The way I update this fic is basically...I write a whole bunch, then I don't touch it until I randomly have a dream about it, then I write a bunch. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Also hi, I was gone a long time. I bought a house, so there's that. Now we're settled and I'm just getting back to writing. Hooray.

Caridad wasn't entirely certain what had awakened her. She lay in bed, her husband at her side, staring at the ceiling. Something felt off, and it was enough to keep her up, but honestly, she couldn't put her finger on what it was. What time was it, anyway? Late, judging by the pitch-blackness of the room. No good hour to be awake.

Her drowsiness was banished utterly by the next scream. She sat bolt upright, clutching the blankets. What on earth...!

"Cari—?"

"I don't know," she replied, cutting Haruma off. Noises could be heard out in the hallway, now, the military folk up and about, rushing to investigate the noise. It brought back uncomfortable memories of the night Lacus had nearly been killed, "but I don't like it."

She had jumped up and was reaching for her robe when the door swung inwards, revealing a frazzled Murrue. "Good, you're up."

"What's going on?"

"We don't know, but—it's from Kira's room."

Caridad took a deep breath, then nodded once, waving for her to lead the way. The house was dark, but it was easy enough to navigate after months of residing here. They made their way quickly to Kira's and Athrun's room. The door was already cracked open, a thin beam of light leaking out into the hallway.

Andrew turned to them, illuminated by the light from the room. "Caridad, goo—don't touch him!" Andrew lunged forward, reaching for something she couldn't see.

She jumped at his sudden yell, closing the last few feet in a run. Andrew had caught Robert by the nightshirt, yanking him back from...

Kira lay on his side on the floor, bedsheets tangled around his legs. His chest heaved in dry sobs, weak whimpers escaping him. As his mother, Caridad's chest clenched.

She remembered that time Via had climbed a tree and fallen out, breaking her ankle. She'd cried and screamed, frightening Caridad into running for help. That had been a horrible experience.

This was so much worse.

"But Kira's scared! Lemme go!"

"No, Robbie," Andrew said softly. "You can't touch him."

As a mother, Caridad wanted nothing more than to run to her son. To pull him into a hug and hold him and soothe him and...and...

She clenched a fist and closed her eyes, tears leaking out, and took his advice. Don't touch him.

She could close her eyes, but it was impossible to close her ears. He was her little boy, and he was suffering. He was in pain and he was crying out for help. Help they couldn't offer him. She raised a hand to her lips, fighting back sobs of her own. He had been getting on so well. How—what had happened?

Murrue began herding the curious children back, many of whom were also crying in fear. The noise shook her from her own musings. The poor children were so upset.

Kira lashed out, screaming illegibly. Luckily, there was nobody close enough to get hurt. Nobody, that was, save Kira himself. There were many things that his incredible genetic makeup offered Kira. Enhanced senses, enhanced healing, unparalleled reflexes...and increased strength.

He shrieked in pain as his broken arm hit the night table. Caridad fought back bile as he curled up, sobbing dryly on the floor. Andrew held up a hand, gesturing for them to stay back as he crept forward.

"Kid?"

"Athrun...?"

Caridad heaved a sigh of relief. The pain, it seemed, had at least served to shock him back to the present, and out of whatever battle he had been lost in.

"Just me, kid. Andrew Waltfeldt. Desert Tiger."

Kira clutched his arm, barely seeming to hear him, and completely unmoving. Then, "Where's Athrun?"

"Out with Cagalli. You gave your blessing for him to take her out tonight, Kira. Do you remember?" Caridad said softly.

"Mom? Why is my mom here? What's she doing here?" The frantic note was rising, and Caridad watched on in horror as he began thrashing again, hissing in pain with each movement. "She shouldn't be here!"

"Caridad, go call Athrun," Andrew said. "And send Murrue in."

With a teary nod, she fled the room. Perhaps it was selfish, but a part of her was glad to be out of there. If she couldn't comfort him, what use was she? He was her...

"Cari?" With a choked sob, Caridad fell into her husband's arms. He had been waiting at the door, blocked from entering by Murrue and a flock of shaken children. "What is it? What's wrong with Kira?"

She let out a shuddering breath. "Murrue, you're needed inside."

"And we're not? Caridad!" Hamura hissed.

"He's back on the battlefield," she said distantly. "We don't belong there. H-help me get the kids to bed. And...we need to call Athrun."

Haumea, grant her strength.

Athrun groaned at the sound of his buzzing phone. Half-asleep, he reached down, digging for wherever he'd dropped his pants. After a minute, the vibrating stopped, and he gave up, leaving his hand dangling off the side of the bed as he let himself drift off again—

The buzzing resumed. Resigned to answering it, he roused himself more fully and crawled out of bed, slipping out of Cagalli's arms to grab the phone. Frowning at the ID, which indicated the mansion, he unlocked it.

