Hopelessly

I'm taking a mental picture of you now

Good Life – OneRepublic

"You're not doing it right!"

"I am! Will you shut up?"

"A little bit to the left."

"A little bit to the left my ass!"

"Guys, please? Claire is sleeping…" Chloe tries to interject but to no avail. Years of experience have taught her that trying to stop a Beca-Aubrey bickering match leads to being ignored for ten minutes straight, but still, she's as stubborn as Beca is talented. That means: she's pretty darn stubborn and will keep on trying to interrupt them as if her life depended on it. If not for her sake, for the sake of the sleeping beauty in her arms. "Be quiet…"

"Let me do it, Pipsqueak, you can't do it properly because you're so short."

"You're one to talk, Medusa. You're too tall!"

"Fuck you!"

"I'd rather fuck a cactus."

Again, she's ignored. No surprises there.

"Becs, Bree, language…" Chloe tries again, a bit more loudly this time, rocking Claire back and forth as she watches Aubrey push Beca out of the way so she can hang the 'Claire's First Birthday Bash!' sign Stacie graciously made for them (avoiding the use of sexual innuendos per Chloe's request, thank goodness) herself. Beca, in turn, attempts to throw a piece of cake at Aubrey, who ducks just in time so it lands on Fat Amy, who was just emerging from the kitchen, instead.

"I've been shot!"

"Oh, you're so dead Pipsqueak!"

"Try and catch me, Medusa!" And off Beca runs, Aubrey chasing after her with a murderous look on her face whilst Amy lets the cake on her face 'feed her fury'.

Chloe closes her eyes briefly, thanking the lord that at least Beca and Aubrey finally managed to stop yelling (sure, they are knocking chairs over as they run around the house but weirdly enough that doesn't cause as much noise as their screaming match did) and sits down on the couch, Claire resting peacefully in her arms and without a care in the world. She only hopes (wishes desperatedly) that Claire's birthday party runs smoothly, otherwise she will certainly end up killing somebody tonight. She read in a book that first birthdays are important, because even though the child may not even know what's happening, there will still be footage of the happy first childhood the kid had, which hopefully will help ease the rebellious nature the child is bound to experience in their teenage years. And, okay, she watched a Friends episode which may have led her to decide to throw her daughter her very first birthday party against Beca's insistence that they should just enjoy a day to themselves, ask Aubrey to babysit, and have sex. Not a bad suggestion, but Claire will turn one year old once in her life. They had to make the best of it!

Chloe is snapped out of her thoughts when she hears a loud crash coming from upstairs. She stands up with a worried expression on her face. Please, don't let Beca kill Aubrey just yet. She looks good in every color but orange. She silently begs as she makes her way up the stairs, clutching Claire tightly to her chest, afraid that she may find something horrible.

And she does. Kind of.

"You did not."

"It was an accident!"

Beca is laying on the floor with a goddarn bookshelf crushing her left foot. A goddarn bookshelf!

"Chlo." Beca moans though it isn't the 'oh yes Chloe keep going' type of moan. It's the 'please help me baby I'm a cute puppy full of angst and pride that needs to be protected' kind.

"Baby!" Chloe exclaims, handing a very sleepy Claire to a very terrified-looking Aubrey, who takes the baby with gusto. "Where does it hurt? Is it broken? Can you move it?" She asks frantically, dropping to her knees to free Beca's foot. "Baby…"

"I think it is broken." Beca croaks out, biting on her lower lip. "I can't move it."

Chloe turns to shoot daggers at Aubrey, who mutters indistinctively about how it was 'an accident' and 'so not her fault', before helping Beca sit up a little. "Do you think it'll hurt if I carry you to our bedroom?"

"But I'm heavy." Beca protests, crossing her arms and pouting like an actual five year old. "I don't want to crush you."

"In case you haven't noticed, your foot is crushed and you need to rest whilst I call a doctor." Chloe says, not even bothering to ask Beca again. She simply picks her wife up and carries her all the way over to their bedroom, Aubrey trailing behind them.

Chloe lays Beca carefully on the bed, Beca cursing like a sailor all the while, and makes sure her wife's foot is on top of various pillows before turning her full wrath (um, attention) on Aubrey.

"How?! Why?! When?! Why?! How?!" She hisses, not wanting to wake Claire up but finding it hard to control the urge to kick Aubrey's ass for hurting her wife. On their daughter's first birthday no less! Outrageous!

"It was an accident." The calm in Aubrey's voice makes Chloe cross her arms, mimicking Beca's five-year-old-gesture. "I threw a lamp at her, I missed, hit the bookshelf and- well, you saw the rest." She does have the decency to sound apologetic. That's something.

