Pepper had been angry with him before. Angry, annoyed, frustrated, mad – you name it. Sometimes all at the same time, and never ever without a reason. Just because he was her boss never stopped her from voicing her opinion about his screw-ups, usually quite colorfully, although at times a subtle sigh spoke volumes.

That being said, try as he might, Tony could not remember her ever being that kind of furious. He sure hadn't heard her voice rattling the windows. It would've been fascinating had it not been directed at him.

All of this happened a few hours ago.

Now they were on the plane, heading to New York, and Tony was pretty certain she hadn't said a word to him ever since they left the hotel. She was sitting in the back row staring out the small window at the white blanket of clouds beneath them instead. It was making him edgy. And endlessly guilty. Not to mention the fact that the silence was so pressing he almost convinced himself he'd gone deaf.

He'd really screwed up this time.

And now it was driving him insane. And the fucking SILENCE! God, he'd rather she kept yelling at him.

Finally, Tony took a seat next to her – there were only so many time he could walk up and down the aisle with no avail. On the bright side, there were also certain advantages to being stuck in a small enclosed space. It wasn't like she could jump out of the plane. Beside, he knew where the parachutes were.

Pepper didn't move. Didn't so much as acknowledge his presence, save for the slight stiffness of her posture, which could've been more instinctual than conscious, and for a moment Tone thought of fleeing… to the kitchen. His choices were quite limited at this point.

"Pep," he started quietly after a little while – when it became apparent that she wasn't going to, cautious and wary. It wasn't like he actually expected her to start throwing things at him, but he also wouldn't be entirely surprised if she went for it. Wouldn't blame her for it either.

She didn't respond at once. In fact, she kept quiet for so long he started thinking she didn't hear him in the first place. Wasn't even sure he spoke at all, for that matter. Also, she did have every right to ignore him, except Tony had no idea how to deal with it because… because it never was that bad before. She'd be pissed, and he'd apologize profusely, or shoot her his cheekiest smile, and she's roll her eyes, and sigh, and they'd forget about the issue entirely.

Now though…. It was a whole new level of fucked up.

And then, when Tony least expected it—

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She was still looking out the window, making it impossible to read her face, her voice not flat exactly, but kind of expressionless.

Oddly enough, the question never came up during her impressive tirade back at the hotel, which was why it caught him by surprise. Somewhat. In a way. Although he wasn't sure whether it was the question or the tone of her voice that bothered him more.

"I didn't know how," he replied honestly, his own voice strained and forced.

The short laugh that escaped her mouth was bitter and utterly humorless.

"With words, Tony. You, of all people, should know that. Considering you've told everyone else."

"Not everyone, just Rhodey and—" He cut off and cleared his throat. "That's not the point." A pause. And then softer, "You were the only person that mattered. I didn't know how to tell you because—and I'm not trying to find any excuses—"

"It sounds like you are, actually."

"No, I mean… what I'm trying to say—I didn't tell you anything because I hoped—I hoped I wouldn't have to." His mouth twitched a little. He stared at his hands clasped tightly on his lap.

"I asked you. I knew that something was wrong, and I asked you about it and you lied to me. You lied to my face and then you just kept…" She pursed her lips.

"I swear to God I was going to tell you."

"When it was too late."

Why wouldn't she look at him?

"No. Maybe. I don't know." It didn't come out the way he planned. "I thought I'd fix it all and there'd be nothing to tell about." Yes, definitely not as good as in his head.

"Can you?"

She sounded closer somehow, clearer, and when Tony lifted his gaze, he saw that Pepper finally turned away from the oh so exciting clouds and was now watching him, her face more guarded than he could remember, and it felt like a sucker punch. He'd done it again. Perfect.

"I'll think of something," he shrugged as if it was nothing. As if he couldn't literally drop dead any moment now. As if it didn't matter. "I always do."

She could see right through it, and he knew it, but it was the familiar dance, and he didn't know what else to do.

"Oh God, Tony," Pepper shook her head with exasperation.

And the next thing he knew she was leaning into him, her face tucked into the crook of his neck and her shoulders shaking ever so slightly. The flutter of her eyelashes was burning his skin with the wetness they were leaving.

There was an armrest wedged rather uncomfortably between the two of them, kind of taking the whole situation to a new level of uncomfortable.

Tony shifted to pull it up, and then his arm went around her, holding her close.

"Pep, come on," he whispered into her hair, pressing his lips to the top of her head as he died slowly on the inside at the sound of her quiet sobs that still somehow felt too big for her body. "I'm sorry. About… everything. I really am."

She felt warm, and small, and broken in his arms, and she smelled of lemons and that floral perfume that had been driving him crazy for almost a decade now. And if he knew anything at all, he knew he never wanted to make her cry again.

Not that it was something he could stop at will right now.

"Pep," he repeated as her hand fell on his chest, closing around the lapel of his jacket and holding on for dear life. "Hey, I'm sorry. Pepper—"

He stroked her hair, tucking loose strands behind her ear. Her breathing was evening out, although it was still coming in small, ragged gasps.

"Would it help if you yelled at me some more?" Tony asked.

"Probably not." She murmured after considering it for a moment or two. "Would it change anything?"

A ghost of a smile touched his lips. "Probably not," he echoed, willing the time to slow down.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end, not at all. This wasn't supposed to end, period. He was supposed to live forever.

"Tony," she whispered, her breath grazing the skin of his neck.

"I'm sorry," he kept saying over and over again as his hand closed over hers lying on his chest.

Pepper was weeping again, silently, her frame almost still, save for the occasional intake of breath.

"I'm sorry."

Although whether he was talking about lying to her, holding all of this back, or for having her find out the truth the way she did he wasn't sure.

Definitely for the fact that, given the chance, he wouldn't do it any differently. It made him feel even worse but the truth was that had there been a way to take away all the pain he'd caused her, he would do it in a heartbeat, whatever the cost.

The end

A/N: It was supposed to be a one-shot, and then it kind of expanded, but in my mind it ends the way the film does - sort of. Tony finds a way to fix himself, except he and Pepper are already an item by the time the final show-down happens.