Remembrance - Part 2

Summary: And really, if he's honest with himself, Haise didn't want to forget that girl named Touka anyways. In which Haise comes to term with much more than just himself.

Rating: K

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Word Count: 1,531

Haise is getting better than it.

He is beginning to be able to suppress the monster, locking the beast inside the darkest part of his mind at will. His head is starting to feel like his own again, and he is relieved. Very relieved. Relieved that Saiko isn't looking scared by his finger popping anymore, that Mutsuki is back to trailing behind him like a second shadow again, that Shirazu has stopped stalking and watching his every moves like a cat does a mouse, and that Urie is back to his sulking, muttering routine.

His lovely Quinx team. Back together without a worry. The way it should be. Smiling and laughing and bickering.

And he tells himself that the sudden emptiness in his chest is just part of stress, so when the others look at him in curiosity as he downs a few bottles of alcohol on a day off, something he never does before, he brushes their concerns off (are you sure you didn't get dumped, Sassan?). He tells himself that he definitely isn't missing the warmth of those suppressed memories, of another life – not his – that is more dangerous and filled with heartache, but still somehow manages to seem more alive. He pushes away the recollection of pain-filled days (one thousand minus seven is –), of fear and the fierce desire to protect no matter at what cost to his own person (I won't be returning to –), of a different kind of friends and family – rougher, louder, more chaotic, but just as true as the one he has now (if you died, I would probably be sad).

Touka-chan.

This time, the name is not the echo of a memory. By now, the name has ingrained itself into his brain, consuming his every free thought. Sometimes, he imagines what kind of personality would go along with the name, wonders if he would ever get the chance to meet her. She has such a pretty face, but her eyes are what fascinated him the most. Even in the echoes of memories, he can recall those wide, bright eyes that look both blue and purple at the same time, the color mesmerizing. He still feels the ache in his heart whenever he thinks of her smile.

Haise tries hard to visualize the type of person she is – quiet, bold, fierce, kind, or loyal. He wonders if she remember him – or the past him, at least. If they did meet, would she cry, laugh, hug him? More importantly, what would he do? He doesn't remember her, not truly. He tries imagining telling her that he doesn't remember anything of the past, imagines her face falling and tears gathering – because he is sure that the monster inside his head had meant something to her – and Haise suddenly wants to cry himself, too, just by thinking of her sad face.

What a mess I've made of myself. He doesn't know whether he should laugh or sob how pathetic he is. Agonizing over a girl he doesn't even know. Dimly, though, he realizes that the other memories from the ghoul – the café, the old man, the centipede, the boy with headphones, the little girl reading, the half-face mask, all those things that invoked such strong feelings from the monster – are beginning to fade. Haise can barely recall what the café is called, let alone what it looks like, and the details of dark rooms and madmen are becoming blurry, leaving nothing but a dull ache in its place.

And that when Haise realizes. The reason why the memory of the girl is troubling him so much is because he's been clinging to it like a lifeline. Unconsciously, out of all the other ones, he's been drilling that particular memory into his head, as if a part of him is afraid he's going to lose that little part of her, the echoes of memories (acting like some shitty tragic hero with that grim look, you're an eyesore!) -

- but he doesn't need it. Because he is Haise Sasaki, and Haise Sasaki has no business with this girl named Touka, whoever she is, even though just the sound of her name leaves an empty space in his chest. He doesn't know her, doesn't need her, doesn't need to remember her, so he might as well forget –

NO!

The shout resonates through Haise, sudden pain searing through his head, and he doesn't understand the relief in his chest upon hearing that voice. He immediately slams the ghoul down, but this time, the monster resists, pushing up the barriers in Haise's head just as hard as Haise is pushing down.

Please.

Haise hesitates at the soft plea, barely a whisper. That one single word contain so many emotions, more than Haise can count, flitting past him faster than he can identify them - desperation, anguish, love. Something in Haise respond to those feelings, reaches out to that faint voice, and against logic, he eases up on the ghoul in his mind, but the beast makes no move to take over.