"Athrun Zala."

"Athrun? It's Caridad."

If he hadn't been awake before, the shakiness in her voice had him fully alert. "What is it?"

"Kira...he's hurt himself. We need to get him to a doctor. We can't handle him, though, and he keeps demanding to know where you are. I think...I'm not sure he trusts that you're safe."

Her voice was breaking and cracking, telling him what the almost clinical words had not. It was bad. Kira was having a panic attack, and he wasn't there. He shut his eyes.

"I'll be right over."

Hanging up, he moved to dress.

"Athrun?" Cagalli's groggy voice asked. "Who?"

"Caridad. I need to get to Kira."

"...is everything okay?" She, too, sounded far more awake. "I'm coming too."

He made no move to stop her, and the two dressed and hurried to his vehicle in sombre silence. They were just pulling out when his phone buzzed again. Cagalli answered while he drove.

"Okay, yeah. Thanks. I'll tell Athrun. Bye, Aunt Caridad."

Athrun shot her a brief look as he drove. At his side, Cagalli sighed. "I...guess they got a med team out. They...sedated him. We need to meet them at the hospital."

Swallowing, Athrun checked the road, then executed a quick u-turn, speeding back towards the hospital without a word. Sedated him? Hospital? How bad was it?

"Athrun? Do you know what happened?"

He shook his head. The cold breeze cut through his coat, and he found himself regretting not pulling the top up. Though they were in Orb, it was still only February, and the middle of the night to boot. Far too cold for an open roof.

"Athrun? Hey! Are you listening to me?"

"...sorry. Just a little spaced out."

"Try a lot. I was saying it's not your fault. Whatever happened...we didn't know."

"I did," he denied. "I know how unstable he is! And Lacus just left two days ago! I knew he couldn't—"

"Athrun..."

"I should never have left him."

"We can't keep thinking like that. If we never push boundaries, he can't recover. We can't shelter him from everything."

"And when did you become such an expert?" he snapped.

Cagalli sighed. "Lacus and I spoke to his therapist. It's not like I'm happy about it, either! But Kira needs to learn to fend for himself. He wants to. He told her that."

"I know...but it was too much, all at once. I knew how messed up Lacus leaving made him."

"...yeah. I know. Maybe you're right, but dwelling on it won't get us anywhere. We just have to try and do better next time, okay?"

Athrun sighed, clutching the wheel. "Why does it feel like I'm always messing up on him? I fought him in two wars, and now..."

"Athrun," Cagalli interrupted firmly. Her hand came to rest on his thigh—the left one. He glanced down at her hand; at her ring, "stop thinking, okay? You can't be perfect. None of us can. All we can do is like Lacus would say: Make up our minds and act, because if we keep dwelling and second guessing, we really will get nowhere."

Athrun clutched the wheel, sighing. "...right. Okay. Let's just...see him." He could sort out the rest later.

The remainder of the trip to the hospital passed largely in silence. Cagalli kept in touch with her aunt on the way, instructing them to meet her in the emergency room's waiting area.

Athrun managed to find a parking spot near the entrance, and they hurried inside. Caridad greeted them with a tired smile; a tired, strained smile. Cagalli raced on ahead, catching her in a hug while Athrun greeted the others.

"Captain Ramius, Mu."

"Hey kid," Mu said, offering a weak wave.

"We're sorry to bother you, Athrun, but I'm afraid the alternative was worse. Unfortunately, we had to resort to that anyway," she said with a sigh.

He shook his head. "Don't, it's not your fault. I should never have gone."

"This isn't your fault either, Athrun," she assured.

"So what did happen?" Cagalli asked, taking a seat beside her aunt, their hands tightly locked.

"We aren't entirely certain," Murrue replied. "It seems likely he had a...nightmare."

Athrun sighed. "Those aren't uncommon. I should have warned you." Or something. Made some attempt to ensure this didn't happen.

"He wanted to see you," Murrue added.

"That's no surprise," Caridad said with a soft laugh. "Kira was afraid of the dark when he was a boy. Athrun always helped out when we couldn't get him to bed."

"That's right," Athrun said softly. "I used to stay with you all the time when my parents were away."

"I don't know what we would have done without you," Hamura said with a warm smile.

Athrun was certain they were greatly exaggerating, but admittedly it did help. They were like a second family to him, always had been.

Cagalli sniggered lightly. "Oh, I cannot wait to ask him about that..."

"I'm sure you can, as soon as he gets out of surgery," Caridad said.

"Wait, surgery? I thought they—" Athrun trailed off, realising how dumb he sounded. Kira had had a panic attack and been sedated. That hardly warranted a visit to the hospital. "What happened?"

