I don't get it.

I really don't.

Look at him, then look at me.

Blonde hair that frames his face perfectly and amber eyes that stare coldly into your soul but are so desirable.

Here, I'm stuck with childish bubble gum pink hair. God, I want to rip it out along with my equally dumb puppy dog-like purple eyes that are always wet with tears.

He's tall, I'm short.

He's hot, I'm not.

Genius? No, I'm dumber than a third grader with no talent.

He is lean with plenty of muscles.

Me, I'm a fucking cow.

I'm staring at myself in the mirror with disgust. I mean, come on, retard. He never loved you but you may have a chance, Shuichi. You have to get skinny just like all of his exes. They're hot. You can be, too and he will love you and not Kitazawa.

My shirt is off and I can see my bulging stomach. If it's gone, then I'll be happy because Yuki will love me.

I remember since I was young, I've always had problems with my self esteem. I mean, who could love someone so ugly? I would do small things like skipping meals and running a lot. It didn't get me anywhere because I was too focused on music, but it still hurt as I grew up.

I learned something because of it, though. Remember when monsters lived under the bed or in the closet but when you got a little older, the monsters turned into ghosts living in the basement until you stopped believing? I learned that monsters are real.

We all have them inside our heads.

To me, there are monsters in every calorie, every bite I take.

Monsters are the lies people say to be "nice".

Monsters are real. I live with them daily, torturing me in my own little hell.

A few weeks ago, Yuki was caught by the press with a hot Russian model in a little too friendly position. He swears up and down they didn't do anything. I don't believe him, but I'm still with him because I love the bastord, even if he doesn't love me.