This is a work of fiction based on fictional characters. The views expressed herein are not representative of the authors' own personal beliefs.

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Chapter 4

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Lin helps a giggling John into the cab, even though the priest is vehemently insisting he can just run the whole way back (what is it with drunk people and running, Lin wonders, and good god wouldn't John stop insisting he's not durnk anymore. It's really not helping anything.)

What a relief to get out of the glaring afternoon sun (and especially to get out of the dumpster-lined alley behind the back door of the club.) John's giving excited directions to the taxi driver for some other club on the other side of town so Lin sneaks his phone out of his pocket and checks his email. It's not exactly a surprise, but his heart sinks when he sees no new messages. It's only been an hour or two, but still. He's got a pretty wide range of followers, why aren't they reading this? Is it because he doesn't usually write for Ghost Hunt? Or maybe it's because the Mairu following is too strong, that no one's willing to jump ship and try out something new? Or is it just Hirota? Yeah, he gets it, Hirota—

Then, as he's about to put the phone away, it buzzes in his hand.

A new review has been posted to your story.

From: yesyesyasu54

Ohohoho, this is great! I can't believe I never thought of Naru and Hirota hooking up before, but they're totally made for each other! It's a match made in heaven! I look forward to more of your genius! (But hey~ pssst~~~ I hope you're planning on introducing more of the cast! Yasuhara's my /favorite/ character, seriously, that guy's /soooo/ amazing you should include him too you know.) PLEASE UPDATE AGAIN SOON! ;) ;) ;)

Lin can't stop the demonic turtle smile from spreading over his lips, and all of a sudden, beautiful visions fill his head. A guitar begins to play and a woman whispers breathy French in the back of his mind. He has no idea what she's singing but surely it's très romantique.

Nacchan and Sei-kun. Sunset dinners along the Seine. Walking hand-in-hand along Parisian boulevards. Bouquets of pink roses and delphinium. Riding tandem bicycles in blue striped shirts. Quite possibly they are singing. Berets and baguettes. Narota.

"Sorry, sweet John-kun," he apologizes. "I need to get back to the set."

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THE NAROTA FILES

[File Two: The Cassiopeia Express]

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It was that phone call from John Brown, on that fateful, dreary afternoon, that sparked a flurry of activity. Hirota happened to have a brother in the Hakodate police force who could get them to see Takigawa and would allow for them to bring him back to Tokyo. (Apparently, none of Takigawa's own relations from Mt Kouya or otherwise could be bothered to do so.) And so arrangements were made, luggage packed, tickets purchased and taxis called to take them to the station.

"Why are we taking the train again?" Naru asked peevishly.

"Because all the connecting flights to Hakodate were booked for the next five days," Hirota yawned.

"And why am I sharing a room with you?" Naru drawled irritably.

Hirota shrugged casually but his cheeks were turning pink like strawberries ripening on a warm summer's day. "Brown-san asked if he could share with Lin-san..." as he said this, he wondered if the priest knew his feelings for Naru, and if that's why he had insisted so vehemently. Meanwhile, Naru looked like he was wondering why John was so opposed to sharing a room with Hirota.

Hirota leaned over the top bunk in the sleeper cabin, where he'd been reclining, to look down at Naru on the bunk below. The younger man was laying back against the pillows, his skin porcelain white beneath his silky black hair, his night-sky eyes dark and gleaming, glittering like stars...

...

(Lin pauses, not knowing if he wanted to laugh or shudder. Writing such a flowery description for Naru left a bad taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was just dehydration after drinking that last glass of aquavit? Looking over what he'd written, he sneaks a casual glance over his shoulder. Was he being too obvious? But this was his fanfiction dammit and like hell he was going to make his own character the miserable and lonely man everyone seemed to make him out to be. Besides, no one would ever guess the true identity of TuxedooKamen1999 nor would they ever have any reason to suspect any of the story was based on true fact. And Naru and Hirota needed to share a room if this was ever going to get anywhere.)

...

. . . "Ne... Nacchan?"

Naru didn't answer.

"Are you asleep?"

"Of course I'm not asleep. My eyes are open and you're looking right at me."

...

