Four (12)

I don't fully remember what happened last night, probably because I had so much to drink, but I know that Eric tried to teach me something on the train and we ended up holding hands. That wasn't quite my goal, and I didn't mean to tell him like that. But maybe something good will come out of this. I'm too hungover to even think, so I spend a few more hours in bed. I've got several hours until I choose my job, apartment, and other things. The other Dauntless are probably all out getting tattooed, pierced, and drinking themselves stupid. I'm alone in the room where we all slept for weeks on end, talking with each other and making friends (as well as enemies). I lay on my left side, pulling my sheets up over my shoulders, and fall back into a deep sleep. I dream one dream, and it's that I'm holding Eric's hand and we're walking through the Dauntless compound together.

I wake up to someone gently poking my shoulder, and whispering my name repeatedly. I open my eyes and look up. It's Eric, and only now do I realize the position I'm sleeping in. My pillow is turned sideways, and I'm hugging it. I start, wishing he hadn't seen me like that. I push the pillow back in its normal position and kick off the covers, swinging my legs over the edge of the cot in one fluid motion.

"What's up?" I yawn.

"You're going to miss the job selection if you don't hurry," he says. Then he picks up my clothes off the floor and tosses them at me. In kicking off the covers, I neglected to remember that I took off everything but my boxers when I went to sleep last night. I pull my pants over my legs, then stand up to get them the rest of the way up. It doesn't quite work like it should, though, and I end up hopping around on one foot and falling over.

"Impressive," Eric says, his eyes rolling. He extends his hand to help me up, and I hesitate for a moment before grabbing it. Once I manage to put my pants on successfully, I throw on the skin-tight black t-shirt they gave me for initiation. Eric starts half-walking, half-running towards the cafeteria, where we'll be choosing our jobs in ten minutes. He's surprisingly fast, once I catch up to him.

"Are you not tired?" I ask.

"Not really," he says. "I've been up since eight this morning. Do you even know what time it is right now?"

"No," I say. "What time is it?"

"8:50," he replies, holding his watch up in the dim light of the hallways. We reach the cafeteria, where a crowd of new Dauntless and proud family members are gathered. Since I was the first ranked in initiation, I get to choose my job and apartment first.

"I want to be an instructor," I say. "Like Amar. I also want to live there." I point to an area on the map near the train tracks but a little ways away from the Dauntless compound.

"Are you sure?" one of the higher-ups asks. "That job doesn't pay very much, it's only seasonal, and you have a ranking that says you should be a leader." I think for a moment. Being a leader would be interesting, but it would mean that I'd have to deal with my father on a regular basis, and I came to Dauntless to avoid him.

"I'm sure," I say. Then, on the screen, the word "Instructor" appears next to my name, and there's cheering and clapping from the crowd. Eric goes next. They really want Eric to be a Dauntless leader, so he gratefully accepts the job, and takes the apartment closest to mine, just a few blocks away. Then, as more people move forward, clapping and cheering, we meld into the crowd. I'm knocked back to my senses when I feel a hand grabbing mine, fingers locking between mine. I look up at Eric, and he smiles. No one can see us holding hands right now, and it's one of the most liberating feelings I've had at Dauntless so far. We wait for some of our friends to choose their careers, and when the crowd finally starts to dissipate, Eric lets go of my hand, so we can still remain a secret. I'm beginning to like him more and more every day. We talk with Mia for a short time. She chose to be a security guard. It almost seems unfitting for her, what with her being so bubbly and all, but it's her choice and she seems happy with it. The celebration lasts until seven o'clock in the evening. Eventually, Shauna and Zeke make their way over, alcohol on every breath. Zeke has chosen to work in the security camera room, and Shauna is now an instructor, alongside me. But she and Zeke leave, most likely to go make out somewhere or try a new sex position in the chasm or something. Eric and I leave after grabbing more chocolate cake. The older Dauntless give us the key cards to our apartments on the way out, and we start walking to our new homes. The area is beginning its transition from fall to winter, and it's getting really cold. Since Eric's apartment is closer than mine, I leave him at his doorstep and begin the lonely walk. Of course, due to Murphy's Law, when I get to my apartment, the door is missing. Not only that, but I can't turn the heating on at all. We didn't even have it that bad in Abnegation. So I begin the trek back to Eric's place, hoping that he'll let me stay the night. I'll get my door and heating fixed in the morning. When I knock on his door, he's got a blanket draped around him. I get the chills up my spine as a blast of warm air hits me from his doorway.

"Is something wrong?" he asks.

"The heating in my place isn't working," I say. "The door is also missing."

"Tough," he says. "You're here, so do you want to stay here for the night? You're always welcome if you want to."

"That would be amazing," I say. "If you wouldn't mind." He steps to the side and invites me into the room. Once I'm inside, he shuts and locks the door. Then he has me sit down on the couch.

"Can I get you something? Coffee? Whiskey?" he asks.

"Do you have any water?" I ask. "I'm kind of in the mood to go to bed at this point."

"Oh, yeah, of course. Here you go," he tosses two bottles of water at me. "Do you like music?" he asks, sitting down on the couch next to me.

"From what I've heard at Amity, yeah," I reply.

"I've actually got some different stuff," he says, grinning.

"How? I thought everything got destroyed in the wars."

"They lied," he says. "There used to be this thing called the Internet, and it was global. I figured out how to access it years ago, and I downloaded a bunch of old music from it."

"So, just how old is the music?" I ask.

"Just shy of a couple hundred years," Eric replies nonchalantly.

"Play it," I say, "I want to hear it." So Eric goes into another room and brings out a small, rectangular device. A music player. He must've bought it with some of the credits the Dauntless gave us to start off with.

He's silent for a minute, and then he breathes a quick "Aha!" before tapping the screen and putting it down on a small table. Suddenly the room is filled with music, music unlike any I've ever heard. It sounds nothing like the music they play at Amity. Finally, a man's voice comes into the mix, shadowed by the voice of a woman. They're in perfect harmony.

"I know I stand in line, but do you think you have the time to spend an evening with me? And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me. Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two, and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you."

Eric sits down next to me on the sofa and waits for a minute or so before leaning his head against my shoulder. In this moment, I want to live forever. Sitting in Eric's apartment, listening to old music, with him sitting next to me. When the song finally ends, Eric gets up again to get the music player.

"How did you like it?" he asks, returning to the couch and resting his head on my shoulder again.

"I loved it," I say. I adjust my own position on the sofa and lay down, and Eric wraps his arms around my torso, resting his head on my chest now. Slowly, listening to his breathing, I fall asleep on the couch with my arms around him.