It's not enough to calm Chloe, though. "Her foot is broken! And, seriously Bree?! A lamp?! You threw a lamp at my wife?!"

"She threw a cake at my face!"

"It missed! My foot is broken because of you!"

"Shut up, Pipsqueak!"

"Don't yell!" Chloe half-whisper-half-shouts, effectively silencing Aubrey and Beca. Thank God. What convinced them to shut up is the look in her eyes, though, she is aware of that. A look that has even made Fat Amy cower in fear (even though said woman has wrestled with only-she-knows how many scary animals).

Beca can't appear in Claire's first photos laying on their bed and looking as if she's run a marathon. Chloe needs to fix this. And fast. And not for the first in her life does Chloe regret never receiving her Hogwarts attendance letter (Madam Pomphrey would fix Beca's bones in seconds).

She paces back and forth, ignoring the anxious looks coming from Aubrey and Beca's mumbling (something along the lines of: I don't care if orange doesn't look good on me Aubrey you're so dead). She can sense that Claire is bound to wake up sooner than expected, and it makes her panic more than it should. What if her daughter wakes up disappointed because there is no cake? And sad because her mother's foot is red and swollen?

Chloe pinches the bridge of her nose to calm herself down, quickly glancing at the clock on their nightstand. Okay, it's 1pm, still an hour before the guests arrive. They still got time to have Beca's foot checked and to buy another cake (Chloe refuses to let Claire's first cake be sliced in half because her mother used it as a torpedo).

"Operation F.B.F.G.M.C is a go!" She announces brightly, reaching out to take Claire from Aubrey's arms. "Aubrey, you and Fat Amy need to go pick up a new cake ASAP! Now!" Aubrey nods quickly and flees the room, clearly glad to be away from Beca's death threats. Chloe then turns to look at Beca who's looking at her with a grin on her face. "And- What?"

"Really? Fix Beca's Foot Get More Cake?" Beca teases, trying to sit up properly and wincing at the effort it takes.

"I hate that you can read my mind." Chloe mumbles in spite the fact that she actually adores it and considers it proof enough that they are soulmates. "Anyway, you, hold our daughter." She orders, placing Claire's in Beca's arms carefully before turning around to pick up her phone, dialing a number she knows by heart by now (Beca and Jesse are big fans of setting things on fire in their recording studio). "Hello? Dr. Montgomery? … Hi! Yes, it's Chloe Beale-Mitchell… Yes… Yes… It's her again… No, this time Jesse didn't set her shirt on fire… It's her foot, actually, we think it's broken… Can you? Oh, thank you so, so much! You'll get a giant piece of cake as a reward! … And yes, money too, obviously." And after saying a brisk goodbye, she hangs up, Beca looking at her skeptically. "What?"

"Well, I don't she will be able to 'fix' it." Beca replies, glancing at her foot for a split second before continuing, Claire resting tranquilly on her chest. "Bones don't heal so fast, Chlo."

"I am aware of that, baby." Only in the Harry Potter universe those things are possible. "She's just going to bandage it up and put it in a cast. Dibs on signing it first!"

"Just don't write 'I own Beca Mitchell's cute butt'."

"But honey, that's exactly what I'm going to write."

"Amy, will you drive more slowly? You're going to kill somebody!"

"You said Ginger needed a new cake for the little bundle of joy. I'm doing what was asked."

"You're going to kill us!"

"Impossible. I was taught how to drive by Mr. Bond himself. He taught me everything I know. Can you please hand me that gun? It's in case someone tries to steal the cake."

Aubrey stays silent for the rest of the journey, holding tightly onto her seat for dear life and wondering whether or not Amy's gun is actually real.

She knows better than to ask.

"Ouch! It fucking hurts!"

"I know, just grab my hand and count to ten…"

"I don't think counting to ten will suffice, Chlo."

"Stop squirming, Beca, I need to put the bandage on now." Dr. Montgomery is as patient as she's good at bandaging foots, never once snapping at Beca even though Beca did attempt to hit her with a pillow.

When Beca finally obliges, she squeezes Chloe's hand so hard that it makes Chloe feel sympathetic about how she did break Beca's hands when she gave birth to Claire.

When Dr. Montgomery finally manages to put the bandage on, Beca huffs and crosses her arms, only smiling when she's offered a lollipop, which gives the Dr. the chance to put on the cast. Beca doesn't complain. Much.

"Such an adorable baby." Chloe mocks good-heartedly, winking at Beca before turning her attention to Dr. Montgomery. "Thank you so, so much for this. I seriously don't know what we'd have done if you hadn't arrived so fast."

"I'd probably be dying." Beca says, though it sounds more like, "Iprobablydying", thanks to the lollipop in her mouth.