"He panicked," Murrue said, "started fighting and trying to get away—"

"You didn't touch him, did you?" Athrun asked, tone perhaps a bit harsher than the situation warranted. He didn't care, however. "It's a bad idea to touch anyone having a panic attack, and he doesn't really like when most people initiate contact without his approval first, normally. I can't imagine—"

"Athrun! Calm down," Caridad said soothingly. "I promise, nobody touched him. His screaming scared the kids, so they got upset too. We think he reacted to the noise."

"Right," Murrue added. "He started lashing out and hit his arm on the bed. We...don't know the damage yet."

Athrun sighed. Whatever the damage, it was bad enough to take him into surgery. Great, just great. He sank down into the chair next to Cagalli. "When will we know?"

"That we don't know," Murrue said. "For now, all we can do is wait."

Athrun frowned, taking Cagalli's free hand in his and squeezing lightly, as much to comfort himself as her. She squeezed back. "We need to tell Lacus."

Athrun shook his head, rubbing at his tired eyes. "Let's not disturb her until we at least know what's going on." Like maybe when he was conscious.

"You're right. She has enough on her plate right now," Cagalli agreed, leaning in to rest on his shoulder. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Athrun laid his cheek against the top of her head. "That's a call I'm not looking forward to."

Athrun wasn't either. Judging by the grim faces around them, neither was anyone else.

They passed the time in uncomfortable silence. Even Cagalli was sombre, choosing silence over her normal, incorrigible chatter. Athrun missed it, but he didn't have enough mind to break it.

After an hour, Murrue and Mu took their leave, Caridad promising to call as soon as they knew more. There was really nothing more Kira's two war comrades could do, and there was a pile of upset children at home that would benefit more from their presence.

Against his side, Cagalli fell into a light doze, while across from him, Caridad flicked through her phone. On the other side of the room, Haruma alternated between pacing restlessly, and staring down the hallway. And Athrun? He fretted.

How much had Kira's recovery, both mental and physical, been set back by this? It wasn't...it wasn't fair! Why did he have to keep getting hurt? Why couldn't it be someone who actually deserved it?

...fuck, Athrun would even happily take it himself, if it kept Kira safe. But that wasn't his choice, and it wasn't going to help Kira. He winced internally, jaw tensing. What was going to help, then? Sometimes, it felt like nothing would.

"Athrun?"

Snapped from his musings, Athrun gave Cagalli a light squeeze. "Hm?"

"Stop thinking so loud. It's nobody's fault, okay? Just—it was an accident."

He tried a weak smile, squeezing her shoulders again. She really was too good. Even if she didn't always know how to say things, he never doubted that her heart was always in the right place. "What are we going to do?"

"...I dunno. We'll just...have to figure it out."

Before he could reply, the door opened at long last. "Yamato?"

Cagalli jumped up, and Athrun followed only a fraction more slowly. Together, the four of them gathered around the doctor.

"How is he?" Caridad asked, brow furrowed.

"The only significant damage is to his arm. Unfortunately, the prior break exacerbated the damage quite a bit. We did what we could to patch it back up, but it's down to time to see how it heals."

"Of course, Doctor," Caridad said. "How...how bad is it?"

"Given that he's a co'ordinator, he's got a chance to heal up fully..."

"A chance?" Cagalli pressed, clutching Athrun's hand like a vice.

"...it was a bad break to begin with," the woman finally said, suddenly looking exhausted and twenty years older. "A very bad break. The fact that it was healing so well was nothing short of a miracle. When he rebroke it, he stripped the screws holding the pieces together and made it worse than the initial injury. I...will be frank. A full recovery after this would be nothing short of a miracle. It'll go back together, but I suspect he will have nerve issues in his hand.

Athrun sucked in a deep breath. His hand. He needed his hands for his work. Kira's work was one area he could find happiness and solace again.

"How...sever?" Athrun asked.

"I'm not certain. Were he a Natural, I would say not to expect any mobility at all. As a Co'ordinator...he has a chance."

Athrun nodded slowly.

"There are some things you can do for him, but if you've been dealing with the previous injury, you likely know all of what I can tell you. So, just keep doing what you were doing, because he was healing very well." She smiled at them. "He's still young, and that's definitely in his favour."

"...thank you, Doctor. Can we...when can we see him?" Caridad asked.

"Now, if you'll follow me. The EMT who dropped him off mentioned he may struggle coming out of the anaesthesia, so he's on a slightly higher dosage. We're going to bring him back gradually."

That was...definitely for the best, Athrun acknowledged privately. The last thing they needed was Kira in a foreign place when he woke up. He could come back fast, if people were unaware of his abilities, and that would be a disaster if he was alone.

They followed the doctor through the hospital. It was a bit of a lengthy walk to his room, but Athrun barely noticed it. His heart was pounding, palms sweaty and stomach turning. How many times was this going to happen? How many times would Kira have to wake up in a medical facility, with nothing but bad news awaiting him? It wasn't fair.