Please, the monster repeats, voice broken and resigned, no longer angry or accusing like before. The tone is almost enough to make Haise feel bad. I'll make you a deal.

Frowning, even though the monster is inside his head and can't possibly see it, Haise asks cautiously, a deal?

The monster whispers, almost choking on the words, Forget your past, forget your name – anything else you'd like – but please, please don't forget Touka-chan. You can't! You have to remember her. And then the monster is speaking feverishly, sounding like a man on his deathbed. Anything else, hell, anyone else – but not her. You can't forget her. That's my request.

If you do this one favor for me, I promise you won't hear from me again.

For a moment, Haise can't speak. He is shocked by the passion of the monster's speech, how fierce the ghoul sounded. The ghoul is utterly desperate to retain the memories he has of that girl, even if it meant losing himself in Haise forever. Those feelings emitting from the ghoul are intense, enough to make Haise feel slightly uncomfortably, and there's no way the ghoul can be faking that.

Haise can admire that. The desire to protect something precious, even if he had to sacrifice himself to do it. That's something he can relate with. Almost before he knows what he is doing, he has given his reply to the ghoul.

Deal.

A heartbeat later, then, the ghoul murmurs, Thank you, in a voice already fading away. And Haise can't believe it, his nightmares of the ghoul taking over his body, his fear of losing what he has now with the CCG and his friends, all solved with one single promise with the ghoul – Haise doesn't even know its name.

W-wait! Your name? Haise stammers on impulse.

The reply is so faint that Haise barely catches it. Kaneki. Kaneki Ken.

After a little hesitation, the ghoul – no, Kaneki – adds a little louder, but still softly, with nothing but a little wistfulness in his voice, Farewell, Haise. Maybe you'll end up with a happier story than mine.

Haise smiles, relishing in the peace and serenity coming from both of them.

I will. Thank you, Kaneki.

And really, if he's honest with himself, Haise didn't want to forget that girl named Touka anyways.

It happens about a week later.

Someone nags someone about a new café, and suddenly, the whole squad ends up walking what seems like a thousand miles to this place that supposedly has the best coffee in the ward. Truthfully, Haise isn't sure how it happened. One moment he's scribbling on some paperwork, trying hard not to wince at his rushing handwriting, and the next – he's being dragged out to eat lunch at – does his watch read 10:00 a.m.? Really, he loves his team, but who the heck eats lunch at ten?

"Come on, Maman," Saiko whines, tugging his arm. That's when he realizes they've arrived to…:Re?

What a funny name, Haise thinks as they step inside.

The interior is impressive, very elegant, and the smell in the air is enough to win Haise over. He looks around the café in admiration, and his team does the same, except Urie, who has already claimed a table for them. They sit down, chattering loudly, and someone – Saiko, probably – waves a hand to get a coffee.

A waitress comes over.

The first thing he notices about her is her hair, a peculiar light blue, like the color of the warm, sunny sky. Those soft tresses frame the most beautiful face he's ever seen, benevolent and glowing, her smile soft and bright – and suddenly he can't think, can't even breathe, because he's seen this face before, with those eyes that curious mixture of blue and purple.

"Hello, can I get your order?"

He stops dead in the middle of looking around, just freezes completely, mouth slightly parted. Mutsuki shakes his shoulder (Sassan, what's wrong with you, stop staring at that girl like that, it's creepy), and Urie rolls his eyes. Shirazu and Saiko look on curiously. But he doesn't pay any attention to them.

He smiles brightly, having no doubt in his mind that he looks like an absolute dork. His team gives him weird looks, but he can care less at the moment.

He's found the girl.

Touka-chan.

"I want one latte. And I'd like it with a rabbit latte art, please."

In the corner of his mind, he's pretty sure Kaneki is grinning, too.

(Aww, Sassan have a crush~~)

(Hey - no, I don't!)

A/N: That was way longer than expected. Sorry for the late update? The second part of Remembrance - I hope you enjoyed it. I'm not sure if I actually liked this one. I feel like I missed something.

Anyways, don't forget : read and review!