(Lin stops and pulls on his hair with his hands. No, nonono, noooo! Trying to keep Naru in character is: a) no fun, b) booooooring, and c) definitely not going to get him where the story should go. At least, not anytime soon. It'll probably take years of cajoling for Hirota to get Nacchan out on a date, let alone some of the steamy boys love that he needs to exact his revenge. Okay, Lin, he tells himself. This isn't your 68-chapter Italo Calvino-inspired Cowboy Bebop-Harry Potter crossover If On A Winter's Night a Cowboy or your on-going sequel If On A Summer's Night a Magician. This isn't a serious drama story. This is just fluff. Beautiful Narota fluff. Fluff with a vengeance. It doesn't matter how they get there. Screw character development, screw the plot. The plot is the screwing, right? A strange smile crosses over Lin's face. Hohohohoho. Yes. It's time for these men to get laid, sooner rather than later. Maybe it'll loosen them up a little bit.)

...

. . . "Are you asleep?"

"I'm not asleep," Naru grumbled.

Hirota flushed pink, his cheeks like fresh, plump raspberries on a hot summer's afternoon. "Would you mind if we talked for a little while? I'm not sleepy at all—"

"And then what?"

"And then what, what?" Hirota faltered.

"You want me to tuck you in, too? Sing you a lullaby?" Naru asked dryly.

Hirota smiled shyly. "That'd be nice, actually, yeah, Nacchan."

Naru stared at Hirota for what seemed like an absolute eternity before sighing. "Might as well," he muttered with a sigh, and made a vague gesture toward Hirota. Hirota stared at him, not understanding. "Sei-kun," Naru said patiently, and patted the empty space next to him.

Hirota came down off the top bunk and sat down next to Naru carefully, his entire face the color of a ripe tomato, dangling from the vine.

Naru reached behind him and took out a thick volume. "Sometimes, when my brother couldn't sleep, I would read to him," he mused, and cleared his throat. "The Systems of Unexplained Phenomena, by Oliver E.C. Davis, OH, CBE, FRS, SAL, AAGG. Supernatural phenomena, of varying severity and degrees, can be easily classified into five major groups and of these seventeen sub-groups.."

Hirota began to snore.

...

The sun was shining brightly, too brightly even for only seven o'clock in the morning. There was a sudden, brisk rap on the door. Hirota was only opening his eyes but Naru was already out of bed, fastening his pants and buttoning his shirt.

"Enter," he called.

"We're almost there," the assistant's low, crushed-velvety smooth voice intoned. "Brown-kun and I are going to eat breakfast in the dining car. Would you like to join us or would you rather pick something up when we arrive, or on the way to the police station?"

"Perhaps you would be better to decide for us, Hirota-san," Naru said, turning toward the other man in the lower bunk. "You said you've taken this train to visit your brother before, and no doubt you have some sort of idea from discussing this with him how long this should take. Will we be there long?"

Hirota held the blanket tightly up to his chin to hide his modesty, despite being entirely clothed. "Oh," he said in surprise. "No, I don't imagine so. Procedurally-wise, it's a pretty simple case. My Oniichan said you'd just have to fill out some forms and do some general identity verification and all that. And I believe the breakfasts here on the train are rather nice."

"Then we'll join you in the dining car," Naru said, nodding at his assistant and closing the door.

"You didn't need to ask me for my opinion," Hirota grumbled, getting up from the mattress. "I thought you'd already decided on your breakfast plans."

"Of course I'd already decided, and of course I didn't need to ask you." Naru said, turning to the small mirror in the cabin and arranging his hair. "And yet I did anyway. That's what they call being considerate."

Hirota stopped. "Oh." He smiled shyly. "Thank you," he said quietly.

It seemed as though Naru was ignoring him, until he turned and flashed him a dazzling smile. Hirota's heart began to pound and he swore an angelic choir of cherubs began to strum their harps.

"Let's go eat breakfast, Sei-kun."

...

The four went straight to the police station from the train station, squeezing into the back of a single cab to save fare. It was a tiny car and Naru had to sit on Hirota's lap and for some reason John also sat on the elegant and mysterious assistant, despite the fact that the young Australian could have fit in the middle seat. (Apparently he just really didn't want to sit next to Hirota.) (There couldn't have possibly been another reason.)

When they arrived, a young police constable greeted them, with the tall assistant graciously allowing himself to be led to a detective's desk in the basement to complete the necessary paperwork. (The assistant always had do complete the necessary paperwork.) The remaining three were ushered to a waiting room on the fourth floor of the building.