"It's nothing, ladies." Dr. Montgomery says, checking her watch with a frown on her face. "Shoot. I'm afraid I won't be able to stay. There is a surgery awaiting me and Dr. Bailey will kill me if I'm late. Save me some cake!"

"Thank you again!" Chloe says after having paid her, beaming at Beca now that the Dr. is gone. "Well! Let's head downstairs so we can celebrate our daughter's birthday! Aubrey and Amy ought to be here by now. The rest of our guests will arrive in less than twenty minutes!"

"The rest of our guests include Jesse, Stacie, your parents, and a bunch of little kids from your dance academy. Tell me why don't we just stay in here, make out and eat popcorn?"

"We did that all morning, sans the popcorn. Though I am tempted to see if having sex when you have a cast on won't be a difficulty. Especially in the shower…"

"Chloe!"

"What? Wait, where's Claire?"

"Her crib."

"Thank God I thought you had lost her."

"Hey!"

Chloe lets out a tiny scream the moment she opens the box that contains Claire's birthday cake. Although it doesn't much look like a cake appropriate for children. At all. Coming to think of it, it isn't even a cake appropriate for people younger than twenty one. It takes every single ounce of patience she possesses not to snap at Aubrey and Amy because (looking at the bright side) at least they have a cake. And so what if it has the shape of a massive butt? It's still a cake. Right? Right! Right.

It should work. Except that Beca doesn't seem to have her talent for patience.

"What the hell is this?!"

"A butt." Fat Amy answers with a shrug as she continues to eat the other cake now that nobody wants it. The other cake had the shape of a cute unicorn… That's a hundred ways more acceptable than a freaking butt! Chloe rubs at her eyes, not wanting to start crying just because her daughter's cake probably comes from a sex shop.

"Why the hell did you bring a butt cake?!" Beca is yelling at Aubrey now, who just looks as irritated.

"Amy picked it when I wasn't looking! Don't you yell at me you little-"

"In my defense, Aubrey didn't stop me!"

"You had a gun!"

"Shut up you both!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"Enough!" Chloe yells, three pair of eyes turning to look at her in astonishment. Hey, even her patience runs out. It only takes three people screaming for her to snap in times of stress. Re: her Bella days when Aubrey left and she had to take the 'responsible one' position.

She sits down on a chair and buries her face in her hands, mentally hoping that Claire would remain asleep for the rest of her birthday as to not feel disappointed at the awful way her mothers throw parties.

"Chloe…" Beca starts tentatively, "I'm sorry… This is probably not going the way you wanted it to." Understatement of the century. "But I'm sure Claire won't mind if her first birthday isn't perfect, not because she won't even remember it, but because she has a beautiful mom who loves her with all her heart and the knowledge that said gorgeous mom would have gone to hell and back to make sure she had the perfect birthday is more than enough."

Chloe sniffs, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "You're so good with pep talks. No wonder you made co-captain of the Bellas. I love you."

"I love you, too." Beca murmurs, running her fingers through Chloe's hair lovingly.

"Guys?"

"Shut up, Aubrey. Bloe is having a moment here."

"The guests are here. Well, at least Swanson and Stacie are."

Chloe shoots up at once, smoothing down her dress out of reflex. "Okay! Aubrey, go get Claire. Amy, open the door. Bec, baby, let's fix this cake."

The two blondes run out of the kitchen to accomplish their missions, and Chloe gets more anxious by the second when she hears the distinctive voices of Jesse and Stacie echoing through the house.

She takes a spoon and starts working her magic, turning the butt cake into a Mickey Mouse cake sans the ear and the nose.

"Nice." Beca beams, kissing Chloe's cheek softly. "You're very talented."

"Will you let me paint you like one of my French girls now?"

"Chloe!"

At night, they lay in bed, Chloe beaming uncontrollably and Beca biting her lip to keep herself from squirming too much.

"It was one hell of a party, huh Pipsqueak?"

"It was. Thanks to you. And don't call me that…"

Their stress (okay, Chloe's stress) diminished as soon as the party started, and while it hadn't been the perfect first birthday party, it certainly had been something worth remembering. Fat Amy challenged the kids, the ones Chloe teaches at her dance academy, to a wrestling match. None of them got injured, thank God, but Amy left the party as a champion. Aubrey entertained the children with her camp-counselor skills. Stacie and Jesse impressed them all with their sing-off. And Chloe's parent's harassed Beca to let them sign their cast so much that she had to hide in the bathroom (Chloe did sign it first). Claire certainly enjoyed every minute of it, for she kept bouncing up and down in Aubrey's lap every time Chloe attempted to dance with Beca (I can't with this fucking cast on her ass).

"I can't wait for her second birthday!"

"Chlo, one day at a time. One day at a time."