Kira was still asleep when they got there. His right arm was swathed in a cast from shoulder to below his elbow, but other than that he looked fine. Just asleep.

"He should start coming around soon. To be honest, we had some trouble keeping him under for the surgery," the doctor said.

"Yes," Caridad said softly, "he's always had a very fast metabolism."

"I'll leave you alone," the doctor said. "Just buzz if you need anything at all."

"Thank you, Doctor Mathis," Caridad said earnestly, a sentiment echoed by the rest of them.

Once the doctor was gone, Caridad sank into the chair at Kira's bedside. Haruma took position behind her, hands on her shoulders. Athrun pulled up the room's second chair and coaxed Cagalli into it. She went without a real fuss. Now that they finally knew the verdict, it seemed that the long night was catching up to them all.

"I'm going to go call Lacus," Athrun said, squeezing Cagalli's shoulder.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Athrun shook his head. "The more of us here when he wakes up, the better."

"Shouldn't you stay then, Athrun?" Caridad asked. Damn she looked so tired...

"I'll be in the hallway. Just call if you need me," he said, tugging out his phone.

"Okay, Athrun," Cagalli said. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," he assured.

Clutching his phone, he headed out to the hallway.

They had left for the airport early in the morning. Kira kept his arm looped through Lacus' on the walk down to the plane. Her familiar warmth and scent kept him grounded, even through the noise of planes taking off and landing. On his other side walked Athrun, who had come along as designated driver.

"There's your shuttle," Athrun said, and though the words were directed at Lacus, Kira was certain they were aimed at him.

"What time is it?" Kira asked. She was due to take off at noon.

"Quarter to," Athrun replied, after a moment's pause.

At his side, Lacus' hold on him tightened. "Kira..."

"I'll give you two a minute," Athrun said.

"Thank you, Athrun. And thank you for bringing me here."

"Don't mention it," Athrun said. There was another pause as Lacus freed herself from him momentarily, followed by the sounds of footsteps retreating a moment later.

Then her hand closed over his, and Kira forgot all else.

"Kira..."

"Don't apologise," he said softly. "This...it's the right thing to do."

"I know," she replied softly. "But I truly will miss you."

He smiled weakly. "Same, Lacus. Make sure you call."

"Every night," she promised without any hesitation. "And you call, too. Any time."

"You know I will," he said with a small smirk. "Whenever I'm not helping Cagalli and Athrun plan their wedding."

Lacus giggled. "Well, I suppose someone must help Athrun."

He laughed himself. "Yeah, Cagalli won't be much help."

"I will send you dress suggestions."

Kira snorted. "I'll pass them on to Mom."

"Not Cagalli?" He could hear the amusement in her tone.

"I'll leave that to Mom."

"It is Cagalli's dress..."

"You're not planning to send them to her, either," he countered, lips quirked up.

"...I suppose that is true," she conceded. He could hear the smile in her voice, "but it is to be her dress."

"Fine, I guess I can show—" He was cut off by a boom. Jumping, he reached for Lacus—only to find her gone. In a panic, he cast around frantically. No, no, where was she? Where was she?

"Lacus! Lacus! Athrun where are you? Athrun, I can't find her!" he yelled, rushing forward. It was so dark. Why was it so dark?

His heart was racing, blood pounding in his ears. He couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything—couldn't even smell anything. At least, until another wild crash sounded. He jumped, hollering, "Athrun!"

Screams. Who was screaming? He tensed, flailing wildly. He needed a weapon! What was going on here?

"Athrun! Lacus!"

Where were they?!

Kira woke to darkness. He hated the dark. Why was it always dark?

He tensed up, laying completely still and listening. Smelling. Feeling. The sound of breathing, the soft beeping of unknown machinery, the scent of antiseptic, and the feel of clean sheets. A...hospital? Yes, that seemed right. His arm was on fire, and his limbs felt like lead; like he was drugged.

Kira relaxed marginally, letting out a soft groan.

"Kira? Kira! He's awake!"

He knew that voice: Cagalli. He made a soft noise of acknowledgement.

"Kira," his mom, "honey, how are you feeling?"

"Where's...Athrun?" he croaked out. His good hand clutched tightly at the sheets. He was so tired, but he needed...needed to know.

"He's outside, on the phone with Lacus. Want me to get him?" Cagalli asked.

"...yeah," he murmured, fighting the pull of sleep with everything he had.

"Athrun!" Cagalli called out, followed almost immediately by the sound of a door opening. Footsteps, and then a familiar weight settled on his bed.

"Hey, Kira."

"Where...?"

"I was trying to call Lacus. I left a message with her agent," he said.

Agent? Why? His head felt foggy.

"Where..."

"Just outside. I'm here now."

"No...where were you? When Lacus...?"

"Kira? I don't know what you mean."

Kira grunted softly, and finally let himself succumb to the drugs in his system. They were here. That would do for now.