"Seigi-otouto," the detective waiting there greeted them, the man a spitting image of the Tokyo Special Investigative Unit Detective. "Good morning, brother dearest. So good of you to come all the way to Hokkaido just for a missing persons case. These must be your friends from Tokyo, in connection with this Takigawa person?"

Hirota was about to reply but Naru was quicker. "You must be Detective Hirota," he greeted the man. "And I believe it should be obvious who we are."

"Hirota Masayoshi, at your service," the man said, bowing with a flourish (hereinafter referred to as Masayoshi to avoid unnecessary confusion.) "It's a pleasure to meet you. You must be Shibuya Kazuya, I've heard so much about you. And you must be John Brown."

"Nice to meet you," John said, ever the one to be polite and mind his manners. "I must say, Hirota-san, the resemblance between you and, um, Hirota-san is, er, quite striking."

"That's because we're twins," Masayoshi said, flashing him a peace sign. "Fraternal though we may be."

"Our mother had a terrible sense of humor when she named us," Hirota muttered.

Naru appeared bored. He was, in fact, bored. "Now where is Takigawa?" He asked sharply. "The quicker we get through this, the better."

"Right through here, of course," Masayoshi said, opening a door ushering them inside the room. Inside, Takigawa sat in a chair with a cup of coffee and regarded them blankly as they entered.

"Takigawa-san," Naru said briskly. "Would you mind telling us what you're doing in Hakodate? It's been quite an inconvenience for us to come and fetch you."

The man sighed loudly and gave a plaintive look toward the two detectives. "I already told you so you should already know. I don't remember anything after I fell down the hill from the observation deck! You police keep asking the same questions and I keep telling you the same thing. You tell me my name is Takigawa but if I've got some serious head trauma why haven't you let me go to a clinic and see a doctor? That would be the reasonable course of action—"

Naru held up his hand to stop the man, staring at him intently. "No, we were wrong," he muttered. "This is not Takigawa-san."

Hirota and John gasped in surprise. "What do you mean, not Takigawa-san?" John asked, bewildered, wide-eyed and adorable. "But it looks just like him!"

"And he has 'Takigawa' embroidered into his shorts," Masayoshi added.

"I can say nothing regarding the embroidery," Naru stated firmly. "But this is not Takigawa Houshou. There is no way this could be our Bou-san. It is impossible for them to be the same person. It is merely a case of mistaken identity." He turned on his heel. "Let's go. This was a waste of time. If we hurry we can catch the return train before it leaves—"

At that moment, the handsome, brooding assistant rushed through the door, followed by a young policeman. The tall man's cheeks were flushed a delicate and rosy pink, though he was not out of breath in the slightest from running up five flights of stairs—nay, his heartbeat was just above a resting tempo, so in-shape and well-toned was his body.

"Naru," he said in a voice of molten silk and glowing cobwebs. "We've just gotten word from a detective downstairs, and this sergeant was kind enough to bring me upstairs—" His voice trailed off and he turned to the other man, who was panting breathlessly.

"Detective—huff—Hirota—" he began.

The Hirota brothers turned to look. "What is it?" They both said, glaring at each other as they spoke.

"A—wheeze—Taki—huff—gawa—gulp—Has—inhale—sei—huff—was—wheeze—reported—inhale—missing," the detective managed.

"What?" Hirota and Masayoshi asked again in unison.

"What indeed," Naru agreed.

"Thank you, Nacchan."

"By all means, Sei-kun."

John stared at the two with an adorably bewildered look on his face. Masayoshi scoffed but said nothing. The tall assistant might have rolled his eyes skyward if anyone had been kind enough to look. "A Takigawa Hassei was reported missing in Shikoku yesterday morning," he stated effortlessly. His voice might have been a cascading waterfall of liquid gems and precious stones.

"Shikoku?" Naru repeated, interest piqued. "What, the entire island? Or is there a more specific location?"

The detective had recovered enough to speak without gasping. "We received photo identification by fax and we're certain this is him."

Everyone turned to look incredulously at the man, who was still regarding them all blankly.

"Takigawa Hassei?!"

...

The group left the Takigawa-lookalike in the waiting room and went downstairs to Masayoshi's office, where the detective had a hot water kettle so Hirota could make tea. Naru took the tea but sat moodily, brooding over the cup.

"If that's not Takigawa," John ventured, breaking the silence, "then where is he? He's still missing."

"It is clearly a Takigawa," Masayshi disagreed. "However it is not the Takigawa you were looking for."

"Hmm." Everyone let this sink in and nodded slowly in agreement. "Quite right. It wasn't the Takigawa we were looking for."

"Takigawa is probably just away on a concert tour or some similar venture," Naru finally said. "Most likely he just didn't tell anyone where he was going—"

"But what about the other Takigawa?" Hirota asked. "He doesn't remember what he's doing in Hakodate either. What do we do about him?"

"Isn't he your responsibility?" Naru asked Masayoshi. "What would you do in a normal situation like this?"

Masayoshi looked surprised. "But we already signed the paperwork to transfer him into your custody."

"What?!" Naru and Hirota exclaimed at the same time.

Masayoshi shrugged. "He's your problem now."

Hirota and Naru had duplicate expressions of surprise. John was smiling gently and trying to offer congenial moral support. Meanwhile, mysterious assistant was looking up something on his laptop, being useful and completely unappreciated.

At that moment Naru's phone rang. Frowning, he pulled it from his pocket. "Mai? What do you want? I'm a little busy right now—"

"Naru!" Everyone could hear her tinny voice exclaim through the phone's tiny speaker. "You went and took everyone to Hakodate for vacation and didn't tell me, did you? How could you be so cruel?"

"You had already requested time off," Naru said icily. "We could not delay our visit to include you. And I certainly did not bring everyone—"

"Well good news! Turns out I was already here," Mai's voice continued happily. "I'm outside the police station right now."

Everyone crowded around the tiny window and Masayoshi pulled up the blinds. Three figures stood on the sidewalk below, two adults and a young child. Mai waved.

"Who's that with her?"

"Not her boyfriend?"

"Is that his kid maybe? He's holding his hand."

"I can hear that! No, he's not my boyfriend," Mai said, and threw her arm around the man next to her. "He's my long-lost brother!"

Naru stared down at her with a blank look on his face. "You're kidding. Your brother?"

"We're twins!" Mai's voice chirped through the phone. "Now everyone come down I want you to meet him properly!"

"I thought you didn't have any family?"

"Oh, there was a mix-up at the hospital a long time ago. I know it doesn't make any sense," she explained. "But you'll just have to trust me on this one! Now come down here I have some big news to share too!"

"Big news—" Naru started to ask, but she had hung up the phone.

The group went outside to meet Mai while Masayoshi went to find the Takigawa they hadn't been looking for, who had been abandoned again in a closet somewhere.

"Everyone, this is my brother!" Mai introduced the young man next to her, who looked absolutely nothing like Mai whatsoever. "But more importantly, I thought today would be a good day to introduce my son!"

"Mai—" Naru warned.

"You have a son?!" Hirota exclaimed. "Aren't you only sixteen?!"

"Mai, that's great! Congratulations," John said amiably. (John was always so amiable.) He bent down toward the toddler who stood, half-hidden behind Mai's leg. "Is this him? What's your name? How old are you?"

Everyone stared at the boy, who seemed really, really, really familiar. He held up four fingers to indicate his age and then hid his face in her skirts. Hiding dark blue eyes and inky black hair. The only thing he was missing was the permanent glower.

"Mai, just how long have you known Naru?"

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Omake:

Naru reached behind him and took out a thick volume. "Sometimes, when my brother couldn't sleep, I would read to him," he mused, and cleared his throat. "The Systems of Unexplained Phenomena, by Oliver E.C. Davis, OM, CBE, FRS, SAL, AAGG. Supernatural phenomena—"

"Hang on," Hirota interrupted him. "Are those all your titles? What the heck are all those letters?"

Naru looked surprised. "Of course they're my titles," he said indignantly. "I am a very special person to the British Empire and have been granted many honors."

"Well, what do they stand for? Or do you not know?"

"Of course I know." Naru said testily. "They signify that I am a member of the Order of Merit, designated into the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, a distinguished Fellow of the Royal Society, elected into the Society of Antiquaries of London, and an All Around Good Guy. What did you think?"